02x09 - The Real Villain

[bunniefuu]

Previously on Velma...

[Don] The military used Uncle Scoobi's
photos of Dr. Perdue's journal pages

to create an invincible
super soldier

to infiltrate groups
of meddling kids.

- But it went bad.
- [monster growls]

I see you, ghost.

Velma! Velma, where are you?

- [Velma] Help!
- Velma!

[demonic laughter]

[Velma] When I was little, it
was easy to spot a villain.

He had an unironic,
handlebar mustache,

and you knew who
to root against.

- But over time...
- [girl booing]

villains have gotten
more complicated.

Oh, God, who are you?

And what are you?

Nowadays, when judging
villains, we have to ask,

"Do people hate you
because you're bad?"

Or "Are you bad because
people hate you?"

[growling] Hello, Velma.

I'm Scrappy.

[siren wailing]

Okay. Every student has been
accounted for except two.

Velma Dinkley and
Theodore P. Butt-Sack,

whom, I just realized,
is on here as a joke.

Velma was dragged away
by the serial k*ller.

Who's gonna solve
this mystery now?

- [tires screeching]
- Don't worry, everyone!

Don and the military
are going to find Velma!

And the police will gladly work
with them so they're not slowed down

by some action movie-style
jurisdictional pissing match.

- [tires screech]
- Remain calm, everyone.

The private sector has
arrived to find Velma.

Back off, William. This
is a military matter.

What's that? I can't hear
you without a megaphone!

- [all laughing]
- [microphone feedback]

I said the private sector is no
match for the United States military.

And I'll be damned if my ex-wife's rich
boyfriend finds my daughter before me,

Especially since William
already showed up Aman

by proposing to Diya
before Aman proposed to me.

Which he still hasn't done.
Even though I bore him a child.

Stop! This is silly.

The only thing that matters
right now is saving Velma.

And William has the
biggest megaphone!

[indistinct shouting]

[Norville sighs]

So the day may come when a mystery
in this town is solved by adults.

But today is not that day.

We're clearly gonna have
to find Velma ourselves.

[indistinct shouting]

[Velma] So you're the
evil super soldier?

A talking dog named Scrappy?
How is that even possible?

How is it possible?

Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-tah! Puppy Power!

And cutting-edge technology.

Mostly, cutting-edge
technology, if I'm honest.

The speaker from
the Baby Babble Box!

I was right. The military
connected it to your evil brain!

Yes. But I'm not evil.

I didn't k*ll those
men! [Panting]

Scrappy Dappy Doo!

Okay. But those weird outbursts
are making me very uncomfortable,

which is the same
complaint the victims had

before they were m*rder*d.

I know, but they're
not weird outbursts.

They're catchphrases, baby.

Catchphrases?

Yes. You see, Project
SCOOBI built me

to appeal to meddling kids
so I could infiltrate them.

Okay, but you live
in a literal lair,

complete with a strung-out woman
lounging in the background.

[dog sighs]

That's classic villain-ish.

She's not strung-out.

She's recovering from
the bus accident.

No one was supposed to get hurt.

I just wanted to
get your attention.

What? Why?

Because you've already
caught one serial k*ller,

and I need help catching
the person framing me.

Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-tah!

Sergeant Don Gigisfather.

Don? Please. No one loves
a good twist more than me.

But there are not enough
flashbacks in the world

to make me believe
Don's the k*ller.

I can do it in four.

But to prove to you
that I'm innocent,

you're free to go.

All I ask is you remember
that there was a time

no one believed you,

- that your mom was kidnapped...
- Help! Help! Help!

[Scrappy groans]

[whimsical music playing]

[Lola] Oh, I'm stuck again.

That's the same spot you were stuck
in before. We're going in circles.

Why is Fred in the lead?

I don't want to be. But
when I try to fall back,

someone keeps pushing
me to the front.

- What? No, we don't.
- [twig snaps]

- [all gasp]
- [Daphne] Someone's there.

Velma?

You know, I think
jump-scares are cheap!

- [engine roaring]
- [all screaming]

- There you are!
- Grandma?

This manhunt for Velma has the
military sniffing around the asylum.

I need to move out now!

Fred, is my old lab in
your basement still there?

Or, can I assume
it's a sex dungeon?

I mean, the staff has sex down
there, but they say it's nice.

How did you even
find us out here?

- I told her where we were.
- What?

I've been secretly
working for Dr. Perdue.

Because Fred's mom is a ghost!

[all gasp]

A-g-g-g-g! I thought Norville
was just hallucinating.

It was, like, a whole thing.

[Velma panting]

Oh, god! I'm lost and
I'm gonna die out here!

Do you want some water?

Just k*ll me already. Please.

All I want is for you to
listen to my... [laughs]

Ta-ta-ta-ta-tah!
Side of the story.

Fine. But there's
nothing you can say

that will make me be like.

"Oh, snap! That
changes everything."

I understand. My story
begins two years ago...

When an undercover operative,
named Uncle Scoobi,

took photographs of my mom
reading Dr. Perdue's journals.

- Don told me.
- And did Don tell you.

Uncle Scoobi is now missing?

Oh, snap. I mean, continue.

So two years ago,

Uncle Scoobi convinced the military, a
precocious, catchphrase-spouting puppy

would be the perfect way to
infiltrate and monitor meddling kids.

Everyone pitched on
other personality traits

that would make kids
instantly love me.

But there was dissension
among the ranks.

Are we sure invincibility
is a good idea?

Oh, no, you're right.

A super soldier that's easy to
k*ll makes a lot more sense.

[all laughing]

[Scrappy] And so from the
scraps of Dr. Perdue's journals,

- [all exclaiming]
- I was born.

- Okay, leash time!
- [Scrappy gasps]

- [Don yells]
- [all laughing]

So that's why you're
called Scrappy.

No, uh, Scrappy is a portmanteau
of "shitty" and "crappy."

Don gave it to me as we
got off on the wrong foot.

- Wha...?
- [Scrappy] Literally! I ate his sneakers.

Oh, come on!

I was ordered my own
pairs to chew on.

I have that form,

but if these are the
same as Don's sneakers.

[Velma yelps and groans]
- [man grunts]

[Velma] Is he the one who
tackled me in the graveyard?

Yes. Sure. Don was annoyed
I chewed his sneakers.

But the fact that everyone
else loved my catchphrases,

invincibility and spunky energy,

slowly drove him crazy.

[man gasps] - [Scrappy] Until
Don pressured the others to sign

a petition to get rid of me.

So it was Don who made the
men uncomfortable, not you!

Which is why he would've old
my dad not to take the case.

[Scrappy] But when everyone
refused to sign his petition

to get rid of me, Don snapped.

And decided to k*ll
them and frame me.

- Whoa!
- [all laughing]

[Scrappy] Which
isn't surprising.

When it comes to guys
making people uncomfortable,

[laughs] where there's smoke...

There's fire. Yes, but was that
enough to frame you for m*rder?

[helicopter blades whirring]

Velma! Where are you?

I'm scared!

William will find you first!

Remember Velma, you
don't have to help me.

If you don't believe
me, you're free to go.

I thought we already decided.

Mother wasn't a
ghost at the seance.

And how do you two
know each other?

Wait. Is there an app to
make friends with old people?

No. In my brain research,
I've long suspected

human consciousness detaches from
the brain and continues after death.

So when I put my brain in
Daphne and Amber could tell,

I hired them to try to see
if your hallucinations were,

in fact, Victoria's
detached consciousness,

aka, a ghost.

[all] Oh, snap!

- [twig snaps]
- [all gasp]

Mother? Quick, how's my hair?

Aah!

Oh, false alarm!
It's only Velma.

- Wait!
- [all] Velma!

[Velma moans, gasps]

Velma, I found you!
First! Thank god!

I have to go now.

Get Dr. Perdue to
Fred's basement.

I'll stay with Velma.

Velma, what happened?

I... I...

- [Velma moans]
- Velma!

Well, everything seems
normal, thank goodness.

Now, how did you
escape the k*ller?

k*ller? After the accident, I
just wandered the woods in a daze,

like I was in a
perfume commercial.

Okay, well, not great that the
k*ller is still on the loose,

but now it's time to
focus on what's important.

I found Velma first.

- And wasn't shown up by William.
- [Diya sighs]

Sure. Not this time, at least.

Not anytime! Diya said
"no" to his proposal.

Actually, now might
not be the best time,

but after watching
William's search for Velma

like she was his own child...

More than my own child!

Fred spent a month lost
in our own hedge maze.

Well, the point is William,
if the offer still stands,

and Velma is okay with it,
I accept your proposal.

[all gasp]

Velma, remember,
you can say "no."

- [William] Hmm.
- Well?

Actually, Mom, if William makes
you happy, I say go for it.

- [all whooping and cheering]
- [Aman sighs]

[Sophie] Ugh!

Velma, come with us!

We'll get boba if you
let me interrogate you.

- [electricity crackling]
- Uh, I mean, talk to you more.

Uh, thanks, but I'm
going with my mom.

She just got engaged and has zero
friends to bore with the news.

[Diya moaning] - Mom, I'm gonna
head home with Dad and Don.

A three-hour explanation of why
the NBA was better in the '80s

will help me sleep.

Velma, what's really going on?

And how are you so chill about
your mom marrying William?

You said the only stepfather
you'd ever accept was Rahul Kohli.

[Daphne yelps]

Because her marriage will help me
help my new friend clear his name.

New friend?

- Hello!
- [Daphne gasps]

[Fred] Ah. [Grunts]

Wow. I can't believe

you've had a brain-swapping
machine this whole time,

and we haven't
done more with it.

Oh! Maybe it's because you've been
too busy hiding a ghost from us!

I'm not hiding anything,
it's just a theory.

Hey, my dad and
Diya got engaged!

- [Victoria] What!
- [all screaming]

[Victoria] Ahh!

So you're saying Don's
the actual k*ller,

but is trying to frame this
invincible talking dog?

- Oh, snap, right?
- No! Not "Oh, snap."

It makes no sense.

If Don wanted to frame Scrappy,
why would he first frame

the witches, and then
just women in general?

[woman] I'm the serial k*ller.

I hadn't thought of that. Oh...

Buh-buh-buh. Before you
"Oh, snap," I can explain.

See, Don didn't convince the
military I was the k*ller

until the coroners were dead.

That's when Uncle
Scoobi and I fled.

- [woman screams]
- [b*ll*ts firing]

While the military blamed the
murders on witches and women

to keep anyone from tracing them
back to their top-secret project.

Okay, but just one question.

Who is Uncle Scoobi?

That's the thing. I
never saw their face.

But I didn't think twice
about it because I'm a dog.

I see with my nose.

Oh! [Chuckles] Yeah! Okay. Sure.

[whispering] Velma,
this is crazy.

Scrappy is clearly the k*ller.
How can you believe him?

Because I've been him.

No one believed me when I
said my mom was kidnapped.

Or when I said I
didn't k*ll Brenda.

[Daphne sighs] Ah! Okay.

Hey, just an FYI, I
can still hear you.

- I'm a dog.
- [harp playing]

[bagpipes playing]

So the plan is to get
Don away from his guards

in order to make him
admit he's the k*ller

and tell us where
Uncle Scoobi is.

But Scrappy is invincible.

Why not just grab Don right now?

Because Don's guards
are armed with...

[sighs deeply] My one weakness.

[Scrappy] Vacuum cleaners.

- [horror movie music playing]
- [Scrappy screams]

Of course. Anyway, thanks
to my mom getting engaged,

I think we might be
able to isolate Don

at the one thing all
true sociopaths love.

- A bachelor party.
- For William?

No. Not William's
bachelor party.

My dad's. We're gonna get him
to finally propose to Sophie.

Oh! Can I come?
I love proposals.

They combine my two
favorite things,

romance and competing for
likes on social media.

Actually, I need you to...

Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-tah!
Stay here with me.

What? Why?

In case, Velma does
something stupid,

like try and rat me
out to those guards.

Dogs can sense energy, you know?

And you're both
making me nervous.

I totally get it. Hour tops.

Velma, wait! I don't
know about this.

Oh, don't worry. You'll be fine.

Oh, yeah, you totally will.

If she's back in time.

[Norville grunting]

You were haunting me?

As if a living white woman
don't already haunt me enough?

Yes, but only because I
thought I was a hallucination.

But once I realized
I was a ghost,

I decided to make Fred
the man he's meant to be.

Before I moved on.

Oh, which is why you pushed me
to leave the g*ng in the woods

and to make friends with
smart, competent people,

like Norville in Sacramento.

Yes, but nothing's worked, and now your
father is marrying that softie, Diya.

You're doomed, Fred.
And thus so am I.

Well, if you really want to
prepare me for the world,

I know one thing
that might work.

A hug.

[Victoria laughing]

Dad, what I'm about to say
is going to sound crazy.

But with Mom's engagement, you
need to propose to Sophie. ASAP.

I know!

Obviously I can't let
William show me up like this.

But I did just propose
and she said no.

[sighs] You like green apple?
You want this candy ring?

No. And why wouldn't she accept?

[Sophie] Because of you, Velma.

Somehow I've come to
genuinely care about you.

- What?
- I'm as surprised as you are.

I always thought I'd be fine
being a hated, evil stepmother.

But now, before I
marry into this family,

I need to know you
care about me, too.

So what? You want like an e-card
from a free e-card service?

Done! Now, let's
talk bachelor party.

No. I had Aman draw up an
"emotional prenup" for you to sign.

- [Daphne reading]
- [Velma] Uh...

[Scrappy growling]

So this is real, Sophie?

You always struck me as
a dodging prenup type.

Item one, no more rude comments.

But that's our whole dynamic!

Can you both live with
one rude comment per day?

- Two, if she gets a bad haircut.
- Agreed.

[Aman] Item two, when
Sophie's relatives call,

you'll say, "She's not
available" instead of, "Dead."

I don't have time for this!
Just "Yes" to everything.

- Really?
- Yes.

So you'll no longer toss empty
soda cans at Sophie's head?

- No!
- Or refer to her as my goomar?

- No.
- Or scream-sneeze?

[Velma scream-sneezes]

- Or use the words "basic" "norm-core" or "busted."
- [Velma] No, no.

- Only if I catch her cheating on you.
- I can live with that.

And finally, you will
no longer make jokes

- about Sophie's wacky clock collection.
- [clocks dinging]

- Yes!
- Then yes! Yes! I'll marry you.

[Aman grunts] - But it has to be
before William and Diya get married.

- Don, she said "Yes"!
- That is amazing.

Congratulations on no longer
being shown up by a rich man.

Now let's talk bachelor party.

Velma, you're not throwing
my bachelor party.

Do you even have
a cocaine hookup?

Uh, the only way you're having a
bachelor party is if Velma plans it.

Oh, man.

[Velma panting]

Sorry, that took so long.

But the bachelor party is a go.
And look, everything's fine.

Because Scrappy
is not the k*ller.

Then why is he looking at
me like I'm a chicken leg?

[Scrappy growls] - Because chicken
bones k*ll dogs, Daphne, he's scared!

Okay, well, if my life is
done being used as collateral,

I'm gonna hop. Good luck.

Daphne, don't be like that!

You were never in danger
because Scrappy is innocent.

Thank you, Velma. I'm gonna
call you worm medicine.

'Cause you really know how
to put my heart at ease.

[Victoria laughing demonically]

[inhales] A hug? Oh, Fred,
that was funny. Don't be funny.

It's desperate. And I've told
you hugs make children weak.

No, no, that's not true! Dad
and I hug all the time now,

and I've never felt
more confident!

Seriously, all I want for
Christmas is a mesh shirt.

Really? Well, even if I were
willing, there's one problem.

[Fred gasps]

- But you were able to push me.
- And I guess that felt important.

Wait. What if you used my body?

Maybe if you possess
me, you can hug him.

Oh, and then spider-walk me across
the ceiling. I need a new profile pic.

That's worth a shot, I guess.
Nothing else I've tried has worked.

And I want to pass on already.

Silvio Berlusconi
owes me a drink.

Wait, wait, wait. I got to get a vid, so I
can recreate it with pillows whenever I want.

- [Amber gasps]
- [Victoria laughs]

[neck clicking]

What's happening?
What's happening?

[Amber screaming in agony]

[Amber and Victoria screaming]

What just happened?

Wait. Of course. If a ghost
is just a consciousness,

maybe a brain can't handle
two of them at once.

It overloads the system.

Same reason we'll never get
a Beyonce, Rihanna collab.

Yes, that's it!

If a brain can only
have one consciousness,

I know how I can finally
make you a man, Fred.

Huh, wait! Mother,
what are you doing?

[Fred and Victoria screaming]

[Don] Oh, did I need this!

I'm always with my
security detail,

at the Project SCOOBI Labs.

Or worst of all,
talking to my family.

- Totally. But where are we?
- [Velma] Where are we?

- The strip club!
- The strip club?

Velma, you're my daughter.

It's weird at best
and lazy at worst.

We've already done this.

No, Dad. This time
it's different.

c*ck, lap dances, a sexy girl
pops out of a giant cake, then...

[Aman and Don] Hold on! Cake?

Sophie already has
me on a wedding diet.

[Don] We're in!

♪ Money ♪

[club music playing
over speakers]

♪ Money ♪

[instrumental music playing]

Hey, forget the dancing!
Daddy wants cakey.

Ooh, mamma.

I can see the red velvet poking
out from behind the frosting.

[Velma] Ugh!

[Scrappy] Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-tah!

Revenge time!

Ah! Shitty-Crappy?
Velma, what did you do?

- [Velma screams]
- [Don yells]

Scrappy, stop! We're just
supposed to get a confession

and learn where Uncle Scoobi is.

Sorry, Velma.

Turns out, I am the
k*ller. [Scrappy cackles]

But it's not my fault.

Project SCOOBI made me who I am.

So I ask, who's really
the villain here?

Them? Or me?

You are. You bit
their dicks off.

Uh, okay. But without
them, there's no me.

Yeah, no, I get it!

I'm just really bumping
on the d*ck biting.

Well, do you at least
feel bad for me?

Not at all. You're a monster.

Not a Frenchman stealing
bread to feed his family.

And I've known it all along.

So stop whining and let
me enjoy your downfall

with no moral ambiguity.

Girls, hit it!

[Scrappy] What? No!

[Scrappy screams]
No, no, no, no, no!

Make it stop!
[Screams] Or k*ll me!

[crying in agony]
Oh, please k*ll me!

[Aman] For the love of god, can somebody
please explain what's happening?

Am I getting cake or not?

[Fred crying in agony]

Mother, what are you doing?

Instead of trying to
make myself disappear,

I'm going to get rid of you.
I'm taking over your body.

You can be a ghost!

And I'll be the man
you're meant to be!

[Fred gasps]

And you're gonna like it!

No, I won't like
it! I'll hate it!

[yells] Because I hate you!

I've always hated you!

- [groans]
- [Victoria yells]

You don't get to
control me anymore.

I'm my own man in my own body!

- So get out!
- [Victoria screams]

[Fred grunts and moans]

- Why are you smiling?
- Because you did it.

I finally feel ready to move on.

If you can stand up to me,
you can do anything, Freddie.

Today you are a man.

So long, my sweet prince.

Oh, god, what's
happening? [Screams]

It burns. [Screams]

[screaming]

Make it stop, this is
all your fault, Fred!

[sizzling]

Okay, well, I need to unpack.

[Scrappy growls]

So you planned all
of this, Velma?

And yet you can't ever
remember Father's Day?

Yes. See, from the moment I saw
Scrappy, I knew he was evil.

I even told him, his
lair, his outbursts,

his mouth full of
Occam's razors,

and most damning of all,
Scrappy made me uncomfortable.

But to get away, I
needed him to trust me.

[Daphne] That's where I came in.

- Daphne, how?
- How?

It was easy.

Velma fainted as a cover to
tell me what was going on.

Once Velma figured out
her bachelor party plan,

It became my job to doubt her.

So she could prove to
Scrappy she believed him.

[Velma] So now all that's
left is for you to say,

"Oh, snap" before the police
throw your a*s in jail.

[Scrappy cackles]

That's what you think, Velma.

See, I have friends
on the inside.

So as much as you want to enjoy
my downfall, that won't happen.

Yeah, I'll go to jail
now, but soon you'll see

everything from your kidnapping
to making Don confess,

was just a big diversion to
get what I need to escape

with Uncle Scoobi for good,
never to be found again.

[cackling]

Oh, snap.

Or should I say, Oh,
Snappy Dappy Doo!

[laughing evilly]

Hey, dudes, I'm here
for the bachelor party.

Whoa! Cake! Nice.

[theme music playing]

I see you found the
place easily enough.

And who said the bodies
are too far gone?

You tell Scrappy that
with a little work,

I'll have no problem transferring
his brain into one of these girls.