[THEME SONG PLAYING]
♪ Ace Ventura
All righty, then.
♪ Pet detective on the run
[LAUGHS]
♪ Ace Ventura
♪ Doesn't even have a g*n
Yes, yes!
Whoa!
[SHEEP BLEATING]
Ahhh!
Ahhh!
♪ Ace Ventura
Ace Ventura, pet detective.
♪ Pet detective on the run ♪
[LAUGHS]
[INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING]
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
-Boo! -[BOTH YELL IN TERROR]
[ACE CHUCKLES]
Whoo! Whoa! What's going on? I can't see. I can't see.
Witch Haven Lane.
This is the place my ghostly ghoul-rilla.
-[DOORBELL RINGS] -[WOMAN SCREAMS]
-[MAN LAUGHING MANIACALLY] -[BOTH SCREAM]
Lay off the chocolate bananas, Spike.
[CHUCKLES] All righty, then!
Yes?
Phew!
Try cutting down on the fiber, lady.
Ace Ventura, pet detective, and living legend.
I'm Agatha Dewitchy
Thank the stars you've come, Mr. Ventura.
My Tweety.
You're twee, too.
So, where did you last see your little songbird?
In his room.
There's a light switch at the bottom of the stairs.
Of course! How convenient!
[WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
[SPIKE SHRIEKS]
Don't worry about me, my paranoid primate.
[GROANS]
Jerry, who's your decorator?
The Marquis de Sade?
So, date much?
Hmm, what's this?
[ACE AND SPIKE YELL]
Do not go in there.
Whoever stole your precious Tweety, left behind a clue,
mystery meat,
which comes from only one place on Earth, high school.
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
Ex-squeeze me, I'm an ass chain student from Buttsylvania.
Can you point me to the cafeteria?
Follow your nose.
Many spanks!
[SIGHS] Freshmen!
Uh, Bunny, would you please be my date
at the Halloween party tonight?
b*at it, nerd!
I wouldn't go to a party with you if you were a...
A fish. [CHUCKLES]
SPIKE: [SHRIEKS] Whoa!
Good morning!
[SPIKE SHRIEKS]
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
Mmm. Needs more motor oil.
Ah-ha!
Health inspector!
Got a report that someone's been putting meat
in the meatloaf again.
Lies! All lies!
Be careful. Sometimes they come back.
Delivery! Frogs!
-Frogs? -Frogs?
[FROG CROAKS]
[CHUCKLES]
Break out the blenders, boys. It's smoothies for everyone!
Oh, wait! My mistake!
These go to the biology lab for dissection.
No!
Sorry. Gotta run. Don't wanna be late for class.
[FROG CROAKS]
Where is your hall pass?
ACE: Look, I'm a helicopter.
Where is your hall pass?
At least she shaved her legs.
For the last time, hall pass!
Look, it's the ultra-rare Elvis Presleum.
-Viva Moth Vegas! -Ah! I want it for my collection.
ACE: Elvis has left the building.
Dang, I'm good! [CHUCKLES]
Everybody got a pooper scooper?
STUDENTS: Yes, teacher.
[FROG CROAKS]
All righty then!
Remember to walk your frog twice a day,
and stay away from French restaurants.
Class dismissed!
-[STUDENTS CLAMORING] -[SPIKE SQUEAKS]
The nerd's a fish?
Man, the things a kid will do to get attention!
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
Bunny the cheerleader did this to you?
Give me an S for suspect!
[THRILLING MUSIC PLAYING]
[SPIKE SHRIEKS]
[GASPS] No! The horror! The horror!
An autographed photo of Gabe the Pig?
[SPIKE SHRIEKS]
[SPIKE YELLS]
Butt? Bat! Bat? Butt!
Pleased to meet you! Bat?
[ACE SCREAMS]
Get the pliers! Get a crowbar! Get my stun thing!
Hey! Come here, Tweety.
[SHUDDERS] That's Tweety?
Tweety's a bat?
A filthy, disgusting bat-like bat?
Not just a bat, my bat!
Ace Ventura, pet detective!
That, ugh, bat is stolen property.
Well, I'm Bunny,
and next to your choice of shirts,
breaking into my locker was the biggest mistake of your life.
And you have more than % body fat, which makes us even.
No!
[ACE AND SPIKE CROAKING]
That makes us even. [CHUCKLES]
Hmm!
Nerds are turned into fish, pet detectives are turned into frogs.
There's something very strange going on here.
[SPIKE WARBLES]
Gotcha!
You've been had by Ace Ventura, pet detective. Ha-ha.
I will get you instead.
Hop for your life, my former chimp champ!
-ACE: Whoa! -[SPIKE SQUEAKS]
ACE: Yee-ha!
My tongue needs a nap.
ACE: Ribbit!
Oh, my! You've run into a bit of trouble.
And you're the winner of today's Miss Obvious award.
Is there any chance that
you're a witch?
Why, yes! [LAUGHS]
I've got a third degree black hat in spell casting and enchanting.
Tweety wouldn't happen to be...
Oh, let's say, a bat, would he?
Tweety's a rare Tasmanian bat.
Oh, was that important?
Duh!
Mr. Ventura, are you all right?
I'm a frog, I have webbed feet and a craving for insects.
I'm not all righty then!
I'll see what I can do,
but I've been so weak since losing my magic amulet.
It's been missing since yesterday.
I'm gonna guess that yesterday,
a winsome cheerleader appeared at your door,
soliciting donations for the pom-pom fund.
You left the room momentarily to obtain the desired coinage,
during which time she stole not only your magic amulet
that's giving her the powers of a witch,
but also kidnapped your rare Tasmanian bat, Tweety.
But she seemed like such a nice girl.
The question is, why the bat?
You have to find him, Mr. Ventura. He's family.
I'd hate to meet your parents.
Well, time to fly.
What? Oh, an excellent idea!
These open-top models are m*rder on the D.
There it is, Spike, the only place a high school girl would be
if she's not in school. The mall!
Incoming!
Whoa!
[INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING]
This guy'll do.
All right, Bunny!
Hand over the... [SHUDDERS] B-A-T before somebody gets hurt.
Never! This is my bat now. I stole him fair and square.
-[ROARS] -Hurt him!
If you wanna dance, all you have to do is ask.
[ACE GRUNTING AND YELLING]
Watch it!
[SPIKE SQUEAKS]
[ACE AND SPIKE SCREAM]
[BOTH SCREAMING]
You have such a sweeping flair for entrances. [CHUCKLES]
Take one teenage witch, mix with one monster,
stir in a magic amulet,
savor her with essence of purloined bat, and what do you get?
Of course, a Halloween party that we don't want to miss!
[SPIKE WARBLES]
-[PARTY MUSIC PLAYING] -[STUDENTS CHATTERING]
Hold it! No one is admitted without a costume.
Gee! Let me think.
[MUSIC AND CHATTER CONTINUES]
[ACE SCREAMS]
It's got me! It's got me! It's got me! I can't breathe.
Get it off! Get it off! Get it off me!
[ACE GAGGING AND SCREAMING]
Get it off! Get if off!
Enough of this nonsense! Report to my office.
I would, but I don't feel so good.
[GROANING]
[SHRIEKING]
Alien!
-[SPIKE YELLS] -[CROWD APPLAUDING]
Spank you very much!
[SPIKE SHRIEKS]
Well, it ain't Miss America.
You're too late, pet defective.
Any minute now,
my date and I will be crowned king and queen of Halloween.
Maybe so!
But first, you're gonna hand over that bat.
[BAT SQUEAKS]
[CHUCKLES] Are you kidding?
It's k*ller fashion accessories like Tweety
that mean the difference between winning and losing.
You'd kidnap someone's beloved pet just to win a silly contest?
That's high school.
That's the most shallow, insensitive,
-juvenile, egotistic... -I'm proud to announce...
-...self-centered, indulgent, -...the king and queen of Halloween.
...self-seeking thing, conceding...
Alien Victim and Chest Burster!
[ALL CHEERING]
That's me!
-[SPIKE SHRIEKS EXCITEDLY] -[CROWD CHEERS]
This is all so sudden.
I... I don't know what to say.
You can start with your prayers.
Uh-oh!
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
Big bat!
[ALL SCREAMING]
[SPIKE CHUCKLES MISCHIEVOUSLY]
All righty, then!
You think I'm trapped in here with you,
but you're trapped in here with me.
Point taken!
I don't wanna die!
No! I've only just begun to live.
This isn't fair.
No!
Whoa-ho-ho!
[ACE YELLING]
Uh, little help, my tutti-fruity babooty?
[WARBLES]
I don't care if the fruit's in season!
Whoa. Come to me, my faithful straw companion!
Yes! Yes! Yes!
I'll get you a matching dustpan for Christmas.
What the...
I ought to chop you up into a box of toothpicks.
[ACE YELLS]
Bat att*ck!
Captain's log, Star-date Halloween.
Trapped on hairy-winged planet.
Must not be sissy wah-wah baby.
I am Ace Ventura.
The only thing I need to fear is fear itself.
And these really big bat teeth.
[BAT CHUCKLES]
[ACE CHUCKLES]
Yipee ki-yay!
Good steed! Ooh. Anyone got a Q-tip?
Destroy him or there's no second date.
[ROARS]
Let me guess, underwear too tight?
Guano away!
Prepare to be char-broiled, chump!
Really?
I think not!
[GASPS] My amulet!
Tasty!
I'm losing my power.
[SOBBING]
Can you feel it?
Yes! Yes! Dang! I'm good! Uh-oh.
[SPIKE SHRIEKS]
Now you can have your cake and eat it, too. [CHUCKLES]
It's so good to have my little Tweety back.
Thank you, Mr. Ventura.
Come, Spike.
There's Halloween candy out there with our names on it.
Ouch! Stop it!
Hey! Ouch! Stop it!
Oh, my!
[LAUGHS]
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]