01x12 - The Man Who Cried Clown / Johnny Real Good / Little Talky Tabitha

[bunniefuu]

, , , hyah!

Baby!

Sassy!

Studly.

Check the pecs. Hee! Ha! Huh!

Man, I'm pretty.

Do the monkey with me! Come on!

Hey there, baby.

Oh! Uh!

Yeah, whatever.

NARRATOR:

Submitted for your perusal--

a routine

passenger flight.

Also for your

consideration--

the portrait of a man,

one Johnny Bravo--

A man afraid

of very little,

save the possible exception

of clowns.

And if he were to look

out the window...

[loudly]

And if he were to look

out the window--

Huh? Huh?

Oh.

He would discover

that he and his mother...

Honk honk!

Have just booked one-way passage

to the zone

where normal things don't happen

very often.

Mama.

Hey, mama, wake up.

There's a clown

on the wing.

I don't see

anything.

I know

I saw a clown.

[burp]

Aah! Oh!

Mama.

Mama, there's a clown

on the wing

of the plane.

This had better be

good, Johnny.

I was just dreaming

about me and Tom Jones

in a Jacuzzi.

[groan]

Mama, just look out the window,

will you, please?

I honestly don't know

what's gotten

into you, boy.

Now, let mama rest.

[mama snoring]

CLOWN:

Honk honk!

Huh?

Hey, mister,

there's a clown on the wing.

Oh, no, you don't.

No, you don't.

I'm not falling

for that one again.

No, sir.

Fool me once, shame on me.

Fool me twice...

Aah! Whoopee!

[beeping]

To the left, Harvey.

To the left.

Mr. Captain,

there's a clown--

Not now, son.

He almost had it.

To the right!

To the right!

Help, Miss.

There's a clown...

Say there,

pretty air mama,

didn't you see me

in your dreams last night?

No, I don't

believe so.

Would you like to

right now?

Just close your eyes

and follow

the landing lights right on in.

Honk honk!

JOHNNY:

Whoa!

Oh!

I think you're special

and all, missy,

but this is a little bit weirder

than I'm willing to go.

Give me that.

[whimpering]

Now, please stay

in your seat.

I guess I was

just dreaming.

No. No. No.

That little fella is not real.

Honk honk!

Go away, fragment

of my imagination.

Hey, wait a minute!

Don't do that.

Whoa!

[groaning]

Oh, man, are you

going to get it.

Johnny, I thought

I told you--

no playing

with the window!

But, mama--

What happened

to your face, Johnny boy?

You look crazy.

All right,

that does it.

Hyah! I'm going to

make them stop this plane.

You've got to do

something!

Not now, son.

Left foot on yellow,

Jimmy.

That's Harvey, sir.

Jimmy, Harvey--who cares?

Left foot on yellow.

Excuse me, but--

What are you--

some kind of weirdo?

Get out of here.

Ooh! Aah!

Agh!

Oh, mama.

Ooh!

Whoa!

Honk honk!

I am going to

kick your--

Whoa!

[snoring]

Now, stop playing

with the lights.

I'm trying to dream.

Can't you see

I'm trying to dream?

Yes, mama.

I'm going to get that stinking clown.

Hold it right there,

painty-face boy.

[grunting]

That's it,

you big, dumb,

clowny...

whatever!

This time you've

gone too far.

Hyah!

[raspberries]

"Pull string."

Sounds good to me.

[bang]

[sultrily]

Honk honk.

Oh, yeah.

Now I got the bait.

Hyah! Time to kick

some clowny butt.

[sneezing]

Yo, clown boy!

I've got a little

friend for you.

Honk honk honk

honk honk honk honk!

[punching

and honking]

[toilet flushing]

Now I can finally

rest easy.

PILOT:

All right, who got rid

of the clown

on the wing?

It was I--

Johnny Bravo. Hyah!

You fool,

he was a vital part

of our duo-clowny wing

balance outta-lotta.

The other clown is

doing his best,

but how in the world

do you expect us

to land this plane

with only one clown?

Wait.

I can explain.

[all shouting]

[sleepily]

Oh, Tom...

What?

Ha ha ha!

NARRATOR:

The flight

of Mr. Bravo is concluded now--

a flight not only

from point "A" to point "B,"

but to points

"C," "D," "E,"

"F," "G," "H," "I,"

"J," and "K"--

for Mr. Bravo has just flown

directly through the zone

where normal things

don't happen very often.

Honk honk.

NARRATOR:

Mr. Johnny Bravo,

existing for the moment

on a speck

of chronological sediment

in the grand river of time,

but of course

every Eddy, every current

meets a stone here and there

that displaces the flow.

Part of it rushes to one side,

part of it to the other.

Mr. Bravo is

about to travel

straight through the middle

into the zone

where normal things

don't happen very often.

Announcer:

The all-new Firestorm.

You gotta get one.

Oh, mama!

I gotta get one.

Hyah!

Mama, I need

some money to buy a car.

If you want a car

so badly,

why don't you

get a job?

Aah!

Oh, hush up,

Johnny.

Now here's

the help wanted page.

"I want," "I want,"

"I need," "I need"--

Wait a second.

What's this?

"Baby-sitter wanted

for -year-old boy.

"Child all-powerful.

Please think happy thoughts.

Call -."

Wow! I get paid

for sitting around watching TV

while some brat

takes a nap.

No problemo.

[ring]

[squeaking]

Oh, hi.

You must be Johnny.

We're glad to see you,

Johnny--real glad.

Uh, yeah. I'm here

to baby-sit for little Timmy.

Oh, he's such

a good boy.

He's the best

little boy ever.

Yeah, well,

can I come in?

It's nice that

you want to come in.

Timmy's in the den.

It's good

that he's in there.

I like that he's

in the den.

Ok, I get the point.

[squeaking]

This is Timmy.

Hi.

Hey, look at that.

He spilled grape juice

on your carpet.

You want me to send him

to bed without supper?

Oh, no. Timmy did

a good thing to the carpet.

We like

that he spilled.

The new color

is much better

than the old color--

much better indeed.

Much better.

Ok, you guys

are starting to freak me out.

Look, why don't you just

take off and let me deal with Billy?

Timmy.

Whatever.

Now, Johnny, please remember to

think only happy thoughts.

Think of good things,

Johnny.

Yeah, sure.

[squeaking]

Hey, what's

with the shoes?

Ha ha! Timmy likes it

when I wear the shoes

you can hear.

Everyone likes

Timmy.

That's right.

That's right.

Everyone does.

Ok, that's about

enough of that.

[shoes squeaking]

Timmy likes chocolate.

Beat it!

All right, kid, now,

I'm doing this for the money,

so I don't want any trouble

from you, you hear?

You shouldn't

yell at me.

Oh? And why not?

I like

happy thoughts.

If you think

bad thoughts,

I'll make you go

in the corn field.

[imitating Timmy]

"Make you go in the corn field."

Yeah, what a brat.

What the--

Hey, what's going on

here? Hyah!

How did you do that?

I can do anything.

Well, then knock it off.

Can you do that?

You keep thinking

bad things about me.

Aah! Aah!

Ooh! Oh!

Hot mama!

Hot! Hot! Hot!

Ha ha! Johnny on fire. Ha ha!

Aah! Aah!

Wait a second.

Stop, drop,

and roll.

[hissing]

All right, kid,

that's it.

You're going to bed.

Man, now, I am {\i}really{\i}

getting ticked.

Hyah!

What kind of

mutant squirt are you, anyway?

That's a bad thing

to say.

Now, look here,

Will Robinson,

this is getting

really old really fast,

so you either quit

messing around now, or I--

wait a second.

Something ain't right.

Oh, man.

Hyah!

Oh, kid, you are

asking for it.

You better be

a nice man.

You better think

nice things about me.

Or what?

Whoa, mama.

You think big, bad things,

so I made you little.

So much for

the punishment fitting the crime.

Argh!

Ok, Timmy,

I don't care

if I am

two inches high.

Hyah!

Aggh!

Oh, mama.

Well, Johnny,

thanks for baby-sitting.

Isn't Timmy

the best ever?

Wow. I was

just thinking the same thing...

about Timmy--

That he's real good.

Real good.

All right,

Mr. and Mrs. Psycho,

I'm going to want

some extra cash for this,

and if you'll take my advice,

put that kid to bed

and keep him there

for the rest of his life.

Oh, Timmy goes to bed

whenever he wants to,

and not before.

Definitely

not before.

He's such

a good boy.

Timmy likes

the circus.

I'm out of here.

Oh, Johnny, Johnny boy,

I'm so proud of you.

Enough odd jobs, and you'll have the

money for a car in no time.

Ah, forget it,

mama.

The Firestorm

ain't looking

so fiery anymore.

A good night's sleep,

and I can put

this work nonsense behind me.

And tomorrow I'll get back

to what's really important.

[yawning]

Ah, man!

NARRATOR:

Mr. Johnny Bravo--

the victim of a simplistic,

childish mind

which by some twist

of fate

was crowned grand ladle

to the percolating stew kettle

called humanity.

Mr. Bravo--on the outskirts

of the zone

where normal things

don't happen very often.

Hi. I'm Johnny Bravo,

and--hey!

What the--

Now, hold on a--ugh!

Arggh! Whoa!

[braying]

Mama!

[grunting]

[crash]

Sorry about that, folks.

Hey, look,

I'm counting.

NARRATOR:

Submitted

for your perusal--

a man named Johnny Bravo

enjoying a seemingly normal day

by the pool,

little knowing he is

about to dive headfirst

into the deep end

of the zone

where normal things

don't happen very often.

Man, I love when

my heinie gets all sunshiny.

Don't you,

sweetheart?

[Johnny growls]

I like

my women thin.

SUZY:

Hi, Johnny.

Neat doll.

What are you

doing here, kid?

I came to show you

{\i}my{\i} new doll.

Isn't she cool?

Her name is

Talky Tabitha.

Know what she does?

Gets her little butt

out of my yard and--

Nope. She talks.

Just pull the string,

Johnny.

My name is

Talky Tabitha,

and I love everybody.

Wow. That's great,

kid. Now--

except you,

Johnny Bravo.

I think you're

a real jerk.

Hey, your doll just

called me a jerk.

Ha ha. Very funny, Johnny.

Hey, want to have

a tea party with us?

No, thanks, kid.

I've got better things

to think about, like me.

WOMAN:

Suzy! Lunchtime!

Ok, mom!

See you later, Johnny.

Hey, kid, you forgot

your doll!

Oh, well.

Time to take a big dip

into lake Johnny. Hyah!

I don't think

you listen very well.

Beg your pardon?

Oh! Whoa!

Hey, you can't do that.

You're just a doll.

I'm a doll, all right--

a very special doll.

I can do anything

I want, Johnny dorko.

Urgh!

See?

I think I heard

Suzy invite you

to a tea party,

and I think you're

going to go...

or else little Suzy

will be serving tea

with a side order

of shish ke-Bravo.

What should I bring?

Johnny.

Hi, kid.

I'm here for the tea party.

You are?

But I can't stay long--er!

Ooh!

Than --ow! Ers--

hours-- hours.

And you brought

Tabitha.

Oh, I missed you.

And I missed you, too.

[quietly]

But you, Johnny,

I won't miss.

I'm a really good shot.

Man, I hate dolls.

Today we're featuring

a very mild blend

of Darjeeling

and chamomile

with a modest hint

of saffron.

It's quite satisfying--

tarty yet not too chichi.

Got any root beer?

Let me go check.

Tabitha, you stay

here with Johnny.

Now's my chance.

Huh?

[animal snarling]

Oh! Ow! Ooh!

Bad kitty. Ooh!

I see

you've met Diablo.

Now, listen,

raggedy evil.

I've had

just about enough--

Whoa! Ooh!

SUZY:

Thanks for

entertaining Tabitha

while I was gone,

Johnny.

Hey, kid,

your doll's alive.

Sure, Johnny,

and I'm Tina Turner.

[snoring]

[sleepily]

Oh, yeah, an all-girl jury.

Looks like

Johnny had

a little too much tea, Tabitha.

You stay here

and watch him

while I go get the soybean

fritters.

Fire!

Huh? Help! Help! Fire!

Get me some water!

Ugh! Oh!

It's not nice to sleep

at Suzy's party.

What about bleeding?

Oh, that's ok.

I encourage it.

Thanks

for volunteering

to model for me,

Johnny.

Ah, don't mention it.

Ok, hold still while I go and get

the fishnet stockings.

Hey! Look over there!

It's Pinocchio!

Pinocchio?

Hyah!

Hyah! All right,

dolly wolly doodle,

time you and me

had a serious talk.

Ooh, I hate it

when people use

Pinocchio

to distract me.

Thanks, lady.

Ha ha!

So ends the dolly follies.

Hyah!

Whoa, mama!

Ok, Johnny, I give.

You give?

Like, give up?

Nope. I give...

you a hand grenade.

Ha ha ha!

Well, that's one way

to exercise the glutes.

Have a nice time

on the moon, devil dolly.

I guess you learned

your lesson, huh?

I sure did, Johnny.

Hey, can you grant me

one last request?

Ok, but I got to

warn you--

I don't give away

locks of my hair.

Ha ha! No, Johnny,

nothing like that.

Could you open this jug

of turbo glue for me?

Sure.

Now, could you dump it

around your feet?

All right,

but that's it.

I'm not taking

orders from a doll.

Thank you.

No problem.

P.A.:

, , ,

blastoff!

Blastoff? No!

[Johnny groaning]

Bye, Johnny!

It's been fun!

I sure showed her.

Agh!

Oh, man,

it's good to be home.

[stammering]

Ooh! Hi, Johnny.

Look at my new

doll collection.

They had a big sale

on the shopping network,

and I just had to

have them.

This one came

from the moon!

ALL:

We'd like a word with you,

Johnny Bravo.

NARRATOR:

A sweet little doll--

harmless toy

or instrument of destruction?

You be the judge,

or better yet,

ask Johnny Bravo,

a man whose case

has just been tried

in the court

of the zone

where normal things

don't happen very often.

Hyah! Anybody want

to buy a doll?

Ha ha ha!