01x13 - Brock's Swan Song

[bunniefuu]

so, are you kids excited
about your big weekend?

Oh, yeah. Two fun-filled days
with dad and barbra jesus.

Aw, come on.

It's a chance to spend
some quality time...

Between you and your father...

And between me and a
box of fine chardonnay.

Barbra jean wants us
to call her mommy b.j.

Don't.

Van, I am sorry, but we are not
naming our baby after vinny testaverde.

You know, i... I think I'd prefer
something simple, like... Like laura.

- Oh, laura's a pretty name.
- Oh, yeah. For a girl.

Do you like pete?
Pete is a cool name.

We're gonna find out
the sex of our baby in

A couple hours. We can
talk cool names then.

Like pete. [door opens]

Oh, hey, brock. Kids,
go get your stuff.

uh, actually, uh,
slight change of plans.

- The kids can't
stay overnight.
- Yes!

All right. What's the
lame excuse this time?

John d. Passed away.

- Oh, brock. I'm so sorry.
- Who's john d.?

John d. Hart. Daddy's father.

Remember that guy who
let you puff his cigar?

Oh, yeah. I liked him.

Brock, I can't believe
this. How did it happen?

He had a heart attack
on the golf course.

Well, at least he died
doing something he loved...

Swingin' at a golf ball.

Actually, he was
swinging at a swan.

♪♪ [country]

♪ my roots are
planted in the past ♪

♪ though my life
is changing fast ♪

♪ who I am is who I want to be ♪

♪ a single mom who
works too hard ♪

♪ who loves her
kids and never stops ♪

♪ with gentle hands and
the heart of a fighter ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪♪

Why did grandpa hit a swan?

It honked at him.

Please tell me there's more.

Well, he was on the golf
course, about to putt,

When this swan
starts yappin' at him.

Now, everybody knows you don't
mess with john d. When he's puttin'.

Apparently the bird
didn't get the message.

- When is the funeral?
- I don't know.

Who handles that sort of thing?

Kids, would you give your
dad and me a minute, please?

Mom, maybe we should cancel
the ultrasound. Oh, no, don't.

A soul passes on so
another can be born.

Keep your
appointment. Absolutely.

Maybe we should name
the baby after john d.

Well, now, that's real
sweet, van, but, frankly,

John d. Wasn't the type of
guy you'd name your kid after.

Maybe if you had a mule.

Oh, all right. You kids, go on
to your doctor's appointment.

Brock, you were
john d.'S only son.

- You have a responsibility.
- Why?

He left when I was 12, he
came drunk to my graduation,

And he only calls once a
year to see how you're doing.

Oh, that's so sweet.

But it's still your job
to plan the funeral.

Yeah, okay. Uh...
Will you help me out?

Me? Don't you have
a new little helper?

Oh, come on. B.j.
Never even met the man.

But you and john d. Go way back.

Please? Come on, reba.

You know I'm not good with this emotional
stuff. That's always been your area.

Oh, all right. I'll help.

Where's john d. Now?

Oh, geez, reba. I'm
not a religious man.

we, at the hudson funeral home,

Know how painful the
loss of a loved one is.

So we offer a
variety of plans...

To best suit your needs.

Do you have the "get 'em in the
ground as cheaply as possible" plan?

That would be this one here.

Brock, you can't put your
father in a plain pine box.

It's not plain.
It's got handles.

Mr. Hudson, what
would you recommend?

If I could pick my own
casket... And I have...

I'd go with our...
Our excalibur model.

[Clears throat] five
layers of solid steel.

Leather interior. Guaranteed
against water penetration and rust.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. How much?
- $6,000.

$6,000?

Well, can't we just chuck
a pillow in the pine box?

Isn't there a midprice model?

Sort of like a coffin
version of the buick century.

Well, um, this one
just came... Back.

Priced to move at 1,500.

Wrap it up.

Oh, and finally,

Uh, would you prefer a
open or closed casket?

Closed.

And locked.

- Well?
- It's a girl!

It's a girl! [Screams]

Oh, baby, I'm so
happy! It's a girl!

Yeah.

But remember, the nurse said
the ultrasound isn't conclusive.

There's only an 80%
chance it's not a boy.

Ohh! Uh, but we saw
her on the monitor,

And she did not have a
you-know-what. [Laughing]

Maybe he had a
small you-know-what.

Like blinsky, the left tackle.

Let's go up and talk names.
I know that I said laura,

But after seeing her,
i... I think she's a tiffany.

Oh! [Laughing]

Great. First he's got a small one, and
now you want to give him a girl's name?

[knocking on door] come in.

My heart is so heavy.

There, there.

Brock, I've ordered the flowers, and I've
reserved the small chapel at the mortuary.

Now, I figured since it's just the
seven of us, we can drive ourselves.

Reba, uh, regarding
the funeral...

Hmm? B.j. Has a few suggestions.

- Oh?
- Yes.

Brock told me what you were
planning, and it did seem a trifle...

Insufficient.

Now, we all know the lord
frowns on small services.

So I have asked all 80 members of my
church to be present, and they've agreed.

And, as we speak, a baptist choir
is en route on a chartered bus.

You're busin' in baptists?

Not just any baptists,
shreveport baptists.

It's been said they sing
directly into the ear of god.

[Pops]

I thought we agreed
to keep this small.

But john d. Is my
future father-in-law.

You do know he's dead.

Anyway, after I read my
poem, I will give the signal...

For the release of a
hundred white doves.

Doves? Mm-hmm.

The man beat the crap out
of a swan, for god's sake!

You. Kitchen. Now.

Oh!

Poor little jakey.

Come give a hug to mommy b.j.

Come here.

Oh, yeah! Oh.

Oh, you must be so,
so sad about grandpa.

I don't really remember him.

Well, you'll get to see
him again one day. How?

In heaven. See, when you die, an angel
comes down and whisks you up to heaven.

And when you get there, you get to meet all
the wonderful people who have ever died,

From adam and eve
to frank sinatra.

I just wanna know why
you dragged me into this...

If you're gonna let her turn
it into... B.j.'S flying circus.

Well, sometimes it's just
easier to let her have her way.

And that's the way it
always is with you, isn't it?

Making things easier. Easier?

Those singing baptists
are costing me a grand.

You know, there's a
sayin' that a man doesn't

Really become a man
until his father dies.

But you're just sh**ting
that full of holes, aren't ya?

Look, I don't really
care how we do it.

I just want to get it done.

John d. Wouldn't want any
part of this junk, and you know it.

He'd have been a lot
better off if they just

Left him out there on
that stupid golf course.

That's a fancy course, reba. They
won't even let you wear shorts.

what ya looking at?

Oh, it's an old album
with photos of john d.

Oh. Wow. He looks just like dad.

How come he never came
around? Well, let's see.

He did take a swing at your
dad at the '85 cotton bowl,

But they went golfing
the very next day.

He sure did like
to swing at things.

Then another time they almost
came to blows over stacking charcoal.

Sounds like they
had some issues.

Yeah, we had a gas grill.

But, you know, I think the
real problem was that...

Your daddy has
never forgiven him...

For running out on the
family when he was still a kid.

That's so sad. Hmm.

No wonder dad's dysfunctional.

Hey.

Hey.

I understand
everything now, dad.

What are you doing
here? You were right, reba.

John d. Would be better
off on a golf course.

So that's where he's going.
I've got his ashes out in the car.

- What?
- What you said to me yesterday
really hit home.

So, instead of some
bogus funeral...

With doves and phony
mourners, I had him cremated.

And you and I are gonna spread john
d.'S ashes on the 12th hole at river lakes.

- You're serious.
- One of the most beautiful
holes in the county.

Brock, I am not about to go with
you and your cremated father...

To a golf course in
the middle of the night.

I remember one time you went to a golf
course with me in the middle of the night.

Yeah, and look where it got me.

Please, reba.

I swear I will never, ever
ask you for anything again.

Brock, don't think for a second
that that puppy dog face...

Is gonna work on me anymore.

Do you want me to
rake or sprinkle?

All right. Now, try
and spread him evenly.

Golfers have to hit shots
out of here tomorrow.

Don't you think you ought to
say a few words or somethin'?

Right, right. Absolutely.

Uh,

We are gathered here to
say good-bye to john d. Hart,

A hardworking man who...

Worked hard.

Start raking.

That isn't a proper
eulogy for a father.

Well, he wasn't a proper father.

Help me out here.
You're the talker.

All right.

John d. Hart was a...

Was a, uh...

Ain't easy, is it?

Free spirit who lived
life to the fullest.

And although he
didn't live a perfect life,

I believe on the inside
he had a good heart.

Except right there
at the end, of course.

May he find peace in
heaven. Amen. Let's do it.

Hey, hey, hey. Lookee there.

A perfectly good titleist.

[man] freeze! Police!
Drop your weapon!

Van, are you disappointed
we're having a girl?

Well, maybe a little.

Cheyenne, when you told
me you were pregnant,

I saw a little boy.

Well, after I threw up.

And all I ever thought about was
all the stuff I was gonna teach him.

But that changed yesterday. I mean,
does a daughter care about zone coverage?

What's zone coverage?

See? Girls aren't into defensive
strategy or cool cars...

Or loud belching. [Belches]

Gross. See?

I'm gonna have zero in
common with a daughter.

What did you eat?

mom! Mom!

- Jake, what's wrong?
- An angel took me to heaven,
and frank sinatra beat me up.

Come here, big guy.

I think you got the
wrong idea about heaven.

You don't get beat
up there. Really?

Oh, no. Bullies aren't allowed.

That's why they call it heaven.

So the angels aren't
mean? No, no, no.

They're too busy
passin' out game boys.

Really? And when
they're not doing that,

They're making chocolate
chip cookies as big as your head.

Cool. Yeah.

I'll tell you what. Why
don't you go back to

Bed and I'll check on
you in a few minutes.

Thanks, van. Aw.

What? That was great
what you just did.

Well, it's easy. He's a boy.

Girls have nightmares too.

About what?

Mismatching their sweaters
with last year's shoes?

And other scary stuff.

And just like boys, they need their daddies
to make things all better again too.

[Sighs] you know,

Now that I think about it,

Laura is a pretty name.

Actually, I'm starting
to like cheyenne, jr.

Yeah?

Well, I looked it
up, and guess what?

You can't sprinkle dead
people on a golf course.

Well, if this isn't
typical john d.

Even from the grave
he's causing me problems.

You remember what he
pulled at our wedding?

"Does anyone here have any cause
why these two shouldn't be married?"

And he stands
up and says, "I do.

That woman's too
good for the bum."

Amazing how he knew
even way back then.

What a psycho to do
that to his own son.

He did apologize.
Yeah. Five years later.

It was the day that
tropical storm jacklyn hit.

Yeah, I remember.

I had just given birth to kyra, and we
were on our way home from the hospital...

To a house with no roof.

John d. Did help me fix it.

Help? He did it all while you sat on
a lounge chair drinkin' budweisers.

Well, that's because he wouldn't
let me touch his precious hammer.

He didn't want you
to hurt your hands.

He was so proud that
you were a dentist.

He was? Yeah.

How come he never told me that?

Maybe he didn't know how.

Maybe he didn't know how
to tell you a lot of things.

Hey,

Did I ever tell you about
me and bobby adkins?

Mm-mmm. Bobby was
this fifth grade bully...

Who used to kick my
a*s at least twice a week.

Well, when john d. Found out, he decided
it was time for me to learn how to duke.

So every night, we'd put on
the gloves and slug it out.

Then one day he sent me
out to settle the score.

And you pulverized
bobby. No, he beat me silly.

When I got home, john d. Apologized
for sending me out too soon.

Then he went out and... Had a
few words with bobby's dad.

Bobby never bothered
me again after that.

[Chuckling] that's a true story.

[Sighs]

Hmm.

My father's dead, reba.

That's the first time you
said father instead of john d.

[Sobbing]

It's okay.

It's okay. No.

No, it's not okay.

I really blew it,
reba. I really blew it.

Brock, your father
had a really good life.

And I'm sure he
knew you loved him.

I'm not just talking about him.

Brock, your father just
died, and you're upset.

Don't say things you'll
be sorry for tomorrow.

I will be sorry... Forever.

Stop this. Brock,
you made a choice.

While you were out running
around trying to find yourself,

I was the one that was at home
with our kids trying to be strong.

And there was many a nights I cried
myself to sleep over this whole mess.

But I'm through cryin'.

So you grieve for john d.

And if you need to,
you grieve for us.

I already have.

Well, I just got off the phone
with the golf course, and I just...

Are you cryin'?

No.

- Well, you're free to go.
- Thank you.

But john d. Hart
has to go with you.

That's a pretty big bag. Well,

There might be some
sand in there, ma'am,

But we wanted to make
sure we got all of him.

Careful. He's kind of heavy.

He ain't heavy.

He's my father.

Tell me you didn't
just say that.

The 12th hole at river lakes.

You know what, buddy?

This is where your grandfather
taught me how to hit a golf ball.

Why can't we come
here in the daytime?

'Cause daddy's been
banned from the club.

Hit the turf!

Ah, it's all right.
It's just headlights.

Hey, jake, you know how
much I love you, right?

Yes, dad. You told
me 50 times today.

Well, you might have
to hear it another 50.

All right. Give me the bag.

Is that grandpa?

It's just some of him.

I dumped the rest of him in
the mud pit at the kit kat club.

What did grandpa
teach you there?

[Chuckles]

That's a story
for another night.