[THEME SONG PLAYING]
♪ Ace Ventura
All righty, then.
♪ Pet detective on the run
[CACKLES]
[ELEPHANT TRUMPETS]
♪ Ace Ventura
[LAUGHS]
♪ Doesn't even have a g*n
Yes! Yes!
-Whoa! -[BELLOWS]
[GASPS]
[BOTH CHIRP]
[SHEEP BLEATS]
[SCREAMS]
-[SCREAMS] -[ROARS]
♪ Ace Ventura...
-[HORN HONKS] -Ace Ventura, pet detective.
[ELEPHANT TRUMPETS]
♪ Pet detective on the run ♪
[CACKLES]
Take a letter, Alice.
Dear Mr. Shickadance.
I'd like to apologize for the incident
with the two goats and the woodchuck.
[CHICKEN CLUCKING]
Oh, no, Alice.
This is how you spell dear.
D-E-A... Oops.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
[CHATTERING]
PETEY: I'm out here. At the window.
Have you ever thought of having that thing removed?
Monkeys and gentlemen,
I'm Petey Schilling, the owner and ringmaster
of the Schilling Brothers Circus.
I need your help in the center rings.
Someone broke into my circus trailer last night
and stole the payroll.
If you don't find the thief and the money,
I'll have to close down the most amazing,
stupendous, colossal, humongous... [GRUNTS]
You're at the wrong place, dingmaster.
-[GRUNTING] -I don't do humans.
But for a pair of free tickets,
and a chance to lick the cotton candy machine, I'll take a quick look around.
-It's a deal. -[EXCLAIMS]
[CACKLES]
Hmm! An extra ticky.
Now, which one of my jungle friends should I take to the circus?
[ANIMALS CLAMORING]
Gee, let me think.
-[DOG BARKING] -[GASPS]
A little to the left.
[BIRD TWEETING]
Spank you.
[GROWLS]
[CACKLES]
[ANIMALS CLAMORING]
I know. How about you, Leonard?
-[GROWLS] -[BLEATS]
Cut it out, Leonard.
Polyester doesn't grow on trees, you know?
[CHATTERING]
I'm sorry. Spike, were you saying something?
Ladies and gentlemen, all the votes are in,
and I believe we have a winner.
[CHATTERING]
VENTURA: All righty, then.
PETEY: This is the safe where I kept the payroll!
Mmm-hmm.
Stand back while I use my ultra-keen,
highly-developed detective skills to examine the crime scene.
Mmm-hmm!
Whoa, I'm stumped.
Looks like you got yourself the perfect crime.
-See you at the circus. -Mr. Ventura, please.
Okay. Okay. Don't blow your big top.
Hold it. Point of entry.
Ho!
[GRUNTS]
Give me a boost, Spike, so I can check this out.
[CHATTERING]
[YELPS]
Thanks, my woolly-bully.
I've always wanted to lance that pesky boil.
[LAUGHS]
Hmm!
Giraffe hairs.
Tell me, ring-a-ding master,
does your giraffe ever slip through the skylight to watch cable?
Not that I know of.
My pet detective senses tell me that something stinks here,
-and for once, it ain't Spike. -[GRUNTS]
So, what are you gonna do?
Do? What any warm-blooded kid would do.
-[GASPS] -We're gonna run away and join the circus.
[CHATTERS]
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING AND CHEERING]
Well, you must be the Flying Belchinis.
This is a tremendous honor for you.
[CACKLES]
Who are you?
Us? Why we're the world famous circus stars.
The great Ventura of Ace and Little Spikey.
My very distant cousin on my mother's side.
[CHATTERING]
LUIGI: If you are so famous
then why have I never heard of you?
[IN THICK VOICE] You cr*ck me up, Luigi.
I'm the world famous master, Derrie Aerialist.
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDS]
[GIGGLES]
[CHATTERING]
-[AUDIENCE CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] -[GRUNTS] Come, Natasha.
Our practice for today is finished.
VENTURA: Let me know where I can forward your mail, Luigi.
Take care now. Bye-bye then.
Goodbye, Mr. Ace.
Well, Spikeyni, what should we do first?
Spike? Spikeyni!
[CHATTERING]
[MOANS AND BURPS]
Me Tarzan, you banana boy.
Uh-oh.
Dive. Dive!
[ALL GASP]
[VENTURA SCREAMING]
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING AND CHEERING]
Nothing to it.
Out of the frying pan.
[CACKLES]
-[AUDIENCE CHEERS] -And into the...
Fire!
[ALL GASP]
-[GRUNTS] -[BOTH ROAR]
I'm gonna get a new travel agent.
[LIONS ROARING]
Nice kitty. Ace like kitty.
Kitty like Ace?
-[BOTH ROARING] -[SCREAMING]
[ALL GASP]
Spike, you're an animal. These are your people.
Talk to them. Reason with them.
Give them bus fare out of town.
[CHATTERING]
Looks like I'll have to save me again.
[MAKES ANIMAL SOUNDS]
[HUMMING]
In the cage, the circus cage,
the detective roars tonight.
[ALL APPLAUDING AND CHEERING]
Meowe.
-[ROARING] -[SCREAMING]
I'll make it easy on all of us.
If you want me, come and get me.
[LIONS ROAR]
It's a long fly ball deep into center field.
Going, going...
[ALL APPLAUD]
...gone!
Ex-squeeze me,
but have you seen a Giraffa camelopardalis?
The tallest of all jungle animals?
[GROANS]
-You know, a giraffe? -Over there.
[GRUNTS]
I've always wanted to do that.
[CACKLES]
Now, let me make sure that I have this straight.
You said, and I quote...
[GRUNTING]
Is that your statement, sir?
[MUNCHING]
[MONKEYS CHATTERING AND LAUGHING]
[CHATTERS AND WHISPERS]
[BOTH LAUGHING]
[CACKLES]
I haven't solved the case yet, but my feet feel wonderful.
Hey, Stinky, mind if I ask you a few questions?
The name is Scuzzle.
What do you know about last night's robbery?
-Not a thing. -Okeydokey.
[GRUNTS]
Now, that's funny.
[CACKLES]
A-ha.
Ooh. [CHATTERS]
Listen to the music. Listen.
Listen again.
You are now under the control of Scuzzle,
the unfunny yet vengeful clown.
-[LAUGHS EVILLY] -[GRUNTS]
You will do exactly what Scuzzle says.
[CHATTERING]
When you hear this music again,
you will become terrified of heights.
[CHATTERING]
And when I stop playing, you'll remember nothing.
[LAUGHS] Now, on with the show.
[CHATTERS]
[LAUGHS EVILLY]
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING AND CHEERING]
[ELEPHANTS TRUMPETING]
[ALL APPLAUDING AND CHEERING]
[LION ROARS]
[GULPS]
[ALL APPLAUDING AND CHEERING]
-[ALL BARK] -Let's hear it for
the Dancing Disco Poodles!
Ladies and gentlemen, and everyone in between,
welcome our newest aerial act,
the sensational, amazing,
spectacular Ventura of Ace
and his very distant cousin,
Spikeyni!
[ALL APPLAUDING AND CHEERING]
Yes! Spank me very much. Spank me very much.
And tonight, they will be performing
without a net.
Really? [CHUCKLES]
[ALL GASP]
VENTURA: You know, my little hairy high-wire walker, I've been thinking.
Those clues we found in Schilling's office are from the circus animals.
Listen to the music.
I think they're involved in the crime,
but they honestly don't remember.
Listen to the music.
[LAUGHS]
[CHATTERING]
SPIKE: Uh-oh.
[SCREAMING]
What's the problem, little monkey, on my bacteria?
[EXCLAIMS]
Okay. Okay.
Next time you can have top billing.
-Uh-oh! -[GRUNTS]
[SCREECHES]
And I'll remember to bring the net.
[ALL APPLAUDING AND CHEERING]
Listen, Spike, we're a hit with the crowd.
I just hope we don't hit the crowd.
[SPIKE SCREECHING]
[SPIKE CHATTERING]
[EXCLAIMING]
[ALL GASP]
-[GRUNTS] Get down, Spike! -[SCREAMS]
I'm getting fur burns.
It's a good thing I brought along my Spike-tula.
[SCREECHING]
Spike, you monkey maniac, snap out of it.
Listen to the music.
Ex-squeeze me.
There's nothing funny about that clown.
Uh-oh. I think I'm gonna lose my lunch.
Look out baloney!
[GRUNTS]
My organ! You broke it.
[GRUNTS AND CHATTERS]
Welcome back, my little hypnotized hairball.
It's time to open up a can of kickbutt
for a very special clown.
[EXCLAIMS AND LAUGHS]
Yes!
He's the simian dude with a bad attitude
and the breath to match.
Ew!
Looks like my show is over.
-[YELLS] -[SCREAMS]
Come on, Spike, follow the bouncing detective.
Swing it, sister.
[CACKLES]
You are no aerialist.
Ace Ventura, pet detective, my card.
Yike!
No!
Gotcha! Phew.
-That was my last card. -[YELLING]
Hey, put me down.
-[BARKS] -Put me down.
[EXCLAIMING]
[YELLS]
[ALL APPLAUD AND CHEER]
It's time to turn that clown upside down.
[CACKLES]
[ELEPHANTS TRUMPETING]
Mr. Spike, fire photon torpedoes.
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING AND CHEERING]
Yee-haw!
Ding! First floor, sawdust, animal duty and evil clown.
One clown coming through.
[HORN HONKS]
That's one speedy clown.
We need some wheels, my little monkey mechanic.
All righty, then, you clowns.
Everybody out of the car, and don't try anything funny.
Clowns.
[CYCLE BELL RINGS]
-Hey, Stinky. -The name is Scuzzle.
[CYCLE BELL RINGS]
[HORN HONKING]
[DOGS BARKING]
[CHATTERING]
[HORN HONKS]
Up against the wall, Scuzzos.
Hmm.
[CACKLES]
That's not funny, Scuzzo.
-How did you knew it was me? -Gee, let me think.
Give me that.
[LAUGHS EVILLY]
I'm through clowning around, detective.
Two can play at this game, scuzz ball.
Excuse me.
Pardon me. Just be a minute.
Ah! Here we go.
On guard.
Maybe I should have grabbed the pizza instead.
Rule No. , the pet detective is always prepared.
[HORN BLOWING]
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING AND CHEERING]
Spank you. Spank you very much.
You've ruined everything, Ventura,
but you won't catch Scuzzle.
[CHATTERING]
You're the one who robbed the safe.
I'm not telling.
[HISSING]
You're not funny. You've never been funny,
and no one wants to see an unfunny clown using the organ grinders equipment
and a copy of Hypnotism For Clowns.
You created a team of circus animals to break into Schilling's trailer,
cr*ck open the safe, and steal the payroll.
The animals are innocent. You are guilty
and unfunny. [GASPS FOR BREATH]
Admit it, Scuzzo.
I'm not telling.
Hmm. I wonder?
-Do clowns bounce? -Uh-huh.
SCUZZLE: All right. All right. I stole the money.
Do you know how much an unfunny clown gets paid?
Hopefully enough to buy new pants.
Just let me down easy and I'll give the money back.
Game, set and match.
Yes!Ace Ventura, The Legend Continues.
Available soon at your local video store.
[ALL CHEERING]
You are a very brave man, Mr. Ace.
[KISSES]
[CHATTERING]
Behind every brave man is a hairy monkey.
[ALL CHATTERING LIKE A MONKEY]
You've saved the circus, Mr. Ventura.
You have but to name your price!
Really? [CHUCKLES]
Look, Luigi, Mr. Ace is here.
-[ALL ANIMALS MAKE NOISES] -[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING AND CHEERING]
[SPIKE CHATTERING]
Yeah, groovy!
[SPIKE CHATTERING]
[BOTH LAUGHING]
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]