02x16 - Pop Art Johnny/Dude Ranch Doofus/A Cake Too Far

[bunniefuu]

1, 2, 3, hyah!

Baby.

Sassy.

Man, i'm pretty.

Huh! Ha! Huh!

Do the monkey with me.

Come on!

Hey there, baby.

Ooh!

Yeah, whatever.

Relish

Mayo

Breadsticks.

This means something.

I know it.

Hey, johnny.

Johnny.

You're right.

Sorry.

The animal clashes

with the vegetable.

What does this mean

to you, little girl?

You discovered

your artistic muse

in the medium of sculpture?

I know. Radishes!

Johnny, will you take me

to the art museum today?

I'd rather

be torn apart

by dingoes.

Aw. That's too bad.

My favorite artist,

annie yamhertz,

Is giving

a free exhibition

of her egg-salad art.

Let me see that.

HmmNice form,

nice contour.

And the paintings

ain't bad either.

To the art museum!

Hey, look

at all the geeks!

Shh. Johnny,

please try to

act dignified.

[softly]

hey, look at

all the geeks.

Hors d'oeuvre?

No, but i'll take some

of them tiny hot dogs.

Hey, where

are you going?

I still got space

in this cheek, frenchy.

I'm just going to

go over here now.

No problemo. I'll just

blend in with the dorks.

Ooh, so tactile.

Yes. Such wonderful

curioscuro.

Mmm

Scratchity.

Sir, that sculpture

is an abstract

portrait of moi

Done by the great

artist rene defusco.

Really?

I don't think

He made your nose

twisty enough.

Now see here.

I'll have you know

You're speaking

to my wife.

Poor guy. Have

some tiny hot dogs.

Johnny, hurry.

Annie yamhertz

Is beginning

her exhibition.

Light is egg,

and egg is the essence

Of all that is

to become what is.

[crowd gasps

and applauds]

Be still,

my throbbing heart.

Hey, baby, i love

what you do

with egg salad.

How about we go

back to my place

And you sculpt me

a sandwich?

Man is an infant.

He pins his diaper

with the danish

of ignorance.

You talk funny.

Hey, want to see me drink

while standing on my head?

[gulp gulp gulp]

It's like she can see

into my soul.

Johnny, what

are you doing?!

You've ruined

the whole

exhibition!

Who's done this

to my wall?

She did.

Such strength,

such boldness of attack.

It's brilliant!

I did it!

I'll pay you

huge gobs of money

To produce works

just like this one

for my gallery.

HmmI don't know.

Sounds like work.

[whispering]

I'll throw in those

tiny hot dogs you like.

Done!

The art world

is being taken by storm

By newcomer johnny bravo,

Whose series

of colorful butt prints

Are being fought over

by collectors everywhere.

I visited with johnny

on a typical day

In this young tyro's

studio loft.

$100.

$1,000.

$730.

Whoa, mama!

Hey, baby, if you're

here to pose,

You've got

the job. Hyah!

Whoa! Uhh!

Johnny, tell us

how the inspiration

For your butt prints

came about.

Well, sandy--

Judy.

Susan, as an artist,

i've often asked myself,

How can i best convey

truth and beauty

To the great

unwashed masses?

And then it came to me.

I can dip my butt

in shrimp sauce

And slap it

against a canvas.

And what do you have to say

to your detractors,

Who call your art

puerile and stupid?

[pfffft]

Na na na na na na!

Hey, look at me.

I'm one of my detractors.

Johnny bravo,

inspired visionary

Or big, stupid,

lucky dumb guy?

Only time will tell.

This is terrible.

I've got to save johnny

Before he's consumed

by the demon fame.

But first

i'll get some cookies.

la la la la la

Johnny,

we have to talk.

Not now, kid.

I'm busy.

Mr. Johnny--

I told you,

from now on,

i'm to be known

As the artist

formerly known

as johnny.

And it's spelled

like this.

Ah, so sorry,

mr., um

UhThat.

But i have the designs

for the new coffee mugs.

I hate it. I hate it.

I hate it.

I love it.

I shall name you renaldo.

I hate it. I hate it.

I hate it.

Oh, why am i

so misunderstood?

Why does no one

share my vision?

Johnny,

you're miserable

Because you've forgotten

what art is all about.

You used to make

butt prints

Because

you loved it.

Now you do it

so people will give you

giant bags of money.

Hey, you're right.

I forgot about my

big bags of money.

Ka-ching!

Ka-ching!

Ha ha!

Johnny, you're making

a mockery of the art world.

Oh, i get it.

You're jealous

of my talent.

Well, you can just

suck lemons tomorrow

At my big

new opening.

Then you'll see

that i'm

A profound

and deeply

artistic soul.

[pfffft]

Look at me.

I'm that stupid

neighbor girl.

Na na na na na.

[sighs]

Man: Ladies

and gentlemen,

I give you

the latest work

By johnny bravo.

[applause]

HmmI guess people

really do like

johnny's butt art.

That no-talent

canvas jockey

Has upstaged me

for the last time.

Johnny, look out!

It's brilliant!

Little girl, your

rotten tomato paintings

Will take the art

world by storm.

Cool.

Hey, kid, can we work

together sometime?

Uh, maybe.

Why don't you

have your people

Call the people

who work

for my people?

What? Oh, blowing

me off, huh?

Just walking away

like a bunch of

fickleFickle people

Who swim in

their own fickleness.

Well, i don't

need you.

I can make it

on my own,

And when i do,

i'll have

really great

Barbecues, and none

of you can come.

I'll show you!

I'll show you all!

Butt prints 5 cents.

Get your prints.

Every one a beauty.

Want to buy

a butt print?

Oh, i'm so excited!

Oh, our first day

at the double chin dude ranch.

Let's see.

What do we do first?

Poodle wrangling,

dirty line dancing,

Prickly pear loofa rub.

Oh, i can't decide.

What do you think,

johnny? Johnny?

Johnny!

I'm not coming out.

I look stupid.

Don't be silly, dear.

You look like

a little buckaroo

All full of pep

and giddy-up.

But i can't let

anyone see me like this.

First of all,

my velour neckerchief

Clashes with

my fur chaps.

Oh, that's

craziness.

I saw

the exact outfit

On page 54

of cow guy

magazine.

But these

rattlesnake briefs

Are starting

to ride up.

Now go play,

johnny.

Mama's off to her

wranglerobics class.

Yee-ha!

I don't care

what she says.

I look like

high plains dipstick.

A quick trip

to the changing room,

And i can ditch

these duds.

Oh, excuse me, sir.

I had no idea

this stall was--

[neighing]

Ooh! Aah! Oh!

Look out!

Oh, mama!

Ow!

Whoa, boy.

[whistles]

Aah!

Don't worry about me.

The bleeding

Is just the beginning

of the healing process.

My poor

little diablo,

Did that stupid

man hurt you?

Well, circle the wagons.

Love's on the warpath.

What kind of jerk

tries to ride

A horse

he doesn't know?

Who would keep a horse

in a stupid changing room?

I keep diablo

on the ranch

In hopes

of finding a man

Who can tame

his wild nature.

Now, why would a guy

want to risk his life

Taming a wild horse

on the off chance

That you'll fall

in love with him

And smother him with--

oh, hey! Whoa, boy.

[whinnying]

Look

I'm going to go.

You know,

what you need

Is an expert

horse trainer,

At which i happen to be

one ofThose.

Funny. You don't look

like a horse trainer.

What? You kidding me?

I even know

All the fancy terms,

like, uh

Dressage?

No, thanks.

I'm still full

from breakfast.

All right, mister.

I'll give you

a chance,

But you better

be careful.

Diablo's a k*ller.

Don't worry.

I have a way

with stupid beasts.

They sense my strength,

my confidence,

My quiet intelligen--

aah! Ooh!

Of course, the process

may take a day or 2.

All right, diablo.

I don't like you,

and you don't like me,

But it's time

to show you who's boss.

Let the staring

contest begin.

I did it!

I won!

You're just

a stupid horse,

And i'm

a human being.

Get down

on your hooves

and worship me,

For i am man,

The pointy tip

of the food chain.

Oh!

Glad to see you're

having fun, johnny.

Can't talk now.

I'm off to

my cactupuncture

session.

Ptoo! Ok,

he's got my scent.

Now to win

his trust.

They say that music can charm

the soul of man and beast.

To me, that means

just one thing--karaoke!

well, pig in the silo

eatin' up slop

cow in the slaughterhouse,

chop, chop, chop

well, i can sing,

and i can't stop

if you don't like it,

you can call the cops

swing your partner,

yee-ha!

do-si-do, everybody

[neighing]

Wait. No, don't hurt me.

Here, take my wallet.

Take the burrito

i was having for lunch.

[sniff sniff]

hmm

I've done it!

I have tamed diablo.

Let the montage begin.

"Such

was the pride,

Such was

the prejudice."

Why, i don't

believe it.

The last person

who tried

to read

Jane austen

to diablo

Got his head

bit clean off.

'twasn't nothing.

Now how's about

letting me show you

How the west was won?

Slow down, cowpoke.

Why don't you put

diablo through

his paces,

And if he's tame

as he looks,

my heart is yours.

[neighing]

Uh-oh. Out of burritos.

Uh, no matter.

Our relationship

Is based on love

and mutual respect.

Right, diablo?

Whoa! Runaway horse!

Whoa, boy! Whoa!

Nice donkey! Whoa!

Whoa!

A little help

here, huh?

Hey, meat loaf.

That looks--whoa!

Hi, mama.

Hi, sweetie.

Whoa!

Hyah!

I hate the west.

Whoa!

[whistles]

Oh!

Aah!

Oh h* h*!

You're no

horse trainer.

You're just

a gussied-up,

Snake-tongued

city slicker.

Thanks

for noticing.

Now let's say

you and me

Strap on

the feedbag

of love.

Ooh!

So, johnny,

how did you enjoy

Your day

at the dude ranch?

Well, mama,

i'm reminded

Of the words

of horace greeley

When he said,

"medic!"

Excuse me.

Your shoe's untied.

Huh?

Oh.

Ha ha ha.

Dumb cartoon guy.

Hyah! Ha! Hyuh!

Mama: And hit it!

Ready?

Ready.

We've got batter.

Repeat--

we've got batter.

[timer dings]

Together: We're a lean,

mean baking machine!

Donuts!

Now peanut butter me,

and we're home free.

Right.

Hey, where's

the peanut butter?

Johnny!

[gulp]

I haven't seen it.

I swear.

Please, johnny.

We're trying to practice

For the bakeoff

championships tomorrow.

Mrs. Bravo's a shoo-in

to win first prize

For her peanut butter

upside-down donut cake.

If i win, i'll get my photo

and recipe published

In the happy glutton

cookbook.

That'll show

that sadie hoffman

And her honey-glazed

rum ba*ls!

But i'm bored, mama.

Well, why don't you

help us, dear?

What? Are you

kidding me?

I can't be seen

baking a cake.

It ain't manly.

Now, which one

of you girls

is going to

Teach me

how to throw

a football?

Well, i guess we could

take a small break.

One big honking

hail-mary pass

And then

back to work.

Bayonne!

Schenectady!

Boca raton!

Hike!

Get ready!

This one's coming

from last week!

Downtown, kids!

Downtown!

It's a b*mb, baby!

AndOw!

Oh, my bursitis.

I'm open!

I'm open!

Hmm, must have

been intercepted.

Ooh!

Uhh!

Flour?

Check.

Eggs?

Check.

Peanut butter?

UhJohnny!

What?

Concentrate, johnny.

With my whisking arm

on the fritz,

You're going to have to help

suzy at tomorrow's bakeoff.

Right.

I'm all over it.

Good. I'll just

yell out instructions

from the recipe card.

No need, mama.

I took in

the whole thing

With my keen powers

of observation.

Just follow my lead,

little girl.

This contest

is in the bag.

Say when, mama.

AndHit it!

Hyuh! Ha ha! Huh!

Ha! Hyuh!

I'm blind!

I'm blind!

Maybe it would be

better tomorrow

If you just read

the instructions.

You've got the

recipe card, right?

And don't forget

to boost me

for the egg flip.

Whatever.

Now, the sugar

is coming

right at you.

Do you feel good?

Do you feel focused?

Do you have

the recipe card?

For the 26th time, i have

the dad-gum recipe card.

What do you think

i am? Stupid?

Stupid is such

a strong word.

Whoa!

Chef johnny

sees a side dish.

Preheat your oven

to 350 degrees, baby.

Your filet mignon

has arrived.

I'm really rather busy

at the moment.

That's ok.

I baste in my own

natural juices.

Look, would you

please go away?

Hey, if you

want my number,

just ask for it.

Wait. Hold on.

No, that ain't right.

I think

Yeah, carry the 4

Done!

Suzy: Johnny.

I'm coming.

The starting bell's

going to go

any second.

Blah, blah, blah.

Say, i'm starving.

Where's the peanut butter?

[ding-a-ling]

Ok, quick, johnny,

read me the recipe.

Hmm?

[mumbling]

Ah, recipe. Right.

Now, let's see

Johnny!

I didn't lose it.

I just put it someplace

i don't know about.

What are we

going to do?

Now, don't panic.

We'll just make

a new dish

Using whatever

ingredients we have

lying around.

Quick, empty

your pockets.

Man: And in 16th place,

Mama bravo's bubble gum,

pine nut, beef jerky jamboree.

Yuck!

Hey! 16th place.

That ain't so bad.

There were only

12 contestants.

Oh.

Johnny, suzy,

i'm so proud of you.

Aw, i'm sorry

we let you down, mama.

Oh, pish tush.

I'm sorry

That my overwhelming

ambition and craving

for validation

Allowed me to deprive

my favorite person

in the world

Of his johnny time.

Besides, who needs

to have their name

and picture

In some silly

cookbook?

Bunny bravo,

your recipes are just

What my publishing company

is looking for.

Count me in.

Get it while it's hot.

Mama bravo's book

of gourmet doorstops.

A barbell of goodness

in every meal.

Is it an anchor,

a paperweight,

or a hearty entree?

You decide.

Ooh! Ah

Look out.

Hyah! Hyuh!

Ooh!

Oh, mama!

A babe!

Mercy!

Whatever.