02x07 - I, Fly/Schnook of the North/Charm School Johnny

[bunniefuu]

1, 2, 3!

Baby.

Sassy.

Man, i'm pretty.

Hyuh! Ha! Hyuh!

Do the monkey with me.

Come on.

Hey there, baby.

Ooh!

Yeah, whatever.

I don't know

why i got to do this.

The lawn's only going to

get dirty again.

And, johnny dear,

when you

finish that,

I want you to rake

the living room.

Hi, johnny.

What you doing?

None of your business.

Ha ha ha ha!

You're funny.

Will you

do me a favor?

No.

Can i keep my

science project

in your garage?

Not a chance.

And don't look

under the tarp.

It's a secret.

I'm worried about spies.

You're a weird

little freak.

I know i am,

but what

are you?

Ha ha ha

I wonder if i could

hunt him for sport.

Science project, huh?

"molecular body mass

teleportation device."

Body mass?

You can never have

too many muscles.

Huh! Ha! Hyuh!

Ahh

Ooh, sciency.

[beeping]

Dang flies.

Johnny: I don't feel

any buffer.

Aah! I turned into some kind

of horrible fly mutant!

Still pretty, though.

Hyah!

I better find carl.

Mama: There you are,

johnny.

I've been looking

all over for you.

Come inside.

It's time for lunch.

I can't believe

this is happening.

This is the worst, most horrible

situation i've ever--

Whoa.

Hey, baby.

Ooh!

How's about you and me

grabbing a nice bowl

of rancid pork?

Oh!

Dang! Must be

a vegetarian.

Ooh!

Jerk. I got a good mind

to lay my eggs on you.

Whoa!

Oh, man.

I got to find carl.

I got to get

changed back.

I got to--

hey, my hands are dirty.

[slurping]

Darling, i've

never seen you

Pay such attention

to hygiene before.

And usually you

only take 2 sugars

on your meatloaf.

Are you sure you're

feeling all right,

johnny dear?

Ah, johnny? Johnny,

answer me, darling.

I'd better take

your temperature.

Let's see. 20!

That does it.

Right to bed

with you, mister.

[sniffing]

That rancid stench,

that smell of rotten flesh.

Hey, it's pops' diner.

I wonder

if carl is here.

There's

the little geek now.

I'd better--

hello, pie!

MmmGooey.

Buzz off, ugly.

Get your own pie.

[fighting]

Waiter, there's

a fly in my soup.

Welcome to pops'.

Pops' corn chowder.

I'm a fly,

and even i'm revolted.

Hey, where'd carl go?

Oh, no!

He's getting away!

Hey, carl--oh! Ow.

That was stupid.

Ow. Ow. Ow.

[knocking on door]

Hello, mrs. Bravo.

You're looking

beautiful today.

The spectral rays

of the sun

Really bring out

the highlights in

your varicose veins.

Is johnny home?

Johnny's in bed

with a cold, dear,

But you're

welcome to peek in

and say hello.

Thanks.

la la la la

la la la la

Johnny? Johnny,

where are you?

Oh, there you are.

Ok if i check on

my science project?

Ok, thanks. Bye.

la la la la

la la la la--

Huh! Someone's

tampered with

My teleportation

pods!

There can be

only one explanation!

Industrial spies are trying

to steal my experiment.

I'd better run home

and get my anti-spy kit.

Carl? Carl, are you home,

you little weed?

HmmGuess

he's not around.

Well, as long

as i'm here,

I might as well dance

on his toothbrush.

Woman: Hello,

short, dark,

and handsome.

Huh?

Hey, multilegged mama,

you looking for company?

Actually, i was

just sitting down

for dinner.

Care to join me?

What's on the menu,

arachna-betty?

You are, fly boy.

Couldn't we

just cuddle first?

Got to find it!

Got to find my spy kit!

Johnny: Help me!

Help me, carl!

Quiet, johnny.

I'm very busy.

Hey, johnny,

you're a fly.

What happened?

Your stupid machine

happened, you geek.

It worked?

Oh, boy, i'm going

to make a fortune!

Now, all i have to do

is register with

the patent office and--

Carl!

Oh, right.

Save your life.

Gotcha.

Here, fly, fly.

Come on.

That's right.

Good boy.

There. I've lured

the johnny fly

into the other pod

With some

3-day-old meatloaf.

Now, johnny, you

stay in this pod--

3-day-old meatloaf?

I'm there!

Johnny, no!

More chocolate sauce

on your pimento loaf, boys?

Carl:

Yes, please.

Lay it on me.

This was a strange

and disturbing episode.

Mama: Johnny,

be a doll

And hold these

girdles for mama.

Aw, mama, i can't be seen

with all these lacy things.

The selection

is terrible here.

Next time i'll go

to a better place.

Wait for mama. I'll be

in the changing room.

I'm just holding these

for somebody.

Just holding them.

What are you

looking at?

Fromage today?

Fromage today?

Huh! Ha!

Hey, pretty mama.

Fromage today?

I'm blinded!

I can't see!

Whoa. Everything's

furry.

Hey, baby. Big

johnny sale today--

one size fits all.

Huh!

Mwah!

I'm just holding this.

Oh, nothing's

fitting, johnny.

Let's try the big and hefty

across town.

Johnny? Sweetie?

Johnny dear!

I've lost my baby!

Man: What do you mean

you don't know

your address?

I think there was

a one in it.

And you have no idea

where your mother is?

She said she was going

to a better place.

Oh, you poor kid.

I'm afraid

i'm going to have

to turn you over

To family court.

Family court?

I think my house

looks something

like this, your honor.

Well, that's

very nice, johnny,

But i'm afraid

it doesn't help us.

See the sun?

Ha! He's smiling.

Johnny, we're

going to have to

Place you with

a foster family.

Well, all right, but you

better ask my mama first.

Aw

Aw

You know, usually

it's hard to place

someone your age,

But i think

i know a family

That would be happy

to have you.

You must be johnny.

We're the andersons.

[teeth chattering]

Why would anyone

live here?

I'm kaylak,

and this is unta,

your new mom.

I'm freezing

my butt off.

And i'm bud.

We're going to

be brothers.

That's nice.

Now get away

from me.

Come on, johnny.

Let me show you

How i taught scout

to fetch icicles.

I want a new trial.

Here, scout.

Here, boy.

Fetch, scout.

Good boy. Now

you try, johnny.

[growling]

Aah!

Ha ha ha. Enough

horseplay, kids.

Let's get you two

scrubbed for dinner.

I can't feel my body.

Let me show you

around, johnny.

Now, this is the den.

We're going to knock

all this down and put in

permafrost later.

Where's the tv?

And this is

where you and bud

will be bunking.

Dibs on the top!

Where's the tv?

Kids, kaylak,

dinner's on.

Don't you people

have fire?

Ha ha ha!

No, johnny.

Fire bad.

How about

some tartar sauce?

I'm worried about

johnny, kaylak.

He seems to be

having a hard

time adjusting.

Oh, relax, unta.

I'm sure that

in no time,

Johnny will learn

to love arctic life

as much as we do.

Oh, my poor baby!

I can never replace him.

[doorbell rings]

Yes?

Good news,

mrs. Bravo.

We found

your son.

Hey, get a load

of this dump.

It ain't

half bad.

This isn't

my son.

Look, lady, you

need a son, see?

And that's me, see?

Oh, h* h*!

He's adorable

but so thin.

I'll take him.

Let's get you

into the kitchen

And put some meat

on those bones.

Johnny, it's

a beautiful day out.

The weatherman says

it might get up to 4.

Aw, i'm bored,

foster mama.

Oh. Why don't you

go introduce yourself

to the neighbors?

They have a pretty

daughter your age.

Huh! Hyah! You said

the magic word.

Neighbor?

No.

The?

No.

Introduce?

Johnny: Uh,

i'm going to go now.

Help.

Huh! Hyah!

Hey there,

frosty mama.

You know,

back home

They got 126

different words

For my kind

of loving.

Ooh!

Ooh! Uh

Johnny, up here we live

by hunting, fishing,

and selling insurance.

I don't know nothing

about insurance.

Well, then let's

start with fishing--

ice fishing.

Just what we need--

more ice.

Now, the first step

is to carve a hole.

Try it, son.

Whoa, nellie.

I think you got one

there, johnny.

Oh, she's

a beauty, son.

Thanks, dad.

[submarine alarm sounding]

Hey, where's

my clams posolipo?

I made it with

chocolate sprinkles

like you like.

That son of yours

didn't know

how good he had it.

What a maroon.

Yes, but he was

my little maroon.

Oh, johnny.

This is going to be

the best blubber man ever.

I'm making the head.

And i made a little hat

out of walrus stomachs.

Scout, you come back here!

I'll get it,

foster mama.

Give me that,

you stupid chicken.

Mama's voice:

Johnny!

Johnny, come back

to me, darling.

Wiggy.

Come home, johnny!

Mama, it is you!

I'm coming, mama!

Scat, you!

I must go,

foster family.

Ha ha ha.

We know, johnny.

Your place

is at home

watching tv.

Here. Take the keys

to the sled.

I'll never forget

you, kaylak

Uh, lady and kid.

Anyway, bye.

Mush, doggies!

Huh!

He was

a good son.

Yes.

Bit of a jerk,

though.

Tell me about it.

[all laughing]

More kugel,

mugsy?

Duh. And clear out

tonight.

I'm having the boys over

for poker.

Of course,

sweetheart.

[noise approaching]

Hey, what's that racket?

Johnny:

Whoa, doggies!

That voice.

Could it be?

Mama!

Johnny!

Well, well,

the prodigical son

returns.

Who's

the small guy?

Johnny,

this is mugsy.

He's an adorable

little street urchin.

Listen, wise guy.

This is my turf

now, see?

So clear out,

Or i'll have to get

rough with youse.

Hey, put me down!

Put me down, i said!

Mush, doggies!

Say hello to the andersons

for me, you little dweeb.

I'll defrost some halibut

for you, darling.

Aw, don't bother, mama.

It's perfect

the way it is.

Oh, johnny, we're

a family again!

That's right, mama.

There's no place

like home.

Johnny bravo, you trail

a common tree stump

by over $12,000.

Here's

your final question.

Name the 4 food groups.

Fruit, dairy,

uhBeef jerky,

and a garden hose.

[buzz]

Wrong!

Common tree stump,

you're our winner!

Nuts!

This game's fixed.

Chili fries

and a sparkling water

for madam.

Enjoy the grub.

I hate to see

a woman dine alone.

Shove over.

Your eyes

are like

2 jellylike globs

that see things.

Ugh!

You want me,

don't you?

Say, you gonna

eat that?

Needs ketchup.

You look like

you're used to

The finer things

in life.

Want to see me

do this?

Hmm! You, sir,

are no gentleman.

Yeah, she digs me.

Lose another one,

johnny?

What's a gentleman,

pops?

A gentleman?

A gentleman's a man

of the world,

A sophisticated

bon vivant.

Am i a gentleman?

[laughing]

No.

Aw

Don't be

discouraged, johnny.

Anyone can become

a gentleman,

Even you.

Ha! Johnny a gentleman?

That's a good one.

Ha ha ha!

Laugh away, carl,

but i bet

I can turn johnny

into a gentleman

In a matter

of days.

Not johnny. He eats soup

with his fingers.

It's a lie!

I bet you

i could turn

johnny

From simian

to sophisticate

by next tuesday.

And the loser has to perform

a mexican hat dance

For 24 hours straight.

Hey, look at me.

I'm spoon man.

Better make that

wednesday.

Welcome to

my humble abode, johnny.

Here we'll begin

your transformation.

Hey, look at me.

I'm spinny

globy man.

Focus, son.

The whole mark

of a gentleman

Is how he behaves

around a lady.

Show me

how you'd behave

On meeting this lady

for the first time.

[ting-a-ling]

Hey, society mama.

First-class

accommodations

still available

On air johnny.

In case

of an emergency,

You can use my seat

as a floatation

device.

Ok, i'm done

talking.

Now check out

my pretty.

Ooh

Oh!

Hmph!

Hey, i didn't know

burundi was a republic.

Don't worry.

I anticipated

This exact

circumstance.

[ting-a-ling]

Hi, johnny.

It's me--carl.

I think

i'm going to

be sick.

Johnny, what would you

say to this woman

If you saw her

on the street?

How'd you get

out of your leash?

Now, johnny

You want to be

A sophisticated

babe magnet, don't you?

I guess.

Well, good. Then give

the lady a little bow.

Yeah, johnny.

Bow before me.

You miserable

little

Now tell me

i'm pretty.

You're pretty.

Thank you.

Pretty repulsive.

Now carry me!

That's right, johnny.

Pretend there's a puddle

on the street

And carry

the lady across.

[muttering]

Thank you, kind sir.

Oops.

The hat store's closed.

Carry me back.

[blub blub blub]

Good thing

i fed them

this morning.

When at tea,

johnny,

A gentleman uses

proper table etiquette.

Scone?

Tastes

like sawdust.

Give me

the sprayo mayo.

Johnny, a gentleman

should say, "please pass

the sprayo mayo."

Please pass

the sprayo mayo.

I'd be delighted.

Let's try some polite

table conversation.

Carl, what did you

do today?

I removed

the exoskeleton

From an opsia

hexacaci

And mounted it

on my wall.

How delightful.

Ha ha!

And what did you do

today, johnny?

[mumbling]

And then my pants

fell down.

Ha. Weird.

Who's ready for eel?

Johnny, don't wipe your mouth

on the tablecloth!

Uh!

That's

my mother's dress!

Heh heh heh!

Why,

you little

Pops: Ah-ah-ah.

Pinkies.

Aah!

I ain't

gonna say it.

You've got to.

Proper diction

is the hallmark

Of a sophisticated

gentleman.

I can't, i tell you!

Why not?

Because it's stupid!

Ooh! It's no use!

I guess johnny

doesn't want to be

Neck-deep

in gorgeous women

Who will worship him

just because he's

a gentleman.

[mumbling]

the ants in france

Are prancing

up my pants.

By george,

he's got it!

the ants--

Whoa! Hey! h*!

Stop! No! Huh-uh!

No singing!

Now to put johnny

to the test,

And i know

just the place.

[orchestra playing]

Here we are, johnny--

the gold cotillion.

You're in with

the upper crust now, boy.

Try it again, johnny.

The ants in france

are prancing

up my pants.

Good boy!

Hey, there's

the duchess

of wiggystick.

If you pass

with her,

You're a gentleman

for sure.

Follow me.

Duchess, you

look splendid.

Oh, pops.

I haven't seen you

Since you

saved my life

During the soccer riots

at wembley on trent.

'twas nothing.

Say, i'd like you

to meet my protege.

Johnny,

meet the duchess.

Carl, you ugly old

bassett hound.

What are you doing?

The duchess of whosiface

is going to be here

any minute.

I beg

your pardon?

Johnny, stop.

Listen to me,

you impudent hooligan.

If you say

one more word,

I'm going to put

the hurting on you.

Put the hurting--

That's it!

Johnny, no!

[guests gasp]

Hi, everyone.

Sorry i'm late.

[mariachi music playing]

Look out.

Hyah! Huh!

Ooh!

Oh, mama!

A babe.

Mercy.

Whatever.