04x11 - Wilderness Protection Program/A Page Right Out of History

[bunniefuu]

- 1, 2, 3, huh!

Baby!

Sassy.

Studly.

Ooh. Check the pecs. Huh ha huh!

Man, i'm pretty.

Do the monkey with me.

Come on.

Hey there, baby.

Yeah, whatever.

- 1 and 2 and 7 and tutti.

Oh.

[doorbell ringing]

What the--

That sounds like the ding-dong

of a sexy female lady woman.

Oh, you're no female lady woman.

- No, sir.

- You're a--you're a cow

In a business suit.

- Yes, sir. Moo.

Mr. Bravo, i'm from

The wilderness

protection program, and--

- Do you sell cookies?

- No. We give undercover

safekeeping

To people hiding from the mob

By assigning them

new identities.

You've been selected

to receive a domestic partner.

- A female lady woman?

- A wife. Yes.

- A female wife?

- Yes.

- Who's a lady?

- Yes.

- Who can help out

around the house?

- I suppose.

- Whoo! Bring it on,

cow woman!

- Just sign here,

here, and here.

- Cross the "t,"

dot the "i," and done.

- Mr. Bravo, i'd like

to introduce you

To your wife becky.

- [high-pitched giggle]

Whoopsie.

Moose strength. Ha.

- You want me to marry

a lady moose?

- Technically,

you've already married her.

You may now kiss the bride.

- You two will now be known

as johnny and becky jones,

A nice happy family

of elephants.

The mobsters

will never find you.

- What?

Nobody's gonna believe

we're elephants.

- Not with that attitude,

they won't,

But the system works.

Just last month i set up

a nice family of stool pigeons

To pretend to be hippos.

- Hey, hippos, have you seen--

- He did it.

- Anyhoo, here's a book that

should answer any questions.

Have a good marriage,

and if you need anything,

Don't hesitate to call me.

Ha ha ha ha!

Just kidding.

You're on your own.

Ha ha ha ha!

"don't hesitate to call."

Oh, man, i'm funny!

I k*ll me.

- Ahem. Little help.

- [groaning]

Stuck moose.

- Oh, i always dreamed

my wedding night

Would be like this--

Nice house in the suburbs,

a handsome husband by my side,

Fake elephant trunk.

- Tell me again

why i married a moose.

- Oh, you hate me!

I knew it.

I'm a horrible wife.

I'm not pretty enough.

I can't help it

that i'm this big!

I have a slow metabolism.

Also, i'm a moose!

- Hey, there, there,

mrs., um, uh, jones--

I mean, uh, honeybunch.

- Johnny, the mob--

they were after me!

You see, i used to work

as a waitress in a speakeasy,

But i swear, i didn't know

it was a mob hangout.

- Whoa! Flashback!

- I thought it would be easiest

to explain this way.

You see, one day i accidentally

walked in on the mob bosses

During a secret meeting.

- [indistinct] behind me.

Hey, you!

- [screaming]

And so forth.

- Gotcha.

Poo!

- The point is, they think

i was spying on them,

And now they have my purse,

So they know who i am

and where i live,

And my ideal weight.

- Wow. Well,

we'd better start acting

Like a normal

american elephant family

So they don't find you.

- Oh, thank you.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I'm going to be

the best wife ever,

Johnny jones.

[groaning]

Oh!

- I hate this stupid

elephant trunk.

It hides my hunky face,

And the strap and the hair--

not a good combo.

- [growling]

Whoopsie doodle.

Moose instinct.

Johnny?

- Hey there, baby.

You like fish sticks?

- I guess.

- Oh, yeah? So do i.

It's like we're soul mates.

- Johnny bravo-hyphen-jones,

what are you doing?

You're a married elephant!

- That's why we need to track

down that little moose, capiche?

Yo, capiche,

get out of those cookies.

Here's her purse.

The address is on her license.

Find her!

- Ha ha ha!

That chandler is funny.

- Johnny, take out the trash.

- Oh, man.

Hey there, sugar.

- I don't date pachyderms.

- Well, that's great,

'cause i'm a one-derm

kind of guy.

Hoah!

Ha ha ha!

That becker's funny.

- Johnny, mow the lawn.

- Oh, man.

[wolf whistle]

Hey there, gorgeous.

- Hi, handsome.

Love your trunk.

- No. I mean,

i'm not actually an eleph--

- Ladies!

There's a new stud in town.

- Oh!

- Oh, rats.

- Rats?

[screaming]

- She wasn't there, boss.

- Yeah, we's went to

her house, but she split.

Must be hiding out somewheres.

- Well, find her, and give her

what she deserves

If you know what i mean.

Ha ha ha ha!

[coughing]

Excuse me.

- Johnny, sweetie,

i think i've almost perfected

My suburban elephant housewife

domesticated wave greeting,

But i need someone

to practice with.

- Not now, baby cakes.

I'm watching my stories.

- [barking]

- All right.

- Huh. I guess

i'll help you now.

- Oh, goodie, goodie, goodie.

Ok. Here it is.

Remember, i'm an elephant.

Ahem. Hello, sir or madam.

- Hey, what's that?

Some sort of puzzle piece?

- It must have gotten

stuck there at the mob hangout

When i fell down.

- Maybe it's the missing piece

of that secret plan

That you overheard.

- The plan. Right.

What's it say?

- Uh

I can't make it out,

but it looks like

A piece of the mob's

secret evil scheme.

- Oh, no! We need

to work backwards

To decipher the rest of the plan

So we can stop it, but how?

- We just have to figure out

the missing pieces!

The puzzle piece is green,

And green people always

want something from you!

What would--

- I got it! They want

to steal something!

- Green candy is sour,

So they're probably

stealing something

That's the complete

opposite of sour.

- Sweet?

- Of course!

Now, what's sweet?

- Sweet tarts?

- Sweet potato pie?

- "sweet child of mine"?

- "sweet home alabama"?

- Sweet honey?

- Aha! They're stealing honey,

but from who?

I can barely keep my eyes open.

- Barely? That's it! Bears!

- And look!

There's some sort of tiny speck

On the puzzle piece.

What could that be?

- A mole?

- That's it! The mob's

gonna steal honey

From all the bears in the forest

while they hibernate

And give it to the mole people

to use to conquer the world!

- You know what

we have to do now, right?

- Take off this fake beard?

- No. It makes you look regal.

- Fix this broken clock?

- Sure. But then

we have to warn the bears

About the mob's plan

before it's too late!

- Let's go.

Up and at 'em!

- Wake up, sleepyheads!

- Rise and shine!

- Early bear gets

the honey not stolen by mobsters

Who will then give it

to the mole people

To take over the world!

- [growling]

- This won't end well.

- You guys, listen up.

The mob is planning on

stealing your honey.

- Our honey?

What is this, winnie the pooh?

Only bears in cartoons

get their honey stolen.

- All right, cranky-face.

Someone seems overtired.

- That's because someone woke me

from my hibernation!

- [growling]

- That's enough!

- Yeah. We'll take it from here.

- Oh, they found me, johnny.

I'm done for.

- Not so fast.

Oh, please, mr. Mob guys,

don't k*ll me!

I'm too young and pretty

to be fitted with cement shoes

And thrown in the river

by mobster g*ons.

- Mobster g*ons?

You think we're in the mob?

- Ha ha ha!

The mob. That's rich.

Ha ha ha ha!

- You're not the mob?

- Ha ha! No!

- You mean the speakeasy

isn't a mob hangout?

- No. We're just in

the elks club.

- Yeah, we sit around

with the elks

Playing board games

and doing puzzles at the lodge.

- Well, then, why were

you chasing after me?

- You dropped your purse

when you ran out of the lodge.

We just wanted

to give it back to you.

- But i thought you thought

I overheard your secret

conversation at the table.

- Secret conversation?

Eh, the only thing

that goes on at the table

Is assembling jigsaw puzzles.

- Yeah, we couldn't

figure out a puzzle

Because a piece was missing.

- You mean this piece?

- I know an old elk who'll be

very happy to see that.

- Here you go.

- You don't know how much

this piece means to me.

This puzzle was an unsolvable

mystery without it.

I spent countless

sleepless nights

Trying to figure it out.

Oh, it's a koala bear.

Isn't he cute?

Thanks for helping us out.

You ever need anything

taken care of,

You call me, capiche?

- What? I wasn't doing nothing!

- You people confuse me.

- Prehistoric times,

Viewed by modern man

as barbaric--

Indeed, primitive.

Johnny bravo, viewed by

modern woman as barbaric--

Indeed, primitive.

Ironic, or just plain duh?

In order to answer

that question,

Let's travel back in time

And pay a little visit

to what we refer to

As the stone age.

- Hey, baby.

Me johnny. You hot.

Ugh!

let the sun shine in,

face it with a grin

- Holy mashed potatoes!

Look out, you idiot!

- Hoah!

Hey, thanks, mister.

I think you just saved my life.

- You're darn tootin'

i did, buddy.

- Samantha marble here

for "bedrock tv news."

We're here at the scene

of a horrible accident

In front of slate rock

and gravel company

Where this brave man

- Uh, fred.

Fred flintstone.

- Just heroically

saved the life of this--

- Unbelievably handsome

stud muffin johnny bravo--

Heavy on the stud.

- Hi, mom!

- Mr. Flintstone,

what made you want

To risk your life for this--

- Total stranger?

- It's not important

how this guy saved my life.

What's important is that i,

johnny bravo,

Plan on paying him back.

However, that is--

I mean, i'd do anything

for this big, fat guy.

- Will you--

- Flintstone?!

- Oh, boy.

- Why aren't you at your post?

I've got half a mind to

Uh, what--what's going on?

- Fred flintstone

just saved this man's life.

Any comments

about our new local hero?

- Like i said, flintstone,

I've half a mind

to give you a raise

And the day off.

And remember, folks, buy slate

for all your gravel needs.

- This has been samantha marble

With a "bedrock news"

special report.

Ok, people. That's a wrap.

Your 15 seconds of fame is up.

Let's move it, people.

Nothing to see here.

- [crowd muttering]

- h*, man.

- Daddy, i saw you

on the news. Are you ok?

- Oh. I'm fine.

- I'm fine, and you're fine,

So what do you say we go out

and be fine together?

- Oh, yeah. Pebbles, this is

- Johnny! Johnny

the love of your life bravo.

- Johnny, this is pebbles,

my daughter,

Who i assume is going to have

dinner waiting for me tonight.

- Ha ha ha ha!

You know i can't cook, daddy.

- Yeah, well, with your mother

gone for the weekend,

That leaves a load

of womanly chores to do,

And you being a woman

- Daddy, what do you think

this is, the jurassic era?

It's the stone age!

- [squawking]

- Speaking of which,

me and the g*ng

Are gonna go study

at the library.

Mwah! Bye, daddy.

Bye, johnny.

Hope to see you around.

- Hey, bravo,

you want to pay me back

For saving your life, right?

- Uh

- I think i know

how you can do that.

I worked it out so you

could do the right thing

In paying me back.

Here's the deal.

Every time you finish

another chore for me,

I'll give you 5 points.

That way, you can work off

me saving your life,

Which is worth 100 points.

- 100 points?

That's a lot, right?

- Now here's samantha marble

With the story

of today's heroic rescue.

- It's not important

how this guy saved my life.

What's important

is that i, johnny bravo,

Plan on paying him back.

- So, bravo, if you're

good for your word

- You big softie.

- Oh, man.

- You know, wilma always

sings me a song

While i'm vacuuming.

- Oh, yeah?

Do you know this one?

I'm not wilma!

- Jeez, what a grouch.

- This is so not working out.

At this rate, i'll never be even

with that flintstone guy.

I gotta think of something.

- Hey, what if you found

a way to save his life?

Then you'd be totally even.

- What if i find a way

to save his life?

Then we'd be totally even!

- It'll never work.

[knocking on door]

- Either i'm at the wrong house

Or you've lost some weight,

fred, in a weird way.

- Hey, barn.

- Fred, you're still fat!

- Can it, wise guy.

Look, bravo, me and barney

Are gonna bowl a few frames

before dinner.

Just stick to the list

and everything should be a-ok.

- Hey, do you mind if i come?

I could carry stuff for you

and junk.

- Well, now,

that's the spirit, bravo.

I like that.

How's about you start

By carrying

my bowling ball for me?

- Great.

Ooh!

- Pick it up, bravo.

We don't have all day.

- All i need is to find a way

to save this guy's life,

And the whole thing is over.

This should be easy.

- So, fred, who's the new guy?

- He's my new

personal assistant.

- You mean like a sl*ve?

- Assistant, barn.

Anyway, it's only till

wilma comes home.

Oh, bravo, want to earn

an extra two points?

- Whatever it takes.

- Thank you very--ugh!

- [laughing]

- Flintstone, look out!

- [groaning]

- Two chopped sabertooth

tiger chops. Order up!

Wait. Stand back.

Those chops could have some kind

of crazy jungle disease.

I better test it out.

Nope. No danger here. sh**t.

- Ha ha ha ha!

- Man, why did i have to be

saved by such a workasaurus?

I just want

to get with the saving

So i can stop the slaving.

- Oh, bravo.

- I used the powder

and everything.

- Well, that's two extra points

in your dish there, johnny boy.

Now, get ready

to see some magic.

Yaaaa!

[crash]

- Well, at least his face

was shining in the ball.

- Yes, dear.

I love you, too.

Good night.

Barn, it looks like wilma's

coming home early tomorrow.

I'm in big trouble.

- What do you mean?

- Hello!

If you haven't noticed,

I tricked some poor dope into

doing all my chores for me.

Plus, he won't leave!

- I gave my word

that i would stay

Till we were all even, and

- He's sticking to it!

Wilma's gonna be plenty mad

when she finds out

- He has been using me

like a sl*ve!

Oh, there's gotta be something

i can do to speed up

This whole saving my life thing.

I know! I just need a plan

where i can make sure

I save that big

fat guy's life, because

- If he repays me by saving

my life, we'd be even steven,

And i'd be done with

that dim bulb once and for all.

- So, what you gonna do, fred?

- We need a plan, barn.

- I got it!

Listen to this:

[whispering]

- Hey, how'd you guys know

I wanted to go to

the amusement park today?

- Well, they've got this new

dino coaster that's to dino for!

- Yeah! It's supposed to be

a real hootalee-hoot.

- Yeah, well, i don't

go much for coasters.

Why don't you two

go test her out?

- Fine. You stay here.

Just keep your eye on us,

ok there, pal?

- No problemo.

- You got us covered

there, old buddy?

- Covered.

- Are you sure

this is gonna work, fred?

- Barney, when have

i ever been wrong?

- Hey, got me

covered there, pal?

- Covered.

Right at the top, all right?

- S'all right.

- [screaming]

- Here we go!

A little hard on the stop,

don't you think?

- Sorry.

- Ok, barn, hit it!

- Help! Help!

- Help us!

- I never knew something so sour

could be so sweet.

- Hey, bravo, you big

lughead, save me! Help!

- Oh, yeah!

Time to get that

big monkey off my back.

Hey, where's my pterodactyl?

- Oh, yeah, barry.

I rented him out.

- What? But you said you'd save

your best pterodactyl for me!

- Hey, i'm sorry.

Some hot chick wanted him,

And you know you

can't say no to the ladies.

- Yeah. Well,

what else do you got?

- Eh, how about harold?

- Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

- Ok, buddy. I got

some lives to save.

To the dino coaster! Hyah!

- Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

- [whistling]

- Finally!

- I'm coming for you,

flintstone! Hold on!

Here i--no, here

Hold on. Now, here

Oh, man, can't you do

anything right?

- You know,

i have feelings, too.

- Ooh!

- [screaming]

- Now, what kind of a dodo brain

would go on a ride like that?

- [screaming]

- Hold on, daddy. I'll save you.

- [cheering]

- Wow. Now i owe you my life,

my bone-haired little beauty.

[growling]

Can i start paying it off

by taking you to dinner?

- Look here, bravo,

you can save your life and mine

By getting out of town

right now!

- But--but--

- [whistling]

Dino! Get him, boy!

- [barking]

- Oh, daddy.

- Prehistoric johnny:

Ironic or just plain duh?

I'd say yabba dabba duh!