06x17 - The Clampetts Play Cupid

[bunniefuu]

come and listen to the story about a man

named shed a poor Mountaineer barely

kept his family fed and then one day he

was sh**ting at some food

all that is black gold Texas Tea

well the first thing you know old Jeb's

a millionaire the Kim folk said can't

move away from there said California is

a place you ought to be solder loaded up

the truck and the move to Beverly Hills

that is swimming pools movie stars The

Beverly Hillbillies

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Jethro

what is all this just a little bedtime

snack whole turkey ham milk bread fruit

just a little something light huh yeah

vanishes it ain't no good to eat too

much for baby

you seen granny she ain't come up yet

there she's waiting for Ellie to get

home from her date with Dash rip Rock I

bet she's fixing to spy on me

where is she

right over Yonder

over here trumpet yeah I reckon she

figures listening safer than looking

remember what happened the last time

Ellie had a date with Dash

yeah she fell off the roof telescope and

all right through the backseat of dashes

convertible

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granny

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wake me slow jam you will never believe

the dream I'm having

where am I oh I must have been

sleepwalking you was fixing to Snoop on

dashinelli you call it snooping I call

it taking an interest by Ellie May and

jestro were closer to me than my own

youngins they're my precious jewels all

I care about is protecting them thank

you Granny

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saving the ham for a midnight snack

I get my hands on you I'll give you a

life I reckon that precious Jewel has

had enough protection now here get on

upstairs and go to bed

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well here we are alone at life you can

never be sure it was granny well sh**t

him at a great Commando

middle of the night

that's been fun guys

gee Ellie I sure wish I could stay out

later than eight o'clock

when I can't get away from the studio

until 6 30 it doesn't give us much time

I don't mind

yeah but it'd be nice to go out to

dinner one night and have time to finish

it wasn't I nice to us at the restaurant

putting what was left in East Bay

for Bow Wow

I reckon I didn't have time to print

some with our knives

well it's one minute eight I'd better

say good night

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where's the chicken feet

it's been a quiet little kiss dude just

as well

after Rachel wake up the whole time okay

hurried right over as soon as we got

your call thank you as I was telling you

it's regarding Ellie Mae you see I'm

getting quite serious about it good but

there are some obstacles in the way of

our happiness what are they Mr Clampett

jezro and grin but you were with Ellie

last night what there was of the date

was fine but bringing her home you've

got to have an armored car and a

bulletproof vest

what can we do well I was thinking of

running up there today in between scenes

now if you could talk to him before then

explain to him that my intentions are

honorable and that they can trust me you

mean they don't well I can't even hold

hands with her every time we go into the

Parlor granny comes in there with a

knitting and sits there until I leave oh

dear not only that the whole time she

makes me hold her yarn Bravo granny the

world needs more of that old-fashioned

ethic standards principles hello my dear

this is the young lady playing Queen

Anne you look everybody's a queen my

dude gee thanks honey you're sweet

she's the head of the Studio's personal

discovery

Miss Camille softick

do you mean we have to go and rehearse

again already

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kiss me Your Majesty and

Milo

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Hathaway has volunteered to go right up

and speak to Granny on your behalf well

thank you Miss Hathaway Camille please

I'm busy

if they just let Elliot stay up a little

later right 8 30 maybe quarter to nine

please Camille I want a rehearse Dash I

told you later

excuse me Dash I'd be happy to stand in

foil and rehearse with Miss zotique bug

off Grandpa Mr drysdale's Banker

represents the owner of the studio

oh kiss me Your Majesty

oh Ellie I want to tell you again how

sorry I am about the Ruckus last night

was dice is going to be sorry he drove

off and left that paid back with half

his supper in it well I want you to know

I had your best interest at heart

if you're ever gonna be Mrs Dash riff

Rock I don't want to marry Dash

you don't why the fell I'm married gonna

wear patched up overhauls and live in a

little Outlaw log cabin in the hills

with a bit of Rocky land where we can

ride some turnips and a figure too

as old as she is and still thinking she

can grab off a prize like that and what

a shame to let that nice looking Dash go

to waste

I gotta find somebody to match make him

with

well granny

talk to you about Dash rip Rock You did

oh oh you did

that's fella Amy granny I I think he's

divine

this is going to be the biggest

challenge of my career

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ain't ladylike oh it's all right granny

I'm letting him win

to walk in here right now and ask you to

marry him what would you say I'd say

going squirrely

what would you say Ellie well I'll have

to say no I like him a lot but I don't

love him just wanted to make sure now I

want a matchmake dash with Miss Jamie

Miss Jane oh you're Greening me

I don't know when your mouth is a bigger

nuisance when you talk or when you're

reading

is trying to make a Dandy couple good

what we have to do is to get Dash's mind

off of you and on to Miss Jane that

means talking down Ellie and talking up

Miss Jane hi volunteers dog down Ellie

we gotta work fast Miss Jane is in the

Parlor she says Dash is coming by to see

you today for a little while he said

now I'll go out and start selling her on

dash and after a little while you come

in and help yes unless it'll be easy

I hope so because selling him on her is

going to be harder than peddling a

hairbrush to a hedgehog and he's

right Ain't nobody got better manners

than Dash rip Rock and I'm strong why

you would never need a flower mule with

Dash around yeah yes granny and he's

quite trustworthy trustworthy why he'd

rather walk Barefoot through a

Stubblefield before he'd tell a lie and

he's got them rugged good looks and deep

voice and he saw all fire Charming oh

granny stop bragging on me like that

Dash rip rocks here waiting to get a

look at him

Miss Jane we are about to meet one of

the biggest movie stars in Hollywood

today and in spite of that he is as

simple and down to earth as anybody

you'd ever want to meet

well he might have gone a little

Hollywood

when you run alone Jethro

take my advice

rid of them show awfully close you'd

look a whole lot nicer in a plain

sh**ting time I've only got a few

minutes will you tell Ellie I'm here

yeah

but if you only got a few minutes I

doubt if she'll make it usually takes

her all afternoon to put on her makeup

it doesn't sound like Ellie May

you ought to see the old gal before she

slaps on her w*r paint

I suppose I shouldn't have said that

shame on me

about it now she's making up excuses to

keep Belling me apart I don't understand

it before you came she couldn't say

enough good things about you

you don't suppose Granny's got a

shortener wiring dude I don't think

I suppose at her age the insulation

could be frayed a bit

granny hey shouldn't you be in their

matchmaking or prod an old Dash or

something now you leave the Affairs of

the heart to me your specialty is the

stomach what do you think that is going

to propose I just hope it's within my

lifetime

afraid I sold Miss Jane on dash too

strong she probably over eager and she's

doing everything all wrong in there

I was right well here comes our little

head turner now Miss Jane oh well yeah

yeah that's right she sure makes me feel

like turning my head how about you dash

no I mean granny I better get back to

the studio can I take Ellie to a

Premiere tonight

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here

and Miss jaina oh no no he means Ellie

oh you'd like to go to Premiere tonight

wouldn't you Ellie well thank you I

loved him Miss James when are we going

I'm taking Ellie it's my new picture

we'll have an early dinner and now hold

on Ellie can't go unless she has a

chaperone Miss Jamie all right anything

but I don't have a date you do now me

oh don't uh worry about an early supper

you can have it right here well I was

thinking a candlelight a little spot

with some romantic atmosphere

oh you can eat in the court and parlor

oh boy and don't worry about the early

part I'll start serving at four o'clock

I thought you was in such an all-fired

hurry well I do have to go I'll see you

later Ellie the dress is Black Tie all

right maybe I can borrow one from Jethro

at sorry Dash I'll take care of

everything

thanks

goodbye all bye bye goodbye

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I hope you don't mind giving up the

premiere not for Miss Jane I don't how's

this dress and shoes the only pearls

look just right now remember my plan is

to make Dash think that Miss Jane is as

popular with the fellas as the punch

bowl in the barn dance yes when Dash

gets here he's got to choose between you

and Miss Jane and Miss Jane has got to

win

It Ain't So far-fetched

fishing without bait

ain't impossible in the driveway right

behind me I gotta get upstairs and put

on my Premier clothes now remember at

supper I want you to reel off all of

change good qualities to dash yes ma'am

oh can you give me one to get me started

Chief now remember we have got to get

Dash to want to take Miss Jane to the

premiere instead of you yesterday

and with you looking like that at Miss

Jane all gussied up fit to k*ll it'll

make it much easier well I bet you he'll

run to high school don't ask for

miracles I'll be happy if he just

shuffles over slow life

I am so excited I just I just thought my

gown and rushed right over oh then you

didn't have time to fix your hair or put

on your makeup

as a matter of fact I have

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what they used to be

Ellie surely you're not going to the

premiere dress like that he hadn't

planned to we expected a little more

help from you

foreign

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but she only gets phone calls from her

old class mate

at the rest home

hi Dash Miss Jane you're looking

prettier than a smoked turkey

all the time I'm gonna change into my

Premier clothes after supper he has it

time yet granny yeah

yeah I hope that Ellie Mays got Miss

James flowers out of the way

forward from Oliver

all of your friends they've been coming

all morning

you can't be serious just look at that

with all she's got she's modest too

Hawaiian see for yourself

hey how about them flowers Ellie the

bell at the flower shop said he cleaned

out the whole place for me yeah he did

come on come on let's go

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look at this you think Miss Jamie

popular

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flower store got a little mixed up like

you're gonna get when they leave okay

well let's sit down riddles is almost

ready like the candles Dash

before I start sharing though I Gotta

Give Ellie her medication

she has to take all that yes five or six

times a day

oh dear honey I hope you're not coming

down with one of your trembling spells

maybe I I don't understand

I don't doubt it

at full of health and figures you are

well

it looks like Ellie's gonna make it

through dinner

I'll start serving what are we having

granny well we're going to start with

ham hocks got your teeth in honey

how's it going now he's miserable I've

been eating ham hocks and complimenting

Miss Jane for an hour and days just

keeps looking at Ally I can't think of

another thing to do hey you could serve

dessert

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Ellie May Dash would like to see you

excuse me I think I'll go and powder my

nose

take more than nose powder might as well

go on in Honey I give up but don't worry

granny I got an idea

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okay where's Dash don't make any trouble

miss or I shall knock your wig off dash

is busy

all right then find somebody else I want

to go to that Premiere because everybody

in Hollywood's going to be there wait a

minute is that really a wig yeah what

about it

I know a way you can get to the premiere

first you gotta do me a little favor

sound like one of those movie producers

so well I want you to start thinking

about setting down with me

well Dash I couldn't be happy married to

a Hollywood movie star

premieres and such just ain't my kind of

Life forget the premiers I'll give you

any kind of life you want just name it

first off you'll have to give up that

fancy Penthouse apartment

it's done

you see

anything

I'd want to live in a little log cabin

in the Hills

hello Kevin

huh we'll have a little patch of ground

and goat and a pig or two and 10 or 12

youngins just a small fan 10 or 12.

of course you want to trade them fancy

Duds and shiny shoes for some overhauls

and a pair of clawed crunches

five countries

all day I'd be cooking for you

these heads do and fake possums hog jail

no way

well Ellie it certainly sounds

interesting

one more thing I'd want to call you by

your real name the one you went by back

in Peoria

you mean

noodles

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I want you to have some time to think

about this Ellie why don't I call you in

a couple of years

you look double Dandy Miss Gene

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Camille did her best

Ellie isn't going to the premier granny

I'll have to go without a date here's

your date of course I don't know what

I'm going to say to Rudolph Valentino if

anybody can talk to Rudolph Valentino

you can

don't worry it's all a bad dream anyway

where's my date he's right behind you

ready to go the premiere put pets on to

cover the long johns I'm going to the

premiere with him you've got to be

kidding

his uncle owns the studio

oh

kiss me Your Majesty

come on let's go

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well now it's time to say goodbye to

Chad and all his kin they would like to

thank you folks for kindly dropping in

they're all invited back next week for

this locality to have a heaping helping

of their Hospitality

hillbilly that is Sarah spell take your

shoes off y'all come back now dear

has been a film waste presentation

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