01x01 - Party

[bunniefuu]

gentlemen on this the night before we

depart for college we say goodbye to our

carefree high school years and each

other

look gimpy college isn't that big of a

deal

right I'm sure we'll still hang out this

we're going to different schools in the

same city Rocco will be too busy to see

each other

acid I'll see all the time we'll meet

guy gentlemen please raise your glasses

we four shall never meet again at least

until Christmas to us to the clique to

this week

now we shall watch my Malaysian bootleg

DVD of the Empire Strikes Back

I'm really gonna miss these guys

I'm Jenna whoo

it's gonna be a long four years

on my computer screen the duchess of our

lives are they give me a big game to get

the call

but anyway

man nits you got a lot of babes of your

school for me to do

okay how was your first week of college

tell me tell me well I'm this close to

getting into alpha alpha then I'm gonna

get laid like a champ

because frat guys get the jimmy wax two

four seven yes frat guys they're the

best

what whimsical r*cist sexist violent

drunken freaking frat boys man oh man

they are the b*mb indeed so you're happy

for me you'd be a frat boy I'm a nerd

nerds and frat boys are mortal enemies

like Jews and Arabs Jedi instead and of

course spaghetti and milk look Dimpy

nothing's gonna change yes your turn

first week go well nothing much happened

this week but this weekend I got big

plans I'm gonna go home watch me some

basic cable might even cruise by the old

high school see if they made any summer

renovations you need help some dumbass

floor meeting welcome to State

University I'm your RA Doug well you can

call me the dough glue just like what

Dad does super let's start off with a

game of magic wish ball when you catch

the ball tell us your name in one wish

you have four freshman year I'm Cal I

wish that I mean as many nice ladies

next week as I did this this you should

come to the frat party with me tonight I

want to prove to the brothers that I

actually have you know like friends

thanks Rocco but I can't too much to do

at home like what well I gotta watch my

mom do my laundry

you know you're in college right

hey that's really miss and my old buddy

Rocco hey Nick sir tell us about

yourself

I'm Nets that's not my real name it's a

nickname

I don't remember how I got it yep

tremendous knit sir don't forget about

the big Chilton Hall mixer tonight

there'll be free cheese and boggle I

love both those things

that's the spirit caster here are some

flyers why don't you invite some folks

wanna come along next cerci and once a

month we replace the hot water heater

with a keg of watermelon smackers Oh

Craig I want to spend the next four

years of my life drunk with the Brothers

of alfalfa I would do anything up to an

including k*lling a present why not just

come to the formal rush party tonight

instead hazing

you're gonna haze me right that's how it

works right no hazings been banned on

the central steak Junior Community

College campus since 1987 when a student

became permanently brain drunk no hazy

that sounds familiar

Raquel I'm on your little game I'm gonna

haze myself in the name of alfalfa I'll

be the best pledge you ever had even if

I have to k*ll the president Rocco you

really don't have to k*ll the president

Oh we'll just see about that

can I help you

yeah just browsing was the guy on this

side of the room raised at a TGI Fridays

that's cow I have no control over what

he does and from the looks of it you

were raised in a Siberian gulag had I

known that complete strangers were

hanging out here I would have decorated

I'm Jessie

hi I'm knits you and your roommate went

to high school together high school

junior high grade school my friends and

I are pretty tight that's cool

so I hear that dorm mixer tonight is

gonna suck and nobody's going you going

nope

I'm out of food and clean clothes so I'm

gonna go home for the weekend is your

mom highness hi is Kal here I'm Kimmy

his sophomore mentor from the drama

program he told me that I mixed for

tonight well Tim I'd love to go knits

your knits I remember you we went to

high school together didn't we

bluhh well I'll see you at this thing

tonight I guess you're gonna have to

tell me all about your first week at

college mine was I mean I did so much

stuff last year and it just doesn't stop

I'm exhausted just thinking about it

bye bye well she seems insane tons of

stories I've been here a week and I

haven't done anything what am I gonna

talk to her about tonight you're not

going to the mixer remember

I've got three and a half hours to enjoy

my first week of college great want to

hit the student union no how can i

acquire enough college experience in 40

hours so I don't sound like a total

loser - Kimmy don't panic

I sent you a list of everything a

typical freshman does in their first

week culled from 20 years worth of

surveys thanks let me print that up

it's about 1,600 pages

do a book store it's place to start

yeah Reading Is Fundamental I'll come

and hand out invites mom this is your

mission if you choose to accept it and

you have no choice follow this man and

see how he's being used by the powers of

frankness what if I get caught tortured

or hungry you'll be disguised as a

common ordinary everyday member of the

California Highway Patrol and so I can

keep an eye on you is there a camera in

the helmet no cameras in the sunglasses

this is just a big big helmet

oh here's a fire to a mixer you ladies

like season boggle yeah yeah oh gee

Brian target subject acquired I'm on the

move

kiss my a*s home alpha-alpha get must

thinking get rid of me of alpha-alpha no

way sunshine I'm gonna stay right here

and drink clam juice til everyone

understands how freakin amazing alfalfa

is does

Oh Great Gazoo what should I do

sho'nuff diggity man keep making a jelly

old a*s of yourself dem dem that little

green rats a clam juice inspired

hallucination is right

my first college meal

hey sorry guys no seats left

yeah no well college can't get any worse

Hey here is my best friend and your name

is MIT's observe gentlemen the power

that Darkseid has over those weak Minds

readers readers readers put them in your

mouth

readers readers readers get it it's like

my Johnson alpha I'm screwed Cal I have

nothing to say to Kimmy other than I

made an a*s of myself you could say hi

guy cuz she's right over there

good mark the trauma guy he's a senior I

can't see Kimmy now mom oh my god these

are all clips that I joined last year

and I haven't been back to any of them

do you think that I can get expelled for

that Kimmy you've got to chill for me

freshman year was about meeting and

being open to new people like my partner

Lance I met in my first week you mean

your roommate let's sure let's call him

a roommate I guess it really is about

meeting new people you're so bright mark

that's how you have college experiences

I have to meet new people but how join a

club meet new people joining a club is

the best way to meet new people

oh I can't think with all this yelling

Oh

dude can I have my frisbee back yeah

sure

nice toss did you want to join our

Ultimate Frisbee Club yes yes I do but

not right now I got a bunch of stuff to

do before the mixer tonight later

there's gonna be boggle and cheese

my name's RJ and I'm an alcoholic

I'm knits I'm not an alcoholic

but I will be if this thing with Kimmy

doesn't work out tonight tell us about

this cami thing well okay there's this

girl Kimmy and I've liked her since high

school

and she's gonna be at this door mixer

tonight so I have to meet a bunch of

people and have college experiences so

she doesn't think I spent my first week

of college sitting around doing nothing

all in all the good days oozy

smash the brothers I gotta do something

stupid

quick birthday hey guys I'm gonna go

ahead and get arrested for Elba you do

that arrest me for Alfa arrest me for

Alfa I've seen enough gentlemen it's

time for Phase two of the plan a

full-out invasion of tonight's frat

party this is a detailed layout of frat

house

many Bothans died for this information

so let's put it to good use

you will infiltrate through here and

descend upon Rocco like a plank half of

you will give him a big hug compromising

its masculinity while the other half of

you will distribute these doctored

photos which show Rocco and decidedly

unfriendly situations and here's the

kicker a picture of Rocco wearing a

white baseball cap that has not been

properly broken in there's no way

they'll take him after this hey my

battleship yep this is lame want to go

to a rush party at the junior college

nope

I'm gonna stand right here at this quiet

lanes sparsely attended party and when

Kimmy gets here I'll tell her all my

cool a story's good planning you do that

you better check this out

we're here to see myths Angie's quiet

room sparsely attended party huh

smooth zone tomato juice Oh tight mixer

dude give me here yet no not yet

cool where's the cheese man there it is

the wretched hive of scum and villainy

stop gaping and start stealing man we

haven't a second to spare

what's the matter frog I Kimmy trouble

you can talk to me after all I am Chief

Justice burger you know I'll be ok when

she gets here I just want to talk to her

oh quit your belly ache ins there are

plenty of other fillet of fish in the

sea besides this Kimmy now get out there

and get your groove on and thanks wanna

see my all beef patty know who's gonna

help me this status report month

I think we're in some kind of t*rture

room cow

when's Kimi gonna get here hey guy I

love kissing ladies yes

no question now they right behind that

door man I just want you all to know

that this has been our best mixer ever

super kudos to our friend from room five

four three the knit sir and here's the

key to Burger lamb everyone it's Kimmy

what's that Kimmy oh you're sorry you're

late

oh that's okay we're having fun without

you tell let me talk hime it's it says

hi anyways oh yeah I saw that movie - no

how do you think she's like fat so no

but you don't have to come over we got

plenty of nice ladies already okay bye

God did you want to use my phone to

order pizza no Cal I wanted to talk to

Kimmy I've been wanting to talk to her

all night that's the only reason why I

came to this stupid party in the first

place I didn't want to meet new people

make new friends I can barely deal with

the friends I already have I didn't want

any of you people here

I don't think that young man is getting

enough meat in his diet

Oh Bubba rock over here Rock oh thank

God I made an a*s of myself tonight I

gotta get out of here you want to meet

up for coffee or arf arf Alfa I'm a good

doggie

arf arf Alfa I'm a good doggie hmm gimpy

it schnitz look I was wondering if I

could come over I've had a rough night

a rough night I lost 10 good men on the

field of Honor you know how that feels

it feels like someone made you swallow a

fishing hook tie the other end to a

tractor trailer and drag your guts from

here to Las Vegas so you're not up for

coffee

yeah sure come on oh they're alive

they're alive call you back listen to

them screaming it's all my fault

I k*lled them are too

Rocko your buddies made this party

pretty cool me and the brothers talked

about it you're in the frat oh oh oh oh

shut up brother raca right sorry are you

gonna tell the guys I'll be back I

should have gone home for the weekend

yeah you could've but then there'd be no

cool party besides now you've really got

a story to tell people the story of

hound the school loser

look knits this is a campus of 45,000

people between now and tomorrow hundreds

of people are gonna do things stupider

than what you did get over it Jessi

we've known each other for about five

hours why do you care what I do

I don't know you're a total pain in the

a*s but maybe I'm a little scared of

college too maybe people like us gotta

stick together here hey guy I was so sad

I sent on my ladies home are we still

buddies sure khao sok i-it's cool if my

ladies come back not tonight Cal okay

guys I got in the front I got in the

front how gimpy ukemi up the front

you're the best buddy Jim I'm still your

friend

and I'm in a frat I can do both oh

you're on my side and the dark side like

Lando Calrissian

yes Jim be like whatever the hell you

just said so what's cooking for tomorrow

night nothing it's Saturday night we got

to do something we're in college right

here it is and shipping done printing my

tomorrow night