01x01 - Birth

[bunniefuu]

[dark ominous music]

Oh, my baby!

Don't eat my baby!

Don't eat my baby!

Oh, my baby!

♪ Kid show, kid show, ♪

♪ O good Lord, it's a kid show. ♪

♪ Kid show, kid show. ♪

♪ Change the channel for...

♪ For kids.

Today's Wonder Showzen is brought to you by...

The letter N, Mexico...

And Baby's First sensual oil, 'cause you're never too young

to set the night on fire.

Oh, hey, kids.

Hi, Chauncey.

We got a gravy show for you today.

Right, g*ng?

Yay!

Today letter N's getting out of rehab, clean and sober.

Yay!

Oh, here she comes now.

[crying]

Why you crying, letter N?

You back on the bottle?

Nobody needs me.

Why are you drinking?

Nobody needs me!

Hooch won't k*ll your demons.

What are you running from?

No, nobody needs me!

[glass shatters]

Aah!

The devil's got your soul!

She's running from her problems, and we've got to find her.

[echoing]

Lack of identity.

Desire for welfare.

I seen a picture where it came from, but I don't want

to say where it came from.

Carelessness.

Ignored prayers.

I would like to say something right now, but I'm a lady, and I

would like to remain a lady.

I don't wanna say, but I gotta spell it instead.

B-U-T.

Brrring.

Oh, Brad, such a beautiful morning.

Me too, Jenny.

There's something I want to ask you.

Oh, Brad.

These last three months have been

the happiest of my life.

Jenny, would you make me the happiest man alive?

Oh, no, the baby's coming.

Oh, my God.

Is there a doctor?

Can someone get a doctor?

Please help us.

Help us.

What's that?

[synthesized heroic music]

[panting]

[growling]

[baby crying]

Thank you, D.O.G. O.B.G.Y.N.

Would you do us the honor of naming our child?

[barking]

And thank you, Lucy.

[synthesized dirge music

I want to learn about Mexico.

[Spanish guitar music]

man: [whispering Mexico.]

What'd you learn from that?

Eat nachos?

That's right.

Now let's watch this.

If a bully is mean to you, don't be mean back.

Just k*ll him with kindness.

splat!

k*ll him with kindness.

man: [whispering Mexico.]

Hey, Frankie.

What?

I made a movie.

You want to see it?

Yeah.

Okay, let's take a look.

Hi, I'm Clarence, and I'm in the park trying to figure out

what people are running from.

What are you running from?

What are you running away from?

Huh?

What are you running away from?

I'm not running from anything.

Yeah, you are.

You're running away.

Hey, what are you running from?

You're running away from the truth.

What are you running from, guy?

Females.

Females?

There's no females chasing you.

I've seen your face.

I just called the cops.

You look like this r*pe suspect.

You're running away from a lot of things in life, huh?

Yeah.

Yeah, would you like to maybe talk about your Savior,

Jesus Christ?

No, thanks.

Jesus loves you.

Don't you understand?

I'd like to have a long conversation about Jesus

with you.

Don't push your face at me, lady.

I don't press my face at you.

Hey!

That's as*ault!

You know where you're gonna spend eternity?

You can spend it with me talkin' about Jesus.

What are you listening to?

Well--

Okay, let's hear it.

You can check it out.

Oh, my God, it's just the sound of screaming babies!

Hey, what are you running away from?

No, no, no.

Are you running away from something?

Get out of here.

What are you running from?

Huh?

What are you hobbling from?

[bleep you!]

Come on!

Scram out of my sight!

Could I have a kiss?

Could I have a kiss?

What's this?

Are you running away?

No, don't do that!

That's a crime.

I love you.

Ah, he broke my arm.

[dramatic music]

[expl*si*n]

Breaking news at this hour: A cougar from Wyoming has

had a horrific nightmare.

[evil giggling sounds]

And now: How much meat is on a child?

Trevor [clears throat reports.

Hi, I'm Trevor [whistle.]

And today, I'm finding out what it's like to be a butcher.

[newsreel music]

♪ Kids on the beat.

♪ Kids on the street.

♪ Beat Kids!

♪ Beat Kids!

Hey, which one of you butchers is gonna talk to me?

I'll talk to you.

Okay.

Hi, I'm Trevor.

Hi, Trevor.

I'm Eddie Faicco.

This is the showcases, where we keep

all the meat on display.

What is that?

Well, if we turned you inside out,

that's what you would look like inside.

Are you threatening me?

No, I'm not threatening you, little guy.

Hello, officer.

How long have you been a cop?

[laughter]

You know, here we got chicken.

If you want, I could take one out of the showcase.

You could play with it or something.

Y Trevor recibe la pelota, anda por el centro, sigue,

sigue, sigue...

Gooooooool!

What do you do with the bad meat?

Bad meat?

If anything comes in bad, we send it back.

Will you give it to a homeless person who doesn't

have a leg?

Yeah, but why would you want to do that?

Because they're bad people, and that's what they deserve.

Sorry, homeless people out there.

Did you ever give the pig a kiss on the face?

No, I never did.

But, here, maybe you want to.

Come here.

Whoa!

Come here.

Come here.

Are all the K*llers black belts?

Most of them are k*lled by machine today.

Machine unless they stab you.

[laughs]

Stab you, stab you, stab you, stab you, stab you, stab you,

stab you.

I am a k*lling machine.

Wow, looking at all this meat makes me thirsty.

[light quirky music]

Aah, blood tastes-- [in slow motion so...good.

[eerie laugh]

Who's gonna pay for these steaks?

I mean, spiritually?

Spiritually?

You ain't nothin', meat.

You ain't nothin', meat.

Come on, hit him harder.

Hit him like it's your daddy.

Come on.

You ain't nothin', Daddy.

You ain't nothing, Daddy.

I love you, Daddy.

Come back.

Come back to us!

Congratulations.

Today you won a makeover.

[bouncy club music

This has been Kid Eye for the Pigsty.

♪ Beat Kids!

[b*mb whistling]

[expl*si*n]

Breaking news at this hour: The letter N is still missing.

The community here is in mourning.

Hey, hey, I'm on TV.

The grief is tragic.

Look at me.

The sorrow rushing down the road like Indian blood.

Chauncey [clears throat], do you think we'll ever see the

letter N again?

Probably not a lot.

But if we get lucky, we'll see her dead.

Have you done the right thing?

Have you hired a detective?

Uh, a detective?

Yes.

Oh, yeah.

Yes.

Help me, buh-wuh.

So you think you can find her?

I won't just find her, ese.

I'll k*ll her Mexico style.

[screams.]

[distorted synthesized music]

[synthesized scream]

Huh.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

No, twisted freak.

Let's learn about g*n safety.

I wonder what's in Daddy's closet.

Look, a g*n.

I think we should play with it.

Hold on there, children.

Who are you?

Gargantua, the safety sparrow.

I'm a big, tall sparrow with a-something to say.

If you see a g*n, just back away.

[whistle blows]

What are you doing?

Kids, step away from that sparrow.

Let me check his pockets.

What's this all about?

My wallet.

My wristwatch.

My glass eye.

I'm Sammy Smart, the sensibility squirrel,

and that bird is a fake.

How did he get our stuff?

While he was pretending to teach you about g*n safety,

he was really teaching you how to be victims.

both: Thank you.

Well, I guess I learned my lesson.

I'll just let myself out here.

Not so fast.

That's for stealing.

[whip cracking]

And that's for getting blood on my whip.

Remember, kids, if a gargantuan sparrow wants to talk to you

about g*n safety, walk away and tell a grown-up.

Take that bloody child off your lap at once.

man: [whispering Wise Wolf.]

[zipping]

Uh-huh, use caution, wee ones.

Never let a strange squirrel whip an enormous sparrow

and then pull you onto his lap.

He's probably a murderous chicken.

I can't believe I fell for that again.

You get back to your closet frolics.

Yay!

Why is he not playing with his sister?

[ominous music]

Didn't your mama ever tell you not to tango with a carrot?

announcer: Clever Carrot, weekdays at :.

[upbeat banjo music]

man: [whispering Mexico.]

Dear Jesus, I really love you.

Did you do something to your hair?

It looks great.

Have you lost weight?

Anyways, I need to borrow another bucks,

good-looking dog.

[melancholy music]

♪ When it seems your world has come to an end ♪

♪ and the raindrops are your only friend, ♪

♪ letter N.

♪ Letter N.

♪ Letter N.

♪ You'd better look inside your soul, ♪

♪ letter N.

♪ No one to turn to.

♪ Nowhere to go to.

♪ No one to cry to.

♪ Letter N.

♪ Letter N.

♪ No one to run to.

♪ Nowhere to hide.

Say, I'd like a look at you, girl.

I'd like to split that and lick that and hit that.

You mean you need me?

Yeah, I like a-touching you.

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

[playful music]

[groaning]

Let's take this party downstairs.

Yes.

[grunting]

[grunting]

Let's watch a cartoon, you losers.

Yay!

If I was a Mexican, I'd turn into a proud eagle,

and I'd spread my wings, and I'd soar all the way to

America, where I'd get a job in the fields picking lettuce

for ¢ an hour.

And I'd save up enough money to meet the man of my dreams.

And we'd have a whole litter of Mexican babies.

[gurgling sounds]

♪ A dog and a ducky going buck wild. ♪

♪ A bear and a chicken going buck wild. ♪

♪ A snake and a critter going buck wild. ♪

♪ Wild, wild.

[cuckoo sound]

♪ A chump and a hoagie going chickie buck wild. ♪

man: [whispering Mexico.]

You're never too young to have a Vietnam flashback.

[machine g*n fire]

[man screaming]

[expl*si*n]

Here, here.

Hey, sir, sir, sir, here you go.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

[cuckoo sound]

boing!

man: [whispering Mexico.]

You know how hot dogs are made in a hot dog factory?

[giggles]

No. How?

Well, let's watch.

We went to the hot dog factory.

We got to see how they make hot dogs.

First they unload the pigs.

I named that one Mortimer.

Those pigs are going through hell, and my taste buds are

going to Heaven.

That's the meat they use to make hot dogs.

Mortimer was cute.

Daddy.

That man has a cold heart.

That's the dark nature of capitalism.

I gotta go doodie.

That meat is so pretty.

They showed us a chart where the meat comes from.

Daddy.

Yummy.

There's something wrong here.

Raining meat, just like my nightmares.

Mmm, swine colon.

Donkeys' groins.

The meat smells like my grandma's mouth.

Yummy booger sugar.

How pretty.

I gotta go poopie.

Shiny.

I want to swim in the meat poolie.

That's what my doggy does in my pants.

That's what my grandma did on the coffee table.

We rubbed her nose in it.

Daddy.

I think that guy's a Catholic priest.

If I was a hot dog, everyone would love me.

And Daddy wouldn't beat me with a rope of hot dogs

and then make me eat it.

What a delicious beating.

That guy was a wiener smoker.

I could smell it on me.

We got to go into the break room.

Don't do drugs.

Daddy.

He stole my watch and my heart.

Shiny.

Oh, pretty.

I saw the black man.

Hey, look, the hot dog highway.

Beep, beep.

Vrooooom.

Beep, beep.

[crashing sound]

[siren blaring]

[machine g*n fire]

[telephone rings]

[woman screaming]

They're still kicking.

There's Mortimer.

Delicious m*rder.

Hot dogs give me energy so I can fight off my demons.

That's how hot dogs are born.

Hot dog, me love you long time.

Watch this.

I'm going to go take a [bleep.

Dump.

♪ Follow the leader.

♪ Follow the leader.

♪ Follow the leader.

♪ Follow the leader.

[expl*si*n]

♪ Follow the leader.

Oh, yeah, it's Story Time.

Mr. Story is here to read a story.

all: Yay!

Today I'm going to read Freakish Fredney and the

Flubtabulous Cheese Fudge Factory.

all: Yay!

Here we go.

[bell rings]

Oh.

[light synthesized music]

[thinking] Oh, man,

they're buying it.

They totally think I can read.

Mister, aren't you going--

Shh.

[thinking] This creep's just going to read to himself?

What a scumbag.

[thinking] Yeah, I'm like their hero.

When they look at me, they just see

the coolest dude in the world.

Yeah, that's how they see me.

That's how I am to them.

smooch!

Hey, Mister.

Excuse me, I'm trying to read, okay?

Don't make me start over.

Oh.

[thinking] Man, these white folks is [bleeping crazy.]

[thinking] Am I crazy?

Every night, I dream about wolves eating my fingers.

[wolf growling

Careful.

Careful.

[thinking] Oh, no, the wolves got onto

the hot dog highway.

Look out!

[siren blaring]

[machine g*n fire]

[telephone rings]

[woman screaming]

[thinking] I think the CIA is controlling my thoughts.

Uh, no we're not.

[thinking] Oh, I guess they're not.

[thinking] Mr. Story is so cool.

I bet you he could wail on the guitar.

[fast guitar music]

[thinking] Oh, man, she totally thinks

I can play guitar.

She's buying it.

Idiot.

Yeah, she must think I ride with the devil,

but the devil rides alone.

Funny.

[together]

Let's play Funny Not Funny.

[echoing scream]

Funny.

Not funny.

Funny.

Funny.

Not funny.

Not funny.

[toilet flushes]

[sniffing]

[smacks lips]

Well, congratulations.

You're pregnant.

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

Mm-hmm.

[light instrumental music]

Oh, wow.

Oh, wow.

Oh, wow.

Say, man, that wolf was bugging.

Oh, I think I'm going to have the baby.

Tear up some water.

Boil some sheets.

Let's take this party downstairs.

Push. Push.

Ooh.

Push. Push.

Ooh.

Push.

Here it comes.

Oh.

[crying]

Congratulations.

It's a healthy baby I.

Nice.

Yeah.

New.

Yeah.

Now I'm happy.

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

Neat.

Yeah.

Nervous.

Huh?

Are you nuts?

Nuts.

[cackles]

[shutter clicks]

♪ It's a world gone right. ♪

♪ Right.

Today's Wonder Showzen was brought to you by

birth, meat...

And Edna's Edible Diapers.

Makes its own gravy.

Okay, everybody, good-bye.

Good-bye.

Good-bye.

Good-bye.

Good-bye.

♪ Good-bye, farewell.

♪ Au revoir, adios.♪

♪ We hope you enjoyed the show. ♪

♪ Thank you, my friend.

♪ We'll get you in the end.

♪ We hope to see you again.