02x15 - Hail to the Chump/A Fool for Sister Sara/Days of Blunder

[bunniefuu]

Baby.

Sassy.

Man, i'm pretty.

Huh! Ha! Huh!

Do the monkey with me.

Come on!

Hey there, baby.

Ooh!

Yeah, whatever.

Friends, there

are 3 things

That have made

our town great:

Goat tossing, evil clowns,

and ahi tuna.

Today, we honor

one of those things.

[goat bleats]

No, no, no.

I'm talking about the tuna.

So, as mayor

of our fine town,

I welcome you all to

the 16th annual ahi tuna fest.

[applause]

Let the chowing begin.

Gee, pops,

this is the best

ahi tuna fest ever.

You're

telling me, carl.

And when the town

gets a load

of my tuna tots,

It'll put the diner

on the map.

I declare this tuna to be

the finest i've ever tasted.

Ooh!

[retching]

Pops, everyone's

keeling over

from your tuna!

Blasted red tide.

This is

terrible, pops!

Every member

of the town government

Has gotten

food poisoning!

Pops? Ha ha.

I know not this pops.

Ah, good gravy!

Who will run the town?

Quickly

Call an ambulance.

No time, mayor.

I've got to

save the town.

[mayor gasps]

Let's see

It says here in

the city charter

That if the entire

government

Is rendered sick

from tuna,

The village idiot

shall be

proclaimed mayor.

The village idiot

Hyah!

Ha ha ha!

Mud angel.

Johnny, johnny,

come quickly!

You're the new

acting mayor.

Great.

Let me run home

And get my snowshoes

and a tile grouter.

No. Mayor.

Oh, right. Hey,

how'd this happen?

Well, the city charter

said that the village idi--

I mean, you're

the best man for the job.

The people

have spoken.

Let's motor.

Carl: Do you swear to

uphold the duties of mayor

To the best of your

obviously limited abilities

till death do you part?

Blah, blah, blah.

When do i get

my graft?

Congratulations!

You're the new mayor!

My administration

can be summed up in 3 words:

Mandatory bikinis--

Actually, i had

a few ideas of my own,

As indicated

by these color charts.

The first thing

we need to do

Is construct

a new stadium

To accommodate

the fast-growing sport

Of professional bingo.

Then we use the proceeds

we make from the bingo

To build a giant

state-of-the-art space port

So that our town

will be the u.F.O. Capital

Of the 21st century!

Done!

So, as you see--

Really? You like

my ideas?

No. I just passed

my new law

Decreeing that

all geeky dweebs

be thrown in prison.

Oh. Ha ha.

Very funny.

[playing harmonica]

i got those

locked up in prison

because of

a retroactive clause

in the town's

criminal code

and can't make the

prohibitively high bail blues

And now, here to dedicate

the new public library

Is our mayor,

johnny bravo.

[applause]

Thanks, tubby.

As you know, no one

hates books more than i do.

Therefore, i've ordered

this library to be torn down

In order to make room for

a giant sphinx in my likeness.

Hyah!

Well, what the heck

are you standing around for?

Sphinxes don't

build themselves, you know.

Hey, put your backs

into it!

I love public service.

Peel me a pomegranate.

Pops: Johnny,

I got a bone

to pick with you.

You may approach.

Johnny, your

health inspectors

Tried to close down

the diner.

Because of the asbestos

in the chili?

No. It was the radon

in the meatloaf,

But that's

not the point!

The point is,

i had to bribe them

Over $200

to go away!

And?

The old mayor

only charged me 50.

Sorry, pops.

Time for my pedicure

and hot lemon wax.

Why, this is

outrageous!

I'm a taxpayer,

and i demand

To speak

to the city council!

Oh, all right.

I'll summon them.

[drum playing]

You know, you

don't have to do that

every time they walk in.

I'm free.

I'm free!

Ah, sweet freedom!

[gasp]

This is terrible!

Oh, this is all wrong.

A true sphinx should face

north-northeast,

And those proportions

are way off.

Carl: Workers

of the town, unite!

Get down

from there, carl.

Would you bring

more evil upon us?

No! I would

bring you freedom!

Are you dogs or men?

Are you worker ants

or the majestic butterfly?

Are you tiny,

one-celled protozoans

Who use their hair

like cilia as means

of propulsion?

Aw, just get

to the point!

II think

we should rebel.

[cheering]

Johnny, you mean

to tell me

You replaced

the entire city council

With gorgeous babes?

Yep.

Good work, son.

Stop, in the name

of democracy!

Carl, what's

the meaning of this?

We're deposing you

from using the powers

of your office!

Uh-oh. Quick, girls,

empty the vaults

and get the car running.

I'll meet you down

by the submarine docks.

Hold, tyrant!

You guys are going to get

so audited!

We fear you not,

despot,

For we

are the people!

We came to these shores

with our socks full of prunes

And our hearts

full of dreams.

We worked the land

until it brought forth

Its bounty of pine nuts

and wonderful onions,

And still, to this day,

we cry out as one people,

"liberty, egalite,

fraterni--"

Whoa!

I'm ok.

Good work, citizens.

Now get back

to cracking rocks.

Get him.

Wait! Wait! Hold on!

I'm the mayor!

How can you do this

after all i've done for you?

Who's helped the plight

of hot babes everywhere?

Why, who tore down

all those ugly hospitals

And sold our fine parks

for lumber?

[muttering]

You're gonna hurt me now,

aren't you?

Oh, well.

Many great leaders

Were underappreciated

during their lifetimes--

Genghis khan,

attila the hun.

I'm sure history

will remember me kindly.

Ooh!

Ok, lady,

just not the hair.

Anything but--

i just got it washed.

Ooh!

[slurping]

Johnny:

Excuse me.

I couldn't help

noticing

I've been staring

at you for the

last 20 minutes.

So, tell me

about yourself.

Well, i--

When i was 5, i kept

a live salamander

In my mouth

for an entire month.

Here. Let me test

this for you.

You know, if you had

your nose done,

You'd be an 8.

Blblblblblb!

Uh!

Oh!

Ha ha ha.

Playful little minx.

You know what

you need, johnny,

is a good 10-cent cologne.

Really?

Uh-huh,

And as the neighborhood rep

for chemtox industries,

I have an amazing

opportunity for you.

Sign here and receive

a new exotic scent

On your doorstep

every month

For the extra-low price

of[mumbles]

"revulsion red,"

"honeymoon in calcutta"?

Sounds good.

I'll try them all.

Go easy, son.

It's never been

tested on humans.

II don't

feel so good.

I need some air.

Wait. Don't

forget to sign.

Peasant,

how dare you fail

to bow before me.

I'm king leopold

of the netherlands,

Famous throughout

the world for

inventing cheese.

UhSure, your majesty.

Now, if you could just

sign this decree.

Sorry. No can do.

I'm late for my

coronation.

I see you've got my robes

and scepter ready.

Hyah!

I'll just put you down

for a 3-month supply.

Good people of the netherlands,

follow me!

I shall take you

to higher ground.

Ah, count murray.

Kneel before me that

i might knight you.

Receive from me

all the lands

West of

the bowling alley

In perpetuity

for thee and thine.

Your majesty, i remain

your obedient servant.

Good count.

Have a count yummy.

Ah, my subjects

love me.

Do you hear me,

cedric of

northumberland?

The final victory

is mine! Mine!

Mine! Blblblblb!

A wheel of brie

for all of my men.

Oh!

Sir?

Wake up, sir.

Blblblblblbl

What? What? What?

Are you the queen

of limburger?

No. I'm sister

sara herschlinger,

And you're

at treacle house.

How did i get here?

You were brought in

2 days ago

After a bout

of cologne-induced

hysteria.

I nursed you

back to health.

Cool. That means

you dig me.

But enough about me.

Tell me about you.

Well, i--

When i was 12,

i was kicked

Real hard in the head

at a pony farm.

Ah, someone's

raving again.

Let's get you up

and walking.

Established in 1932,

treacle house helps

Down-on-their-luck

nice people

Who want to be nice

to other nice people

In a nice

atmosphere.

Chair?

Why, thank you.

How nice of you

to say thank you.

How pleasant of you

to be thanked.

Muffin?

Thank you.

That's

just creepy.

Hey, what's say

we go back

to my room

And you give me

some more of that

fancy nursing?

I'm sorry, johnny.

I only date nice men

with noble spirits.

I'm nice.

I'm noble.

Hey, watch where you're going,

etiquette monkey.

See, i can be nice.

Just give me a chance.

Well, ok.

If you can

show me the kind

of patience that--

Yippee! Out of my way,

you losers.

Nice guy coming through.

Help those in need.

Creep.

Give till it hurts.

Why, you cheap so-and-so.

[ding ding ding]

Hey, you!

Give me some money

for the needy.

I'm sorry.

I give generously

every year

To my office

christmas fund.

Yeah, and i'm

a dallas cowgirl.

Now, make with

the dead presidents.

And just what

do you think

you're doing?

Ah, hello, officer.

Have you given lately?

No, i haven't.

Why, you stingy,

no-good--

And if i catch

any of your people

Fundraising on

the streets again,

It'll be off

to the hoosegow with youse.

Every time i try

to fight the power,

The man

slaps me down.

That's all right,

johnny.

I wouldn't be much

of a nice person

If i didn't give you

another chance.

Why, that's the kind

of pigheaded ignorance--

Oh, thank you.

For today's

noontime entertainment,

The green grove

retirement home

Presents

the comedy stylings

Of johnny bravo

and chippy.

[scattered applause]

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

So, chippy, what's it like

to be a dummy?

"you tell me,

you dump hump."

What? I'm tired

of your sass.

I'm trying to entertain

these nice old people,

And you make me look

like a fool!

Well, i am sick of you.

For years,

you've held me back!

Chippy! No!

What have i done?

Chippy! What are you

looking at?

Stop staring at me

with your accusing eyes!

Stop it, i say!

And so, we'd

appreciate it

If no one from

treacle house

Ever comes here

again!

Oh, johnny, i know

you must be crestfallen

by this new failure.

I'm sorry, sara.

I know you have

a good heart.

So i'm going to

give you--

Another chance!

Sweet!

You know,

you nice people

Aren't as bright

as you look.

"another chance."

that's rich.

Ha ha ha ha!

Good morning.

Good morning.

Good morning.

[sniffing]

Johnny, what

are you doing?

Hello, sara.

I woke up at 5 a.M.

To make

a pancake breakfast

for the whole house.

Clear the rest

of the day for romance

Because

johnny's nice.

Where did you get

all the pancake mix?

I didn't use

pancake mix.

I used

my own recipe--

3 parts yeast, 8 parts yeast,

add yeast to taste.

Uh-oh.

[screaming]

Treacle house

is ruined!

Aw, this

is terrible.

We don't have

nearly enough

maple syrup.

I guess

i failed again.

Don't despair,

johnny.

I know one good thing

that's come from all this.

What's that?

I realize

i've wasted my life

Trying to help

idiots like you!

Ooh! Hey! Ooh!

Man, that felt good.

So long, loser.

I've off

to shave my head

And join a heavy-metal

rock band.

Hey, you got

some pancake

on your shirt.

Huh? Where?

Blblblblblb!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Why do i always fall

for the bad girls?

Ha ha. Bendy.

[door opens]

Here i am, girls.

Let the yoga class begin.

Hyuh! Ha! Hyah!

Look at me, girls.

I'm a love pretzel.

Funny. I don't feel

centered.

Johnny: Vroom!

Vroom! Vroom! Vroom!

[screech]

Whoa!

Beep, beep, beep,

beep, beep.

Hey, baby. I know

what you're thinking--

"he's a rebel,

a bad boy,

Trouble with

a capital t."

Actually,

i was thinking,

"get away from me.

I'm trying to read."

Admit it.

You've never seen

Such an impressive pile

of greasy, shiny,

turning metally things.

No. It sounds

like your points

need cleaning

And your governor

could use

an adjustment.

Here. Let me.

Thank you very mu-u-u-uch!

I think i'm ok.

What do you think,

little scooter pixies?

Huh?

The dandy 500.

That's it!

That's what chicks

like--billboards!

I mean,

race car drivers.

But first,

i need a car.

I know. I'll enter

the dandy 500, win it,

And use the prize money

to buy a car

To race

in the dandy 500!

Only one problem--

i don't have a car.

Aw, man. This car seed

ain't never gonna grow.

Maybe i'll just

get some shuteye

Against this

car-shaped thing.

Car-shaped thing?

Hmm

Don't ever

look under that

car-shaped tarp.

Don't even

ask me about that

car-shaped tarp.

Never ever

look under it.

The tarp, i mean.

There must be

candy under here!

Aw, man, it's nothing

but a stupid car.

Car!

Ha! Comfy.

[engine starts]

Listen to it purr.

Nice handling.

Eeny-meeny-minie

[coughing]

Hey, i'm pretty.

[bell dinging]

Uh-oh.

Aah!

Fourth floor, glassware.

Fifth floor, chandeliers,

Sixth floor,

expensive crockery.

Hey! I parallel-parked!

Hi, johnny. Wow!

A '57 kefauver

stool pigeon!

Only 7 of them

were ever made.

Yep. This baby's going

to ride me to victory

in the dandy 500.

With a cracked

manifold

and head gasket?

I don't think so,

mr. Fancy pants.

What did you

just call me?

But i can fix it up

And stick in a new

multi-combustible

fission engine.

Really? Sweet!

[thunder]

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Keep running, johnny.

We need more power.

This stinks.

When do i get

to drive?

Live! Live!

Ha ha ha ha!

Behold

The chick magnet 5.

It's almost

as pretty as me.

You're probably

wondering how

to thank me for--

Shut up and give

me the keys.

Announcer: It is

a beautiful day

for the dandy 500

As we await the arrival

of a mysterious,

last-minute entry.

And there it is now--

the chick magnet 5

With johnny bravo

behind the wheel.

Carl, how did you teach

johnny to drive that way?

I didn't, pops.

Johnny has

the driving skills

Of a deranged

howler monkey.

So i installed

a remote control

That will

let me steer

from the sidelines.

Announcer:

And they're off!

And it is

a lightning-fast start

As johnny bravo

takes an early lead.

Hyah! Get a load of me.

I'm a fancy-pants

race driver.

Now, i know i left

my thigh-meister

in here someplace.

Oh, no! Someone took

the '57 stool pigeon.

They're tampering

with forces they

don't understand.

It's a good thing

i've got

My yojack

vehicle-locating device.

[beeping]

Good gravy!

Somebody's driving it

right now at the speedway.

[snoring]

Get ready, pops.

I'm bringing him in

for a pit stop.

Right-o.

[yawns]

Carl, i was having

the most wonderful dream.

Focus, johnny.

Focus.

He's good to go!

Can i try driving

with my teeth?

UhYeah.

Whoa!

We got this

in the bag, son.

I'm popping

the cider.

Pops! No!

[bzzz]

[squeaking]

This won't end well.

It appears

that the chick magnet 5

Is completely

out of control!

That's the stool pigeon

and my johnny.

Oh, don't flame out,

darling!

Mama's coming!

[tires squealing]

Mama, what are you

doing here?

Shove over,

sweetie.

Let mama

drive.

Mama: Eat my dust,

speed jockeys!

And suddenly,

almost as if a real driver

Had taken control

from a total idiot,

The chick magnet 5

takes the lead!

We win, pops!

We win! Ha!

Aah!

Gee, mama,

i didn't know

You knew how to

drive race cars.

Oh, sure, honey.

I worked the pro circuit

back during the w*r,

When there were no men

around to burn rubber.

Yeah, well, that's

very interesting,

But what matters

is that i won the race!

I'm a professional driver,

and chicks are gonna love me!

Not so fast,

mr. Sticky fingers.

In my house,

grand theft auto

Means chores

for a week!

Ha ha ha!

Chores for a week!

And you, mr. "installs

nuclear engines in

other people's cars,"

You're going to

help him.

Ow! Ow! Ow!

Johnny:

Aw, mama,

But i'm

a professional

race car driver.

Look out.

Hyah! Hyuh!

Oh, mama!

A babe!

Mercy!

Whatever.