02x30 - No Sugar, Sugar

[bunniefuu]

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

Lilly! Lilly!

Ok, guess who is
crushing big time?

Aw, Miley, not again.

Even Jeff Gordon makes a
pit stop every once in a while.

I am not talking about me.

Although, uh, tall, dark
and yummy over there

is definitely on my radar.

- Miley.
- Right.

Anyhoo, I'm
talking about Oliver.

- He is in love.
- Are you sure?

I was just in the
girl's bathroom

and there was nobody
sobbing, "why me, why me?"

I'm sure.

I saw him upstairs and he
was totally distracted and spacy.

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

I guess you're right. That's
love. Painful, painful love.

Hey, how's it going?

Nice kicks, Timmy.

Spill it, Oliver. Who is she?

Who's who?

The girl you've fallen for...
All the way down the stairs.

- There's no girl.
- Oh, really?

Then, uh, how do you
explain this box of chocolates?

All right, fine.
They're for a girl.

- What's her name?
- She's not even in our grade.

You don't know her.

- Come on, you know you want to tell us.
- Yeah.

Come on. Come on.
Come on. Come on.

Tell us. Tell us.
Tell us. Tell us.

- Come on.
- Tell us.

- Guys, I really...
- Come on. - Tell us.

Come on, guys! Just
leave me alone, ok?

- I've never seen him like this.
- I know.

Maybe we should
respect his privacy.

Yeah.

Although, if we
respect it too long,

we'll lose his trail. Come on.

Aw. Thank you, Oliver.

The ones with the little
squigglies on top are the best.

I'm going to take ap English.

I'm going to take ap water Polo.

Good night, nurse!

Oliver is crushing on
someone old enough

to remember the Beatles.

- The who?
- Them, too.

Whoo!

Here we go, everybody!

♪ Come on ♪

♪ you get the limo out front ♪

♪ oooh ♪

♪ hottest styles every
shoe, every color ♪

♪ yeah, when you're
famous it can be kind of fun ♪

♪ it's really you but
no one ever discovers ♪

♪ who would have
thought that a girl like me ♪

♪ would double as a superstar ♪

whooo!

♪ You get the best
of both worlds ♪

♪ chill it out take it slow ♪

♪ then you rock out the show ♪

♪ you get the best
of both worlds ♪

♪ mix it all together
and you know ♪

♪ that it's the best
of both worlds ♪♪

♪ ooh, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪

Well, he did say she
wasn't in our grade.

Not in our grade? She
ain't in our generation.

Ooh! Hey, that's a good one.
I can't wait to use it on him.

No! You can't!

Remember in seventh grade

when you had a crush
on monsieur garneau,

the French teacher?

Vaguely.

Please, you wore a beret
and said oui, oui so much,

people started calling
you "tinkles truscott."

Ok, fine. But, people
made fun of me, I got over it.

Now nobody even remembers.

Hey, tinkles.

We've got some
stale French fries here.

And we know how you
like things that are...

old and French. Ooh, la, la!

That was two years ago!

Yeah! She's had a ton
of boyfriends since then!

Ok, fine, two. And Lucas cheated
on her, so that doesn't really count.

And the other one she
took to court, but if you...

Stop helping me!

I get it. We can't
make fun of Oliver.

For this. Everything
else is fair game, right?

Of course. Now we just got to protect
him from the trash-talking twins.

- How?
- Simple.

We get him nursing on a new
crush, not crushing on an old nurse.

- Another good one I can't use.
- Come on.

Ma, you may want to
sit down for this one.

Jackson, your
grandson, got a "b."

I told you, you may
want to sit down.

Yep, and it's all because of
this new girlfriend he's got.

I'll tell you what, she
is smart as a whip,

and you ain't gonna believe what
an influence she's been on him.

Hey, here they
come. I got to go.

If you can't get
up, call me back.

There he is! My "b"
boy and his "a"-plus lady.

- Dad.
- Hi, Mr. Stewart.

Little lady, from now on you
can just call me, "happy pappy!"

He's not really my dad. I
was left on his doorstep.

By a wizard.

Aw, son. Come on, now.

I didn't mean to embarrass
you, but look at this!

You made the refrigerator!

I'm sorry.

Just got a little dust
in my eye, that's all.

Wow, what'll he do when he finds
out about your "a" on the history quiz?

Oh. That's a risk I can't take.

Ok, I'm just going to go for a jog
now and leave you two to your...

studying. I'm sorry, more dust.

Hey, Monica. Yeah, we're
studying for the chem test.

I don't know.

He's cute, but I'm just
not feeling it anymore.

I was gonna break
up with him today.

No.

But I just can't.

I'll wait until after
the test tomorrow.

Pull it together, old man.

It's not like it's the
last "b" I'll ever get.

Wanna bet?

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

Ok, who's the lucky lady who's
gonna break the nurse curse?

Hey, what about
Stephanie? She's cute.

And on last year's field
trip she sat in front of Oliver.

Oh, yeah.

He scarfed down three hot
dogs before they got on the bus...

and she was wearing
them when they got off.

No problem. I'm sure there's,
uh, plenty of girls for Oliver.

Yeah. Well, let's see.

Tripped her, sat on her
lunch, spilled on, spilled on.

And poor Pamela...

the only survivor of the oken
natural gas disaster of 2006.

This may be harder
than we thought.

Oh, no. There she is. Sweet
old lady doesn't suspect a thing.

Loverboy's at it
again. Let's go.

Hey, guys. What's up?

Oh, Miley, did you get
hit by a football again?

- No.
- Soccer ball?

- No.
- Boomerang?

No! I'm fine. This
isn't about me.

It's about Oliver and you and
the chocolates and that note.

- So, you know?
- Yeah.

- Oh, I am so glad he told you.
- You are?

Absolutely. He wanted this
to be, uh, our little secret.

But I told him there was
nothing to be ashamed of.

You did?

Of course. Oliver didn't
ask for this to happen.

I mean, none of us ever do.

But when it does, you
can either run away from it

or you can embrace it.

And you want him to embrace it?

Oh, I've begged him to.

And now that he has,
I couldn't be happier.

You're kidding me, right?

Why would I kid about
Oliver having diabetes?

What?

Oliver has diabetes?

Of course. What did you
think I was talking about?

Diabetes.

Oliver has diabetes.

She meant to say
it with a period,

but she said it with a
question Mark by mistake.

- Right, Lilly?
- Uh. Oh, yeah.

- It's a teenage girl thing?
- We all do it?

My mom hates it?

Wait a minute, you
didn't think that Oliver...

- No!
- Because I would never...

- Of course not!
- I mean, Oliver?

We know.

I mean, let's face it,

you still have a couple
of good years left.

- You could do a lot better.
- Gee, thanks.

Poor Oliver.

I know. I just want
to give him a big hug.

Oh, this is why he
gave her the chocolates,

so he wouldn't eat them.
When you have diabetes,

you're not supposed
to have a lot of sugar.

Wait a minute. You
guys didn't know, did you?

- Uh-uh.
- No.

Oh, boy. Ok, listen.

You can live a very
full life with diabetes,

but this is still all
very new to Oliver

and he's struggling with it.

So, please, let
him tell you. Ok?

- But, what if he doesn't?
- Yeah, we're his friends.

I mean, we want to help him.

So you're just gonna
have to be patient, ok?

Ok. We can do that.

We can't do this!

♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, yeah ♪

It says here that Oliver's
body just doesn't process sugar

the way it's supposed to.
But if he takes his Insulin

and doesn't eat too many
sweets, he can lead a normal life.

I do not know why he
is so afraid to tell us.

I could totally help him
stay away from sugar.

I agree. You are quite
the little role model.

That's not the point.

I mean, he's gonna
tell us eventually.

- What's he waiting for?
- I can't imagine.

It's not like you
didn't tell him

you were Hannah
Montana right off the bat.

I mean, you didn't keep
him waiting, and waiting,

- and waiting, and waiting...
- I got the point, captain subtle.

Hey, I got a great idea.

Why don't you take him
to Traci's party tonight?

Hang out, have fun,
get his mind off things.

That's actually a good idea.

I do have those on
occasion, you know.

It's not like I'm one of
those dopey TV dads.

You keep telling
yourself that, big fella.

Oh. My little b-boy.

I hardly knew you.

Ok. Ok. So, what do you
call a pig who knows karate?

A pork chop! Hi-ya!

Jackson! Allison!

You're here!
Together! That's great!

You are a beautiful couple.

Don't worry, he always gets like
this just before nappy time, huh?

I'll be right back.

Don't blow this for me!

She said she wants to "talk,"

and I think we both
know what that means.

Well, one of us does.

Look, I don't have time for
your riddles, old man. Just go.

- Hey. Hey.
- Go, go, go, go, go!

I... am just, uh,
dancing over to you

because I can't wait to "talk."

Ready when you are.

Actually, I really
did want to talk.

Really? Ok.

Well, I guess we could,
you know, start with that.

- Listen, Jackson. I...
- Hey! Um, before I take my nap,

I just wanted to say to you

that you are the best girlfriend
Jackson has ever had. Ever.

And he's had a lot of them.

I cannot keep the
ladies off of this one.

Dad, we're trying to have
a little conversation here.

Conversation? Oh,
you don't want to do that.

Talking's the quickest
way to ruin a relationship.

Hey, let me ask you,
have you kissed him yet?

All the ladies say
he's got lips like butter.

- Dad!
- Oh, son, don't be modest.

You know, Stewart men only
get better-looking with age.

Exhibit a.

- Could you excuse us? Ok.
- Ok.

Did I happen to mention he's
gonna inherit a lot of money?

What are you doing?

I'm trying to get
you into college.

How? By humiliating me?

By saving this relationship.

I heard her on the
phone yesterday.

She's gonna break up with you.

Whah?

Sorry, son.

Is that true? You want
to break up with me?

Yeah.

And I didn't know
exactly how to say it.

Thank you so much, Mr. Stewart.

Wow, that was
easier than I thought.

It's just so unfair. I
did everything I could.

What more did she want?

Look, these things happen.

How can you be so ok with this?

Well, I just found out that I'm
going to inherit a ton of money!

And get even better-looking!

And you said I
needed college! Yeah!

Oh, come on, guys. It'll be fun.

You guys, I don't know.
I've got a ton of homework.

Maybe I should just go home.

Oliver, you are not
thinking clearly, ok?

This is Traci's sweet sixteen. There's
gonna be a ton of sweet sixteens.

Know what I mean? Eh?

What do you mean?

There'll be a lot of
cute girls. Pretty girls.

Better yet, girls that haven't
formed an opinion of you yet.

Oh, and you know,
sometimes it's good

to take a break from
things, you know,

like homework or stuff that might
be weighing heavily on your mind.

Or lightly.

You know, stuff that seems
heavy now, but with time

and the support of
your great friends...

- and a well-balanced diet...
- Life can be a wonderful thing!

A wonderful, wonderful thing!

Ok. I'm thinking your wigs
are on a little bit too tight.

And you are right.
See, we need you.

We are not stable. Come
on, let's go have fun!

Yeah!

Oh, my gosh, look
at all the cupcakes.

Uh, yeah, you really should
get that homework done.

It's not gonna
do itself. Let's go.

Hannah!

Welcome to my sweet sixteen.

Emphasis on the sweet.

Yep, everything looks great
here. Happy b-day. Air kiss!

- Gotta go, bye!
- But you just got here.

Let's split the
difference. Ciao, Lola.

No, see, we all
gotta get outta here

'cause I have a headache,
he's got homework

to do, and she
just can't stand ya.

Ok, it can wait.

Like you said, life can be a
wonderful, wonderful thing.

Hello there, wonderful thing.

So it's settled! You're staying!

And, seriously, I have a
driver if you need a ride home.

And, seriously, nobody here
really thinks you're sixteen.

Yeah.

Bye.

Yeah, bring him
along! It'll be fun!

- Thanks a lot, dad.
- What are we supposed to do now?

Why does it always
have to be me?

Don't you have an
idea? A suggestion?

Something to get the
ball rolling? Yeesh!

Hello! What do you want
me to do, eat every cupcake,

cookie and brownie
before he does?

- Finally, something useful!
- Yeah!

Yeah! I had a good
idea, yes I did. Ooh, ooh!

Getting a pet rat so at least
you look good next to something?

Yeah, what size
collar do you wear?

Ooh, sweet things everywhere
I look, know what I mean?

Oh, here you go.

- Ooh! Thank you!
- Don't mind if I do!

He's such a gentleman.

What are you guys doing?

- I'm just hungry.
- Really, really hungry.

So I said to her, "Beyoncé,
in my book, you're a-yoncé."

Right?

What are you doing?

- I love licorice. Hmm...
- Go get your own.

- There's no more!
- She's got a whole tray over there.

They're like potato
chips. Can't have just one.

Let's go!

Celebrities.

They think they're
entitled to everything.

Wait! I don't know
where the food went.

I got enough to feed a whale!

Or two.

Well, the good news is,

we saved Oliver from all that...

sugar. I never thought I'd
hate the taste of a brownie.

Hey, where is Oliver,
anyway? I can't see him.

I can't see my belt.

Where'd everybody go?

- Party's...
- Over.

- Halle...
- Lujah.

Hey, you know, I never
even got anything to eat.

Finally.

No!

- What is wrong with you guys?
- We, uh...

We really like cupcakes.

And we know about your diabetes.

You do?

Yeah, the school nurse told us.

And we couldn't just stand by
and let you eat that cupcake.

Or this cupcake,
or this cupcake, or...

this pie.

You guys think I can't eat this
stuff because I have diabetes?

Well, yeah. I mean, I think so.

I didn't get to finish that pamphlet
because I got ice cream all over it.

Shh! Don't say "ice
cream" in front of him.

Sorry.

Guys, I have type 1 diabetes.

Which means I can
have stuff with sugar in it.

As long as I manage my diet,

I monitor my blood
sugar with this...

Actually, according to
this, my blood sugar's low.

Which means I actually need
something like a brownie...

if there were any left.

Oh, wait, wait...
Kept that warm for ya.

Gee, thanks.

Look, Oliver, I'm sorry,
but why didn't you tell us?

I don't know.

I didn't want you guys to
look at me like I was broken,

because I'm not.

Well, we would have known
that if you'd have told us.

Yeah, I know. And I should have.

And I guess I should have
rinsed off that pamphlet

before we became
the food police.

Hmm. It's chocolatey...

and it's got, like,
a hint of, uh...

pineapple? Mango?

Uh, that's uh... that's my
"tropical mist" deodorant.

Maybe we should just stop by a
smoothie place on the way home?

- Yeah.
- Good idea.

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

Tonight, we learned a
lot of important things.

Yeah. I learned that 40 kids get

diagnosed with type


And I learned you can't get it
from eating too many sweets.

And I learned if you take
your Insulin appropriately,

exercise, and eat a balanced
diet, you can do anything

and be anything you want to be.

And I learned that someday,
I'm gonna be good-looking.

And, I'm gonna inherit a
lot of money. Whoo-hoo!

And I learned that my
brother's really annoying.

Oh, wait, I already knew that.