03x18 - Fight or Flight

[bunniefuu]

Mom here?

Yeah. She's in the kitchen.
Who's got your nose?

That's a good way to
make your kid feel safe.

Tell her parts of her
body can get yanked off.

Hey there, neighbor!
How's school?

It was like work, but
without the money.

I got news for you. So is work.

So, what brings you around?

I was on my way home to dad's,
but then I remembered... Dad's there.

Dad and his third degree.

"Where were you? Who were
you with? What were you doing?"

Ooh, man. You'd think
he's your father.

Then barbra jean's
"reallys" start.

"Where were you really?
who were you really with?

How does the cd
player really work?"

Maybe she's just naturally
inquisitive. You know, like a chimp.

Look, they're just a
little on edge right now,

What with your
father tryin' to sell his

Practice and tryin' to
get this golf thing going.

Well, I wish they would stop. I
can't keep hanging out at the library.

I'm getting a bad reputation.

- You want me
to talk to them about it?
- Ah, they wouldn't listen.

They might. I'll bring
them some bananas.

[reba] ha, hey!

♪ my roots are
planted in the past ♪

♪ though my life
is changing fast ♪

♪ who I am is who I want to be ♪

♪ a single mom who
works too hard ♪

♪ who loves her
kids and never stops ♪

♪ with gentle hands ♪

♪ and the heart of a fighter ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪♪

Cheyenne, you will never believe
what happened to me today. What?

I got asked to appear on the
huddle, the team's cable tv show!

Oh, you mean that goofy
thing on, like, channel 2,000?

It's channel 200.

Oh. And it's not goofy.

It's very prestigious. And I'm the only
rookie that's been asked to appear on it.

Oh! Hey! Look at
you, mr. Big shot!

It's because you've been playing
so well. And because you're hot.

No.

Well, I mean, yeah, but
that's not the only reason.

The team is startin'
this big marketing

Campaign to have more
families come to games,

And I'm one of the few
players with a family.

We are so lucky we got
pregnant in high school. Oh, yeah!

I haven't even told you
the coolest part yet. What?

They asked me to have
you come on the show.

Cheyenne! We're both
gonna be on a tv show!

[barbra jean] I am gonna get
you so ready for that tv show.

I can't do this. We're just talking about
it and I feel like I'm about to throw up.

They say, if you're nervous,

You should picture the
people in their underwear.

I don't recommend it. No?

I always lose my train
of thought when I do that.

Barbra jean.

Yes. Sorry. Anyway.

Believe me, the best thing to do
when you're nervous is to talk slowly.

You should talk so slowly,

You think it... Sounds... Weird.

Okay. Why do I have to be there?

I'm not on the team.
I'm just your hot wife!

They're just supposed to show me up in the
stands looking nervous when you get hurt!

[Gasps]

I can't believe you don't want to do
this! You love having people look at you.

Yeah, van, look at me. Not
ask me questions. Okay?

I was on the drill team,
not the debate club.

Okay. It's okay.

Hey! How's rehearsal
going? Great. Great.

- Go ahead, barbra jean.
- Okay.

ask me a question. All right.

So, van, how do you balance
your career with your family life?

After all, you have a fairly
large extended family, don't you?

Well... Not yet.

I understand that your
father-in-law is remarried.

Talk about his new wife.

Can I take a crack at that one?

Okay. Okay. All right.

Cheyenne's turn. Oh, god.

Cheyenne, how has your life
changed since van turned pro?

[Gulping]

Barbra jean, you don't ask a
pretty blond hard questions.

You just admire them.

Speaking of pretty
blonds, where's brock?

Oh, upstairs. Brock!

Oh, wow, barbra jean.
You got a new wall fairy?

Well, I had to.

Everybody knows
fairies hang out in threes.

geez, barbra jean!

When you yell like that,
you sound just like...

Hey, reba.

- But you sure do scoot
when you're called for, huh?
- So, what's up?

Oh, nothin'.

I was just at work today, and eugene was
talking about you selling your practice.

He was saying that it must
be kind of a tense time for you.

Yeah, well, you can tell weasel
boy to mind his own business.

[Laughing] oh, I did.

But not before I made a bet with
him, that even if things are tense,

That you two aren't
givin' kyra a hard time.

- You aren't, right?
- [barbra jean] okay.

What is this really about?

My, you are
inquisitive, aren't you?

sh**t. I meant to
bring you a banana.

Okay. Wait a second. What happened?
Did kyra complain about somethin'?

No. Kyra wasn't complaining.

Well, then, why'd you come over here
like there's some big problem to solve?

Didn't say problem.
Good. 'Cause there's not.

The only problem is if we let
kyra play us against each other.

Every time kyra says boo, you can't rush
over here to make sure we're good parents.

Didn't rush.

You're the one who said it's important
we present a united front, reba.

I know! I know! Man, I wish
I'd have brought a banana.

If I ran church, I'd have food
there. Candy and hamburgers.

You'd probably
have a big church.

And soda. And I'd have
tv's all over the place.

And video games. And it would
only be five minutes long.

[Laughs] that's the same way
you said you'd run school.

That's the way
I'd run everything.

Hey, wait up. We're going too.

Cheyenne and elizabeth
are gettin' dressed.

You're going to church?

Wait a minute.
What'd you do wrong?

Nothing. Church is just
a good family thing to do.

Oh, this is for that
show thing he's going on.

Show? What show?

Oh, right. [Chuckling]
that tv thing.

Jake, go grab the camera. Mrs. H, I want
you to take some pictures of us praying.

What? What?

Oh. Going to church? Good. 'Cause
you got plenty to confess, sister.

If you don't change your
tone, that might be true.

Dang it, reba. We're not supposed
to let her play us against each other.

Family, can't all this ugliness wait
until after we've worshipped the lord?

Brock, what are you babbling
about? Kyra and our united front.

It undermines our authority...

- If you let her
do things like this.
- Things like what?

She can't come over here in the middle
of the night just because I yelled at her.

What? Kyra's not here.

Everybody just calm down. Are
you sure she's not at your house?

Oh, my gosh! Oh, my
gosh. Oh, my gosh!

Calm down, calm down, calm down.

Oh, my gosh. Oh, my
gosh! Oh, my gosh!

No, she's not at our house. Maybe
she got up early and went to a friend's.

Reba, I've been up since 5:00! She had
to have left in the middle of the night.

What about her boyfriend?
That scott kid! I will k*ll that kid.

What's his home number?

What if they ran away to vegas?

Who knows scott's
home phone number?

- 555-0165.
- That's it! Call him!



Kyra! Oh, my gosh.

Come here, honey!

Oh, you are in big trouble.

Oh, my sweet baby.

It's busy. I'm
gonna keep calling.

I'm sorry. Okay? I came in when everybody
was asleep and slept in my old room.

Without telling anyone? Do you
have any idea how scared we all were?

You little knucklebunny!

Thanks for makin' me sweat
right through my church clothes!

- Oh, come here anyway!
- Church clothes?

I jumped over a fire
hydrant in my jammies.

Okay, kyra. Funny joke.

Now, here's what you've
won. You are grounded.

you are big-time, super-sized,
new-and-improved grounded.

when you come home from
school, you go to your room.

- When you leave your room,
you go to school. That's it.
- That's not fair.

this wasn't fair.
Now you go home.

You see, reba?

This is what I was trying to
explain to you the other day.

She's just doing this to
make us look like bad parents.

But we are not bad parents. In
fact, we are really good parents.

And despite how this little stunt makes
it look, we are totally on top of things.

Yeah!

Where's henry?

[door slams]

Come on, jake. We've got
two more people to pray for.

Whoa! [Giggles]

We're on the set.
Isn't this exciting?

It doesn't match my
clothes, van. Let's go.

No, come on. There's nothing
to it. You're gonna do fine.

Just remember what
barbra jean said. Talk...

It doesn't matter how I talk
because I'm not gonna talk!

Slow...

Cheyenne!

Free doughnuts. We've arrived.

there's our rising star!

Van montgomery. Welcome
to the huddle. I'm nick marrone.

Whoa! Mad dog marrone.

It is an honor to meet you, sir.

Oh, this is my wife, cheyenne.

Cheyenne, it's nice to meet you.

Can I get you anything before
we get started? Scotch?

Think we've got enough snacks
for the van and cheyenne show?

Yup. Man, they are so lucky.

Don't you think it would
be cool to be on a tv show?

A tv show? Nah.

I think it'd be cool
to be a singer.

There you go.

You take all that in the living
room, and I'll bring the drinks.

Hey, mom. Hey! You here
to see the big show?

Wait a minute. Aren't you supposed
to go directly home after school?

- I'll just tell colonel klink
I took the scenic route.
- Ah-ah-ah.

Sorry, kyra, but I'm with
colonel klink on this one.

You scared the heck
out of us the other night.

if you'd have woke me up when you
got here, things would be different.

- But you handled this
all wrong.
- I know. I said I was sorry.

The thing that kills me is that
you did it knowing you'd get caught.

You did it deliberately.

- No, I didn't.
- Oh, come on, kyra. You're not stupid.

You knew, when they found out, that your
father and sergeant schultz would freak.

I planned on waking up early
and going back before they got up.

Yeah, right.

Like I did the other times.

- What?
- Forget it. I'll just go home.

No, no, no, no, no. Sit down.

Are you saying you've come over
in the middle of the night before?

Yes. Okay? I have.

Sometimes I just can't take the
fighting and I need to get out of there.

What are you saying?

That they fight with you so much
that you feel like you have to run away?

Honey, is that what's happening?

No.

They fight with each other.

Oh.

I... I just can't
stand listening to it.

It was 2:00 in the morning, and
they were still yelling in their room.

I just had to get out of there.

Then it's our ball to run with.

How you feeling, cheyenne?
You a little nervous?

Um...

That's, uh... That's
me on the monitor.

Oh, my god.

Uh, i... I look, um...

I look great.

[Laughing]

Van. Van, check it out.

Look how goofy your head looks.

It's huge!

I look great.

Van? Van, honey?
Honey? ♪♪ [theme]

- You okay, buddy boy?
- ♪♪ [ends]

Welcome to the huddle. I'm your
host, nick "mad dog" marrone.

My very special guest today...

Is rookie stand-out linebacker
and tight end, van montgomery.

welcome, number 88.

Hello. [Echoing]

we're, uh... We're also very excited to
have van's lovely wife here with us today.

cheyenne. oh, hello, nick.
It's great to be here with you.

And with all you
wonderful houston fans.

Go, thunderbears!

[Snarling]

- All right, cheyenne.
- Yeah!

You're the first player's
wife we've had on this show.

Well, I guess that makes
me a rookie too, nick.

[Loud laugh]

So, van, I know a lot of our viewers
with families are just wondering...

How you manage to
balance the responsibilities...

Of professional
athlete and father.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

I got her pregnant. Uh,
I play football. That's it.

Oh.

Uh, well, nick, van is actually
incredible at both jobs.

he gives it all he has on the
playing field and all he has at home.

You know, even after
a tough practice,

He still comes home and reads
elizabeth her bedtime stories.

- Is that true, van?
- Oh, well... [Chuckling]

[Stammering]

Why don't we take a
phone call? [cheyenne] okay.

You're on the air with rookie
sensation number 88, van montgomery.

[woman on speaker] it's so nice to
see a player who's a nice family man.

cheyenne, I love your hair.

where do you get it cut?

That is so sweet.

Actually, I get it cut at
salon verona on fair oaks.

Well, now that you've given them a
plug, I'm sure they're cut it for free.

Oh, really?

Well, in that case, I buy all of my
clothes at donna's outlet on oak.

I got her pregnant.

Back to the phones.

You're in the huddle with
van and cheyenne montgomery.

[man on speaker] yeah, hey!
I think van is a lucky guy.

i mean, he has a beautiful
wife who's so supportive of him.

Well, makeup! I'm blushing!

That's so nice!

Well, you shouldn't be. That
guy was right on the mark.

Oh, nick. Thank you.

Let's take another call. Okay.

You're on the air with,
uh, cheyenne montgomery.

[barbra jean on speaker] I understand
that van's father-in-law is remarried?

talk about his new wife.

Let's save that
one for oprah, lady.

So, van, you sure seem
like a guy who just has it all.

I mean, you have a beautiful
wife, wonderful child.

Tell us all what it's like to be a
guy who's on top of the world.

[Gasping]

Hey. Oh, did you see it?

If you didn't, I taped
it. Yeah, I saw it.

Good job on coaching them.

Unbelievable. Kyra's


You know what that means?
No tv for the rest of the week.

Well, that's great. Then she can
just sit in the kitchen and stare at me.

- Actually,
she's over at my house.
- What?

She's not supposed to go anywhere
after school. She's grounded.

I know that, brock. Maybe
we oughta talk about that.

About you undermining
our authority?

Neato. Let's do talk about that.

Look, what kyra did the other
night was wrong. We all get that.

Kyra gets that.

But maybe it wouldn't be a bad thing if
she had some place to go to to chill out.

Oh, boy. How mad
would you have been...

If I'd suggested something like
that when she was living with you?

Touché. But the point
is, she's over at my house.

No, reba. No, I don't
think it's a good idea.

- Now, would you please
go ask kyra to come home?
- Pronto.

You're not the only
one who speaks french.

I don't think I'm
willing to do that.

At least not until
we talk about this.

We have talked about it! Wha... What
is going on? What is she telling you?

- I really can't say.
- Why not?

Because she...

Just because.

Well, gee! I thought
you wanted to talk, reba.

Touché back at ya!

She says that you
guys yell at each other.

[Laughing]

Us? Oh... Oh, yeah.
Yeah. That's believable.

Look, barbra jean, I'm not trying
to get in your business here.

Well, it's not true. The biggest argument
we have is who loves the other one more.

I win.

Barbra jean. No, we don't yell.

It's okay. We don't yell!

I think it's hard
for her to listen to.

Maybe because, you know, how it
was in the end between brock and me.

Well, it's not like
that with us, reba.

It's always funny when we yell.

[Chuckles] yeah.

We've sure been laughing
a lot around here lately.

- I just want my daughter
to feel safe.
- And she does feel safe.

Why are we even
talking about this?

Barbra jean, if she's
feelin' like she felt

The other night and
can't come to my house,

She's gonna go somewhere.

And I don't think I'm
gonna let that happen.

So, what are we
saying here, reba?

[Sighs] I'm gonna tell her...

That she's allowed to come to my house
when she needs to as long as she tells you.

Fine. 'Cause she won't need to.

I mean, she's just makin' a
mountain out of a molehill.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have
to go check on the pot roast.

It's kyra's favorite, although I
bet she tells you she hates it.

You always think the kids
don't hear it, you know? Yeah.

Well, tell her
it's fine with me.

Okay.

By the way, she really
does hate pot roast.

Yeah, me too.

acme! [Coughing]