05x10 - Issues

[bunniefuu]

Hey there, Captain Real
Estate. What you doing?

Oh, more lame busywork
your mom gave me.

It's just a bunch of
legal papers full of Latin.

It's like you gotta be from
Latin America to understand this.

Why don't you tell her you already
did it? And then we can make out.

Oh. Oh, stop it. Hmm?

Oh, stop it some more.

♪ Bow-chicka-bow-bow ♪

Hey, guys, come
here. You gotta see this.

[Snoring]

Check it out. I can see the thing in the
back of his throat going up and down.

Wow. Passed out at
4:00 in the afternoon.

Next thing you know, he's
gonna be wearing elastic pants.

Poor guy. He
hasn't been sleepin'.

Barbra Jean's taking
him to a sleep doctor.

Let's put his hand in
warm water. Jake, no.

Jake, that's childish.

We'll write on his forehead.

Hey, Mr. H. Van was
gonna draw on you.

Yeah, but in my defense, I
was bored. So it's like... Oh.

Well, at least you were only
gonna write on my forehead.

Barbra Jean put my
hand in warm water.

- [Door Opens]
- Hey, everybody.

Hey, Mom. I thought you
were at a big meeting. Hey.

Oh, it got pushed back.
Van, how's the proofin' goin'?

Oh, great. Same mistakes that
weren't there before aren't there again.

I better double-check. No, Mrs. H.
You're checking on me all the time.

I don't check on you
all the time. Right.

'Cause that would be
silly. But I want equality.

You're not gonna burn
your bra, are you, Van?

[Laughing] One,
two, three and sleep.

Mrs. H, I want you to
give me some important

stuff. I wanna go to
the meeting with you.

Van, you are doin' important
stuff. You're learning.

Let me put it to you this way. I'm the
mama lion, and you're the baby cub.

I can't send you off to hunt
buffalo if you're not ready.

So here's your "to do"
list, you cute little kitty.

But, Mrs. H, this stuff has
nothin' to do with real estate.

Well, you're supposed to learn to
do what you're told without arguing.

You don't do that, Ma.

[Laughs] That's because
I'm the mama lion.

So pipe down, little stray goat.

Van, we have a problem.
The boss asked me

today if everything
was all right between us.

He said that some people were
complaining about our bickering.

We wouldn't be bickering if I
felt like I was being respected.

That's exactly how I
felt when I was with her.

[Laughs]

One, two, three and leave.

Hey, look. Why don't you
guys do some stuff together,

like pick out the photos
for your new flyers?

- Oh, we're not gonna do
another flyer.
- Why not?

Well, because, Van, when
you do your charming smile,

it's a little... frightening.

What? My charming
smile is not frightening.

It's warm and inviting.

[Reba] Ha, hey!

♪ My roots are
planted in the past ♪

♪ Though my life
is changing fast ♪

♪ Who I am is who I want to be ♪

♪ A single mom
who works too hard ♪

♪ Who loves her
kids and never stops ♪

♪ With gentle hands ♪

♪ And the heart of a fighter ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪♪

Hello. I'm Dr. Beck.

Whoa. You are
having a sleep problem.

Bags under your
eyes, the puffiness.

It's a good thing your daughter
brought you in when she did.

She's my wife. I
know. I'm kidding.

I treat sleep disorders
with a sense of humor.

It's a boring line of work and all
I can do not to take my own life.

- I'm just grateful
I'm not a dentist.
- I happen to be a dentist.

Ah! Once again,
humor. I read your chart.

- Oh. That's good.
- So tell me how
this all started.

Okay, about three months ago, Barbra
Jean won this hamster at the school fair.

Yeah, I was the only one who knew
how many jelly beans were in the jar.

I don't know how I
do it. It's just a gift.

Anyway, I named
the hamster Elton...

because he looked
like Elton John's hair.

Yeah. So anyway, we kept
Elton in the bedroom, right?

[Chuckles] It's
just what you want.

Every classy bedroom has a small
rodent spinning around in a wheel...

An incredibly noisy wheel.

Well, I think I
have your solution.

Get rid of the hamster. We
take all major credit cards.

We got rid of the hamster. Yeah.
Yeah, Elton has his own room now...

Way on the other
side of the house,

where if something were to happen,
nobody could hear him scream.

He's a rodent.

He doesn't scream, and he
shouldn't be wearing sequins.

Anyway, I still have
trouble sleeping.

Okay, well, look. In
situations like this,

I usually like to come to your
house and watch you sleep.

Unfortunately, I'm wearing an ankle
bracelet and cannot leave the premises.

- Once again, humor.
- Oh. [Laughs]

So, I'm gonna give
you this video camera,

and I want you guys to
record yourselves sleeping.

Well, fortunately our bedroom's
already set up for the taping.

Humor.

Yeah, not so much.

Hey, Mrs. H. If I get
done with all the filing

you gave me, can I
go to the brokers' open?

- Oh, Van, I don't think
you've had time to finish...
- Done!

- What?
- I finished the filing.

You do realize it has
to be alphabetical.

- Yes.
- Okay, quick. What comes
between "G" and "I"?

- Trick question. Nothin'.
- Wrong.

♪ A, B, C, D E, F, G, H ♪

"H." "H."

Look, if you got
it done that fast,

you probably did it
sloppy and made mistakes.

I want you to refile them.
Oh, come on, Mrs. H.

I'm not a child. Mr. MacKenzie!

Mrs. H won't let me go
to the brokers' open...

and I finished all the filing
she gave me and everything.

- Reba, is this true?
- Yes.

Because there's plenty of work for
him to do here that he's more suited for.

I can't believe you
went over my head.

- Mr. MacKenzie, she's saying
I went over her head.
- If you do that one more time...

Okay, okay, okay, okay. Stop.

It's her fault. I finished
my files. I told you...

- Please. Please.
- [Reba, Van Arguing]

Getting headache! Knock it off.

Now, do you want both of
us to knock it off or just her?

All right, now look.
People are complaining.

I've asked a therapist to come in. I
want you both to talk with him tomorrow.

- [Reba, Van] Therapy?
- Yes, therapy.

You'll go in, you'll
talk it out. Maybe I can

get this vein to go
back into my forehead.

Oh, with all due respect,
sir, we don't need therapy.

Let me put this another way.

You'll go see this guy,

or you can both
look for another job.

Well, if she's not
gonna be here... Got it?

Yes, sir. Good. Thank you.

Now see what you've
done? Your fault.

It was your fault. It was not.

It was too. Was not.

Oh, shut up. I don't
wanna shut up.

I can still hear you!
It's his fault! Her fault!

What are you doin'?

I'm arranging my
emotions... Alphabetically.

Forget it. Look, I am very busy,

so whatever this guy has to say, let's
just go along with it so we can get out.

But I have issues.
[Clears Throat]

Van, please. I am
not in the mood.

Very closed off.

Hello. You two must
be Reba and Van. Hello.

- How do you do? I'm David.
- Merry Christmas, Dave.

And a merry Christmas to
you, but my name is David.

My name is not Dave. I don't know
why people think they can call me Dave.

Even here I said, "Hello. My name
is David," and yet you call me Dave.

Please. My name is David.

Okay. I've been
going over your files,

and I've read that you have
been bickering a lot lately. Uh-huh.

Let's talk about that.

Well, I don't know if
you'd call it bickering.

It's just that we just... we
disagree. Yeah, we disagree.

For instance, I
would call it bickering.

It's not bickering.
It is bickering.

Is not. Is too.

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
Just take this one at a time.

Okay, well, I'll
go first. I'll go first.

- Van, why don't you go first?
- Thank you.

Now, when it comes to working
with Reba, how do you feel?

Well, I feel...

intimidated.

I feel undervalued.

I feel... I-I feel at...

[Clears Throat] Bad.

You had to write
down that you feel bad?

Reba, please. Go on, Van.

I feel that no matter what I do,
I can't get any respect from her.

- Respect?
- Uh, uh. Reba.

And-And-And I feel
like I've done very well,

and I'm grateful she gave me
the job and all, but... "Gave me"...

Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh.

But I want a
chance to shine too.

But I can't because she gives
me all the meaningless boring stuff,

and keeps all the really cool
stuff for herself, like the flyers.

- Okay, I gotta talk now!
- Okay, okay, Reba.

All right. Very good, Van.

You hear that, Van? Good job.

Okay, first of all,

all the stuff that Van sees as
meaningless is really very important.

Oh! And as for the flyers...

Van, I had to make
an executive decision,

because your smile is very
frightening. It is not frightening.

Yes, it is. Is this
frightening to you?

Look, Van, I'm not here to
judge your smi... [Yelping] Huh?

Okay. All right. Oh,
no. Hey, hey. Okay.

All right. Oy.

And I just feel, because I married
her daughter and I live at their house...

[Stammering]
Wait, wait, wait, wait.

You're her son-in-law?

- And you live and work
with her?
- Yeah.

Really?

Oh, yeah. I got Cheyenne pregnant
at 17, and my parents disowned me,

so where else was
I supposed to go?

Well, I'm smelling an
article in Psychology Today.

Whoa. All right, look.

The two of you clearly have trust
issues. And I mean, who could blame you?

So here's what we're
gonna do. This afternoon,

I want the two of
you to switch tasks.

What? Yes!

Victory. I win
therapy. All right.

All right, Van. Van.
This isn't helping.

But I have a full schedule
full of very important things.

This is not a victory for Van. This is
just an exercise in trust and compassion.

Exercise in trust?
Trust me. He's an idiot!

Reba, relax. Okay?

You go out this afternoon, you come
back tomorrow, and we'll talk about this.

It's gonna go a long way
to fixing your problems.

All right? Now good luck.

[Door Opens]

Well...

[Door Closes]

Switchin' roles. Interesting.

So I get to be irritable
and hotheaded.

And I get to mess things up...

and be a big pain in the butt.

You know, that's just
mean. I'm gonna tell Dave.

The last time... It's David. Do I
call you "Va," huh? Va, huh? Huh?

Va? Got it, Va?

Good luck.

He needs therapy.

Hey, sorry I'm late. I was just
finishing going over the tape.

Oh, can we get on
with it? I am exhausted.

Brock had another bad night.
Yeah, and I think I know why.

Okay. First off, do you always
wear that to bed, Mrs. Hart?

[Laughs]

Oh, that old thing. I
just threw it on. [Scoffs]

- But thank you, Doctor.
- [Clears Throat]

Dear Lord, please bless Henry...

and Brock and Reba...

and Dr. Beck...

And all the poor people
in the whole world...

and all the people in jail.

Yeah, this goes on for quite a
while. [Barbra Jean] Pray for...

[Fast-forwarding:
Voice Squealing]

You see how I keep my head
down there, Doc? Do you play golf?

No. Give me my remote.

Okay, let's get to the sleep.

[Squealing Voice Continues]

Okay, so here we've
achieved rapid eye movement,

or as we call it, the REM state.

Breathing is regular.
Brock is drooling. All is well.

Until... Hello!

Huh. That's funny.

Yeah. I bet that's
how I got this bruise.

Wait. There's more.

Oh, honey, I am so
sorry. Yeah, whatever.

Hey, the girls in the
office love this next part.

You know what would be
funny during this? Cartoon music.

[Hitting Continues]

Oh, honey. [Shudders]
Don't touch me!

Oh, I'm sorry. You know, I don't
know why this could be happening.

- It's called sleep rage.
- Seriously, Doctor,
why's she doing this to me?

Well, she must have
some hidden resentment...

Something her conscious
mind won't let her express.

Oh, no. No, I love Brock.

Well, on the tape, between blows, it
sounded like you were saying something.

So, we isolated the audio and increased
the volume, and this is what we heard.

Elton.

Elton.

Elton!

Elton? My hamster?
Are you kidding me?

She's beating me in my sleep because
of a stupid hamster! Don't you call...

Ow! Oh, my God.

Oh, my love for my hamster
has turned me into a monster.

So, there it is.

She's beating
you in her sleep...

because she's mad at you.

That's it?

Again, we take all
major credit cards.

Well, Doctor, what are
we supposed to do about it?

Oh, this isn't a sleep issue. There's
a marriage counselor across the hall.

Well, the first thing I'm gonna
tell that marriage counselor...

is how my big, strong
man can take a punch.

Ow.

And as you can see, we have
a lovely wood-burning fireplace.

Great for stretching.

Huh? Thank you, Mr. Montgomery.
I'll take over from here.

Hi. I'm Reba Hart. I'm the
Realtor for this property.

Cheater. I'm gonna tell Dav-id.

I don't care. And
you're blowin' it.

First of all, there's a big truck out
front. You're ruining your open house.

Excuse us. She's
in therapy. I'm not...

Mrs. H, what are you doing here?
I was supposed to handle this.

I won therapy fair and square.

Look, Van. I'm sorry you're
having issues, but this is a business,

and I don't have time
to play silly games

when I'm responsible
for this client's home.

For your information, these
buyers are really interested.

They've been checking
out the house for over

an hour. Hey, we'll
be right there. Sorry.

Well, then you should be even
more happy that I'm here to help you.

But I don't need your
help. I need you to back off.

I've been nothin' but
responsible from day one.

Really? How about getting my
daughter pregnant? I already did!

Oh. I-I... I see what
you mean. Good.

Because you're young,
you make mistakes.

Yeah, but I correct them. I
married Cheyenne, didn't I?

I've been a great father
and a great husband.

Yes, Van, you are, in part
because I was helping you.

I was watching you. But I
don't need you watching me.

Mrs. H, I'm not that kid
that moved in four years ago.

I'm a little bit
more on the ball.

Van, this is different. We're
starting a new business.

We can't afford any screwups.

Our reputation is everything.

We can't afford to let
anything get past us.

But why do you think
that I'm gonna screw up?

Because you're new.
There are so many tricks

in the business that
you haven't learned yet.

I'm the experienced one,
so the buck stops here.

Okay? Okay.

Good luck with your
open house, Van.

[Wheel Squeaking]

[Squeaking Continues]

[Squeaking Stops]

[Water Flushes]

Ow!

Acme! [Coughing]