06x03 - Trading Spaces

[bunniefuu]

[instrumental music playing]

-Hey, Mom.

-Oh. Hey, Kyra.

You got in another college application.
This one's from Texas Women's University.

An all-girls school?

What's the point of college?

Ha, ha, ha.

Kyra, you gotta get on this.

College is just right around the corner.


No, Jake's around the corner

getting beat up by a girl.

Yeah, she really likes him.
College is a long time away.

-Ten months is not a long time.

-Is it really only ten months?


Yeah, you're gonna be gone

before you know it.


-Wow. I guess I will.

-Yeah.


And if you

don't take care of this on your own,


you'll be going

to Good Buddy Trucking Academy.

Jake, fetal position, fetal position.
Man, that chick really likes him.
Mrs. H, what are you doing?

What's it look like I'm doing?

I'm making a salad, you donkey.


Yeah, I see that.

In the middle of the day?

We have work to do.
Do I have to remind you that I gave up

a great opportunity with Norris Realty

to stick with you?


Apparently, because

you bring it up every ten seconds.


And yet you choose

to waste time feeding your family.

I don't… I don't get it.

Van, I know you wanna work harder,

so this is what I've come up with,


instead of us getting to the office

at : in the morning,

we get there at :.
What do you think about that?

Wow. With that go-get-'em attitude,

I'm surprised you don't run the world.

Van, just listen.

minutes adds up to six hours

and minutes a month.


Heck, you've wasted twice that much

just noodling in the garage this week.


-Noodling?

-Noodling.

[sighs] Mrs. H, I have a surprise for you.
It is cool, it is awesome,

and it is in the very garage

that you just mentioned.


Van, I don't wanna see

two spiders mating again.


[chuckles] Don't worry. She ate him

after they did it. Come on.

Ta-da!

Welcome to our new

state-of-the-art home office.


[chuckling] Wow, so this is

what you've been doing over here.


-Okay, where's the lawnmower?

-[laughs] Under your bed.

Do you see, Mrs. H? Do you see?

Now we don't have

to go to the office to work.


You can come down here

any time, day or night,

even in your bathrobe with no makeup on.

Just give me the heads up

if you're gonna be doing that.


Ring, ring. Hello. Reba Hart, here,

in my new home office.


Oh, that's a good question,

potential client.

Let me consult my newly installed files.
Oh, my. How convenient.

A database of every listing

in the Houston area.


Would you looky there?

My son-in-law is not a donkey.

Call you back. Huh!
And while I'm doing all this work stuff,

who's doing everything else

around the house?

You.

Ding, what's that?

Oh, yes, the laundry's done.

[exclaiming]

Now I take out the laundry

right when it's dry,

and fold it so it doesn't wrinkle,

and then I iron it,

just the way Van likes it.


I gotta hand it to you, it looks

like you've thought of everything.


That's right, because that's what you get

when your partner is a genius.

And if you need some fresh air… [inhaling]
[theme song playing]

[Reba]
Ha, hey!


♪ My roots are planted in the past ♪


♪ Though my life is changing fast ♪


♪ Who I am is who I want to be ♪


♪ A single mom who works too hard ♪


♪ Who loves her kids and never stops ♪


♪ With gentle hands ♪


♪ And the heart of a fighter ♪


♪ I'm a survivor ♪


Mrs. H, I made a list

of potential clients


that we need to call

by the end of the day.


I've also written up

some really cool icebreakers.

"Hi, I'm Reba Hart and I'm dying."
I'm dying?
…to sell your house!
It got your attention, didn't it?
I don't know.

Calling people in one day,

isn't that a little much?


No, because I was thinking,

why is Norris Realty so successful?


And then it hit me.

It's 'cause they sell more houses.


My, you really do

understand this business.


I understand that if I wanted to be

rich and successful,


I would have taken the offer

from Norris Realty.


Instead, I'm a loyal,

hardworking, good person

with nice hair and a k*ller smile.

That's not a k*ller smile.

That's a smile of a k*ller.

[crunches]
[scoffs]
Hey, poodle.

Ah. Oh, aren't those the best?

It's hard to believe they're fat free.

It's hard to believe they're food.

I told you eating healthy

would make you feel better.


Now, I know it's an adjustment,

but, honey, I'm just so proud of you.

Okay, Dad.

Double chili cheeseburger, a side

of onion rings, and a chocolate shake.


And they stamped your card,

so you got a free apple pie.

Yes!
Brock, honey…

Oh, don't worry, baby,

I'm gonna eat this on the treadmill.


The way that man eats,

it just makes me so mad I could spit!


Which I will not do

because a lady doesn't spit.


Although, my aunt used

to spit professionally.

She trained in France.

Barbra Jean, I have something

I wanna tell you,


and when I do, I don't want you

to cry or make a big deal about it.


Oh, my gosh. Is it my Aunt Saliva?

Is she dead?

Oh, God!
No. No.
I wanna move back in with my mom.
Oh.
I see.

-Please don't be upset.

-Oh, oh.

It's not about you. You know, I was…
You know I was, uh…

I was just thinking

about my aunt, you know.

I should… I should go see her.

I haven't seen her

since she won the Baton Rouge spit-off.

I know this isn't easy for you,

but I'm gonna be going to college

in less than a year,


and I just wanted

to spend that time with my mom.


-You understand, right?

-Oh, sure. Of course I do.


-So, you're not upset or angry?

-Oh, no. No, honey, no.


In fact, I'm actually

kind of proud of you.

I think you made the right decision.

-Thanks, Barbra Jean.

-Of course.

[sighing] Jeez.
Yes, Mr… Mr. Johnson. [chuckles nervously]
Yeah. Even with % capital gains,
you're looking at a profit of $,.
Can you help me with my homework?
I'm terrible at math.

-Mom.

-Stop whining.

Oh, no, no, not you, sir. No, no.

Can you hang on just a second,

I'm getting another call. Thank you.


-Reba Hart.

-I've made calls, how about you?


Seven. But in fairness,

number four was lonely

and wanted to talk about her cats.
Come on, Mrs. H, we need to concentrate.

The only thing

that we should be focusing on

is real estate, real estate, real estate.

-By the way, when's dinner?

-Okay, Van, I gotta go.

Okay, sir, now about your house. Yeah.
Mom, Elizabeth may or may not have

-flushed something down the toilet.

-What?


Let's just say, her pink dolly's missing

and the bathroom is flooded.

Well, stick your hand down the toilet.
Oh, no, no, not you, sir. Hello?
Mom, I need your help.

Honey, I'm cooking dinner.

Jake, go help your sister clean up.


-Ew! Gross.

-Oh, you are such a little girl.

Mrs. H, you hung up on me,

and I had to come all the way

from the office to talk to you.

Van, dinner will be ready when it's ready.

This is not about dinner.

This is about your poor work ethic.


Poor work ethic?

I've been busting my hump since : a.m.


Seven calls,

you're barely scratching your hump.


Van, look, I am trying my hardest,

but I have other responsibilities.

I am the head of this household.

Every little thing that goes on

around here has to come through me.


-I have to juggle work and the family!

-So do I.


-Why do you think I'm pushing us so hard?

-Why are you?

Because Cheyenne is having a baby.
I did not know that.
Oh, Van, we're gonna have another baby.

So this is why

you've been acting so insane?

Yes. A baby is coming.

I guarantee you

it's gonna show up with no money.


-[exclaims]

-Wait, wait, wait! Here's the thing.


-Cheyenne doesn't want you to know.

-We're talking about my grandchild here.

Cheyenne's wishes mean nothing to me.

Wait! Mrs. H, it just happened,

and she doesn't want you to worry.


With your high blood pressure

and short fuse, you're a ticking b*mb.

When we tell people, you'll be the first.

Okay. I understand.

I'll try to contain my excitement.


Thank you. And just don't gush and coo,

or she'll know something is up.


-Okay.

-Promise?


-Yes, Van. I promise.

-Okay.

Ahh!
What? I'm just going to the bathroom.

Well, if you're gonna go on break,

you're gonna need to sign out.

Okay.
[exclaims in pain]
There's no "I" in Reba.
[whirring]
Barbra Jean, is that you?
What are you doing?
I changed my mind. I'm not letting you go.
Why? I explained why I'm moving back.

[mockingly] "I wanna spend time

with my mommy."

Oh, please!

No teenager wants to spend time

with their parents.


You are doing this

because Brock and I are crazy.


As hard as it is to say this to somebody

who's chaining me into a room,

you are not crazy.
Oh, really?
Kyra, I have Beanie Babies.
I have them arranged by occupation.
Your father, he's got a tan

that makes him look like

a piece of Melba toast,


and he just bought a Harley

that he likes to call Crotch Pig!

Good Lord, Kyra, we're lunatics.

Look, I'm not saying

you guys can't be a little challenging,

but I have loved living here.
[whirring]

-You mean it?

-Yes.

And what you said about teenagers is true.

I might have even felt that way

about my mom when I moved in here.

But you've changed me.

-I've changed you?

-Hearing you talk…


Hearing you talk about Mom

and how much you love her,


it made me realize

how special she is. I owe you for that.

Oh.

I am responsible for the reunification

of you and your mother?


Go to her. Go to your mother.

She needs your love.


-I was kind of…

-[blabbers]

Don't question my wisdom. Just go.

Go and love her

with your newly healed heart.

I'm not crazy.
I'm a saint.

-Hi, Cheyenne.

-Hi, Mom.


-Ooh! Ice cream.

-Mmm.

I don't know what made me think of this,

but, uh, when I was pregnant with Jake,

I ate a ton of ice cream.

Yeah. Look what happened to him.
Can I hug you?

-What for?

-No reason.


Ooh, I love you. I love you.

Yes, I do. Yes, I do.

[cooing]

Mom, are you all right?

You're acting weird.


I'm doing great. I'm taking this

new medication for my high blood pressure,

and it's really working.
You smoking that medicine?
[chuckling]

You're so funny.

You're funny enough for two people.


No, what I was talking about is that

since I've been taking this new medicine,

my blood pressure is perfect,

so you can spring anything on me

you want to and it's no problem.


-Boo!

-[screams]


Jake, what do you mean

sneaking up on me like that?


-What are you thinking?

-But you said…

When do you ever listen?

Now get upstairs

before you give me a heart attack!

[chuckling]
Children.
Hey, speaking of children, you know,

I was watching Elizabeth the other day,

and she seemed so lonely.


We probably ought to get her a pet,

or a baby…

pet.
Just thought I'd share that with you.
Got anything you wanna share with me?

-Nope. I'm good.

-Okay. We'll talk later.

Sorry, what was that?

-Nothing.

-Okay.


-Mom?

-Yes, honey.


-Nothing.

-Okay.


-Mom?

-Yes, honey!


-Never mind.

-Oh, I'm getting dizzy!


-I'm pregnant!

-I know. Van told me!

I'm gonna k*ll him.
After we celebrate.
[exclaiming happily]
Honey, why the secret?

You told me you was pregnant

when you were in high school.

I thought this would be so much easier.

-Actually this time it's a little harder.

-What are you talking about?


Well, with the new baby,

Van and I, we're gonna move out.


-What?

-Yeah.


We're a growing family,

and there's no room here.

Oh, sure there is.

Heck, when I was born,

we were living with my grandparents,


and they kept me in a shoebox

on top of the radiator.


Mom, we're no longer two kids

in high school trying to raise a baby.


We're two adults

with a growing family. It's time.

Oh.
I see.
Oh.
Come on, Mom.

You had to know

that this was gonna happen someday.

Not really.

I always thought that you guys

would never get your lives together,

and you'd just be here with me forever.
Is that really what you wanted for us?
Well, a mother can dream, can't she?

Van's gonna find a house really close by,

and you can come over whenever you want.


You don't want me hanging around,

an old, meddling mother-in-law barging in.

Mom. We'll have a lock.

-I love you.

-I love you, too.


And I love you, too,

you little troublemaker.


What made you two

make this big decision right now?


Well, Van was out in the garage

looking at these two spiders…


-What's this?

-Don't touch that.


Those are all the listings

in the market today

and a bunch of frozen waffles.
I want the files to look really full.
And what's that?

These are the houses

that Cheyenne and I are looking at.

And why are you here?

Is this the only place

where you can hide from the sunlight?


I heard that

besides knocking up my sister,

you were actually good at something.

-I had to see it for myself.

-Well, now that you have,


why don't you go to the malt shop

and hang out with Potsie and Ralph.


-Hey, what's with the tape?

-No, don't touch it!


-Get away from it.

-Why not?


Because if you do,

I will follow you to college,

stand out front of your dorm

and tell everyone I see

that I'm your boyfriend.

And I will say it like this… [screaming]
"Kyra's my girlfriend! I love her!"

Van, we need to talk.

Have you signed back in?


Look, this thing with you

and Cheyenne moving out,

I wasn't happy about it at first,

but in the long run,

I think it will be great for everyone.


And I understand about you

wanting to work so hard for your family,


because family

is the most important thing.


-[Reba] Yeah.

-That's my old carrot top.


And to prove it, I'm gonna get

to work right now on this phone list.

All right.

-Mom, is that how you really feel?

-Yeah. Work, work, work.


Oh. 'Cause, um, I actually wanted

to move back in with you.


Don't mess with me, Kyra,

because right now, I'm very fragile.


-No, I mean it.

-Yes! I'm taking the day off.

But, Mrs. H, we have work to do.
Family comes first, Van.
Let's go fix your room up.
Sign out for me.
No, don't touch it!
I have got to move those shelves.

-So we're moving out.

-Yeah.


-Cheyenne, we are finally adults.

-I know.


This is the biggest thing to happen to us

since we became parents.


You know, all thanks to your mom.

She let us stay here when we needed help.

And now she's letting us leave.

-She is something else, isn't she?

-Mmm.


I hope when it comes time for us

to let Elizabeth go,

we can be as selfless as she is.
[whirring]
Mrs. H, what are you doing?
I changed my mind. Nobody's going nowhere.
Start packing. I'll get the bolt cutters.
[Van] She got the back door, too!

Tie some sheets together!

We're going out the window!

[closing theme music playing]