02x03 - Karma Krisis/A Star Is Bruised/The Prince and the Pinhead

[bunniefuu]

1, 2, 3, hyah!

Baby.

Sassy.

Man, i'm pretty.

Hyuh! Ha! Hyuh!

Do the monkey with me.

Come on.

Hey there, baby.

Ooh!

Yeah, whatever.

Hmm

What are you

doing, johnny?

Hey, mama.

I'm preserving

myself for the ages

In chopped liver.

Johnny, i was

going to serve that

To the girls

in my mahjong club.

What?

You mean people

eat this stuff?

Mmm

Johnny's tasty.

Here, johnny.

This came for you

in today's mail.

Read it for me, mama.

My hands are all livery.

Oh, johnny!

It's a chain letter!

It says here

that horrible things

will happen

If you don't copy it

and forward it

to 10 people.

Give me that.

No, johnny!

What are you doing?

Aw, mama,

chain letters are

Just a bunch of

superstitious hooha.

Now, if you'll

excuse me,

It's time

for my favorite

show. Hyah!

Woman: My psychic buddies

are waiting for your call.

Keep waiting.

Man: Hello, and welcome

To another edition of

bikini bungee jumping--

[static]

Due to technical

difficulties,

Your regular show

will be preempted

By an old man reading

the pennsylvania penal code.

Whosoever

is found loitering

near a filling station

During the hours

of 3:00 and 5:00 a.M.--

Stinkin' cable.

Oh, johnny,

it's starting!

[spits]

Horrible, tragic

bad luck!

I'd better

put on my lucky

support hose.

I'm too pretty

to have bad luck.

Hyuh! I'm going

to the gym.

Sorry.

New policy--

No skateboards,

no dogs,

No johnnies.

[whoosh]

Huh?

All right,

stay calm.

This ain't about

no chain letter.

It's just

a coincidence.

Ooh!

Boy: Sorry,

mister.

Hey, that almost

hit my hair!

[crash]

Oh, what next?

Uh-oh.

[thunder]

Whoa, mama.

Ooh!

[muttering]

Woman: Hey, look, girls!

It's johnny bravo!

Second woman:

Get him!

Ha ha ha!

That was fun.

Good for us.

Nice work,

ladies.

Let's get lunch.

Yum!

Having a bad

day, johnny?

Don't get

near me, kid.

I got some seriously

twisted mojo going on.

Really? Whenever

i have bad luck,

I pet a kitty.

Pet a kitty, huh?

I am desperate enough

to try it.

Here, kitty.

Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.

[meowing]

Nice kitty-cat.

Huh?

[snarling]

Johnny: Ow.

So you're having a run

of bad luck, eh, johnny?

You know, when i was

hunting giant squid

Off the coast

of biminy back in '62,

We had a lot

of cursed luck.

The natives

called it bad juju.

That's why when you

were out cold,

I took some of your

hair and toenails

And fashioned a crude doll

in your likeness.

Just keep

the doll safe,

And no harm

will come to you.

[groaning]

Aah!

Aah! Ooh! Aah!

Ah-ah! Ooh!

Ah

[coughs]

Don't be swayed

by these

Primitive

superstitions,

johnny.

As any man

of science

will tell you,

The only way

to break

a curse is

To swing a sack

of salamis

in a corn field

While yodeling

at the break

of dawn.

Here goes nothing.

[yodeling]

Hey, nothing bad

is happening.

It worked.

I broke the curse.

Go, little salamis.

Break free

of your natural casings.

With these deli meats

as my witness,

I'll never be

unlucky again.

Who-o-o-o-oa!

Oh, mama!

Oh!

Ooh!

[object falling]

[moo]

Ooh!

Can you spell

hemorrhage?

Dionne warwick?

Sorry. Reflex.

Hello, johnny.

My psychic buddies and i

Heard your karmic

cries for help.

Ah. There's

nothing you can

do for me, dionne.

I got a terminal

case of bad juju.

You don't have

bad juju, johnny.

You created

your own misfortune

By not believing

in yourself.

Of course.

I did?

It doesn't matter

whether you walk

under a ladder,

Break a mirror,

Or tear up

a chain letter.

Real luck comes

from inside

A person's

own heart.

Hey, nothing

happened.

It is all a bunch

of silly superstition.

That's right,

johnny.

Johnny bravo's through

being sissy-slapped

by lady luck.

From now on, i'll

make my own destiny.

I'm free! Free!

Good-bye, johnny,

and take care of--

[cat snarling]

Ooh

Oh!

[doorbell rings]

Hello. We're

selling cookies.

Would you like

to buy some?

No. Now go away.

That, kung-fu guy,

is a decision you

will live to regret.

Thank you for

saving our town,

kung-fu guy.

But how did

you know they

were robots?

Kung-fu guy:

Robots?

Squint ringo, you are

like unto a god to me.

Announcer: Squint ringo fans,

meet your favorite action star

Signing his new book,

ringo on ringo,

Tomorrow morning

at the galleria mall.

Ringo: I am looking forward

to meeting you--

Announcer: At crowman's

book mart!

Squint ringo in person.

Huh! Hyah! Hoo!

Oh, i'm there.

Oh!

Ow.

I like to make a good

impression on people.

Here, sonny,

let me

help you up.

Why, thanks,

old-timer.

Hey, aren't you

a bit old

To be a squint

ringo fan?

Well, i don't know

about that,

But i do know

one thing--

There's gold

under this here mall,

And i means

to get it.

I means to get it.

I do! I do!

Hee hee hee!

Hee hee hee!

Ooh hoo hoo!

Hee hee hee!

It's going to be

a long night.

All right,

all right.

Let's keep this

line moving.

We love you,

squint.

You're the best.

Come on, people.

Chop-chop.

Ladies and gentlemen,

i'm very sorry,

But there's

only one more book.

You'll all

have to go home.

[everyone groans]

What? I can't

be denied.

Hey, mr. Ringo,

i'm your biggest fan.

Is that so?

I know

all your moves--

The spleen jab

from episode 23,

The gouge

of 1,000 suns

from episode 42.

Nice moves, kid.

Very impressive.

Now, if you'll

excuse me

[whispering]

Yeah, uh-huh,

yeah, right.

Hey, kid,

how'd you like

to be on the show?

Would i? Hyuh! Hyah!

What would i be, like,

your sidekick or something?

Um, something like that.

Oh, mama!

I'm going to be a star.

And the winner

for best actor is

Johnny bravo for

dragon force 7,

The smell

of hoisin.

[cheering and applause]

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Mmm.Mwah!

Hay breath.

Ha ha ha ha!

Hoo hoo hoo!

Ha ha ha ha!

Quiet!

Quiet on the set!

[indistinct]

Hey, baby,

i'm johnny bravo.

Where's my trailer?

Bravo, johnny.

You're supposed

to go to makeup.

Kung-fu guy,

scene 37, take

one!

AndAction!

I'm not interested

in your long-

distance service.

Director: Cut!

Oh h* h*!

Beautiful, squint!

Beautiful!

Take a juice break.

Bring out the meat!

[coughs]

Get in there, son.

What's

my motivation?

He'll hit you,

and you'll feel pain.

Got it.

Places!

AndAction!

Cut! Print it.

Johnny: Nice

working with you.

You're a very

giving performer.

Director: Action!

Action!

Action!

Action!

Action!

[johnny screaming]

Director: Action!

Johnny: Oh, mama!

Is the safety pillow

properly inflated?

Oh, yes.

Ooh!

Director: Cut! Print!

Let's break for lunch.

I'll be

in my trailer.

Ringo's voice:

Believe it or not,

I was once

an average yutz

just like you.

I was waiting tables

at the good-n-beefy,

Till one

fateful evening.

This steak is

far too tough.

Let me tenderize it

for you. Hyah! Huh! Yah!

[ding]

Kid, i'm going to

make you a star!

Ringo's voice:

So remember,

Show your stuff,

break the rules,

And maybe you can be

a star like me.

Squint's right.

I've got to show them

What johnny bravo's

made of. Hyah!

[knocking]

Let's go, bravo.

You're up.

Oh, yeah. Magic time.

Cut! Bring out

the meat.

I'll take it

from here.

Yeah?

I like your book.

Action!

My face!

Aah! My face!

Hyah! Hyuh!

Hyuh! Hyah!

Hyah! Hyuh!

Let's take it again

from my good side.

Oh! He hurt squint!

Get him!

Book signing.

How about a book?

Book today?

[rumbling]

What you got there,

young fella?

It's my new book.

Never ever ever

hit a t.V. Star.

It's gold, i tell you!

Pure gold!

Yee hee hee hee!

Hoo hoo hoo!

Ha ha ha!

Yee ha ha ha ha!

Wiggy.

Johnny bravo,

you trail a common

tree stump

By over $12,000.

Here's your

final question--

Name the 4

food groups.

Fruit, dairy, uhBeef jerky,

and a garden hose.

[buzz]

Ooh! Wrong!

Common tree stump,

you're our winner!

Nuts! This game's fixed.

More pickled

peacock tongue,

o royal one?

Does my fanning

disturb you,

prince of princes?

Your highness!

A terrible crisis!

The royal currency

is down over 20%

In the face of

ongoing international

trade deficits.

Oh, must i do

everything myself?

Simply borrow

against the principal

And reinvest

in our pacific-rim

soybean futures.

Brilliant,

your majesty!

You've saved

the economy.

All hail prince hondo.

Yes, yes, yes,

but i grow bored

of such things.

Leave me!

I wish to brood.

[claps]

Oh, what a bore

my princely duties

have become.

How i long

for a simpler life.

The answer is easy,

your majesty.

Just find

a commoner who is

your exact double

And switch places

with him.

Are such things done?

I see it on tv

all the time.

Yes, of course!

I'll do it.

You realize,

as the only one

Who is aware

of my plans,

You will have to

be silenced.

I would be honored,

your majesty.

Excellent.

But where can i find

an exact double

So stupid, so brainless

that he'll be incapable

Of exploiting his new

princely position?

Careful. Steady.

Perfect.

Mwah!

Oh, yeah.

My posterior preserved

for posterity.

Huh?

Ooh

Shiny.

Hi, beautiful.

Hello, johnny.

Whoa.

Talking mirror.

Echo.

Might i have

a word with you?

I don't know.

I was told

To stop talking

to myself in public.

Oh!

I have a proposal

to make you.

Hey, you ain't one

of them rich princes

Who wants

to switch places

With his exact

double, are you?

UmWhy, yes, i am.

You see, i--

Want to experience

life as a commoner.

I know.

Am i really

that transparent?

No. I just seen

a lot of tv.

But it ain't

gonna work, mister.

Mama would spot

a fake in a minute.

There you are, johnny.

It's time for lunch.

And tell that

cheap look-alike

To get his limo

out of my driveway.

We got a deal!

Something tells me

i'm in for

A wacky, fun-filled

adventure.

To the palace,

chauffeur boy.

Hyuh!

Mmm

Good woman,

This is the best

spreadable lunchmeat

i've ever had.

But you've barely

touched it, honey.

And i just opened

a fresh drum.

Now, don't hurt

mama's feelings.

Eat. Eat.

Come on.

No, no, please.

I couldn't eat

another bite.

Oh, is the government

meat too tough

for my little soldier?

Here, let mama

tenderize it for you.

There. That's

much better.

NowOpen wide.

Dear, sweet

merciful heavens!

I do hope

my counterpart

Is faring better

than i.

I'm starving.

Got any

government meat?

I'll check with

the chef, sire,

But first,

you must attend to

your royal duties.

Court:

Hail, prince hondo.

Hey, thank you.

You're beautiful.

Prince hondo!

Prince hondo!

Johnny: Oh, mama!

Man: Please,

your highness.

It's time for your weekly

address to the nation.

Johnny: Address to the nation?

I'm all over it.

Hello, nation.

Hello, your majesty.

Hello, your majesty.

How you-all doing?

Fine.

Fine.

So, what did you do

this weekend?

Nothing special.

Nothing special.

Man: I saw a movie.

Quiet.

All right. Well, uh

Keep it up. Hyah! Huh!

Now to experience

life as an average

everyday schmo.

Hello, young lady.

My, what bracing

weather we're--

You!

Oh!

[buzz]

No! There seems to be

a misunderstanding.

Aah!

For the 15th time,

bravo,

I will not

go out with you!

Oh!

Carl: Hi, johnny.

Hey, you don't look so good.

Man: 5th-century vase.

[crash]

12th-century figurine.

[crash]

Bronze-dynasty pitcher.

Priceless

terra cotta statue.

I'm bored. Where's

my lawn darts?

But, sir, it's time

for your meeting

With the queen mother

of efflubia.

We mustn't keep

her waiting, sir.

Ah, all right.

Show the old

battle-ax in.

Greetings,

your majesty.

I am here

to sign the treaty

Which will

bring peace

to our 2 nations.

Whoa.

Never mind that.

How's about you and me

Forming

a more perfect union?

I think not.

Want to see

my royal seal?

Creep.

This means w*r!

[buzz]

Aah!

Can i call you

sometime?

Carl: And these are

the worker termites.

This one is signaling the others

with his scent glands.

Fascinating,

i'm sure,

But i

really must be

toddling along.

Peruvian fire termites

sense rejection, johnny.

You'd better apologize

to the queen.

Apologize!

Apologize!

Ooh!

Hmm? What? Oh!

Aah! Aah! Aah!

Uh-oh.

Uh! Let's get

out of here!

Aah!

Aah!

I've had it

with you people.

You're all

extremely silly.

Ah, this is the life.

I'm rich, pampered,

and loved by all.

[screaming]

Hey, anybody

seen the remote?

Prince hondo,

For creating

a mockery

of the crown,

Promoting w*r,

and other crimes

against the state,

I hereby place you

under arrest!

Bummer.

Fear not, my nobles.

Your prince has returned.

What? Seize him!

What is the meaning of this?

Unhand your prince!

Man: Now, which one of you

is the real prince

And which one

the impostor?!

Answer carefully

because the real prince

Will be imprisoned

in the tower

For the rest

of his natural life.

He is.

He is.

Stop! I'm mark twain,

Author of

the prince and the pauper,

And i'm begging

cartoon makers everywhere

To please let

this tired story die.

There's only one solution

to the quandary.

Johnny: Hey, princy,

check it out.

Bunny rabbit.

Oh, poopy!