02x17 - The Feud

[bunniefuu]

Okay, mr. Ramsey. I'll see you at


Oh, and remember, floss
is a man's best friend!

Dr. Fisher insists I say that.

N... Well, no. I didn't
mean to insult your dog.

See ya at 3:00. Bye!

Brock, what are you doin'
here? What if eugene sees you?

I don't care. Thanks to him, I got another
citation from the building manager.

This one's for a
fire code violation...

For having too many
patients in my waiting room.

I don't want to hear about it.

When my ex-husband and my boss are
fightin', there's no one to cheer for.

I just stay clear and hope the
game is called because of stupidity.

Fine. Give this to eugene.

They dropped his dental
supplies by my office.

- Oh! I thought I smelled a rat.
- So you have rats, huh?

Somebody should
call the manager.

"Hello, manager?
I'm a big girl."

Guys, you're makin'
my life miserable.

Don't you think you could
just knock this whole thing off?

Hope you're talking about his
head 'cause I'd like to knock it off.

He threatened me! You heard
him. Call the police. Brock, just go.

Fine. But you are not getting
me kicked out of this building.

You're goin' in the log!
Ooh! I'm goin' in the log!

Make a note of
his latest offense.

I want him out on the street,
practicing dentistry under a bridge.

What did he ever do
to you? It's personal.

I can't stand the thought of sharing the
building with that wannabe george hamilton.

Okay. Fine.

If you guys wanna hate each
other, that's your business.

But why do I have
to be a part of it?

Reba, I'm not a
confrontational man,

But I have to say this
clearly and concisely.

Help me get brock out of the
building or look for another job!

Oh! [door slams]

Eugene, I wouldn't open that
if I were you! [muffled expl*si*n]

Never mind. I'll
get the log. [Laughs]

[reba] ha, hey!

♪ my roots are
planted in the past ♪

♪ though my life
is changing fast ♪

♪ who I am is who I want to be ♪

♪ a single mom who
works too hard ♪

♪ who loves her
kids and never stops ♪

♪ with gentle hands ♪

♪ and the heart of a fighter ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪♪

[Sighs] I'm warnin'
you right now.

I had a bad day at
work so back off.

You need this more than I do.

Oh, thank you, honey.

You are such a
kiss-up. I am not!

Hey, cut it out.

I get enough of that at work. You
two are as bad as a couple of dentists.

Kyra, why do you
have to cause trouble?

Ever since the cutbacks in
after-school programs, I've been bored.

Write your congressman.

Hey, mom! Don't you
start with me too.

Ooh, I sure had that one comin'.

Sorry. Bad day at the office.

well, in that case, you should do
what cheyenne does when she's upset:

Go to the mall and buy
yourself somethin' pretty.

No, go ahead. Pick a couple.

Van, did you cash your
paycheck all in ones again?

Yes, only this time
there's a whole lot more.

It's from tree-trimming I've
been doing with oscar after work.

He's paying me in cash.
No taxes... Everybody wins.

Yes. It is called "off
the books." Mm-hmm.

It's called "cheating
the government."

No, it's called off the books.

The government
actually saves money...

Because they don't have to
deal with all those extra books.

Well, it's wrong.

So you either pay your
taxes or quit your job.

Wait, mrs. H. Mrs.
H, hold on now.

Would, uh, 20 bucks
make this go away?

Twenty bucks? [Laughs]

No.

Well, I can't claim the money.
Oscar would get in trouble.

Well, you can't quit your job
because that would upset me.

Then I'd have to go to the mall, but I
couldn't 'cause we wouldn't have any money.

Cheyenne, calm down. I am not quitting
my job. I'm just gonna lie to your mom.

Oh, thank god.

- We'll just have
to act poor and not let on.
- Okay.

[Shouting] cheyenne, I'm
gonna be out quitting my job.

[Chuckles]

[knocking]

Hey, reba. You
wanted to see me? Yes.

Brock, you need to put an end
to this thing with eugene. Me?

Why me? I'm winnin'.

Because if it keeps going, I'm gonna
have to help him or I'll lose my job.

That snake... Using you to
fight his dirty little w*r.

Join me, reba, and
together we can ruin him.

What happened between you
two? You used to be friends.

I don't know. I woke up
one day, and he hated me.

So you're sayin' he
finally got to know ya.

Maybe it's a misunderstanding, and you
just need to sit down and talk about it.

It's too late for that,
reba. This has gone too far.

Brock, I love my job.

The only bad thing about
it is you two morons.

Fine. I'll sit down if he will.

Good. But he won't, because
he lives for this stuff.

What, you think he
has a personal life? No.

This feud is his most
significant human contact.

Must be hard always being right.

Eugene!

[Hisses]

I'm surprised you got
him to come over, reba.

I thought he'd be at the salon
working on that fake-and-bake tan.

This is natural. I play golf,

You pasty-faced nancy-boy.

Look, you're both right,

But right now we're
here to work things out.

So have a seat. Sit down.

I'll sit when he sits.

No, you sit. No, you sit.

- You sit first.
- No, you...

Sit down!

Who wants to go first? Who
wants to be the bigger man?

Okay, fine. But you
started all this.

Everything I've done has been
in retaliation for something.

You deserve everything I've done
to you and more. You ruined my life.

How? How have I
ruined your life?

Oh, are you forgetting
about a certain woman...

And what you did to her
about two years ago?

Oh, my gosh.

This is about me?

Eugene, I didn't know
you were so protective.

Not you, you egomaniac!

Barbra jean!

He stole her from me!

[Together] what?

The only woman that
ever meant anything to me...

Wait a second.

You two have put me through all
this stuff just because of barbra jean?

[Muffled screaming]

I'm okay.

Give me a break. You
never dated barbra jean.

Three times... State
fair, state fair, bowling.

Did you take her to the state
fair or was she working there?

You're a... You're a
lying little weasel...

with a... With a
sick little mind.

Oh! Oh! Touched a nerve, did i?

What are you worried about,
brock? That she still wants me?

Pal, you just crossed the line!

Get away from me
right now! [Grunts]

[Screams] [thuds]

Are you okay, pal? ow.

oh, my back.

I'm going to sue you, brock,

For everything you have!

You'll be sorry
you took my lady.

I think we're makin' progress.

Morning, reba. Morning, eugene.

Whoa. Have you gotten
taller, or is it that neck brace?

I need you to book an
appointment for mrs. Haggerty,

Order some more x-ray film,

And when you testify in tomorrow's
hearing, agree with everything I say.

Eugene, you can't ask me
to do something like that.

I'm not asking you
to do it for me.

I'm asking you to do it because
you hate brock more than I do.

I don't hate brock. Really?

You have no problem with
the man who abandoned you...

And made you a laughingstock in
front of the entire dental community?

Yeah, that's a crowd I'll miss.

Regardless, all I have to do
tomorrow is tell the truth.

I understand that you're
not gonna lie on the

Stand and you're
honest and all that crap.

But which truth are you
going to tell tomorrow?

Eugene, it's very simple.

You took a swing at brock,
he ducked, and you fell.

Yes, that happened, but
is that all that happened?

Well, you wept.

Tears of joy, because I finally
had him where I wanted him.

But you took the first swing.

Reba, look at me.

Would I take a swing at that
man unless he was on the attack?

Well, we don't know for
sure that he was gonna attack.

Exactly! We don't know.

Only brock knows
what's in his heart...

His cold, adulterous heart.

Can you get me some coffee?

Hey, look at this. I
have it all figured out.

If we take the extra
money I've been making...

And invest it in a no-risk
real estate scheme,

That money will rocket
us to vast wealth.

I saw this guy
talk about it on tv.

He was in hawaii
sitting by a pool.

But, van, what if we get caught?

I mean, this is ill*gal.
We could go to jail.

Look at me, van. I wouldn't
last three days in the can.

We're not gonna get caught. Have you
ever heard of anyone getting caught?

You know, maybe you just
need a little green love. Okay?

Just leave me out of it. [Hums]

For once, van, I think
you got a good point.

Are you mocking me in
some way I don't understand?

No, I agree that there's no way
the government will catch you,

Unless they catch oscar and
they cut him a deal to rat you out.

[Scoffs] oscar won't rat me out.

Yeah, you're right. I'm sure he'd
go to prison just to save your hide.

'Cause you guys are,
like, best friends, right?

Well, I wouldn't
say best friends.

I mean, the other day I was
talkin' to him and forgot his name.

Well, I bet he won't
forget your name,

'Cause that's the first thing he's
gonna say when they haul him in.

Oh, man, oscar's a wuss. He's
gonna roll over like he's french!

[man] all right. Everybody
take a seat. We need to begin.

Now, both parties have consented to
hold these hearings without counsel...

and to abide by the ruling
from the bench as binding.

Furthermore...

And isn't it true that
at that point, dr. Hart,

That large, intimidating,
apelike man seated over there,

Moved toward me in a
threatening manner?

Well, he moved toward
you. That part's true.

But I don't know if it was
in a threatening manner.

Ms. Hart,

How much do you think I weigh?

Sixty pounds.

A hundred and 13.

- And dr. Hart is
probably closer to 280.
- Objection!

I move that comment be
stricken from the record.

This is not a formal court of law.
All you have to say is "excuse me."

Dr. Fisher, get to the
point. Yes, your honor.

Did that much larger
man make the first move?

- Well, it's kind of hard to say...
- Yes or no?

- Yes, he did.
- Then my injuries
are his fault.

I have no more
questions. [Murmuring]

Do you hear that,
brock? That's a hubbub.

That is not a good
sound in a courtroom.

I don't have any choice.
I've gotta take her down.

Your honor,

I don't believe this witness's
testimony can be trusted. Hey!

Ms. Hart, do you know what it
means to be a hostile witness?

Bite me.

Do you remember that a few moments
ago you swore to tell the truth?

I appreciate the lecture
in honesty, brock,

But i always tell the truth.

reba...

[Stomps feet] why do you
think we got divorced?

[Laughs] I'm sure if you keep
talkin' the court will understand.

It's because I had an affair,
right? As crazy as it sounds.

Mm-hmm. But wasn't our marriage
in trouble long before that affair?

Well, if it was, it was because
you stopped communicating.

Maybe I stopped
communicating because you

Weren't interested in
what I was goin' through.

Oh, that's all you
wanted to talk about,

You big baby... What
you were goin' through.

I was goin' through
a bunch of stuff too.

Yeah, but to get you
to open up about it

Was impossible. No,
you just wanted to sulk.

Well, it's kind of hard to open up
when you know nobody's listenin' to ya.

- Hey, I'm a very good listener.
- Ha-ha! That's a good one!

Chewing ice and staring
at someone when they're

Trying to speak to
you is not listening!

So you stop talking,
and it's all my fault.

Boy, you'll find a way to
blame me for anything, won't ya?

You're darn right
I will. [murmuring]

hmm.

So,

Mrs. Hart,

Did you allow your personal
feelings to influence your testimony?

did you lie under oath,
thereby committing perjury?

Oh, no. No, no, your honor. That's
not what I was trying to prove.

Doesn't matter what you
were trying to prove, mr. Hart.

Did you commit perjury?

Well, I didn't mean to.

- Wait, wait. No! I don't want
to get her into any trouble!
- Dr. Hart, please. I've...

See, look, all that she's
done this entire time is...

Try and get eugene and me to
stop acting like a couple of idiots.

Reba, I'm sorry I dragged
you into this whole thing.

mmm. That's a beautiful speech.

Beautiful.

Of course, you realize, if
she didn't lie, you're guilty.

[Gasps]

Well, go easy on her.

Wha...

Oh, wait, wait, wait. All right.

I'm guilty. I wanted to hit him.

Ha! He admits it!
Victory is mine!

Yes! Yes! Yes!

Your honor, I am willing
to forget everything,

Even the terrible pain that
I have to live with every day,

And let it go,

If he'll move out
of the building.

[Gasps] barbie j.,

Now do you see that
I'm the better man?

- What happened to you?
- I won.

No, the man that took me
to the fair wouldn't do this.

Where's the man that won
me the stuffed pink panther?

The man who bought me two
chili dogs and cotton candy?

The man who held my hair
back after the tilt-a-whirl?

Kind of puts romeo and
juliet to shame, doesn't it?

I love brock now,

And only brock.

Damn this spell I put men under!

[eugene] your honor,

I'm dropping all the charges.

You may release the ape!

Van, there's a man
on the phone for you.

He says his name is ira.

I don't know anybody named ira.

Ira s.

[Whispering] the i.r.s.?

Oh, my god. They know!

They know. What am I gonna
do? What am I gonna do?

Van, calm down. Do you
want me to talk to them?

Would you?

You are an angel in black.

Hello?

I'm sorry. Van's not in right now.
He's volunteering at the soup kitchen.

You... You say he
owes back taxes?

Well, maybe it's a mistake.

Uh-huh. Well, I can assure you
he doesn't want to go to jail.

Tell them I'll pay.
They can have it all.

Wait. What if I were to
bring you the $70 he owes?

Would that help? Yeah! Yeah.

Plus a $30 fine. Well,
good. I'll see you tomorrow.

No, thank you.

Did they buy it? Yes, van.

[Laughing]

Oh, kyra. You are my
hero! You saved me.

All right. Here's the money. I... I'd
give you a tip if I had any left, but...

Well, we'll just
say you owe me 10.

I guess we all learned that
honesty is the best policy.

Oh, I sure did!

[Giggles]

And here's your cut.

That part about
ira was brilliant.

You said 20.

Come on, jake. You
gotta pay your taxes.

Hey, reba. You called?

Yeah. I wanted to talk to brock.

Did you want to tell him how wonderful
and noble he was in court today?

Oh, honey. Stop.
Yeah, honey. Stop.

That was a nice thing you did.

But I was a little ashamed of
myself how I snapped like that.

See, despite the fact
that you despise brock,

He rose above
that... "Despisiveness."

Barbra jean, honey, could you
do me a favor and wait in the car?

Excuse me, but I believe
this is reba's house.

- I'll wait in the car.
- Thanks, honey.

Don't play with the radio.

Listen, reba. It's okay if you
still despise me. I can handle it.

I can't. I've been tellin' you and
eugene to let bygones be bygones, and...

Here I am holding on to a grudge
like van with a ham sandwich.

- That bad, huh?
- Yeah.

But after what happened today, I've decided
to let go of some of my anger toward you.

Are you gonna hit me?

That'd probably do it.

But I need to take a
more long-term approach.

Well, that's very healthy.
Listen, if you need a therapist,

I know a guy that just
got his license back.

I'm good.

But as a first step, I've
got a confession to make.

You remember when
you moved out, I told you I

Couldn't remember where
your favorite putter was?

Uh-huh. [Chuckling]

Well, here.

- Well.
- [Chuckles]

You know, since we're bein'
honest, well, I realized today...

That I still have a little
anger toward you too. What?

Yeah. What do you
have to be angry about?

You're the one that started this
stupid thing! How could you be so selfish?

This might take a while.

acme! [Coughing]