01x10 - Jobs, Jobs, Jobs

[bunniefuu]

I love college.
I wish I could

take my tuition
and shove it down
that girl's underwear

in $1.00 bills.

Whatever.

Don't start with that lizzie
depression crap, man.

I'm sick of hearing it.
It's annoying, ok?

Look, life sucks
if I can't have her.
Simple as that.

No, it's as simple
as that behind, ok?

'Cause as long
as that's around,

then life can really
never be that bad.

Bye.

Oh, let's walk her
to class. Come on.

I love this part.

Heh. Hey, sheila.
What's going on?

Oh, I'm just taking
some stuff for my room.

I'm moving out of the suite.

No way.

That's so sad.

I've never
even seen her before.

I have.

Well, I guess
that's everything.

Bye.
Bye.

Bye.

Let's go check out her room.

Ok.

You guys, we could, like,
totally deck this place out.

Yeah, yeah.
We could, like,
paint the walls red

and throw some pillows
on the floor.

We'll call it
the poochie palace.

Poochie party palace, huh?

We should throw a party here
this weekend.

That sounds like a lot of work,

and I have a double bio lab
on thursday.

Yeah, and I can't
miss scene rehearsal.

I'm the star of my class.

No, no. That's ok.
That's all right.

Because we can do it,
you know, together.

The marsh-man.
The rachenator.

Ha ha.
Ha ha.

We could make some magic
in here.

Yeah.

Hello?

Dial tone.

Well, that's weird.
Probably lizzie's.

Ah.

Hi, eric.

Who the hell is this?

Why are you
answering lizzie's phone?

She left it in our room.
It's ron. Hey.

Well, what the hell
was lizzie doing in your room?

Uh, we were
making sloppy love, eric.

It was heavenly.

What?
Give the phone to lizzie!

Did I hear my phone ring?

Yeah, it's eric.

Give lizzie the phone!

You shut up!
You shut up!

Give lizzie the phone!
You shut up!

Hey, baby.

Well, I guess you
weren't in the library studying,

were you, baby?

No. We're, um,
making a home office.

Oh, right.

Why are you always
checking up on me?

I hate that guy.

Whatever.
He's a nice guy, you know.

He's not a nice guy.
You are a nice guy

for calling that idiot
a nice guy.

Tell you what, man.

You want lizzie?

I can get that done for you.

I'm gonna put this together.

No, ron, please don't.

You're gonna humiliate me,
and I don't want that.

No, I'm gonna bring you joy.

So I'll tell you what,

you go wash your boxers
and whatever they hold.

'Cause when I'm done
working lizzie,

you're gonna need
those bad boys clean.

Hey, man, you ok?

Oh. Yeah.

I'll survive.

Mind if I sit down?

Uh...No. Go ahead.

Thanks. It's a woman,
isn't it?

Oh, uh...

Yeah, it is.

Ain't it always?
She look good?
I bet she look good.

She's beautiful.

If you want, I could
set you up with
somebody, man.

Yeah. Matter of fact,

I know somebody you might like.

Really?

I'm telling you.

He'll fulfill your every need.

He?

Hey, thank you,
but I'm sorry...

I'm not g*y.

That's ok, man.
Neither is he.

You see, his name is jesus.

Christ.

Yeah. I see
you know his name.

Say it again.
Wear it out.

So, existentialists
believe that the universe
is meaningless

and that human existence
has no purpose,

that everything
we believe to be true,

our religions, our laws,
our relationships

are only illusions we invent

to distract us
from our purposeless
and empty lives.

And let's face it...
if there's no meaning,
why even bother trying?

May as well give up!
There are no laws.

We can do whatever we want
whenever we want.

Of course it's depressing!

The universe is a miserable,
horrible place.

Show me meaningless!
Show me pointless!

You are nothing.
Life is meaningless.

We are all completely alone.

Ok, I'm sorry I've cut
into your lunch a bit.

I'll make it up to you
next time.

Hey, cheer up...
it's taco tuesday.

I know you're lonely.
But it's not about
a girl.

It's not a girl
that you're missing.

It's god that you're missing.

The word is strong right now.

You know who's a strong
believer of the word?
Charlie sheen. Mm-hmm.

Chris tucker.
They are very strong
believers in the word.

Do you understand
the words that are coming
out of my mouth?

That's
an impression I do.

But do you really...

Understand the words
that are coming
out of my mouth?

Yeah, I do. But...

Like I'm just not
really into religion,
you know?

And how are you feeling today?

Hey. Saturday night.

Totally throwing it down
at the poochie party palace.

Did you ever think
that maybe the entire way
you looked at the world

was wrong?

Oh, yeah, man.
I used to be a goth guy.

I met this chick,
she had, like, black
fingernails,

totally, like, pale.

So hot, right?
Turned out to be
albino.

Anyway, do you guys
wanna get a keg?

I don't know anything anymore.

That's ok. I'll figure it out.

How was that?

It was perfect.
Every note was flawless.

It was flat.
I can do better.

Susuki, you have played
the same song



and the song
is 47 minutes long.

Pinchas zukerman plays
until his fingers are bloody.

Then maybe you should
ask pinker zuckerman
to room with you,

'cause I have homework to do.

Yeah, well,
this is my homework.

This place is the best.

I know.

I could live in here.

It's so soothing.

It's like all the pressure
melts away when I'm in here.

Me, too.

It's like nobody
wants anything from me

and I don't need anything.

Exactly.
I don't want anything.

Our party's gonna be
so awesome.

Hello?

Hey, guys.

Hey.

Sheila told me
she was moving out.

Uh-huh. She did.

So you know what's going on
with the empty room?

Oh, I think they filled it.

Oh, that's a shame.

Yeah.
It's off the market.

This is not good.

She put in an application.

Yeah, I know.
This is gonna k*ll
our k*ller party.

Maybe we should just
give her the room.

No, no, no, no, no.
She has a room, ok?

She's not homeless,
she's selfish.

She just
wants a better room, ok?

I can make this application
disappear, ok?

I got connections
in the housing office, ok?

So, you know...

Deep breaths.

Ahh.

Mm-mm-mm.

Aw, that's so cute,
eric and the dog.

I mean, he just,
he seems like
the greatest guy.

He is.

So you're gonna marry him?

That's really cool.
I respect that, I think.

I don't know.
I didn't say that. Heh.

He must make some sweet money

owning that copy shop,
though, huh?

Well, actually,
he just manages it.

He doesn't make that much.

He lives with his ex-step dad.

Oh. That's cool.

Eric's great, but...

I sort of had this
weird thing with steven.

Steven steven?

Yeah. Heh.

What happened?

Did you guys, like,
make out or something
like that?

More than that.

More?

Ha ha.

Holy moly! More!

I mean, I don't want
to cross any lines here
with you, lizzie,

but I've personally
always been of the thought

that you and steve
would seriously make,

like, the cutest couple.

Really?

Have you ever read the bible?

It's awesome.

Very moral.

It's kind of like
in a row.

Steve, the bible's
just a bunch of stories
made up by rich people

to stop poor people
hitting them on the head
with a stick

and taking their money.

That's terrible.

I agree.
It's a catastrophe.

I mean, how can you say that?

Who do you think
created everything?

Is it a coincidence that
music sounds pretty?

That water turns into rain?

That our butts are down here

and not on the top of our head?

God's work is everywhere.

God doesn't exist, ok?
Nothing matters.

You may as well
just do whatever you want
whenever you want.

That's selfish.

Love thy neighbor as thyself.

Yeah. You're right.

You are right, and I will start

by nailing that little
sophomore hottie

at the party tonight.

Now I don't think
that's what it means.
Do you?

Tomahto, tomato.

All we're asking is for you

to make tina's
application disappear.

No way.
We'd lose our jobs.

Sam-o, this is
a compilation reel

of over 250 nude scenes

that I've taped off
cable since I was 8.

Who's in it?

Name a celebrity.

Holly hunter.

Man, we got katie holmes, ok?

Ashley judd,
eye of the beholder.

Got richard gere a few times
if that's your thing.

I got jamie lee curtis,
trading places.

Must've been cold that day,
know what I'm sayin'?

Ha ha ha.

Do you have any alyssa milano?

Uh, yeah. Milano?
Poison ivy 2.

Don't even have
to watch any of the story.

Ooh.

Yeah.

Holy mother of god.

Steven.
Oh, hi.

Hey! God, I feel like
I haven't seen you

in forever.
Yeah.

How are you?

I...I'm actually fantastic.

Wow. That's great.

You know, we should
totally catch up.

Do you want to
get dinner tonight?

Oh. Uh, you know,
I would,

but I gotta get over
to the v.A. Hospice

to read to some veterans.

Steven, oh, my god.

That's so nice of you.

Uh, you know,
it was nice of them

to fight in a w*r for us.

Ha ha.
Anyways,

it was nice to see you.
You, too.

Hey, take care.
Ok. Bye.

Bye.

♪ Oh, I believe ♪

♪ I believe ♪

♪ I believe ♪

♪ I believe ♪

♪ in the lord,
the lord... ♪

hey, man,
I brush my teeth
in that sink.

♪ I build faith ♪

♪ by his sweet, sweet love ♪

jerk!
♪ oh, I believe ♪

♪ I believe ♪

♪ I believe ♪ ♪ I believe ♪

♪ in the lord,
he made that song ♪

♪ I believe ♪ ♪ I believe ♪

♪ I beleive, yes ♪

♪ in the sweet ♪

♪ jesus lord ♪

♪ I was weak... ♪

let me get that
frisbee back, lloyd.

Dude, seriously.

Jesus, lloyd.

Ow.

What are you doing?
He's gone nuts!

He's gone nuts!

♪ I believe, I believe ♪

Fire! Fire alarm!
Fire! Fire! Fire, people!

Fire! Go! Come on,
let's go!

This is not a drill.
Go. Keep going.

Stay, stay calm.
This is not a drill!

No. I definitely,
definitely
smelled smoke.

But worse, it was fumes.

You know,
and it was black
but clear.

You know,
it was deadly.
Very, very deadly.

Oh, crap.

There's tina.

Everybody's talking
about the poochie party.

What if she hears?

Well, maybe we
should just invite her.

I mean,
I'm starting to feel guilty.

No, no. That's a bad idea.
Bad idea, you know?

She'll blow the whistle
on us, you know?

And then the red room
will be off-white again.

You know?
Yeah.

Plus, I hear her
and susuki, you know,

they're getting along
really well.

Ok, what about this one?

That's, uh, that's cute.

Ugh.
Yeah.

I mean, does he
even think I'm pretty?

He doesn't even
notice me anymore.

Of course he thinks
you're pretty.

I mean, you've sent him

just so many
"no" signals, right?

But now, you really
gotta work it.

You gotta send him
"yes."

A lot of "yes."

So much "yes."
Mm-hmm.

Yes.

What do you think?

Is that as big
as your boobs get?

Oh, I have a shirt
for that. Heh.

Ah. I knew you would.

Poochie palace!
Whoo!

Here you are.

The party's over there,
goofball.

Hello, lizzie.

Hey.

What you readin'?

The greatest story ever told.

Cool.

Anyway, you look really good.

That's very nice of you.
Thank you very much.

No...Really good.

Hmm.

This is the best, right?

I know! We make such
a great team!

Yeah, right? There's like
nothing we can't do...Together.

Who put this music on?

I don't know.

Damn.

Suddenly, I'm like
a melanie griffith fan here.

Steve, I don't know
how late that party
is gonna go.

I don't know where
I'm gonna sleep.

I have a test in the morning.

I need my sleep.

Well, you can crash
on the couch.

I'll lay down some sheets,

it's surprisingly comfortable.

What am I saying?

You can sleep in my bed.

I'll sleep on the couch.

How 'bout this...

Why don't we both
stay in your bed?

We could keep each other
up all night.

I thought you had
a test in the morning.

I lied.

Let's not do this.

See, the first time we did it

was because
we were lonely, scared,
desperate, weak.

That's why we gave in
to sin and lust.

There's an attraction
between us... that
cannot be denied.

But if it ever happens
again, it should be
for the right reasons.

And tonight, this, here...

It feels so very wrong.

Yeah.

Very wrong.

I think the red is starting
to freak everybody out!

No, no! The red's
a great color.

It's good! It's soothing!

This is not soothing!

No! Oh!

This sucks!

That's what I told you, man!

Life sucks!

He's a jerk.
I hate him.

I'm trying to, like,
french him,

and he's going off
on the bible.

Lizzie, no, no. I mean,
he's a college kid.

Right? I mean, he's a...

next week,
it'll be something new.

I hate him!

Do it with him!

No, forget it!
I'm gonna call eric.

Where the hell is my phone?

Don't call... aah. God.

There's a mosh pit in there.

No. Somebody just
ripped my poster

of the french people kissing.

I cannot take this!

But they're playing
dido in there right now

and everybody's
slow dancing and really
mellowed out right now.

Oh, look, there's tina.

Yeah, we should probably
get back to the palace.

Hey, tina!

Hey.

Uh...Listen,
I just, um...

I wanted to apologize.
We meant to...

we were trying
to find you everywhere.

You wanna come
to the party?
We're throwing a party.

No. We kept you
from getting the room
in our suite

because we wanted
to keep it
as a party room,

but the room's yours.
I'm really sorry.

The room is mine?

Yeah.

Oh!

Ha! Ha!

So where'd you say
that party was at?

Why, the party's
in your new room!

'Cause you know
when you live with tina,

it's a party every night.

Ooh, boy!
It's a party every night
livin' with tina!

Mmm! Yeah!

Yeah. You like slipknot?

Slipknot rocks!

Luke?

Luke, what are you doing?

Hey, baby! What,
uh... ahem.

What's up?

I don't... I thought
that you said it, uh,

it's not about girls,
it's about god.

That was me.
I said that, right?

Yeah! Um...

Time out.
Is she fine?
Is she fine?

If she ain't fine, just say it.

What, you... you gonna
blame me for this?

Oh...Come on... hey...

hey, come on, don't be mad.

Hey, steve.

She was sent by god!

Whoa, whoa, wait.

Come on. Come on.
Come on. No.

No. Ah.

Just open up, ok?
I'm so sorry.

Go away.

But it feels right now.
It feels so right.

No, just...Ah.

Come on, lizzie.
I believe in sin.

Sin is good, you know?

Aw...

That was heavenly.

It sucked.

Aw, what's the matter,
dollface, down in the dumps?

Sucks to be you, huh?

What's with you,
lloyd's of london?

You take one mind-blowing
philosophy class

and all of the sudden
you're
Jean paul sartra.

It's sarte.

Oh, so now you've
got this existentialist
hook thing, too?

Well, that's great,
'cause all you need
is a little more mystique.

Now you've got a chance
with all the freaky chicks
I was gonna get.

I've taken so much
acne medication,

my lips are splitting in half!

This might cheer you up:

You're hotter than most chicks.

What are you
doing in college, anyway?

People like you
don't need to know
how to read.

Nice nose.