03x20 - The Good Girl

[bunniefuu]

[Exclaims]

I love you, rhonda.

[cheyenne] van!

[door opens]

- Ah, good morning, van.
- [Whispering] hey, mrs. H,

If cheyenne asks, I was not
out driving my new sports car.

She hates her.

[cheyenne] van? [stammering]

hey, mom, have you seen...

Van. Where have you been?

Here. The whole time. Reading.

w... yeah.

The caterpillar
turns into a butterfly?

I did not see that coming.

Hey, van, is that the book where the
caterpillar drives his fancy mustang?

I knew it! Mrs. H!

Van, you have to choose.

It's me or rhonda.

- Rhonda?
- Oh. Van named his car
"rhonda."

You ever met a rhonda that
wasn't after your man, mom?

Nope.

And the worst part is, he
won't even let me drive it.

her. drive her.

And now we have to
go pick up elizabeth,

And since rhonda doesn't have backseat
belts, we have to borrow your car, again.

Oh, no. Not again. You
guys never fill it up.

And the other day, there
was a taco underneath my seat.

That doesn't make it yours.

We are parents now. We
should have a car like mom's...

That's practical and boring
and responsible and beige.

- Uh-uh-uh. Harvest gold.
- Harvest beige.

It's true, mrs. H. Your
car is a dull, beige...

Yawn-mobile, but
we need to borrow it.

Okay, fine. Take my
beige, boring car.

It might not be hot and sexy, but you can
put three bags of fertilizer in the trunk.

[Slurping]

That's real pretty, jake.
By the way, chicks love that.

Hey, mom? Hey.

I need a ride to
basketball practice.

Jake! Van and cheyenne just took my
car. You gotta tell me these things.

Okay.

Mom, I need a ride to
basketball practice.

Well, just take van's
car. It's right outside.

Ha, ha. I don't think van
wants anybody drivin' his car.

- Did he specifically
tell you not to?
- No.

Then it's not a rule. Just like
you never specifically told him...

He can't eat peanut butter
straight from the jar.

He uses a spoon, right?

He kinda makes
one with his fingers.

No! Gross. Come on, jake.

soon as I drop you off,

Rhonda and I are gonna
go buy some peanut butter.

Who's rhonda?

Guy with a family buys
a silly car like this?

I think it's cool.
It's not cool.

It's... [Engine roars]

[Engine revs] not bad.

[Chuckling]

[Giggling]

[Engine revving]

Hey, there, cowboy.

I'm gonna name you "ron."

[reba] ha, hey!

♪ my roots are
planted in the past ♪

♪ though my life
is changing fast ♪

♪ who I am is who I want to be ♪

♪ a single mom who
works too hard ♪

♪ who loves her
kids and never stops ♪

♪ with gentle hands ♪

♪ and the heart of a fighter ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪♪

Hey, mom. Hey.

So, jake said you were
driving really fast.

He thinks you're "cool."

[Chuckles] well...

I may have had to
teach a punk in a camaro

A little lesson when
the light turned green.

Hey, mom. Guess what?

We need to borrow your
car again. Guess why?

Here are a few clues.
Van, rhonda... Dumb move.

- No problem. Here you go.
- All right.

We're family. And families
share. I share my car with you,

And who knows, maybe van one
day will share his car with me.

[Laughs] apples and oranges.

So, when are we
goin' for a ride?

h*, h*. Oh, no.

Sneaking van's car is my thing.

Well, all right, but it would be a
shame if van found out somehow.

- You wouldn't.
- Why not? I'm from a broken home.

Fine. But you gotta wear that.

A scarf? Mom, come on.

Oh, yeah. [Laughs]

Rhonda has a dress code.

[Chattering]

Well, wow. Look
who's back. How'd it go?

I hate basketball. I
had to guard a girl.

Yeah. Little zoe levin lit
him up like a christmas tree.

So, uh, what's with the getups?

Well, it's uh...
Mother-daughter day.

- Yeah.
- Where, in the '50s?

No, uh...

A-at the scarf museum.

It-it's great if... If
you're into scarves.

- I wanna go.
- No! You don't.

Yeah, well, we better hurry. First
hundred people get a new scarf.

[Muttering]

But, dad... As long
as you are my son,

You are not going
to the scarf museum.

Jake's right. I am cool.

Did you see that guy's
face? He didn't wanna race me.

It was a school bus, mom.

I had a kid with me too. It
didn't make me a chicken.

Oh, wait a second. It was
closer to the garage.

- Be careful, mom.
- Stop telling me to be careful.

Ooh!

Please tell me I hit you.

How bad is it? Oh, I don't
think it even made a...

Oh, good lord!
There it is. Oh, no!

What are we gonna do? We?

We weren't driving.
You were driving.

Oh, no. You were my accomplice.

When we were on the road, but
when we're standing on the driveway,

I'm just an eyewitness...
"She did it, officer."

But you distracted me. If
you hadn't taken the trash out,

Those trash cans
wouldn't have been there.

You told me to. And you
did it? What's up with that?

Fine. Blame the
teenage daughter.

No. [Sighs]

I'm the adult. I was drivin'.
I'll take responsibility.

Maybe you don't
even have to tell van.

Yes, I have to. It's
the right thing to do.

Is it really? Uh,
think about it, mom.

Van loves that this car
was in perfect condition.

And now that there's a scratch
on it, that love will be tainted.

Tainted love. They've
written songs about it.

Kyra, I've been stalling
van for an hour.

He wanted to go out to drive, but I
told him he had to clean the attic.

Have you found a
body shop yet? Yeah.

"Hank bender, the auto mender. Guaranteed
to fix your fender. In under an hour."

Which didn't rhyme,
but it's good time.

He can have it done by 5:00.

Let's go.

Where's the keys?
Where's the car?

Well, wherever they
are, I bet they're together.

If the car's not out there,
he must be out driving.

I'm not out driving. Van. Oh.

I thought you were up
cleaning the attic. Yeah, mrs. H.

What's the rush with
the attic all of a sudden?

Well, van,

I-i-if the stuff that I stored
away and forgot about i-is dirty,

Then why would I
bother keeping it?

[Mouthing word]

So, where's your car?

- Oh, I let barbra jean
borrow it.
- Barbra jean?

I thought you had a rule
nobody could drive your car?

Oh, there's no rule. You just
need to sign the rhonda pledge.

It's a simple six-page document.

And do you know
why she signed it?

Because she gets it. Gets what?

About a week ago, rhonda
and I spotted each other...

Across a crowded used car lot...

And made a very
special connection.

And yet everybody has been really
critical, especially you and cheyenne.

- Sorry. We didn't know
rhonda could hear.
- Oh, we hear.

The comments,
the looks of scorn.

We hear them, and they hurt.

You hear the looks of scorn?

I heard that one.

Van! Reba.

Van. Oh, thanks a million
for lettin' me borrow rhonda.

No thanks necessary, barbra
jean. See page four of the pledge.

Well, I'm gonna go
for a spin. Oh, wait!

Van, did you, um,
vacuum the attic?

Mrs. H, did I vacuum the attic?

Yeah. [Laughs] did I
vacuum the attic?

Oh, I put a huge
scratch on van's car.

- Where, back left?
- Yeah. How'd you know?

- Lucky guess.
- oh.

Oh, reba, why me? What
have I done to deserve this?

It's almost like god is punishing
you for stealing my mom's husband.

Kyra, I think we've
moved past that.

Well, of course we have.

I mean, me taking brock is...

Is what brought us all together.

You know, it's what turned us
into one big, happy family, right?

Yeah, until you wrecked
van's car. [Shudders]

Oh, gosh. Van is
gonna lose it...

When he finds out
I wrecked his car.

He really is. He gets that look where
his two eyebrows merge together,

And he looks like that muppet
that lives in the trash can.

Barbra jean, even though I
know this is totally your fault,

I'm willing to
help out. Oh. Okay.

Go ask van to
borrow his car again.

We'll take it down to
hank bender's auto shop,

And he can have it ready by


Well, it's hank
bender. He's a legend.

Oh. Go. And don't
mention this to anybody.

Not a word. Great. Great.

I scratched van's car!

You scratched van's car?

Yeah. Oh, why did I sign
that ever-lovin' pledge?

- Go ask van
for his car again.
- Okay, okay. All right.

Do I look guilty?

- Not at all.
- Good.

Good.

It was me. I
scratched van's car.

- Whoa.
- What? You?

Yeah, I was walking by her, and she
gave me one of those smug looks,

So I whacked her with my purse.

- On the back left?
- Yeah. How'd you know?

Lucky guess.

Look, mom. Van is
gonna freak out on me.

Okay, it doesn't matter
who scratched the car.

No matter who scratched the
car, barbra jean scratched the car.

Okay. Okay, got it.

Oh, I can't face him.

Oh, my jaw hurts.

Stop grinning. Okay, look, we'll
take it down to the body shop.

If van comes down from
the attic, distract him.

All right, but hurry. At some point,
we're gonna run out of shiny objects.

You know, now that I look at it,

I don't see how that old lady
could have put that scratch here.

Oh, yeah. They're cagey. Let's
get out of here before van...

- Hey.
- Aaah!

Van. [Laughs] [laughs]

- Yeah, it's me, van.
- Oh. What are you doing?

Well, it's 2:15. Every day at this
time, I wipe her down with a chamois.

Sweet.

- What are you guys doin'?
- Bird-watching.

Woodpecker. Nature's lumberjack.

Van, you need to
go inside right now.

- Why?
- Bird-watching.

Look, a squirrel.

Uh, cheyenne's got a
surprise for you inside. yeah.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Well, I love surprises. i know.

Be back, honey.

[Exhales] nature's lumberjack?

I know. That's the beaver.

I panicked.

Hey, there you are. So?

- So?
- Well?

- Well.
- Ah?

Ah.

I think the score is tied.

Should I keep my eyes closed?

Um, yeah. Okay.

[Whispers] what?

[Whispering, indistinct]

Hold on, honey.

We told him you were
gonna give him a surprise.

But I don't have a surprise.
Well, then make up something.

Ta-da!

Oh, my gosh!

Tissues?

This is... This is my big
surprise? [cheyenne] uh-huh.

Is there somethin' underneath
there? There's somethin' under...

- It's for your car.
- Yeah.

- [reba] that's it.
- yeah, for your car.

Uh, remember the other
day when we were driving,

And y... And you sneezed
and you didn't have a tissue?

Ta-da!

Yeah. It's a great gift. You
always see those people drivin',

Havin' nose trouble. Yeah.

What a better
world it would be...

If everybody had a
tissue when they needed it.

- [cheyenne] well, yeah.
- achoo!

Oh. Oh. Uh...

Yea! Yea.

Hey, van. Guess what I just
saw? Not now. Okay, buddy?

I'd be in a bad mood too if there
was a huge scratch on my car.

What?

There's a huge
scrape on you car.

Show me.

[door opens]

Hmm. Maybe he's okay with it.

[van screams] oh, dear god!

Get! All right.

- How could you?
- [Crying]

- You're the one
who scratched his car?
- Yeah, I was.

Okay. All right. I
have somethin' to say.

Kyra and i... Went
to the scarf museum,

Which is not as
exciting as it sounds.

Yeah, well, I was just about to
say, that's the original paint job,

I know. Which means...
That it's... Old paint,

Which can't be very
expensive, so how's 10 bucks?

Ten bucks? Ten bucks stinks!

Van, calm down.
It's no big deal.

No big deal? Mrs.
H, no big deal?

What if somebody borrowed
your... What is somethin' you love?

Peanut butter.
Well, there you go.

What if somebody borrowed
your peanut butter...

You threw me off by
saying peanut butter.

And I know you
know I use my fingers.

Ugh!

Van? Van, we will pay...

Whatever it takes
to get your car fixed.

[brock] up to 10 bucks.

Barbra jean, who's gonna
repair the scratch in my soul?

Because you put
that scratch there.

And the worst part is you
signed the rhonda pledge!

I wanna hear it. Say it with me.

I hereby... I hereby...

Promise to, um,
uphold sanctity...

Say it! I didn't read it!

I just skimmed it!

Well, you should never sign
anything without reading it.

Van, stop torturing the woman.

The truth is... It was me!

I scratched rhonda,
with my purse.

And I'm glad I did it.

- You did it?
- Mm-hmm.

My own flesh and
blood by marriage?

Yeah, and... And you were just
gonna let me take the blame?

Oh, rhonda was right about you.

Look, I was jealous, okay?

Van talks about this car
like it is another woman.

Okay, it-it's driving me
nuts. It's just a stupid car!

Oh. Whoa, whoa,
whoa. Easy. Honey.

That's the man's car
you're talking about.

I shall never trust you
or forgive you again.

Shall? mm-hmm.

Shall? Since when do you
say "shall," you big jerk?

All right. All right. Everybody just
calm down. This has gone far enough.

I'm a jerk? I got a scratch
in my car, and I'm a jerk?

Well, I think anybody who puts a scratch
there with her purse, shall be a jerk.

Stop saying "shall"! Shall.
Shall. Shall. Shall. Shall.

Who are you, cheyenne?
What else don't I know?

Well, you obviously don't know that
I won't take a backseat to your car.

That's very confusing.

You know what I
meant! No, I don't!

- Oh, come on, van. Lay off.
- Your wife skimmed my pledge.

Hey. Six pages,
single-spaced? Oh, come on!

Rhonda is tearing us apart!

[Clamoring]

[Whistles] I did it.

I did it. I scratched your car.

Not you. Not you. Not you. Me.

I don't believe you.

I did too!

I've been sneaking out your
car. I've been lying to everybody.

I'm the bad one.

Kyra was there. Ask her.

Kyra, is it true?

It's true. And there
is no scarf museum.

What?

And even if there was, no.

You know, when I stepped
on the gas peddle...

And that engine
roared, it spoke to me.

It said, "drive me,
you sexy redhead."

It was you!

No way. She's too responsible.

That's why I did it!

You all see me as this
responsible, sensible person...

That would never do anything
dangerous, wild or fun.

Well, guess what? I'm not beige.

There's a side of me
that has a need for speed.

- Reba?
- Oh, yeah.

A side of me that
needs to burn rubber.

You burned rhonda's
rubber? Oh, yeah.

yeah. You put that
baby into gear,

Crank up the stereo,
forget all your troubles...

And show that punk in
a camaro a thing or two.

- Mom?
- Wow.
- Reba?

I shall never look at
you the same way again.

Van. Van. I'm sorry
I dinged your car.

But I get it now. Rhonda and me,

Well, we're just two bad
girls lookin' for trouble.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to
go bake brownies for jake's field trip.

Since when does mom wear
a scarf when she bakes?

Never.

Where are my
keys? [engine starts]

Mrs. H, you have
to sign the pledge!

Thelma, you're
gonna need a louise!

acme! [Coughing]