02x06 - Safe Dating

[bunniefuu]

♪♪ [Humming]

Freeze!

What? Me?

No, the fridge is broken.
I'm talking to the peas.

Do you realize what time
it is? Where have you been?

I'm sorry, mom. I know I should have
called, but I lost track of the time.

I promise I won't do it again, and I
won't watch tv for the rest of the night.

Okay. I appreciate that.
Where have you been?

Why do you have to know
where I was? I'm home, and I'm safe.

You're home. You're not safe.

Look, I know you twisted your knee,
and that's slowing you down a little bit,

But you're an hour late!

If you don't start talking to
me, I'm gonna have to ground you.

Fine. Then ground
me. I don't want to.

Then don't. I
won't, if you talk.

I'm not. Then you're grounded.

Fine! Fine!

Fine! Fine!

You should've told me you were
at jenny's. I'd have believed you.

i was at jenny's.
fibber! I called jenny's!

What's with the teenager?
Oh, man. I don't know.

For the last couple of
weeks, she's been so secretive,

Like she's trying
to hide something.

Yeah, with a 13-year-old
girl, it could be anything.

Problem at school, hair
emergency, stock market.

Hey, hey! You know who might know
something? That new boyfriend of hers.

Boyfriend? [Chuckling]

Kyra's got a boyfriend?

Now that I hear it out loud, I
wasn't supposed to say anything.

[reba] ha, hey!

♪ who I am is who I wanna be ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪♪

We won, mom! That's
great, jakey! Your first win!

Yeah! [Laughing]

Ah, how bad was the other team?

They didn't show up.

What?

Well, I got something to tell you,
but I don't want you to freak out.

The last time one of us said
that, you ended up with the house.

Kyra has a boyfriend.
Oh, god! Here we go again!

Stop overreacting.
It's not that big a deal.

Really? Well, when'd this
all start? I don't know.

What's his name? I don't know.

Where'd they meet?
Well, I don't know.

Gee, now I feel silly
for overreacting.

It's probably just a crush.

Van said that he's a kid that she has
lunch with and studies with sometimes.

And occasionally they sneak
smokes down in his camper.

[Laughing]

Oh, that's funny. Yeah, I know.

Hey, you know who you
should tell that joke to? Who?

Our 18-year-old and her baby.

Relax. She's not going
anywhere with this kid...

Until I meet him
and his parents.

Who knows? We might like him.

What?

You're the good
one. Remember that.

Okay. Can I go over to my
friend's house to study math?

No. Grounded
means you stay here.

Hey, you know, reba, maybe
studying could be the exception.

I'd be more than happy to drive
her over to her friend's house.

Oh! No, I grounded her.
I'm gonna drive her over.

But I want to. I want to first.

But I'm headed that way. You
don't even know which way it is.

It doesn't matter. Which way is
it, ky... She's makin' a break for it!

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on there.

- You know about dylan,
don't you?
- Yeah.

I'll tell you what else I know. This kid
better have a job and no prison record.

And I'm gonna need
a urine sample.

Yup.

Okay, dad. Mom, I
want you to take me.

Uh...

I knew if I let you
talk, she'd choose me.

Remember! You're the good one!

Okay, mom. Thanks
for the ride. Bye.

Wait a minute. I'm
coming in too. What?

No. No, you're not.

Kyra, I can't just drop you off
without meeting dylan's parents.

What are you so worried about? I don't
know the first thing about these people.

I mean, they could be drunks or
convicts or telemarketers for all I know.

Do you enjoy humiliating me?

It'll be a lot worse
if I don't meet 'em,

And they catch me goin'
through their trash.

- Mom!
- Kyra, either I go in
or nobody does.

Fine. Then nobody does. Fine!

Fine. Fine.

[Knocking] [both scream]

[Chuckling] hi.

Sorry. Havin' a little
mother-daughter moment.

They're not all tender.

Teenagers. Makes me
long for when dylan was

Two and drinking out
of the dog's water bowl.

Yeah, I miss when kyra's answer to
everything was holding her breath...

And pulling her
dress over her head.

I love my life.

Greg hewitt, dylan's dad.

Oh, reba hart, kyra's nightmare.

Sorry for the look. I
was out back in the garden.

Ah, no big deal. I just came
over to "meet the parents."

Is your wife around?
Actually, it's just me here.

Wife and I divorced last
year. Oh, class of 2001. Me too.

Mom, don't you have your brain
surgery today? [Mock laughing]

What she means is I should
really be going, and I really should.

- No, no. Come in
for some lemonade.
- Well, okay.

- I grew the lemons myself.
- Wow, that must have saved you
thousands of dollars.

Mom, you hate lemonade.

I don't hate lemonade.
I'm allergic to it.

Look what I bought elizabeth!

[Both giggling]

They're little baby
cross trainers.

They're shoes,

But they're little.

I know!

Thanks for driving me
home. Hope I didn't rush

You by sitting in the
car for half an hour.

I couldn't just leave, kyra. The
man was showing me his garden.

Right. 'Cause gardens
are so rare in a backyard.

Well, I'd better be going. Okay.

Mom, it's not okay for
you to like dylan's dad.

So you like her
little friend's father?

Isn't that just a tad
inappropriate, reba?

Yeah, you're a real
moral barometer.

Good-bye, barbra
jean. I didn't mean to...

Good-bye, barbra jean. Well,
you don't have to tell me twice.

Yeah, apparently it's three
times. Good-bye, barbra jean.

So, you like dylan's dad?

I don't "like him" like him.

I just approve of him
in a "like him" fashion.

I'm not going to "barf" barf. I'm
going to vomit in a "barfing" fashion.

Oh, yeah. Mama's
got her groove back.

I didn't do anything. I just
had lemonade with the man.

I thought you were
allergic to lemonade.

I am. I just hope his dog isn't.

You know what this means,
mom? You're safe dating.

Come again?

Yeah, y-you're safe dating.

You know, when you hang out
with someone in an innocent setting,

And there's no pressure because
it's not really a "date" date?

Van and I used to
safe date all the time.

Not safe enough.

Look, cheyenne, you can
think whatever you want.

But I'm an adult, and
as far as I'm concerned,

I spent a few interesting hours
with a very interesting man.

Oh, yeah. Mama's
got her groove back.

We have the cutest baby on
the planet, all species included.

Well, except meerkats. Have
you ever seen a baby meerkat?

You could just eat
their little faces.

You know what it is, van?
Elizabeth has your eyes.

No, it's her chin. She has your
chin. She's cute because of you.

No, she's cute
because of you. No, you.

No, you.

Thanks for helping me, jake.

We now have our very first vegetable
garden. What should we grow?

Candy!

Jake, did you plant skittles?

- Maybe.
- [doorbell rings]

- Whoops. I forgot.
- What?

To tell you when dylan
and his dad are coming

Over so you won't be
caught in grimy overalls.

- What? He's here now?
- Yeah.

- Why are you playing
with your hair?
- I'm not. I just got an itch.

Knock it off! Ow!

I can't afford a new couch, and
you're makin' me wanna burn that one.

Don't tell me we're
embarrassing you. We're married.

[Laughing] trust me. Married
people don't act like that.

[doorbell rings] who is that?

It doesn't matter
who that is. Just scoot.

Hi, dylan. Hey, greg. I
wasn't expecting you.

Hey. Where's kyra? She's in
there. Be careful of the garden.

I have a garden. I'd
love to see it sometime.

Well, it's only dirt until
the skittles come up.

You're growing your
own skittles? Yeah.

That will save you
thousands of dollars.

Yeah. It was good
seeing you again.

Oh, well, hey. Hang
on. You offered me a

Drink. Least I could
do is return the favor.

Okay. Great. Okay.

I've gotta warn you. Dylan is
gonna hate me hanging around here.

Oh, that's too bad. Kyra always
approves of everything that I do.

Who's this?

This? This is greg. Greg,
this is van, my son-in-law.

Dylan's dad. Nice to meet you.

What's up?

I'm gonna be outside, but I could
certainly find my way back inside,

If you know what I mean.

I'll call you if I need something.
Yeah, you do that, craig.

It's greg. Really? Well!

I got a name too.
It's butt kicker.

We don't use the
"kicker" part much.

He got his hygienist
pregnant? How'd that happen?

He said a slip and fall,
but I didn't buy that either.

I'm really glad our
kids met. Me too.

We should get 'em together more often.
I'll bet they're free saturday night.

Let's go, dad. Dylan,
buddy, what's wrong?

- Nothing! Can we just go?
- I guess, but are you sure
we should...

[Voice breaking] I don't
want to talk about it!

I think we should go. Well,
okay. Thanks for coming. Bye.

Thanks for the
coffee, reba. You bet.

kyra, is everything all right?

It's over, okay? He
broke up with me.

I don't understand.
Everything was going so well.

Maybe dylan didn't like the fact
you were so friendly with his dad.

Maybe he was uncomfortable
being on some kind of sick...

Old people-young
people double date.

And maybe in the future,
you'll stay out of my business.

I'm gonna figure out some
way to blame this on your dad!

Hey, guys. Where's kyra?

She's in the tree
house, pouting.

She doesn't wanna talk
to anyone right now.

I wanna talk to her. Come
on, van. Give me a boost.

Oh, maybe I wasn't clear. She would
talk to anyone but you right now.

I gotta do somethin'. I
feel awful about all this.

You think you feel bad?

If I didn't open my big, fat,
stupid mouth about her boyfriend,

Then that little girl wouldn't be
out there with her heart broken.

Don't anybody ever
tell me anything again!

I love his passion.

Poor kyra. These things seem
like the end of the world at her age.

Mom, she's 13. They would've
broken up in a week anyway.

trust me. She's gonna be okay.

Well, I sure hope so.

- But you... You're in big trouble.
- Me?

Yeah. You just
lost your safe date.

and at your age, dating
is a big numbers game,

And the pool of available
men is shrinkin' for you.

It's not even a
pool anymore, ma.

It's like a puddle.

[Chuckles] first off, thank you.

And second, I'm done with
greg and his lemonade.

I've already caused
enough trouble.

- It's okay if you're scared.
- I'm not scared.

No, it's okay. Think about it. The only guy
you've ever been with walked out on you.

I'd be terrified if van did that
to me, and my pool is still huge.

Yeah, and you've got
that baby as man bait.

Look, mom, kyra and
dylan are history,

But you are still using them as
an excuse to hide from this guy.

- No, I'm not.
- Yes, you are.

There's nothing you
can do about kyra and

Dylan, but if you still
wanna see greg, you can.

You're just gonna have
to risk getting hurt again.

So to recap: the puddle
is small. Give him a call.

I guess you're surprised
I gave you a call.

Uh, I hate to admit it, but it's
a little awkward for me too.

[Slurping]

Ms. Hart, I have soccer
practice in an hour.

I'll make it fast.

Your dad and I are not
gonna hang out anymore,

So you and kyra can
get back together.

- Really?
- Yep.

- Oh, hey, kyra.
- Dylan. Hi.

- Hey, honey.
- Your mom called. She says it's
cool if we get back together.

Back together. You did that?

Yep. And this time, I'm
gonna stay out of the way.

- I'll be in the kitchen
if you need me.
- So will i. One sec.

One sec.

What are you doing? I fixed everything.
Dylan wants to go out with you.

Of course he does. I'm the
one who dumped him. what?

I don't like him anymore.
He's a huge crybaby.

At first I thought he was
sensitive, but he cries at everything.

He cries at the drop
of a hat. I mean literally.

He dropped his hat
and burst into tears.

But you told me you guys
broke up because of me and greg.

I lied. I just did that
to scare you off so

You wouldn't get
involved in my life anymore,

Which obviously
worked like a charm.

I'm your mother. I will always
get involved in your life.

Good, because dylan's out there,
and somebody has to break up with him.

Be strong, mom.

Well, this is awkward.

- Hey.
- Hey. Where's kyra?

Uh, dylan.

Hi. [Giggles]

Sometimes, dylan, things
happen in life that are bad,

But later you look
back, and they're still bad.

[laughs] but at least
you're looking back.

- Are you breaking up with me?
- No. Um...

You are.

You're breaking up with me. Why?

No, no, dylan, it's not you.

It's kyra. Think of
this as a good thing.

She's mean.

I... I can't believe
this. [Sobbing]

Okay, dylan, look.
Honey, I know it's hard.

[Loud crying, blubbering]

Hey, chief. I thought you
had soccer. I'm not going.

What's with him? Dylan
and kyra broke up, again.

I'm sorry about
this. Ah, poor kid.

Love's tough, huh? Yeah.

In the long run, I'd rather he take
the risk and have his heart broken...

Than maybe miss out
on something great.

You know, it's funny you
mentioned that 'cause there's, uh...

That gives me a chance to say something
that I think is kind of important.

What is it?

I'm allergic to lemonade.

Really? I had other stuff.

It's the weirdest
thing. Ever since I was a

Little kid... Do you
wanna go out with me?

Huh?

I said ever since I was a little
kid... Do you wanna go out with me?

'Cause it's a numbers
thing, and it's...

The puddle is small.

I'd love to go out
with you. Whoo!

I took a big chance
there. [Sighs] scary.

Glad that's over
with. I'm all sweaty.

Well, I'm glad you did, 'cause I was
afraid I wasn't gonna see you anymore.

Well, you could've asked me out.

I know, but ever since karen abandoned
me, I've had zero self-confidence.

That's something we can
talk about over dinner.

Where should we go?

You know, now that we're dating,

I feel like I can
finally let this out.

I'm so tired of being brave.

Well, chili's is nice.

She hurt me so bad!

Okay, let it out, big feller.

Well, so much for being scared.

- I asked him out,
and he said yes.
- Score!

Then he cried tears of joy
all over my favorite blouse.

The dad cries too?
What a bunch of freaks!

Yeah, it turns out men crying
is only attractive in theory.

- Where are you going?
- To study.

She met a new boy at school.

Oh, no!

I did it again! Why
did she tell me?

Damn this open, trusting face!

Well, I hope this new
kid's father is u-u-gly!

acme! [Coughing]