06x06 - Sweet Child O' Mine

[bunniefuu]

[instrumental music playing]

So, did you see

my weather forecast last night?


The one where you predicted

the earthquake in Galveston?

Yes.

I didn't predict it.

I said it would be funny.


So, now that I'm

a famous weather girl on cable,

would you like an autographed photo?

No, and I don't want

the action figure either.


There's my little mommy-to-be.

How you doin', honey?


I don't know. I have a really uneasy

feeling about this pregnancy.

Oh, honey. That's just normal.
Why don't we talk about it?
What are you doing?

You're about to "mother," Reba.

I love to watch you "mother."

[mumbles]

I wish your mothering moments

were available on DVD.

I'd have every season.
Honey?

I feel pretty good. And the doctor said

that everything's going great.

But I just, I have this feeling,

that something's just

hanging over my shoulder,

and it's making me feel really uneasy.
Do you ever have that feeling?
[grunting]

Honey, I think the feeling

that you're talking about is what I call

"goin' good blues."

-"Goin' good blues?"

-Yeah.


Goin' good blues

is a feeling that we all get

when things are goin' really good

but we're just waiting

for things to go bad.


-Oh, my God.

-Oh, heavens.

Cheyenne, just listen to me, okay?

The key is not to worry

about what could go wrong,


but just enjoy all the things

that are going right.

Does that help?

-Yeah. Yeah it does.

-Good.


-Thanks, Mom.

-[Reba] Good.

Okay, the woman is good.
The woman is right.
[B.J. chuckling]
The woman is wrong.

What? I thought you said Mom

was great at mothering?


Yeah. She is, okay.

But she's old school, okay.


I mean, that kind of advice would be

great on the prairie, Mrs. Ingalls,


but today, we've got

a whole new thing going.

Why do you think I'm having this feeling?
Cheyenne, you're having these feelings

because you have got a million things

to do before that baby comes.


[sighs] I mean, there's so much to plan.

I don't even know what to do first.


Well, the first thing is done.

You told me.

I'm gonna take it from here, peanut, okay?
Aww. Thanks, Barbra Jean. That's sweet.

Now that I'm a role model,

people stop me on the street all the time


and they ask me,

they say, "Stormy Clearweather,

what is your secret

for balancing your role as wife,

mother and career woman?"


And I say, "It's no secret.

It's organization."

And then I say, "Would you like a photo?"
[theme song playing]

[Reba]
Ha, hey!


♪ My roots are planted in the past ♪


♪ Though my life is changing fast ♪


♪ Who I am is who I want to be ♪


♪ A single mom who works too hard ♪


♪ Who loves her kids and never stops ♪


♪ With gentle hands ♪


♪ And the heart of a fighter ♪


♪ I'm a survivor ♪


Okey-dokey. Barbra Jean

has compiled a list of all the things


that you guys need to accomplish

before my blessed event.


Now, please skim through them

and let me know if you have any questions.


I think you're gonna find

that every item is necessary.

[Van] Um…

Why is it that I have so many more pages

than everyone else?

Because you did this to me.

-I have to learn Spanish?

-Yes, honey.


In case they have to take a cab

and the driver is Latino.


Probably the same reason

I have to learn Farsi.


Okay. Now, any and all other questions

should be directed towards Van,

who is in charge of all communications.

Which includes

"printed materials, newsletters,


and coming up with a baby name

that is cooler than Siri,


-but not as weird as Apple."

-Yes.


I, meanwhile, will be in charge

of fitness and nutrition.


So, Cheyenne, I'm gonna need

a list of foods already in the house,


-including fridge, pantry and freezer.

-Okay.


Well, I believe that falls

under communications.


Cheyenne, you do realize

I have a job, right?

Say that to my stomach, Van.

So our unborn child

can hear how much you just don't care.


Hey, when you come out,

I'll show you where I hide from Mommy.

Well, this has been really great.

But I'm late for any place

where they're not talking about Cheyenne.


-[Cheyenne] Well…

-I'm gonna go rehearse with my band.


Kyra, Kyra, I think this is a little more

important than your little band rehearsal.


-This is about the birth of my child.

-Listen to yourself.


It's always "my." "My child."

"My pregnancy."

"My fifth grade reading level."
I read good, Kyra.
You should feel well about yourself.
What did you do to make her so awful, Dad?

Don't blame me, baby.

I was golfing for most of her childhood.


[exclaims] Almost :. As fitness

and nutrition counselor,


-I think it's time for a light snack.

-Mmm.

Can we have some booze with our snack?
I think she was talking about Cheyenne.
So was I. So was I.

Well, I wanna thank you guys

for being so wonderful.


I'm gonna get each of you

a nice little gift.


And I believe

that falls under communications.

I'd like to fall under a truck.

-Hey. What's goin' on?

-Nothing. Nothing.


[whispering]

Meeting's over. Nobody say nothing!


Mrs. H, she's given me

pages of things to do!


-Who has?

-Her. Foggy Clear Bottom.


-What have you done?

-Nothing.


Nothing. I was just, I was so inspired

by watching you "mother" earlier,


that I thought I might just step in

and do a little touch up.


You know who shouldn't do touch ups?

The touched.


Okay, I'm gonna go talk to Cheyenne

and see if I can straighten out your mess.

You know what?

You were gonna get a photo,

but not anymore.


Well, I guess I better go get a book

to teach me Spanish.


Hey, wouldn't that fall

under communications?

Go before I throw you.
Mr. H, would you do me a favor?

Will you hold this pillow over my face

until I stop twitching?


Relax, pal. You're just

a little stressed out.


Look, the next time Cheyenne

does something that's a little bit crazy,


just let it bounce off

of you like, like BBs off a Buick.


-BBs off a Buick?

-Yeah.

What kind of stupid advice is that?
Hey, it works.
[imitating ball bouncing]

[sighs] Well, I guess

it doesn't hurt to try.


Is that what you did

when Barbra Jean was pregnant?


No, I played golf

through most of her pregnancy.

So, honey, stop worrying so much.

You can count on us to make sure

that everything will get done.


And it's more important right now

for you to relax,

and not let yourself get all worked up.

Okay. I guess I could bring it down

a couple of notches.


I think I was overreacting because I'm

just so excited to be pregnant again.


-[chuckles] We're all excited, too.

-Oh, not Kyra.


Well, to be fair, this is a joyful event

and that's really not Kyra's thing.

[laughing]

-You know what I just thought of?

-Zip it, Rain Sore Bottom!

I wasn't gonna say anything.

I was just thinking that

wouldn't it be hysterical

if Cheyenne had a baby exactly like Kyra.

What? Why would you say

something like that, Barbra Jean?

Because that's what she does.

She just talks, and talks, and talks

until somebody's head explodes!


Well, it just seems like

Elizabeth takes after her,

so what if the next one takes after Kyra?

-[gasps]

-Okay, you know what, I changed my mind.

I want the action figure and a hammer.

I could. I could have a baby

just like Kyra.


Wait, Mom, do you remember

what she was like growing up?

She was a horrible little B-word.

She was a B to me every single day.

She was a B to my friends.


-Honey.

-She was a B to everyone


and I could have another one

right in here.

Okay, stop it! Stop it!

I want you to understand

I'm not saying this to hurt you.

I'm saying this so you'll relax.

-Okay.

-And don't take it personally.


-Cheyenne?

-Yeah.

Kyra was not the monster.
You were.
You were the B.
So you're telling me this to cheer me up?
That I was the horrible one, not Kyra?
Yes.
I see.
Tag me in Reba. Tag me in.
I'm not tagging you, Barbra Jean!
Cheyenne, listen to me.
Kyra followed you everywhere,

but you didn't want

to share the attention with her.

I was an attention hog?

Oh! Come on, Mom!

That doesn't even sound like me!


Sweetheart, you had

a full length mirror on your bike.


You know what, when I was younger,

I was an attention hog.

When you were younger?
Oh, yeah. I completely outgrew it.

I mean, now I'm uncomfortable

being the center of attention.

Stop looking at me.

Okay, if I was

what you're saying that I was,

why don't I remember any of it?
Okay. I'm gonna show you something.
[scoffs]
It's a picture from Kyra's fifth birthday.

I usually keep this picture

tucked behind another photo.

This is the only picture we took that day.
The party took a bad turn.
What is this?

It's a birthday cake

with a toy fire engine smashed in it.

My family used to use candles.
Quit looking at me.
What happened?

Well, we gave you the truck

to give to Kyra,

but you didn't wanna give her anything.

So after she opened it,

you took it from her

and smashed it into the cake.
[B.J.] Oh.
That was the last day Kyra cried.
I know what I have to do.
I have to make things right with Kyra,

-so I can get my karma back in balance.

-Karma?


Yeah, that's Buddhist

for "I'm rubber, you're glue."

Hey, Van.

Van, are you sleeping

with your eyes open again?


You know, Mrs. H,

when you sh**t BBs at a Buick,

some are gonna bounce off.
[imitating ball bouncing]

But eventually one is gonna sneak through

and hit some glass,


and it's gonna break

into a million tiny pieces.


[shouting] Nobody knows

what I am going through!

[hushing]
Pull it together, boy, we got neighbors.

-[exhales]

-[cell phone beeps]

What's that?

[laughing] That's Cheyenne,

texting me again.

[sighs]

-She sent me out for ice.

-How long ago?


-Come on.

-[sighs]


Where have you been?

I texted you like times.

What is this?
[gasps]
The goldfish escaped.
[Reba chuckles]
What's goin' on here?

[in squeaky voice] We are decorating

the house for a birthday party.


-For who?

-Kyra.


I'm giving her back the birthday party

that I ruined for her when she was five.


I asked Van to get me

a big Number candle,

he brought me a and a .

-It adds up to five.

-It's not the same thing.

[imitating ball bouncing]

What made you decide

to give her another birthday party?


Me. Well, it was Cheyenne's idea,

but I was right behind her.

And look y'all, I made a cake.

But since I'm in charge

of fitness and nutrition,


I made a sugar-free bran cake

with cottage cheese frosting.


Oh, you know what'd go good with that?

A hot cup of dirt.

[laughs]

Cheyenne, I couldn't find

any wrapping paper.


Oh, Jakey, I asked you

to do one little thing,

and you can't seem to do it.

Well, at least I didn't bring you

a and a candle.

It adds up to five!
Surprise! [giggles]
Kyra, do you know what this is?

-You finally got your GED.

-[laughs]

You are such a crack up. [laughs]
Mom, what's going on here?

Well, honey, your sister

wanted to give you a birthday party


to make up for one that she kind of, um,

messed up when you were younger.

I did something that I regret,

and I cannot feel better

until I apologize.


-So this is about you feeling better?

-Yes.

And you too.
You're amazing, Cheyenne.

Even when you do something

for somebody else,

it's still mostly about you.

So you're not gonna forgive me

for one little thing that I did to you


when we were kids

that you don't even remember?


No, Cheyenne, because it wasn't

just one little thing.

You were crappy to me all the time.

And I do remember

that birthday party, very well.

I believe it ended something like this.
[gasps]
Kyra!

[in squeaky voice]

Well, I better go talk to her.


That's it, Mom. I'm done.

I tried, and now I am done.

Now, honey.
You know, what made me think

that Kyra would be anything

but completely selfish about this?


Now hold on a second.

That's not exactly fair.


You can't expect someone to forgive you

after years and years of hurtful behavior.

Why not?
I've always been the giving one.

It's about time

that she did something for me.


Your little sister

did a lot of things for you.

Oh, name one?

How about the time

she beat up Tyler Wallace?


-Oh, yeah.

-Who?


Tyler Wallace was this bully

that one day made the mistake

of pulling Cheyenne's pigtails.

[sighs] I used to keep mine greased

just in case, you know?

[swooshing]
Remember?

Cheyenne screamed, Tyler laughed,

and Kyra came out of nowhere

and dropped him hard.
[laughs]

She slapped that boy

so many times it sounded like applause.


Look, Cheyenne,

maybe Kyra will forgive you.

But you have to mean it.

Oh, good, Kyra. Your sister

has something she'd like to say to you.


Dad said I had to come in here.

He didn't say I had to stop.

Halt! Turn!
Listen! Speak, nicely!
Okay. I'm sorry that…

-You know what, I could have a boy.

-Cheyenne!


-I don't know what to say.

-Just speak from your heart.

Remember, the woman is good.
Quit looking at me.
Okay, Kyra,

[sighs] one thing

that I hate doing most in this world

is admitting that I was wrong.

And especially admitting

that I've been wrong for years,

but I have.
I've been very selfish.

I treated you badly,

and I blamed you for it,

and I'm really, really sorry.

And I hope that my daughter,

turns out exactly like you.

Sort of, ish.
Thanks. I appreciate it.

-You're welcome.

-We're not gonna hug, are we?

No. Yes!
Oh, Reba, that is so beautiful.
You know, you and I

may have very different styles

of mothering,


but you know, the bottom line is,

we are good mothers.

We are good.

-Where's Henry?

-Crap!

[closing theme music playing]