02x20 - Yukon Yutz/Prep School Johnny/Send in the Clones

[bunniefuu]

Baby!

Sassy!

Man, i'm pretty.

Do the monkey with me.

Come on.

Hey there, baby.

Yeah, whatever.

Ah, canada.

Famous for

AhAh

Oh, johnny.

Canada's famous

for so many things.

Hockey, back bacon,

hockey,

And my favorite,

free health care.

Aw, momma.

You don't need your

earlobes reduced.

You look pretty

just the way you are.

Wait till you see me

afterward.

I'll look just like

a hollywood starlet.

Wiggy.

Come hold momma's hand

until the anesthetic

kicks in.

Ok, momma.

Hey, a canada lady.

Excuse me. Weren't you

miss october

In last year's chicks

of the frozen tundra

calendar?

Get lost, eh?

I can't help it.

I love a woman in uniform.

Look, i don't have

time for this, eh?

I'm on the lookout

for slimey pierre,

The vilest,

most ruthless

renegade trapper

In all of canada, eh?

Of course.

How stupid of me.

I should've been

coming on to you

In both english

and french.

[speaking

fake french]

I'll tell you what, eh.

Why don't you

walk aimlessly into

the forest for hours

And i'll catch up

with you.

Sweet. I'll

see you soon,

mon cher mommasita.

Ugh! Ooh.

I meant to do that.

What a hoser.

[sniff]

Ahh!

Whoa!

Oh, ow, oh, ow.

He, hah, he!

Aw, man, this stinks.

I've been walking

around for hours.

That mountie chick

must have gotten lost.

I'm hungry. I wonder

if i can live on

old growth forest.

[chomp]

Mmm. Old growthy.

[click, click]

Hey, get your own tree.

[click, click]

Oh, yeah?

You and what army?

[whistling]

Ha ha. This might be

a good time to recount

the touching story

Of how i saved

a beaver's life once.

[click, click]

Oui, my pretty.

There, there.

Doh!

Who is this you bring

before slimey pierre, eh?

Slimey pierre.

You're the guy

that mountie chick

told me about.

Well, no doubt you

have heard about

How i am the most brilliant

criminal genius in all

of canada, huh?

No.

Oh, well, surely you

have heard about my plan

To bring all of

canada to its knees.

You got

a bathroom here?

How i am going to

dam up all the rivers

And make everyone

worship me? Nothing?

Hey, i've got

an idea.

You let me arrest you

So that mountie chick

will go out with me

And i'll give you

a dollar.

Arrest moi?

It is to laugh.

Ha ha ha!

See me laughing

at you? Ha ha ha!

Perhaps you wish

to grovel before

you meet your fate, huh?

No way, you canadian

slimebucket.

We americans

are much too proud

to grovel.

Oh, please don't

hurt me. Please!

Please! Please!

o canada,

our free and blah

blah blah

Soon i will complete

my brilliant plan--

To dam up all

of canada's rivers

And bring

the great white north

to its knees.

Yeah, yeah. You told

me that already.

Oh, right. Ok. Bye.

If i could just

reach the tube

of hair gel

In my pants

pocket

Got it!

Ugh! Uh-oh.

[bam]

ooh!

I'm free. Now to conquer

slimey pierre

And win over that

luscious mountie chick.

And oh, yeah, save canada.

Pierre: Ha ha ha! Finally,

i have dammed the last

river in canada.

And completed my

marvelously evil plan

Which is so evil

and brilliant! Ha ha!

Your damming days are

over, slimey pierre.

Impossible.

How did you win

the loyalty of

my beaver army?

Simple. I promised to

take them to america,

Where beavers roam free,

and people say about

instead of aboot,

And summer lasts more

than a week,

And where they got

real bacon,

Not the stuff

you eat up here,

I mean that's ham,

for crying out loud!

Hey, one of your

wood thingies is

sticking out.

I wouldn't touch that

if i were you.

Missing, eh?

Was he aboot yay big with

blond hair, sunglasses,

And a really

obnoxious attitude?

Sorry, i haven't

seen him.

Johnny,

i was so worried!

Slimey pierre,

you're under arrest.

Huh? Oh.

Take him away, boys.

So i saved canada.

I guess that means

you'll go out with me.

But you also

destroyed the town,

Tried to eat our

old growth forest,

And planned to steal

all our beavers.

You know, 10 grand

is a nice way to

say thank you.

American money,

though. None of

that canadian stuff.

Garcon? More water,

si'l vous plait.

Sacrebleu.

Man: This meeting

of the pensington prep

school board of trustees

Shall come to order.

Gentlemen, pensington

is in a state of crisis.

A new state law demands

that we enroll an oversized

blond dumb guy

To fulfill our quota.

[mumbling]

Not to worry, gentlemen.

I have already found

a boy so stupid, so dim,

There'll be no danger of

his interfering with our

revered tradition.

Fascinating. It says

here that the record

For the most

hard boiled eggs

Stuffed into a single

human face was

set in 1932.

That record falls today!

Johnny, guess what?

You're going back

to school!

Mmm. Yolk-o-licious.

Hey, momma, didn't i

already go to school?

Yes, but you've

been accepted to

the ultra exclusive

Pensington prep school.

This is the one chance

to prove that the bravos

are quality people.

Aw, momma. Most fancy

prep schools

Are filled with uptight

creepy geek boys.

[bawling]

Fine, destroy our last

chance at social advancement.

All right, but if i

end up losing

My down-to-earth

blue collar charm,

Don't come crying to me.

Oh, headmaster,

this is simply the best

orientation tea ever.

Thank you, piggy.

Johnny's here!

Let's make with

the higher learning.

Hey, monkey boy,

take these bags

up to my room.

I beg your pardon.

Yeah, yeah. Look,

here's a nickel.

Now, chop, chop.

Oh, you must be

young mr. Bravo.

Yeah, that's right.

Room 13. Chop, chop.

Indeed. Johnny,

let me introduce you

To 3 of pensington's

finest students.

Hello. You must be

the new boy.

I'm todd. This is

nigel and urquhart.

We call him piggy.

Well, i have

a slow metabolism.

That's ok.

I've got 3 webbed toes.

So, what's it like

being a bunch of rich,

snooty twits?

How droll.

So, did anyone see

yesterday's cricket match?

Farnsworth placed

a splendid googly

'twixt the wickets.

So, you like sports?

I know karate.

Check it out.

Woo! Hoo! h*! Ha!

Hey, you.

Where's your name tag?

Oh, crashing

the party, huh?

Out you go,

freeloader.

Headmaster,

that brainless oaf

Just ejected pensington's

most illustrious alumnus.

Yes, and broke priceless

pensington china.

And stepped on

my cracking cricket

anecdote.

I'm sorry, boys,

my hands are tied.

The only way

johnny bravo

leaves pensington

Is by his choice.

Hey, look at me.

I'm a tea sucking, loafer

wearing, snooty guy.

Headmaster: This

afternoon's debate topic--

Britain's monarchy,

continue or dissolve?

Our debators

will be piggy blair

and johnny bravo.

Mr. Blair

The monarchy is

england's most

Is not.

Cherished tradition.

Uh-uh.

From the time of

william the conqueror--

From the time of

william the conqueror--

I say, stop that!

I say, stop that!

I'm not doing anything.

I'm not doing anything.

Headmaster, i refuse

to take part in such

a puerile endeavor.

Yes! I win!

In your face, pig boy.

I say, this bravo

fellow has got to go.

But headmaster says

the only way he'll go

Is if he does it of

his own free will.

In that case, we've got

to make this bravo chap

so miserable,

He'll want to leave.

Indeed.

A, e, i, o, pi.

Rats, i'll never learn

cyrillic at his rate.

Hello, johnny.

Having trouble with

your latin grammar?

Hey, you're those

pasty annoying kids.

Quite. And we've decided

that you're classic

pensington material.

Great! So that means

you'll lend me money?

Well, we had

something else in mind.

How'd you like to

really endear yourself

To the latin teacher?

I'm in!

Hear me now, human dogs!

I, johnny of the vandals,

shall now have my way with you.

Are you sure this will

make everyone like me?

Absolutely. Reenacting

the sack of rome

Is a time-honored

pensington tradition.

Ok, if you say so.

Cowabunga!

Your goods and cattle

are mine!

Teacher: What are you doing?!

[crying]

Johnny, to uphold

the honor of pensington,

You must reveal who

put you up to this

childish prank.

Now i know you'll feel

a certain loyalty toward

your friends, but

It was them.

They made me do it!

It was their idea!

Nigel! Todd! Piggy!

I'm shocked.

Oh, yeah. Now

you're gonna get it.

Shocked that you, mr. Bravo,

could snitch on your fellow

pensingtonians.

That's right, headmaster.

He's violated pensington's

unwritten law.

He must be paddled.

Ah, yes, paddling.

Paddling.

Quite right.

Mr. Bravo,

assume the position.

All right.

Hey, this isn't

gonna hurt, is it?

Not so fast!

I'm proud of my boy

for telling the truth.

The only ones who are

getting paddled are you,

You uptight,

pencil-necked phonies!

That's right. Go for

the record, momma.

Go for the record!

Oh, ow!

Good heavens!

Oh my! Ow!

I love higher learning.

Man: Thus, we see how man

has evolved to realize

His ultimate modern potential.

Hiya! h*! Ha!

Hey, how come

he gets a banana?

Mmm. Banana.

Timmy, i'm afraid

with these grades,

Not even your

kickboxing collie

Can help you get into

a good trade school.

[whistling]

Get him, lady.

[grrr]

No! What happened?

I've never missed an episode

of lady, the kickboxing collie.

Oh, dear, sweetie.

Did you mail

the cable bill i gave you?

Hmmm.

Mmm-mmm.

Invoicy.

Uh, yes.

I don't believe you.

You'll have to go

down to the cable office

And pay the bill in person.

Johnny!

Huh? Oh, right.

Pay the bill.

There it is--megalithic

cable corporation.

Ah, man, that's 3 blocks away.

Hey, mcc. Must be a conveniently

located branch office.

[phone ringing]

Max's cloning clinic,

how can i help you?

Ah, you saw the ad.

Yes, i clone you and make

millions of dollars off

the replicants.

Oh, yes. It's very painful.

[dial tone]

hello? Hello?

Drat! I'm all ready

to begin cloning,

But where am i going

to find a dumb oaf

Who's stupid enough

to submit to the process?

Here's my 12 bucks.

Turn my cable back on.

Uh, this is the cable

company, isn't it?

Ja, ja, it is.

Step right up onto

the gene splicer

And i will process

your order.

Gene splicer?

Momma didn't mention

anything about any

Hey, cable guy, what the heck

are you trying to do to me?

Congratulations.

You now have pay-per-view.

Sweet! Ha! Wednesday

night is monkey boxing

from rio!

Hmm. Bit of a doofus.

I better add a pinch of

vitamin b for people skills.

[zap]

And let the cloning begin!

Clear the evening, momma.

We're cable ready.

Oh, my goodness.

Who are you?

I made these cookies

especially for you,

mother dearest.

Here. Let me put this

nice comfy pillow

under your bunions.

Oh, thank you,

johnny, darling.

Momma,

that ain't me.

I'm me!

Well, i think i know

my own son, don't i?

Ignore him, johnny, dear.

Now read me that lovely poem

you wrote for me again.

I love to please my momma,

and show her that i care.

Sometimes i pick her posies,

and wear them in my hair.

All right.

That's enough!

Look, i don't know

who you are or how

you got so pretty,

But there's only room for

one johnny around here.

How dare you touch my

darling, sweet son!

Get out of my house,

you hooligan!

Oh, man! Thrown out

of my own house.

Let's see.

Who else has cable?

Yes?

Carl, let me stay

at your house.

You can sleep in

the garage.

Johnny? But how can you

be standing on my doorstep

When you're 10 feet behind

me mounting specimens?

Oh, carl,

bestest of buddies,

I finished stuffing

this hexapopi sylipsi.

And look--the egg sac's

still intact.

Excellent, old chum.

We're sure to win

the science fair now.

He's like me,

only he doesn't think

you're a goofy,

Wax-eared,

hammer-toed dork!

Good grief, it's 4:00!

We'd better hurry or we'll

be late for disco karaoke.

Ooh! I'll go get

my platform shoes.

Excuse us, johnny.

This is horrible!

There's a bunch of me's

walking around.

It's like an invasion

from a really handsome

parallel universe.

What if they start

buying up all of the size

14 eee shoes i like?

I've got to get help!

And that's

the whole story.

Won't you help me,

pops?

You're darn right

i'll help you, johnny.

What's this country

coming to when replicants

can just waltz into town

And take over

a person's identity?

Gimme a cup of chili.

Burger and root beer,

pops.

Yeah, that sounds good.

I'll have the chili, too.

Loose meat, please.

How's the salami today?

Lemme get some

chili fries.

Excuse me, son.

It's getting a little busy.

But, pops, you said

you'd help me.

Sorry, johnny.

A dollar's a dollar.

Ok. Who had

the loose meat?

Ahhh!

Lady, run for your life!

Ahh!

Gimme a dollar.

Ahh!

Officer,

you gotta help me.

Ahh!

Hey, they're all coming

from the cable office.

You fiend!

Ah, so you discovered

that i used your dna

To make 10,000

replicants

Who will make me rich

when i hire them out

To do heavy lifting.

No, actually,

i was wondering why

I never got

the animal channel.

It's part of my basic

package, you know.

Aha! My guess

was correct!

And we are just in time

to put a stop

To your nefarious plan.

I don't know, carl.

The clones are awfully sweet.

How can you say that?

Sure the johnny clones

are smarter, nicer,

Cleaner, wittier,

and more loyal,

But isn't it the real

johnny we love?

Right. Well, keep up

the good work, doc!

Ah, the heck with all of you.

I'm gonna watch chimp patrol

on channel 280.

No, you fool!

Don't touch those controls.

[sizzling]

SoI'll just put that

on your tabs, then.

Oh, thank heavens those

nasty clones are gone

And i finally got

my johnny back.

At least i think

it's my johnny.

Momma, a little help?

I got my head stuck in

the pickle jar again.

Oh, johnny.

It is you.

Momma, i'm running

out of air!