02x10 - Cookies for Santa

[bunniefuu]

We got a tree, cheyenne!
We got a tree! Oh!

Okay, van, bring it on in.

Um, it's too big, mrs. H. I'm
just gonna get a smaller one.

Van. Oh!

Oh, hey!

I gotta remember that
when my aunt comes.

She is a big gal.

- Uh-huh.
- Oh, thank you very much, van.

Thanks doesn't
pay the bills, mrs. H.

Neither do you.

I love the smell of christmas,
and this is gonna be a great one.

Oh, how can it not be,
with such a gorgeous tree?

Hey, jake, you
excited? Santa's coming.

I'm gettin' a bike!

Now, jake, you know
that's up to santa...

And whether he thinks
you've been naughty or nice.

You're very pretty.

Save it for santa claus.

Oh, this is so special. It's our
first christmas with elizabeth.

Oh, I remember our first
christmas with you, cheyenne.

You're the reason we started
all our christmas traditions.

Ooh, another "cheyenne
is great" story.

My favorite is how she makes
the sun come up in the morning.

Kyra's right, mom. You should
tell a nice story about her.

Oh, right. [Laughs]

One of the hardest things I
ever did was to tell my mama...

We weren't going to
her house for christmas.

But waking up and sharing
the moment together,

It really felt right.

You were the start
of our little family.

Cheyenne is great, everybody!
What an unexpected twist.

[reba] ha, hey!

♪ who I am is who I wanna be ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪♪

Oh, don't, don't
look. Don't look.

What? What is
it? Is it for me? No.

Well, then why would I care?

Well, I wanted it to
be a surprise, but look,

For elizabeth's first christmas.

Oh, mom, this is so awesome.

Look, van, a teeny
bootie ornament.

I don't wanna ruin it for anyone,
but, uh, elizabeth has two feet.

I am so looking forward
to this christmas eve.

There is just something so special
about having a baby in the house.

[Chuckles] [chuckles]

Or it's special just having
baby's things in the house.

What are you talking about?

Um, we wanna go away
for christmas eve.

Which christmas eve?

'Cause it's sure not
gonna be this one.

But, mom, all that
stuff you said...

About what that first christmas
meant to you was so moving.

We want that feeling too.

Yeah, mrs. H, you inspired us.

And that's not easy.

I mean, we're very unmotivated.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, well...

Oh, you know what?

We did go to my
parents' house. I forgot.

look, mom, van's cousin offered
us his cabin in lake conroe.

It's in the middle of the woods,
and there's deer and a big fireplace.

Yeah, that's real christmasy.

- Mom, please?
- Please?

But what about
all our traditions?

I mean, if you go, who's gonna
help me decorate the tree...

And... And bake cookies
and sing christmas carols?

Well, you'll still
have kyra and jake.

Yeah, kyra and jake.

Honey, I love your brother,
but have you ever heard him sing?

Okay, mom, all
right. We'll stay here.

Okay. One big family.

Some of us against our will.

Yeah, nothing says christmas
like a hostage situation.

[Sighs]

Oh, all right. [Squeals]

If what I said affected
you guys that much,

Then go ahead and
start your own special...

Christmas memories.

Ah! Oh, thank you, mommy.

Selfish brat.

Happy h* h* and a
merry jingle jingle.

Whoopsie, whoopsie, I
forgot to lock the door door.

Hey, reba, we got
a little issue here.

Jake wants to stay over at
our house on christmas eve.

I want him to read me the night
before christmas like he always does.

You know, I told him I'd still do it.
I'd just do it over the telephone.

Yeah, or we could just write
him a nice letter. Merry christmas.

[Chuckling] these are good.

That's not the same.

And I wanna read the
story to henry too.

But, jake, we had plans, honey.

What about all the
stuff we were gonna do?

I'll sing carols
with you before I go.

Well, th-that's good, son. And then
you won't have to sing over at our house.

Okay, well, what do
you say me and your dad

Talk about it. We'll see
what we can work out.

[Chuckles] so, can he?

Of course not. We'll
just pretend we're talking,

And then you go in and
tell him no. Well, why not?

[Scoffs] you know how
important this is to me.

Besides, you got
the kids last year.

We went to hawaii
last year, remember?

To make things
easier for everyone.

Not the hawaiians.

Barbra jean, help me out here.

Oh, yeah, barbra jean.
Tell me what you think.

Well, i...

I think the only reason I'm still here is
you're blocking my way to the living room.

Thank you.

Look, brock, I've already lost
cheyenne, van and elizabeth.

Yeah, and I feel bad about
that, but come on, reba,

Fair is fair...
They're my kids too.

Yeah, I wish I could have
done that on my own.

Well, have jake back as early
as you can. I'm giving him a bike.

Oh, no, you can't.

Why?

Well, see, I was in the mall the other
day, and I saw this really cool bike.

And, well, i-i
bought it for him.

Come on, barbra jean, honey, we
should go. Oh, just hold on a minute.

Oh, look, you know.
When we got divorced,

We never discussed
who got what tradition.

I just sort of figured
that the bike one was mine.

Oh, well, here's my favorite
tradition. You're wrong.

Come on. I already
bought him the bike.

And besides, I'm the one
who bought cheyenne

A christmas bike
when she was eight.

I made a tradition when I went out and
bought kyra's bike when she was eight.

Mine had a bow on it. I win.

Reba, the first thing jake should
see christmas morning is that bike.

Do you really wanna
take that away from him?

Kind of.

Okay, fine. Thanks, reba.
I'm gonna go tell him.

Why don't you just torch
the tree on your way out?

I'm all ready. Oh,
there's my big boy.

His first christmas
eve away from his mama.

Now remember, if you sing really, really
loud, I'll be able to hear you over here.

I'll try. I love you. I love
you too, baby. Have fun.

[Off-key] ♪ joy to the world ♪

♪ the lord is come ♪♪

Enjoy your christmas, brock.

[door closes] well, it's
just me and you, kiddo.

So what should we do first?
Go make some hot apple cider,

Or go upstairs and put on our
elf pajamas and decorate the tree?

Come on, mom. The
two of us sitting here,

Forcing some holiday traditions
that don't exist anymore?

It sounds kind of pathetic.
Pathetic or super-duper fun?

The thing is kendall's family has this
huge christmas eve open house every year.

[Phone rings] hang on a sec.

Hello? No, have your mom
drive around the block.

She hasn't said yes yet.

- Please?
- Go.

Pull around.

Mom, you are the best.
Mm, save it for santa.

I won't be late.
Yeah. All right.

Merry christmas.
Yeah, merry christmas.

So I suppose you want to go
back to the forest now, huh?

Oh, excuse me. Do you know who I
talk to about donating some food?

Well, I'll take it. Oh,
are you in charge here?

No, I'm hungry. Oh.

Well, those are
homemade cookies.

I make 'em every year when
my family decorates our tree.

I also wear these
cute little elf pajamas,

But I didn't wanna
start a ruckus. [Laughs]

Yeah, thanks for that.

Anyhow, my family's off doing
other stuff, so here I am, helping out.

Sharing the christmas
cheer. Go on. Have another one.

No. Oh, yeah, there's
plenty. Go ahead.

I don't doubt it. They're lousy.

How about you? You want some
gravy for your mashed potatoes?

You make it? Yes, sir.

Pass.

You know what? You're
wrecking this for me.

Here I am supposed to be
feeling good about all this,

And all I feel like doing is
pouring this gravy in your lap.

Oh, hey there, sister.

Hey, I'm just giving him
some gravy. There you go.

What's your problem?

My problem is I'm here on christmas
eve instead of being with my family.

Oh, well, hey, I've
got the same problem.

If you don't mind me asking, how
come you're not with your family?

I gotta work. It's the busiest
night of the year for santa.

Oh, right, you're
santa. [Chuckles]

I should have known that
since I'm the tooth fairy.

I really am santa.

Today, I was at ryan's
department store.

- Well, that must be fun.
- It's four bucks an hour, lady.

Yeah, it's great.
Where's your family?

[Laughs] well, they're
off having a great time.

My oldest daughter is
going to lake conroe.

And then my other
daughter's at a party.

And my baby boy,
he's with his dad.

Hey, hey, it's all right.

Uh, look, I'm eating your gravy.

Mmm! Ooh!

And they're gonna
give him the bike.

Could be worse. They
could be giving him a pony.

I know, I feel stupid. Here I
am feeling sorry for myself,

And all these people here have
a lot bigger problems than I do.

Yeah, that's why I come down
here, to feel better about myself.

I used to hang around
with a d*sfigured guy,

So I wouldn't feel bad about
the extra weight I put on.

That's not what I meant.

I know what you meant.

Look, there's always someone
suffering worse than you.

It doesn't mean that
your pain doesn't count.

Just when I thought divorce couldn't
hurt me any more, I lose something else.

Christmas eve used
to be so special.

Well, it's been nice
talking to you, but...

I think you'd better get going.

I hear we're gonna
get an ice storm later.

Oh, okay. You have
to go anywhere?

Yeah. Every freakin'
house in the whole world.

Be safe. Merry christmas.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Reba.

Hey, how did you know my name?

- I know everybody's name.
- Oh, yeah, you're santa.

Don't walk out of here tonight
feeling sorry for yourself.

If you do, you're stealing
christmas from every person,

Who, for whatever reason,
isn't with their family tonight.

If your traditions
meant anything,

Your family's still
together in your heart.

Go home. Decorate
your tree. End of speech.

Thought you didn't
like those? I don't.

By the time we get to japan, you'd
be surprised what a reindeer will eat.

[van] okay, so how does
this tradition thing work?

Well, what were some of your
favorite holiday traditions growing up?

Uh, dad would golf, mom would
drink, and I'd play with my toys.

Hey, at my house, we would
always hang stockings.

And that would be the first thing
that we'd open. We should do that.

Great. Did you
bring the stockings?

No. Didn't you? No.

Well, I have socks
and huge feet.

Let's just forget about the
whole stocking thing. Okay.

What should we make
for christmas dinner?

Oh. Mom always makes roast beef.

Perfect. But do you think we'll
have enough time to cook it?

I don't know. I don't even
know if we have a frying pan.

Well, why don't we
have roast beef here?

Great idea. Perfect.

All right.

Hmm.

Dang, they don't
have any roast beef.

What kind of roadside
pancake house is this?

[thunder]

Hello, deborah? Yeah, it's reba.

Yeah, I was just calling to say
because of the weather and all,

Maybe it'd be a good idea for kyra to
spend the night over there tonight.

never mind, deborah.
She's back. Thanks a bunch.

- Hey, mom.
- Kyra, why did you come home?

Not that I'm complaining, mind
you, but it's terrible out there.

It wasn't the greatest christmas
party. Did you know they're jewish?

No, they're not.

I know. I just couldn't get the
picture of you all alone out of my head.

So, you wanna sing
christmas carols?

Mom, don't push it. Okay, great.

I guess we can spend the time
discussing your personal life.

♪ Jingle bells, jingle
bells jingle all the way ♪

oh, you're back. yes.

And you're soaked. Let me take
elizabeth. Come here, darling.

Thank you. Here you go.

Wow, I didn't expect you guys back
until tomorrow. What happened?

Well, we just thought it was kind
of stupid to start new traditions...

When we have such
great old ones.

Plus, uh, we forgot
our stockings.

Well, I'm just glad you're back.

Why don't you go on
in and join in on the fun.

- [door opens]
- I'm back!

Whoo-hoo, jake! Oh, this is the
best christmas present I've ever had.

he's worried that santa
wouldn't know where to find him,

So he wants to leave
a note on his bed.

I told him we could
just call santa,

But somebody told him
santa doesn't have a phone.

Well, he doesn't.

I mean, that's just silly.

merry christmas,
daddy. Hey, barbra jean.

Merry christmas, angel.

You know, it was really
rough driving over here.

I'll tell you what. If
this storm doesn't break,

We may have to stay
over here tonight.

That'd be great.

I could borrow one
of reba's nighties.

Oh, the storm will break.

If there's a god in
heaven, it'll break.

Hey, dad, since you're here, you
get to do the lights like always.

- What can I do?
- Well, you can stand out
on the front porch...

And monitor the weather.

- Okay.
- Barbra jean.

You can do the tinsel.

[Gasps] one strand at a time.

You know what me and my sister would
do when we would decorate the tree?

- What?
- Tinsel fight!

[Screams] come on, reba!

Make it hard for
me. Bob and weave.

Bob and weave. Barbra jean?
Barbra jean, honey, honey?

[Chuckles] maybe you oughta
just focus on the tree.

Okay. Okay.

[Quiet scream] [laughs]

All your kids are home for
christmas. Looks like you got your wish.

Yeah.

Well, almost. [Laughs]

[thunder]

Brock? What are you
doing, havin' a séance in here?

No, I was gonna make a bologna
sandwich. I wanted to set the mood.

The power's out. Yeah.

[thunderclap] ooh, it's
really howling out there.

- Hey, reba?
- Yeah.

It was always a nice
tradition, christmas eve.

Yeah, it was.

You know, I was just sitting here
thinking about all the christmas eves...

Back when the kids were little.

Us up late, putting
stuff together.

Okay, you putting
stuff together.

Me, buzzed on eggnog,
playing with the toys.

You think they remember it?

I mean, do you think
they remember it as good?

Yeah, I really do.

Power's back. Yeah.

[reba] whoa!

You got him the bike, and then
brought it over here in this storm?

That was so sweet.

Oh, come on. I didn't bring the bike
over here. You went out and bought it.

I didn't buy him
a bike, you butt.

And thank you.
Well, you're welcome.

But I know you did
it, you double butt.

[Chuckles]

Yeah, have it your way.

I better get some rest.

In three short hours, I have
to pretend to like barbra jean.

- Merry christmas, brock.
- Merry christmas, reba.

acme! [Coughing]