[THEME SONG PLAYING]
All righty, then.
[LAUGHS]
Yes, yes!
Whoa!
Aah!
Aah!
Ace Ventura, pet detective.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
Gabe, honestly, pigs and Frisbee competitions is simply not done.
-But, Mama, why? -I'll tell you why!
He's a pig, a pig!
He's only got three purposes in life, bacon, ham and sausage!
ACE: Cut him some slack, Daffy!
All he wants to do is catch Frisbees.
Is that so wrong?
We rudely interrupt this program for a special report.
What?
Gabe, the pig,
international star of such films
as Gabe and Gabe Two: This Little Piggy Went to Morocco
has been abducted and is being held for an unspecified ransom.
[CHUCKLING] Really?
We now return you to the movie starring the pig
who is obviously in a great deal of jeopardy as we speak.
My favorite animal star has been kidnapped.
There's only one thing to do.
Spike, pack our bags!
This pet detective is catching the next plane to Hollywood.
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
[KEYBOARD CLICKING]
Will you cut that out?
Listen, you nut-cracking crackpot!
I have the biggest presentation of my life to give in four hours!
[SNORING]
Peanuts!
Peanuts, sir?
Whaa... What's going on? I can't see!
I can't see! I can't see!
[MAN GASPS]
What the... It's alive!
Get away from me! Aah!
-[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] -[PASSENGERS GASPING]
[GASPS]
Gotcha!
Aah!
Look out! There's a... Well, that felt good.
Aah!
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
ACE: Like a glove!
MAN: He's not just a pig, he's a superstar!
Okay, fine! He's not that big.
But he is a pig in peril!
Listen, I don't know what kind of detective agency you're running
but this is Gabe's agent, Benny J!
Hello? Hello!
They don't do pigs!
Who does in this crazy town!
I do!
Don't say a word!
I have just seen the future of animal stardom, his name is...
Ace Ventura, pet detective!
No, the monkey's name.
Oh, all righty then. It's Spike.
Spike! Spike, the monkey!
Spike, the superstar!
You did a wise thing coming to me, Mr. Vandella. You won't regret this.
Mr. Jay, I'm not here to launch Spike's movie career.
Gabe Brigade Fan Club, Florida Chapter member , reporting for duty!
What?
Article XVII of the Gabe Brigade Constitution reads, and I quote...
"All members in good standing shall ever more be dedicated
to preserving the lifestyle, reputation,
and overall well-being of our hero, Gabe, the pig.
Mr. Vandella!
It's Ventura, Ace Ventura, pet detective.
I do pigs, and I'll do Gabe for free!
All righty then!
I know Gabe's filmography, his discography,
I've read his two autobiographies,
I own Gabe Teaches Geography,
and I eat at Gabe the pig's feedback, and Gregory.
Gabe is a complicated pig, but things are turning around!
I just got him this great gig at the Spay Fest Telethon, watch!
♪ Oh, if you don't spay Or neuter your pet
♪ Sometime before Mr. Sun Has set ♪
♪ Rover's gonna be in trouble Yet, yeah ♪
-Okay. -Smooth, man!
I also got him some infomercial work.
Hi, I'm Gabe, the pig.
Contrary to popular belief even us snouties have to watch our weight now and then.
That's why I'm so thrilled about Chroma fruitcake, the fruitcake that burns fat!
Yummy!
This is a good start, Benny-Boy.
Now let's see the place Gabe called home.
To Gabe Land!
Gabe has always been a bit temperamental.
Temperamental?
You know, driving his Land Rover through hotel lobbies,
having directors b*at up, temperamental!
Oh, temperamental! Gotcha!
Gabe's first autobiography, I Gabe!
Page , paragraph two, line six,
"I eventually had a bitter falling out with Frank Rigatoni."
Oh, yeah! Gabe's ex-trainer, definitely one of Gabe's enemies!
There had to be other animal stars
who were jealous of Gabe's brilliant acting,
riveting screen presence, and competent song stylings.
[SNIFFS] Hmm.
-Red pig! -That cocktail weenie!
He's just a cheap Gabe rip-off!
It drives him nuts that people are always comparing him to Gabe!
I see!
Suspect number two!
What aboutBringing Up Gaby?
The picture couldn't have failed because of Gabe.
Gabe always blamed Stanley Manley, the director.
One day, Manley lit Gabe's snout from the wrong side,
Gabe threw him off the set!
Well, if there's one thing that can sink a movie...
it's bad snout lighting!
Groovy! This is it, Spike!
This is where Gabe, the pig, learned his craft! Wow!
[SPIKE SHRIEKS]
[GASPING]
Ventura, you simply gotta give up on this case.
Righty-o, Reginald!
To continue with this endeavor would mean serious bodily harm to your person.
For example...
Monkey, monkey, jungle God!
Hey, wait a second!
Haven't I seen you two firm-fisted folks before?
Why, yes.
We played Psycho Bikers One and Two
inStop The Apocalypse Without Me.
Real groovy film!
Oh, why! Thank you very much!
And yes, we appreciate it.
Well, have a fine day, Mr. Ventura!
Oh! And drop the case or meet your doom, okay? Ciao!
They're nice guys, Spike.
Except for the savage b*ating and all. Hmm.
Spike!
Okay, sad!
Like you've just been told that this year's banana crop is ruined.
Now, happy!
As if you found the best swinging vine in the world!
Spike!
Oh, you're a natural!
I haven't seen this kind of talent since...
-Since... -You discovered Gabe, The Pig?
Ace Ventura, pet detective.
Hi, Frank Rigatoni.
I own this school. What's this about?
You left Gabe just before he hit it big, didn't you?
You must have felt...
-oh, stupid, moronic, dumb... -[SPIKE CHITTERS]
...idiotic, brainless.
If you got a thesaurus I can go on.
I met Gabe when he was a piglet.
I taught him how to speak.
I was molding him into a star.
Gabe, you called for me?
Yeah, I did.
Bottom line, Frankie, it just ain't working out.
What?
Yeah. History, Dutch, gone!
You're East Germany, baby. I don't need you anymore.
But, Gabe, I taught you everything.
Phonics, dialects, how to pronounce amoxicillin! Without me you, you...
That's right, Rigatoni!
You taught me how to speak. Past tense, Franklin!
It's been great.
Now get out of here, you're in my sun!
He wasn't the same Gabe you saw in the movies.
Ex-squeeze me!
Then who was he?
A bad sausage.
But what about Spike here?
Hey, you should sign him up for my school!
[SPIKE SHRIEKS]
Spank you, no Frank.
Spike and I have a case to solve. Right, my primate partner?
ACE: All righty then. Let's go!
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
Hey, wait a sec. Who are you?
Why, I'm insulted!
Don't you know a celebrity when you see one?
I, sir, am Mighty Joe Young
and this is my sidekick Meek Joe Elderly.
[SPIKE SHRIEKS]
Look sharp, boss monkey-man.
We've successfully infiltrated Brad Pig's hip-hop and eat slop party.
The biggest animal stars in Hollywood are gathered here.
[SPIKE SHRIEKS, WOLF WHISTLES]
Good idea, monkey sea-monkey dude!
-Let's split up and cover more ground! -[HORSE NEIGHS]
Geez, these are animal stars?
Where's Mr. Red, or Lassie or Stallone?
Thanks, Stevie!
So anyway I'm like, whatever, you know?
[GASPS] Mr. Pig, Ace Ventura, pet detective.
I need to ask you some questions about Gabe.
Ha! Are you doing a where-are-they-now show?
[LAUGHING]
That's almost as funny as your hair.
If you're looking for Gabe, have you checked the unemployment line?
Now suppose you tell me where you were the night Gabe disappeared?
All righty then?
You actually think I had something to do with Gabe's pig-napping?
Oh, please!
That pig couldn't get arrested in this town.
At least he doesn't have his face in a bucket, like you!
My face isn't in a bucket!
-Oops, sorry! -Whoa.
[GROANING]
All righty then!
Way to blend in, Spike!
Now come on, we have a pig who's counting on us!
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
[DAIRUS LAUGHING]
-Going somewhere, Nob? -Sir Dairus!
This station is in f*ring range of the palace.
No one can save you now.
All righty then.
-Gloppy! -Cut!
Print! Brilliant, people. Brilliant! Nice ad-lib, Gloppy!
Spank you! Spank you very much!
Who are you? How did you get in here? Where's my nephew, Kenny?
I found out who was catering today's day of sh**ting.
Snuck onto the truck, distracted Kenny
with a large veggie burrito with a side of guacamole.
Took his costume, perused the script,
and delivered one heck of a performance as Gloppy,
the lovable alien from planet X-.
Genius! Who are you?
Ace Ventura, pet detective.
Stanley Manley, I need to ask you some questions about Gabe.
-Gabe? -Gabe.
Gabe? Gabe!
No!
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
Manly! Manly! Can you hear me?
Yes, yes, I'm okay!
Why did you run, Forrest?
I don't remember. You asked me something...
About Gabe.
-Aah! -Hmm.
-I said Gabe. -Aah!
-Gabe! -Aah!
What are you so afraid of?
You don't understand!
Working with that, that pig, it was horrible!
Horrible!
I want the rabbi written out. Out!
You are worthless, Manly.
Do you realize who I am? I'm Gabe, The Pig! Pig!
Gabe, I'm sorry, I...
Oh, will you shut up!
Shape up, Manly, or else...
And that was a good day.
He was that bad? Gabe!
Yes! Actually, I'm afraid of all pigs now,
but I'm working with a therapist.
Thanks for your time, Manly. Sorry about the misunderstanding.
I can't believe it, Spike.
The real Gabe is a bully, a liar, and a fake.
There's nobody in this whole city who would want to pig-nap...
Wait! I know who pig-napped Gabe!
[ACE AND SPIKE GRUNT, YELL]
Hello, Gabe!
-Ace, is that you? -Benny!
Gabe, why'd you do it? Things are going great!
Danny, Danny, Danny! You're fired!
[INHALES] Bottom line, I'm star material, baby!
Not some nutty fruitcake salesman, okay?
Starting today, I'm making a comeback.
But instead of crawling your way back up
with bit parts, independent film, and prayer,
you faked your own pig-napping and leaked info to the papers.
Meanwhile, you stick your cavemen on me
in case I got too close to the truth.
Eh, nice story!
Too bad no one's going to hear it, Chachi!
All this, just to get back into the movies?
Act like a pig, man!
Tsk!
In about minutes,
while I'm telling the brave story of how I escaped my captors,
you boys are gonna be doing guppy impressions.
[SPIKE SHRIEKS]
Ciao, Mr. Ventura! [CHUCKLES]
BENNY: What are we gonna do?
Chew Benny, chew!
Chew as you've never chewen before!
Hey, the chief says we better get more guys on this pig case.
The swine ain't gonna just walk in on his own.
-Gabe! -I escaped!
Hurry, Benny! Hurry!
Gabe, the international star of such films
asPig Fiction andMr. Oinky Takes A Trip,
escaped his captors earlier this evening.
A press conference is scheduled in half an hour at the Chateau Chateau hotel.
[TRANQUIL MUSIC PLAYING]
[GRUNTS]
Come on, Benny! Let's get Gabe!
It's locked!
I don't wanna die! I don't want to die!
Actually, you just have to flip the latch.
Groovy!
[ALL SHRIEK]
So I made a desperate move,
when my kidnappers came in to deliver my daily boiled turnip.
[AUDIENCE GASPS]
All the years of pig-judo clicked into place.
I took my captors down and I raced out of their compound.
[GRUNTS]
But not before disarming the nuclear warhead, yeah!
Really?
Nice story. Too bad it's a pack of lies, Chachi!
-[AUDIENCE GASPS] -[GABE STAMMERING]
Ladies and gentlemen of the infotainment world,
I, Ace Ventura,
best and only pet detective in the entire industrial world,
would like to tell another story.
This tale is about a fallen pig star
who decided the only way to get back on top
was to fake his own pig-napping!
[AUDIENCE GASPS]
He's lying! He was one of them!
Benny was in on it too! So was that chimp!
He's a monkey, Gabe! Apis Spikus!
And you're gonna be piggis in jailus.
I didn't pig-nap Gabe.
When people said Gabe was horribly impossible to work with, I defended him!
But let the entire world know
Gabe, The Pig is a loser!
I'm a star! I'm a star, baby!
[GRUNTS]
Dang, I'm good!
Can you feel it?
I'm a star! I'm a star!
My work here is done.
I'm sorry, it didn't work out better for you, Benny Hannah!
Sorry?
You just helped me discover the biggest animal talent since Brad Pig.
What?
This kid is hot! I'm gonna make him into a superstar!
[ACE CHUCKLES]
Sorry, Benny! Spanks but no spanks!
Spike can't talk,
but I know if he could, he'd tell you his place is by my side
as my semi-faithful simian companion.
[GRUNTS]
-No, but... -No buts, Benny.
Sure, staying in Hollywood would bring him fortune, fame,
and the attention of the most fabulous female monkeys in the world,
but right now Spike just wants to go home.
Bye-bye, Benny Loggins!
[SPIKE SHRIEKS]
Come on, Spike! Let's go home!
Spike? Spike!
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]