02x07 - Super Nanny

[bunniefuu]

[GODZILLA ROARS]

MAN: Now, it...

[CLICK, CLICK, CLICK]

Ooh, look! It's super nanny!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Did you say super nanny?

Who is this so-called
"super nanny"?

It's nobody, Captain Hero.

Don't worry about it.

Why has no one informed
me of this super nanny?

Oh, lord. Here go
captain t*rd again.

Every time he hears about
something else being super,

he goes a little bit nuts,

like when he first
heard of a supermarket.

You're not so super now! Hah!

[PEOPLE SCREAMING]

And super glue.

Damn you, super glue!
Hyah! Hyah!

And of course, that incident
with the soup or salad.

Show yourself, super salad!
Hyah! Wah!

Sir, I was just asking you
if you want soor salad.

I'm giving you a choice
between the tw...

Uhh! Hyah!

Super nanny is just a TV show

about some unruly kids in
need of a good a*s-beating.

That is exactly what
she wants you to think.

Hyah!

[CRASH]

Ah, this ought to
be entertaining.

Hey, Ling-Ling,
get us some beer!

[SPEAKING JAPANESE]

You don't have a
driver's license?

SPANKY: Since the dawn of time,

I've dreamed of escorting
an Asian to the DMV

to watch him take
a driver's test.

Finally, that day has come!

Saddle up, my lo mein man!

We goin' on a field trip!
Yee-haw!

CAPTAIN HERO: Just the thought
of this super nanny made me sick.

I needed to confront her and find
out how super she really was.

Computer, where is
this super nanny?

[SILENCE]

Computer, where is
this super nanny?

[SILENCE]

Cuisinart, why isn't
computer talking to me?

Oh, god! Why isn't
anybody answering me?

Plug-in air freshener?

3-prong to 2-prong adapter?

You, too?

Noooooo!

And then I realised
that there was one way

I could make super
nanny come to me.

I want chocolate milk!
I want chocolate milk!

What the heck?

Just give him some chocolate
milk, for Christmas' sake!

We don't have any more!

I hate you, I hate you,
I hate you, I hate you!

[WAILING]

Don't leave me again!

Quick! What are we gonna do?

We need a professional.

We're going to have
to call super nanny.

Oh, yes. Call your super nanny.

[CHATTER]

[SILENCE]

I'm here to help my little friend
get himself a driver's license.

Are you trying to get us k*lled?

Don't you realise he's...

Asian? Yeah. I know.

Now let's get to it.

SPANKY: Naturally, Ling-Ling
aced the written test,

and coincidentally,

so did all the Ret*rded white
people sitting around him.

And he narrowly
passed the eye exam.

"R," "R,"

"R," "R."

Martin Luther king had
a dream, and so did I.

But unlike martin Luther king,
my dream was about to come true.

All right. Fasten
your seat belt and...

Holy f*cking crap!

[SPEAKING JAPANESE]

[ENGINE STARTS]

[HORNS BLARING]

[SPANKY LAUGHING]

[LING-LING CRYING]

SPANKY: Ling-Ling? Uh-oh.

Rrrr! Crrrssssh!

Please stop.

[KNOCKS]

Oh! Thank Jesus you're
here, super nanny!

CAPTAIN HERO: My plan to lure
the super nanny to me had worked!

At last we meet, super nanny!

So, what you got, Toots?

A little x-ray
vision, heat vision,

or like our president,
no vision at all?

Ha ha ha ha ha!

That's super satire.

This kind of backtalk
is totally unacceptable.

You don't have any powers,
do you poopie-head?

Pbbbt!

All right, Captain Hero.

You're going to sit
on this naughty stool

till I tell you to get off.

You don't actually
expect me to get...

I said naughty stool! [GASPS]

Oh, she's good.
A little too good.

Can I get off now?

Come on! I don't want to
be on the naughty stool.

No, no, no!

Now apologise, and you can
get off the naughty stool.

Oh, fine. I'm sorry.

CAPTAIN HERO: I had totally
underestimated the super nanny.

I'm not eating this crap!

Unacceptable. Naughty stool.

Ohhhh.

[SLURPING]

I said, give me the remote!

[RIP]

Unacceptable. Naughty stool.

Ohhhh.

[GASPS] Unacceptable.
Naughty stool.

Ohhhh.

Something had to be done.
I had to find a way

to defeat her and
her naughty stool.

But how?

But... how?

You know, if you just
keep the camera rolling,

it's not nearly as dramatic.

Aw, jerkoff assholes.

[MOANS]

I got Ling-Ling's
test results back.

[SNAP]

He has suffered a
mild concussion.

The best thing for him
now is to get some rest...

In bed. Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Simpler time. Ahh!

Spanky, this is all your fault!

It's not Spanky's fault
Ling-Ling was injured.

There is a simple
biological reason

why he can't drive no good.
Observe!

[WHIR]

This helmet simulates the
way Asians see the world.

Step in!

Wooldoor, this is some
Ret*rded r*cist crap!

Asians don't see the world
any differently than we do.

[WHIR]

[SPEAKING JAPANESE]

Clara, tell me what you see.

Hmm... Beef and broccoli.

2 guys who look
completely different.

7.

Now take a look at this.

[GASPS] [HORNS BLARING]

Aah! Watch out!

Turn without signalling!

Hit the brakes suddenly!

Drive in the wrong lane!

Uhh!

Uhh!

Still think being Asian is cool?

Wooldoor, if you
could fix my arm,

I'm sure you could fix
Ling-Ling's vision, right?

[TWEET TWEET]

[HOLLOW THUD]

Hmm...

WOOLDOOR: This expression
means I am thinking.

That British nanny has
really shaken me up.

I must find a way to defeat her
and her stupid naughty stool.

It's just not fair!

Um... if you don't want to
be sent to the naughty stool,

why don't you just
behave yourself?

How dare you! Why,
I'll show you...

How monkeys groom each other.

Mmm! Mmm! Mmm!

Good, Captain Hero.
That is acceptable.

Here. Have a lolly.

Hah! See that? I told you so!

[MONKEY SCREECHES]

Hmm. No naughty stool.

Maybe, just maybe,
if I play along,

eat my veggies,
go to bed on time,

and stop hunting male
prostit*tes with a crossbow,

I will render super
nanny powerless!

WOOLDOOR: I had accepted
my roommate's challenge

to give Ling-Ling a round
eye for the Asian guy.

To help Ling-Ling, I've used the
most sophisticated technology

that modern medicine
can provide.

Household tape. ♪ Alleluia ♪

Easy Ling-Ling, easy.

Behold!

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

[THUD]

Oh, my god! Everything
look different!

What?! I speak English now, too?

Wooldoor fixed your eyes.

Now you're just
like the rest of us.

It's true. You're finally seeing
things the way we see them.

Normal people.

Whoa. This a lot to handle.

Everything be OK as long as
Ling-Ling still have humongous p*nis.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Ling-Ling want old eyes
back or I k*ll you all!

Relax, Ling-Ling, and
take a look at this.

Ooh. That look like a
road, but much calmer.

I bet I can drive on that.

Ling-Ling have chance
to redeem himself.

Honourable pig demon, we must
return to the place of shame.

Oh, you mean the
shower at the Y?

No. The department
of motor vehicles.

CAPTAIN HERO: So I started
acting like a good boy,

which rendered super nanny
and the naughty stool

as powerless as a m*dget in a
getting-stuff-off-a-high-shelf contest.

Ooh, lookie-lookie,
all gone-gone.

Peas go bye-bye into my tummy.

See? Ahhhhhhhhh.

Shall I bring me dishes to the sink
before I go off to me bed, milady?

You may.

CAPTAIN HERO: And
that's when I realised

that since super nanny was here,

I was well-rested, less grumpy,

and I hadn't made oopsy-daisies
in my bed for 3 nights in a row.

2 more nights, and it's
hello, big-boy pants.

Good night, Captain Hero.

Uh, super nanny,
I just wanted to say,

well, you know, at first,
I thought you were, like,

trying to be more super
than me and stuff.

Now I realise you were just
trying to help and junk.

I guess what I'm trying
to say is, thank you.

Captain Hero, you are acceptable.
Mwah!

Oh! Could you please check under
the bed for monster-monsters?

No monsters, honey.

Just some wadded up tissues

and a book of
crime scene photos.

[CLICK]

Aah!

Not today.

[ENGINE STARTS]

Aah! Aaaaaah!

Oh! We're alive!

♪ Who's that guy? ♪

♪ Where did he come from? ♪

♪ Who's that guy? ♪

♪ Where can I get one? ♪

♪ Seems to me that
he can really ♪

♪ Drive ♪ ♪ drive ♪ ♪ drive ♪

♪ Won't somebody tell me? ♪

Who's that guy?

Who's that guy?

Who's that guy? Who's that guy?

Why don't I let him tell you?

[TIRES SQUEAL]

[CHEERING]

[FLASHBULBS POPPING]

[MANIAC PLAYING ON TV]

Hey, is that my barrette?

No, it is not!

Let me see! Let me see!

What's going on here?

Oh, nothing. Captain "shero" was
just trying to take my barrette!

It's pronounced Captain Hero,

the "s" is silent, you hit-head.

Captain Hero, enough! To
the naughty stool with you!

But... but I... I...

I said, naughty stool! Oh!

Super nanny had always been so fair,
but now, she was being super not-fair!

Why would she... wait!

Oh, no! No! I'm out of quarters!

I've got more to say!

[CLANK]

Aw, jerkoff assholes!

[CHEERING]

[FLASHBULBS POPPING]

There he goes... The
greatest Asian ever.

[FLASHBULB POPS]

SPANKY: Word quickly spread
about Ling-Ling and his new eyes.

Soon, he was the shrimp
toast of the town.

Across the globe, Asians everywhere
wanted to be like Ling-Ling

and had the wide-eye procedure.

Oh, no wonder I get
robbed all the time!

I open store in terrible
part of the city.

Thank you, Ling-Ling!

Oh, wow! My pants have a zipper!

No need to have pants and underwear
down around ankles to make pee-pee.

Thank you, Ling-Ling!

Wait a minute.

That not a sore shoulder muscle
hanging between your leg.

I not touch that for
all the tea in china.

Thank you, Ling-Ling!

Oh, this all we got?
That not so much tea.

Thank you, Ling-Ling!

[CHEERING AND
FLASHBULBS POPPING]

Ling-Ling, you got mail.

It's from the NAAYP.

Holy egg roll-y!

I am being awarded the
prestigious Asian image award!

What am I going to wear,

now that I can see Hawaiian shirt
not appropriate for formal event?

♪ You got in trouble,
you got in trouble ♪

Aw, zip your fudge-hole, orca!

Aw, sucks to be you!

Hey, hero, want to
go in the hot tub?

Oh, I forgot! You can't!

You're on the naughty stool.
Hee hee hee!

Hey, hero, want to watch TV?

Oops! I forgot. You can't.

You're on the naughty stool!

I knew what was going on. Toot wasn't
forgetting I was on the naughty stool.

She was trying to
make me jealous.

TOOT: ♪ I'm watching TV ♪

God damn it! Stupid
breaking news!

[GASPS] Breaking news?

A scary scene took place today
in front of the white house.

It's unclear what the
mini-troopers want

or if the president
is still alive.

Captain Hero, where are you?

Jesús cristo!

Super nanny! Super
nanny, where are you?

You've got to let me off the
naughty stool so I can save the day!

Super nanny!

LING-LING: Ling-Ling arrived
to accept great honour,

but some huge as*h*le
decide to be buzz-k*ll.

What the hell?!

[ROARING]

What? Shut up, Godzilla.

You're just jealous.

[ROARING]

You so full of hot
air, you breathe fire.

Ling-Ling pretty
proud of that one.

This was madness! The white
house was under attack,

and I was powerless to help.

I needed to call my super
friends to cover for me

and save the day!

Hey, batman, dude, listen.

The white house is under attack.

Can you get over there and...
what?

You're on the
naughty stool, too?

But why?

Well, that's not a very
nice joke to play on Alfred.

He needs those pills to live.

Hey, spidey, brougham,
could you do me a solid?

What? The naughty stool?
You, too?

It turned out all
my super friends

had been sent to
the naughty stool.

Green lantern, the hulk,
even Ethan hawkman!

It didn't make any
sense at all until...

[ALARM]

Super nanny! My god! She's done
this to all the superheroes

so she can take over the world.

Oh, she's super, all right.

[CLATTER]

Super evil!

Super evil!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

LING-LING: Ling-Ling was
excited about receiving award,

but something in the back of
his head kept nagging him.

[ROARS]

Godzilla was all wrong!

Ling-Ling not stripping
Asians of our culture!

My people would never become
fat, lazy, and bad at math.

And you're on in 5, 7, p...
ah, forget it.

ANNOUNCER: Ladies and
gentlemen, Ling-Ling!

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

Ling-Ling thank
you all for award.

This... great... honour.

[SIGHS]

But Ling-Ling no
deserve this honour.

He turn his back on
culture, and for that,

Ling-Ling is so very sorry.

[CROWD MURMURING]

[SPEAKING JAPANESE]

[ROARS]

[CRASH]

[CRASH] [CRASH]

[CRASH]

Get off the damn stool, fool!

You need to save the world!

I can't get off
the naughty stool.

I'm not allowed.

Well, what if you just take the
f*cking naughty stool with you?

Oh, don't be crazy!

I can't carry a stool and
flap my arms at the same time!

Oh, yeah. That is a
pretty good point.

Shut up, Xandir!
Stupid, stupid, stupid!

Well, that's what you get for
trying to take my barrette!

Hold it. If this
is your barrette,

then why do it have the
Captain Hero symbol on it?

Told you it was mine.

Everyone thinks I'm a liar!

Well, I'm a lot of things.
I'm an astronaut,

I'm a basketball player,

I'm the president of the
universe with a 14-inch c*ck,

but I'm not a liar.

Now, Toot, give me my barrette.

It's my favourite.

No offence, rhinestone kitty.

Fine, OK?! I stole it
from hero's room, OK?

See, hero, you have no
business being on that stool.

It was your barrette all along.

Now get off the stool
and say the word!

You're right. I'm off! Hyah!

[PANTING]

America, allow me
to introduce myself.

I am super nanny, and
I am your new leader.

[SPLAT]

Not today, super nanny! [GASPS]

Captain Hero?!

Time to send your
a*s back to Mexico.

Auf wiedersehen, frenchie!

I don't know how you got
off that bloody stool,

but you're too late to stop me!

My army of super-disciplined
children obey my every command!

Isn't that true, billy?

Go ahead. Show Mr. Hero the
power of British discipline.

[CRACK]

Ooh! There's nothing
you can do to stop me.

Oh, really?

[CRUNCH] [GASPS]

Holy mother f*cking sh*t!
That hurts!

Oops. Sorry.

Do you think you can stop
me by stomping on my foot?

Well, unless I'm mistaken,

naughty language like that
will get a certain potty-mouth

some serious time on
the naughty stool.

Oh, wait! Wait! You can't!

To the naughty stool!

Ohhh!

[POWER DOWN]

KIDS: We're free, we're free!

Super nanny used us! Get her!

Take that! And that!

CAPTAIN HERO: As the mini-troopers
tore super nanny limb from limb,

I couldn't help but think that there
was very little point to this nonsense,

but if there's any
semblance of a lesson here,

it's that just because someone has the
word "super" in front of their name,

that doesn't make them super.

On the other hand, if you
put "le" in front of a word,

it does make it classy.

Like l*sbian, the classiest
women of them all.

Looks like you kids
have this under control.

Hyah!

[CRASH]

I'm off to defeat
the evil supercuts!

You win this time, supercuts!