04x12 - Some Walk by Night/Adam West's Date-O-Rama

[bunniefuu]

- 1, 2, 3, huh!

Baby.

Sassy.

Studly!

Ooh!

Check the pecs.

Huh! Ha! Huh!

Man, i'm pretty.

Do the monkey with me.

Come on!

Hey there, baby. Ooh!

Yeah, whatever.

Chicks and money.

Now, that's what i call

a two-for-one combo.

Ha ha ha!

Hi there!

I'd like to withdraw

a little sugar

From the bank

of your lips.

[alarm rings]

- [grunting]

- Seriously, you guys need to

lay off the jelly doughnuts.

Hey!

Oh!

That could have been

handled better.

[applause]

- good job!

- Bravo, well done!

- Wow!

- Amazing!

- And you are?

- Don't you recognize

the voice?

It's me--allyce beasley!

Serve up a mystery,

and i'll solve it quite easily!

Just give me a holler

when you witness a crime.

But don't yell too often.

I just do this part-time.

- Huh?

- Good afternoon!

Curtis armstrong,

t.V. And movie superstar mogul.

- Good for you.

Now, if you don't mind--

- But, sir, we were

just inside that bank with you

And witnessed something

truly amazing--

A real person

with real struggles!

- Real suspense!

- Look, could you two nutmegs go

and bother somebody else?

I got me some more chicks

to chickify.

- Just hear us out!

We want to cast you

in our new reality t.V. Series

"who wants to star

in their own pilot

"for a prime-time series

as a detective

Or a detective's sidekick?"

- The title's a work

in progress.

- Look, i hate to burst

your bubble,

But i've done the hollywood

thing, and it ain't for me.

- But, sir--by the way,

i didn't catch your name.

- Johnny.

Huh!

Johnny bravo.

- Well, johnny--huh!--

Johnny bravo--

This is different

from the hollywood thing.

This is reality television.

- All you have to do is sign

this release form

Which frees us

from any wrongdoing

If you end up suffering

from emotional, physical,

Or metaphysical discomfort.

- I said no!

I can even say it in spanish.

No!

- Your lips may be saying no,

But i have two great reasons

why they'll soon say yes.

Marina draskovic!

- Wow, i'm pretty

Clinically speaking, as i've

played a doctor on t.V. Before.

[vroom]

- I'm sorry, johnny--huh!--

Johnny bravo,

But i'm afraid you cannot

interact with marina draskovic

Until you've signed

the release form.

It--

- So, marina, how's about--

what the--

- Do you mind?

I'm trying to pretty my pretty.

- Sorry. It was set to melt

flying insects.

- Like i was saying--

- Please!

This is a family show.

Try to limit the flesh tones.

- I'm ready for my closeup,

mr. Producer.

- And i'm ready for my closeup.

- AndAction!

Do you have what it takes to be

the next scooby-doo?

The next charlie's angels?

The next old chick

from "m*rder, she wrote"

Who also solved crimes?

But i never watched the show,

So i couldn't for the life of me

know her real name.

Well, we're about to find out

With our next contestant,

johnny bravo!

Oof!

- Now that it's just us,

What do you say we audition

each other in a kissing scene?

Mwah!

- Please!

Oof!

Arg!

- Ha!

Don't mess

with the ways of the shaolin.

- Ha!

Shaolin?

How's about showing

crouching johnny?

Yah! Ha! Ha!

- Are you mocking the ways

of the shaolin?

- It depends.

Does it make me look hot?

- Grr!

Ha!

- Unh!

[grunting]

Watch the hair!

Ooh!

- Are you getting all this?

- It's like watching lightning

in a bottle!

- Producer?

- At your service!

- This guy is so

not working for me.

- Is it because i'm prettier

than you?

I get that a lot,

you know?

- Zip it, divo!

- Miss draskovic?

- Oh, come now.

We're friends.

Call me miss marina draskovic.

- Thank you, miss draskovic.

- Please,

from behind the camera.

- Sorry.

- You were saying?

- If you don't mind

my butting in,

Of all the people we've seen,

I really believe that the two

of you have that "it" factor.

- You know, janet--

- allyce.

- I like you.

We should have dinner sometime--

Yet still sit at

separate tables.

- Sounds like

a swell evening to me.

- Producer!

- At your service!

- Let's bring on

the detectiving!

- Ahem!

Could somebody help me

out of this?

I think my zipper's stuck.

- Retrieving the unretrievable

clue, take one!

- Welcome back!

We've hidden a carrot somewhere

in the vicinity of johnny bravo.

Let's see if he can find it,

shall we?

- You know, i could stare

at you all day long.

Then i wouldn't get a chance

to look at me.

I hate that part!

- You do realize you're supposed

to be looking for a carrot.

- What do you say we skip

the carrot part

And go straight for dessert?

We can start

with some johnny a l'amour.

- Help!

Somebody help!

- Jinkies!

- A real-life mystery!

- I hope she likes pot roast!

I'm just trying to figure out

what to make for dinner.

- Well, keep rolling.

You can't write this stuff.

- What is it?

What happened?

- Somebody kidnapped my llama!

- [gasp] kidnapped?

dun-duh-dun

Did you hear that, johnny?

Johnny?

- She's a hottie.

- Could you help me

find my llama?

- We'd be happy to--

- I'd be happy to find

your llama!

Is this your llama?

- Uh, no. That's a--

- How about this?

- No.

- This?

[elephant trumpets]

- Do you even know

what a llama is?

- Ugh!

Oh, you said llama!

- Are we on t.V.?

- Reality t.V.!

- As real as it gets!

- Like, reality gone wild!

- Really?

- Unh!

- Is that your llama's leash?

- Oh, this?

Why, yes,

this is my llama's leash!

Would you like to look?

You know, i'm a natural

in front of the camera.

I was crowned

the artichoke queen

At the county fair last year.

- I'm happy to report

that your llama

Was not actually kidnapped.

- What?

- Observe.

dun-dun-duh

The leash is still moist

and frayed,

Which means that your llama

must have chewed himself free

And escaped.

- Yes, folks, marina draskovic

has just retrieved

The unretrievable clue--

The first key in unlocking

the mysteries of detectivity.

- Help-a!

Help-a!

- Oh, another chick

who needs help!

Well, what are y'all

just standing around for?

We got some detect--uh--tah--

- Detectiving!

- Gesundheit!

Let's go!

I guess we should follow him?

- We kinda have to.

- Or we could go out

for some cappuccino.

- Oh! I know a great coffee shop

around the corner.

- Mmm! That sounds good!

- Ladies,

enough chit-chat.

We've got a mystery

to exploit!

- Help-a!

Oh, somebody help-a!

- Oh, man.

I was hoping you were hot!

- Please-a!

I was just-a robbed

By a large,

horse-like creature!

He was--

- don't worry, ma'am.

I play a detective on t.V.

I'll catch whoever did this

to you!

- Really?

We're on t.V., huh?

- Here he is,

the ugly, horse-like creature

Who robbed your store.

- Who you calling ugly?

- Oof!

Unh!

- Am i on t.V.?

- National t.V.!

[whinny]

- hi, mom!

- Look!

Hoofprints!

Our criminal just may be

a horse after all.

- Help!

Help!

- Another person in trouble!

We must be getting closer.

Are we getting closer?

Ugh!

- Focus!

- Right!

Focus!

- Follow those footprints!

- 'elp!

Somebody please 'elp!

- Hey there, pretty--

- Were you just accosted

by a llama?

- Mais oui!

He stole my tap shoes!

- Wait a second!

[footsteps clicking]

- This way, people!

- That means you, too,

speedo!

- Did you just see a tap-dancing

llama run by here?

- I don't know what a llama is,

But there's a giant dog

in the park

Giving away free fruit.

- Giant dog?

- In the park?

- Free fruit?

- Is there an echo in here?

- To the park!

- You might want to skip

the oranges.

I think he spit all over them.

- There he is!

[belch]

- Stand back!

I'll save you, llama!

- Save him?

- Look, mister!

Nobody eats that lady's llama

with johnny on duty!

One way or another,

he's coming back out.

- I don't think

that's a smart idea.

[thump]

[all gasp]

- [grunting]

- You're not the only one.

- Maybe i should have

thought this out better.

- I can't thank you enough

for finding my llama.

- Well, i can think of

a few ways you can thank me.

Mwah!

Oof!

[grunting]

- Hold it right there!

Do you picture

what i'm picturing?

- Pony rides at christmastime?

- Exactly!

But i'm also thinking

That we should skip

johnny--huh!--Johnny bravo

And go with these two!

- Two girls?

That's like a girl times two!

- You can't write this stuff!

Sorry about the change

of heart.

- But the change, i think,

is rather smart.

- So now i guess

i take your place.

- We'll see you on t.V.,

solving another case.

- Yeah, whatever.

[dog barks]

- Welcome to the heavily

anticipated premiere

Of the show that everybody's

talking about

- No one in this house.

- With your host marina--

- We interrupt this show that

everybody's talking about

To bring you

this late-breaking story.

- Yeah, bob,

there's a high-speed car chase

Going through the neighborhood

streets of aron city.

Apparently--

Wait a second. The driver's

skidding out of control.

H-he's headed for--

[tires squealing]

[sirens]

- What the--

- [police talking at once]

- Sir,

you've just witnessed

The most dramatic car chase

in years.

Your home is a wreck.

Now you're on t.V.

Any comments?

- Don't you just love

reality television?

- Hi!

I'm adam west.

That's rightAdam.

- Unh!

- West.

Welcome to another action-packed

episode

Of "adam west's date-o-rama!"

Formerly known as

"the great date coaster."

A.K.A. "can i get those digits?"

Sponsored

by "biscuits in a cup."

More popularly known as

"everybody loves adam west!"

Let's get started,

shall we?

- Hee hee hee!

- I never get tired of that.

Meet the date going-on-er,

johnny bravo.

Johnny is unemployed,

lives with his mother,

And knows the alphabet!

- A, blee,

that curvy one, uh

A, blee, 3!

- Oh, what a catch!

And johnny's date--

egads!

I mean, meet the black widow!

She's a reformed intergalactic

super-villainess.

She enjoys walks on the beach

And shattering mirrors

with her ghastly visage.

- I want a man who will bow down

before me and

Oh, uh, cuddle.

I just want a man to cuddle.

- That's swell!

[quack quack quack]

Will romance blossom between

jimmy barko and yellow fever?

The answer?

I am simply stunning!

To the date!

- i am so great

give me a hot date

[doorbell rings]

Huh! Ha! Huh!

Lucky lady, get ready to meet

johnny bra--

[crows cawing]

Aah!

[doorbell rings]

now, who could that be?

Ugh

[doorbell rings]

Now, who could that be?

Aah!

- Nice try, johnny bravo.

But you agreed to go

on this date,

And on it you will go.

- Prove it!

- Ugh!

This is a legally binding

contract.

I've got your john hancock

right here.

- No, you don't.

My john hancock's over there.

- I declare this contract

legally binding!

- Advantage: West!

To the date-o-rama-mobile!

- I knew i should have gone with

the ben franklin.

Oof!

- Aah!

- Let's just say

my last relationship left

A bad taste

in my mouth!

What's the matter?

Cat got your tongue?

- Meow!

- Well, there you are,

miss kitty.

Bad dog!

- Oof!

This is so not fun.

- Aww, don't be embarrassed.

I got a frog in my throat!

[croak]

- Wow!

You look a lot better when you

can't tell what you look like.

- Grr!

- Oh, yeah.

Now we're getting somewhere.

[rooster crows]

[horse whinnies]

[birds chirping]

[baa baa]

[cluck cluck cluck]

- So, how do you like your date,

johnny?

- Well, between you and me, kid,

she's a real cow.

- Really?

- No, no, no.

I mean, she's a real pig.

A dog.

Whale?

Mule?

Quit horsing around!

I'm trying to tell you

that chick is ugly.

Oof!

- Baa!

- Huh?

Uh, what i meant to say

was that you're very, uh

Un-good-looking.

- Grr!

- Ooh, busted.

- Oh, my!

What a

Gentleman!

- So, black widow,

that's a

Name.

Isn't that french

for "puppy dog" or something?

- Actually, it's english

for "black widow."

[crickets chirping]

You know, the spider?

- Spider, huh?

Is that chinese

for "knee socks"?

- May i take your order?

- I'd like to order

the gastropods of

the planet saltice

To relinquish control

of the mollusk moon

To andropod forces at once!

Oh, and a house salad.

- I'd like to order a--

How about you and me

go out some time,

With a side

of your phone number?

- Aah!

- Aah!

Ah ah ah ah!

- I'd like to cancel that order!

- Ha ha ha!

[crickets chirping]

- Friend of yours?

This you?

[wolf howling]

- Oh, no!

Well, here we are!

- Then here i go!

- I'd like you to come inside

for some coffee.

Wouldn't you like to come inside

for some coffee!?

- Not really.

- Grr!

What?

- NotReally.

- Grr!

That's it!

You pathetic, insensitive,

unappreciative, callous,

Self-absorbed earth-dweller!

- You say something?

- I tried to be sweet!

I tried to be good!

I tried to be

a good model citizen!

- You're a model?

- Aah!

- So, how's about that coffee?

- Oh, johnny!

Poor, slow, slow,

slow johnny!

There's no coffee for you!

And there never will be!

- Wait a minute!

I'm not slow!

[rumbling]

- Not so fast.

NotSoFast.

Adam west.

- Black widow.

So, we meet again.

- That's right.

- Well, i assure you

we shan't meet again!

Again.

- Shan't we?

- We shan't!

Get him, boys!

- I see you've fallen off

the villainess recovery wagon,

Black widow.

Allow me to reintroduce you

to my 12-step program.

Step 1: Don't swim for at least

30 minutes after eating.

Ugh!

Step 2: Don't wear white

after labor day.

Yah!

Step 3:

Don't talk to strangers!

Baby, don't you talk!

Unh!

Steps 4-11:

Well, they're pretty much

the same as steps 1-3.

Yah!

- [gasp]

- Step 12:

Don't mess with the west!

- Aw, phooey!

- Hey, adam west!

When did you get here?

- Johnny, in the future,

please be more selective

About the variety of hooligan

you consort with.

- I'll sign to that.

- You are so gone, hancock!

Well, fair audience members,

It looks like

those two kooky kids

Really hit it off.

But don't take my word for it.

Let's see what they have to say.

- I had a great time

with johnny.

I would go out with him again.

- Uh, can somebody get me down

from here?

- Aww.

Nothing gnaws at this

cavalier casanova's

sinewy heartstrings

More than the sweet, dewy music

of the lovestruck.

It's what brings me back

to this show

Day after day after--

Well, that and my limo driver

charles.

[honk honk]

Anyways,

turn in tomorrow

For another astonishingly

wondrous episode of

"adam west

presents adam west!"

Same adam time,

same adam channel!

Captioning made possible by

turner entertainment group

- Hello, johnny.

It's activity time!

One of these things

is not like the other.

Can you guess which one it is

before the kids at home do?

- No problem!

Ha ha!

Thought you could fool me

on this one,

But i know the thing

that is different is this thing!

- Whoo-hoo!

Congratulations, johnny!

You are today's winner!

So, until next time, good night,

and have a pleasant tomorrow.

You like me!

You really like me!