04x14 - Reba the Realtor

[bunniefuu]

Mom, you're home early.

Jake, are you eatin' cookies?

Somebody was.

I'm putting these back.

Hey, mrs. H. What's for dinner?

I got fired from my job today.

What happened?

Did your boss
sexually harass you?

did he call ya toots or
honey or touch you like this?

Because if he did,

We are talkin' big coin.

No. I called him
a monkey's butt.

Ah, that's okay.

Oh, for future reference,

The one moment of
joy that you feel...

When you tell off your boss...

Isn't worth it.

Come on, mom. Look
at the bright side.

- What bright side?
- You're home early.

Little help?

Come on. Buck up, camper.

If anybody knows that there's a
brighter side to losin' their job, it's me.

And hey. I didn't lose
some crummy office job.

I lost my life's passion.

And?

Well, when my football career
went up in smoke, you told me...

That just leaves me open
for something better.

Granted, that hasn't happened
yet, but I'm still hopeful.

Yes, mom, and you should be, too,
because you are talented and fantastic.

- Aw.
- Yes. And I want you to
march right upstairs,

get in a hot bath and relax...

Because you got nowhere
to go except up, lady!

You're right. [cheyenne] yeah.

When one door closes, another
door opens. Thanks, guys. [van] amen.

Love you.

Aw, honey. I really think
you lifted her spirits.

Yeah. Well, better
get used to it.

We're gonna be carrying that
dead weight for the rest of our lives.

[reba] ha, hey!

♪ my roots are
planted in the past ♪

♪ though my life
is changing fast ♪

♪ who I am is who I want to be ♪

♪ a single mom who
works too hard ♪

♪ who loves her
kids and never stops ♪

♪ with gentle hands ♪

♪ and the heart of a fighter ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪♪

- Hey, mom.
- Hey.

So, I heard you got
fired from your job.

Need a hug?

I don't know. What's it pay?

You know, I was thinking,

Since money's gonna be kind of tight
around here, maybe I could help out.

See, there's this open mike
night at a club downtown,

And, if my band wins,
we get a hundred bucks.

Wait a minute.

Are you askin' me if
you can go to a club?

I'm asking if I can
show my family I care.

By playin' music in a club? No.

- Why not?
- Because clubs are
seedy and dangerous.

At least the fun ones are.

But music is important to me. I
finally found something I care about.

I'm very happy about
that, sweetie. I really am.

But you can't go by
yourself, and I can't go with ya.

Fine. I'll be at my house,
selling my guitar on ebay.

- Hey.
- Van, I need you
to do me a favor.

- You got it. Anything at all.
- I need you to go with
kyra tomorrow...

'Cause she's gonna play
in a contest with her band.

Aw, come on!

No way.

He goes with ya, keeps an eye
on ya and brings you back home.

- Those are my conditions.
- Fine.

But when I'm a huge rock star, one of
those security guys is gonna babysit you.

Mrs. H, don't make me do it.

They're not even a real
band. They're posers.

They're like... They're like
the flag football of music.

Hey, you offered to help.

Because I thought you were gonna
ask me to do the dishes or something.

I need you to do the
dishes too. Aw, come on!

Oh, you poor thing.

It broke our hearts when
we heard you got the boot.

Not that we were surprised.

You've always been
full of the sass.

Hey, I had a great
attitude at that job.

Just kept it on the hush-hush.

Well, I baked you this to get
you through the hard times.

Granny calls it "pity pie."

Because we give it
to people we pity.

And it's pie.

So, have you decided
what you're gonna do now?

Oh, I know exactly
what I'm gonna do.

Remember back when I got my realtor's
license, but then I got pregnant with jake?

Reba!

Good lord. Do you really think this
is the right time to have another baby?

I'm gonna sell real estate.
Yeah. Yeah. I do remember that.

i also remember that you had a
hard time getting a real estate job...

Because you didn't have
any experience selling.

Right. But this time, I'm gonna avoid
that problem by selling something first.

Well, how in the world
are you gonna do that?

Where you gonna find
some poor sap who'll let

You sell his property
without any experience?

Well, do y'all still have that condo that
brock was livin' in during the separation?

- Oh, no.
- Oh, yes!

Say hello to your new realtor.

Me. Say hello to me.

Oh, my gosh. This
is a brilliant idea.

You can be reba the realtor.

Or, in español...

[Trilling r's] reba, la realtor.

What do you think, brock? I mean,
you don't need that place anymore.

And barbra jean's been buggin'
you about getting rid of it.

- Come on. Give me
a shot at sellin' it.
- I love this idea.

Reba can hold the open house, and...
And we'll get a discount on the commission.

- Everybody wins.
- Well, wait a minute. I didn't say...

Reba, cállate.

- [vehicle horn honks]
- oh, van and kyra are back.

You would not believe how much he
complained about taking her to that club.

Van, are you okay?

Oh. How was the band?

It... Was...

Awesome.

- It was?
- Kyra was amazing.

When she first stepped up to
the mike, she was a little quiet,

And I thought, "uh-oh. Choke."

But then she smiled
and lit up the stage.

Wait a minute. Kyra smiled?

- And lit up the stage?
- Yes.

And then she was all, "hello,
houston!" And we were all, "hello!"

And then she was, like, "are you ready to
rock and roll?" And we were, like, "yeah!"

Then the band started playing,
and then kyra started singing,

And it was awesome.

We would have won, except there
was an all-girl band called the bikinis.

Guess what they were wearing.

Yeah, but that's
not the worst part.

They weren't an all-girl band.

Welcome. Here you go.

Look around. Cookies are right
over there. Make yourself at home.

Hey, reba. How's it goin'?
Great. Couldn't be better.

Yeah. I think it could. Yeah.

Which is why I am here to help.

Guess what you
don't know about me.

That you're actually two crazy
people, one on top of the other?

Ha! Ha!

Good one. [Chuckles]

Growing up, my daddy
owned a used car lot.

And every day after school,
I would stand out front...

Wearin' a bear suit and
holdin' a giant red arrow.

I brought in twice as many customers
as those creepy blow-up dolls.

You know...

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Okay. Right.

I get it. I get it. Okay. Okay.

Barbra jean, look.
I don't think... Shh!

I'm not barbra jean.

I'm an interested customer, goin'
room to room, talkin' the place up, okay?

[Whispers] watch and learn.

Oh, my gosh!

I can't believe they taped
the surreal life here.

It's almost like you can
still smell erik estrada.

oh, wow. [Chuckles]

No way! An upstairs?

- I'm sorry. Sorry.
- Hey, reba. How's it goin'?

Ah, well, you just missed
the big blonde balloon lady.

Oh. Well, keep up the
good... Ooh, cookies.

Hey. I got some great news. I was
gonna tell your wife, but she's nuts.

I got an offer.
Really? A good one?

I think it's a good one. It's not what
you were askin', but... I'm not interested.

You didn't let me finish. Well,
is it more than what I'm asking?

No, but you're not gonna
get... Then I'm not interested.

Brock. No, reba. Come on.

I hired you to sell the
place, not give it away. Look.

Anyone can get less money. A good
salesperson can actually get more.

See, this is why I
wanted a professional.

What you want is to
get off my last nerve.

You're askin' too much,
and that was a good offer.

So I'm hearing that you
are not a good salesperson.

So I'm hearing you're
a monkey's butt.

I'm sorry. What'd you say?

Well, maybe you'd have been able to hear
me if there were ears on a monkey's butt.

Okay. Why don't you call
me that just one more time?

Don't you tell me what
to do, monkey's butt.

All right. That's it.
You're fired! Oh, fine!

You know the three rules of real
estate? Don't work for a monkey's butt.

Don't work for a monkey's butt.
Don't work for a monkey's butt!

[Grunts]

Hey, mom. How's the open house
going, and shouldn't you be there?

Nope. Your dad fired me.

What? What happened?

I had him a great offer. But your
father was too stupid to accept it.

And after I told him so
repeatedly, he fired me.

You just can't work
with some people.

- So you argued with him?
- Well, honey,

Sometimes you have
to argue with 'em.

Otherwise, they'll go
on thinkin' they're right.

I can't believe the
luck I've had this week.

Well, did you ever think that
maybe it wasn't luck? Maybe it's you.

Lucky for you
elizabeth is here. [Chuckles]

So grandma can't use
her "big people" words.

Do you remember what
you told me when I told

You the teachers at
school were pickin' on me?

- "Good for them"?
- No.

You said, before I go
blaming other people,

I should take a
look in the mirror.

Cheyenne, have you been waiting
three years for this moment?

Yes. Doesn't feel
too good, does it?

Okay. It's nap
time for elizabeth.

Hi, reba.

Oh, barbra jean. You're not
bringing me another pity pie, are ya?

No. It's a quiche.

In "quiche" you're feeling down.

Barbra jean, I don't need
a quiche. I don't need a pie.

I just need to be alone.

I understand. Thank you.

Oh, reba.

you just need to know that your
being fired was not your fault.

Maybe it was. Maybe
cheyenne's right.

[Sighs] it didn't matter
that that was a good offer.

- I should've kept
my mouth shut.
- But it was a good offer.

Exactly. But I couldn't
get him to see it.

And that's my job
as a realtor... To

Present it in the way
that he can accept it.

Maybe I wasn't cut
out for this. Reba,

He wouldn't have accepted
that offer, no matter what it was.

he's never gonna
sell it. Don't you get it?

that's his bachelor pad.

Little cave he can scamper off to
whenever things get a little rocky at home.

Barbra jean, that
can't be it. Really?

Well, then why did it take him
so long to put it up for sale?

And... And... And why did he ask
for such an unrealistic sales price?

and... And why did he hire...

A completely unqualified
amateur to sell the place?

Why didn't I just stop at a bar?

And let's face it, reba.

He is still not committed
to our marriage.

- Barbra jean, I don't think
that's what it is.
- What else could it be?

Well, off the top of my head,
he's cheap, greedy and stupid.

Yeah, but he was all of those things
even when our marriage was good.

Yeah. You're right. He was all those
things when our marriage was good.

There's somethin' else, and
I'm gonna find out what it is.

- How would you know
how to do that?
- It's my job to know.

I'm a realtor. In
"quiche" you didn't know.

[Laughs]

So kyra enters from stage right.

No. Kyra enters
from stage... Left.

No. Kyra descends from the sky.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What's goin' on?

you guys have only been
practicing for three hours.

Actually, we were thinking about
hitting a movie. What? No. Movies?

Guys, don't you realize there
are millions of kids out there,

Tryin' to take
your place on mtv?

I want you to go out there and
play until your fingers bleed!

- I'll be out in a minute.
- Goldberg. Goldberg.

I wanna hear those
drums sing, man.

Love you.

Sorry I had to come down
so hard on the boys, but, uh,

Rock means hard work.

Until we get on the
bus. Then it's party time.

Look, van. I think I'm
gonna quit the band.

- I just don't know
if this is what I want.
- What are you talkin' about?

Kyra, I've seen you up on stage.
You deserve to be up there.

You deserve to
descend from the sky.

Now, what's goin' on? Is it
the guys? Are they jealous?

'Cause they can be
replaced, you know.

Every long-haired slacker
failing math wants to be in a band.

It is the guys, but it's not
me they have a problem with.

It's you.

I'm sorry?

They think you're
cramping our style.

We started playing music because we love
it, but you're just turning it into a job.

They really want me gone?

Ah, I should have
seen this coming,

Especially when you
guys wrote that song,

"Get lost, van."

Well, anyway, I told
them if you go, I go.

Kyra, this is your dream.

And... And you need to hold on to
this with every fiber of your being.

Tell the guys I'm gone.

You sure? Yeah. Yeah.

I should... I should probably
start hangin' out with my wife.

[Sighs] van.

Thanks for believing in me.

Thanks for being
willing to quit the band.

Yeah, like I was really
gonna quit the band.

These are the comps that show I got a
better offer than any condo in this area.

- Yeah. Better.
- You should've listened to me.

- Should've listened.
- Barbra jean, I'm tellin' it.

She's tellin' it.

I don't care what
anyone else got. If I don't

Like the offer, I
don't have to take it.

- But I like the offer,
and I wanna take it.
- She wants to take it.

- Reba, I'm tellin' it.
- Honey.

Look. I don't think you understand
what's goin' on here. Oh. Oh, I think I do.

You don't want to sell your
bachelor pad, do ya, slick?

Why in the world would I
need a bachelor pad? I'm married.

Well, then why?

I... Don't know
if I can explain it.

Well, you better explain it.

Otherwise barbra jean and I aren't
gonna give you a moment's peace.

Why, brock? Why, brock?

Why, brock? Why, brock?

All right. All right. Wow.

We're broke.

What?

We owe more on the condo
than it's worth. All right?

when I started golfing
professionally, i...

I needed some extra income, so I took
out a second mortgage on the place.

i figured I'd start payin'
it back when I started

winning. And stop
looking at me like that.

It's very easy to
judge in hindsight!

Well, if this ain't a
shinola sandwich.

Honey, you should've told me.

It's only money.

We can survive this.

As long as we're not broke.

Barbra jean, we
are out of money.

Oh, for pete's sake!

She means it's a
metaphor of your love.

Yeah. Whatever.
We're still broke.

Oh! Anyway,

Until we can come up with enough
money to cover the cost of the loan,

We can't sell the condo, okay?

I'm sorry, reba. I never should've
put you through all that.

Ah, it's all right.
It's mostly my fault.

I should've shot you when
I caught you cheatin' on me.

Hey. Guess what, guys.

I've got great news. Great.

We do have the money.

What? Uh-huh.

When I thought we
were getting a divorce,

I started hiding
some of our assets.

You were stealing money from me?

No.

I was protecting money from you.

And you're welcome.

That's brilliant. Why didn't
I do that? [barbra jean] yeah.

[chuckles] well,

Exactly how much money
did you protect from me?

Well, exactly...

How much do we need?

Twenty... Five thousand?

Oh, my gosh! What a coincidence.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Does that
mean that you're gonna take the offer?

Well, we're gonna have to have a
little talk, but yes, i... I think it does.

Oh, yes! I did it! I
made my first sale!

Hey. You guys don't wanna sell your
other house, do ya, move far away?

Oh, reba, you are such
a kidder. No, I'm serious.

I can find somebody to buy it. If
I had the money, I'd buy it myself.

How much do you need?

Oh, my gosh!

Does this place
have an upstairs?

acme! [Coughing]