06x26 - The Soap Opera

[bunniefuu]

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all that is black gold Texas Tea well

the first thing you know old Jeb's a

millionaire the Kim folk said gent move

away from there said California is the

place you ought to be so they loaded up

the truck in the mood to Beverly Hills

that is swimming pools movie stars a

Beverly hillbilly

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oh

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okay Dr granny Hamlet's all ready to go

meet someone ahead on the Buckboard back

in the Hills you had a siren back there

granny oh sure our old hound dog Duke

used to sit on the seat beside me and oh

all right sure strange to think how

crude things was then

when you see what we got now

that's the thing I got something this

snazzy after all I'm competing with them

Society saw but this is gonna be a good

thing for them city folks

if me on that truck there'll be a doctor

within a few minutes of any automobile

accident that's for sure that we cause

most of them

what internation well I gotta find some

patience Jim if they won't come to me I

gotta go to them in six years out here I

only found one broken limb to treat yeah

younger it is

we can't have you running all over town

Doctrine we need you here

no you don't

and it breaks my heart to think how my

own family is so healthy you don't even

think enough of me to get the measles or

or break a finger now with him

I said some between the three of us we

might have been able to at least catch a

cold first that wouldn't have been

enough to keep a doctor like me busy I

was ready to volunteer for the Army

Medical Corps yeah but she figured she

could find more people to treat just

driving around on the California

freeways

which Duke taking all that rum into his

medicine first

oh he's gonna take care of finding folks

and get lost in snow slides or Avalanche

good there's a whole lot of them in

Beverly Hills

all right come up besides most of the

Corn squeezings in there is for the

truck

might run out of gas which leaves about

a Jug's worth for you well you heard the

old saying a thimble full and day keeps

the doctor okay

oh but I have seen your drinking thimble

they're going to take good kicks back to

the kitchen wait a minute I gotta bring

at least a couple of swallows with me to

sterilize my instruments here

I see well thanks for the advice on

being sales Miss giant or no other

tricks Ellie unfortunately a trap is

only as good as it's paid

well excuse me I have to hang up now

today's the day we find out if Rex good

body is going to need an operation is he

a friend of yours Rex goodbye is a

character on a journey to misery oh dear

I really must go now everyone's in my

office waiting to hear the diagnosis

goodbye dear

happy to present

to present a journey to misery

granny you got a foolish Clover of

course I got a four-leaf clover I'm a

physically nice

Rex goodbye luck we'll rest good body a

friend of Miss James she says he finds

out today worthy needs operation or not

rain why did Miss James send him to me

well it might be on account of he's a

little strange she says he's a character

shitty folks are partial the city

sawbones damn scalpel happy goomers

rather cut and cure they get paid by the

Stitch right maybe that's why she says

he's on a journey to misery of course

silly quacks living in the Dark Ages I

ain't found one yet that even heard of a

bat wings

there's still time well she said there's

all at her office waiting for the

diagnosis and maybe they're still a

chance Ellie go boil some water

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yes ma'am as soon as I remember where I

left my ham hock

ey

yes ma'am

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remember where I left my hammock and now

a journey to misery continues

tell me doctor

I can take it

do I need an operation gee I hope the

diagnosis looks something serious me too

he's been getting Examination for three

months

going on here today's the day we see if

they're going to perform an operation on

Rex good body well I am going to perform

an operation on a few secretaries like

cutting off their salaries

I told you all spare lunch hour time is

to be donated to a worthy cause yes in

your idea of one is soliciting new

depositors door-to-door that's more

constructive than watching this moronic

soap opera dribble is nothing but

ridiculous mind paralyzing bunk now go

and tell all the employees less Shirk

and more work

Scott the distractions one has to put up

with as a bank president I completely

forgot today is a day Rex good body

finds out if he needs an operation

foreign

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at least I'm not too late

well here I am where's the patient help

me doctor this is your friend Rex

I'll find you here he is Grady but it's

a little TV

very well Rex as you know I have given

you a complete examination

I bet this is one of them scientific

programs where they show a real live

operation on a fellow from start to

finish

just listen I am afraid you're a very

sick man no he ain't sick you're sitting

quack

X-ray pictures show it very clearly

here's one I took last week

what kind of a doctor can he be can't

even take a decent snapshot

anybody can see all he needs is a little

tonic

afraid I can only offer you one slim

chance Rex

an immediate operation

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never fails bury those with the

operation they don't know how to cure

nothing so right away they want to cut

your mouth

tomorrow Rex good body undergoes

emergency surgery how will this affect

his already half Gray's wife and three

children still reeling from his

bankruptcy the fire that destroyed their

home and the imprisonment of Rex's

favorite brother for setting it

after all that having to go through an

unnecessary operation

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maybe that wasn't one of them scientific

programs it might have been just a

regular show I'll be ridiculous you

suppose folks want to watch that

heartbreak and suffering for

entertainment

I guess you're right

here take this down to the truck and

don't let nobody know what we're doing

that'll be easy I don't know myself when

I find that good body goober before he

gets on the operating table tomorrow why

come we have to keep it a secret cause

even after seeing what the new Miracle

drugs like newt eggs and Wahoo bot can

do there's still folks that won't accept

modern medicine

thank you

come in

Mr Price Dale you ever heard of Rick's

good body why yes he's on a journey to

misery that's for sure talk to him right

away oh I think he's terrific too in

fact he's a neighbor of yours lives in

the end of Crestview Drive his real name

is Gene lockery thanks I'm on the way

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I heard a siren did you find that good

body fella he was after ah we went up to

his house but nobody answered Granny's

knocked

I figure he's too weak come on Jed I'm

gonna pack up a few things and go back

up there and get in one way or to other

my granny I hope you ain't planning to

sneak it of course not what kind of a

person do you think I am

going to have Jethro break down the door

I think it's fine you're willing to make

house calls but uh that ain't the way to

go about it well I ain't got time for my

usual Captain manners the poor soul has

fallen into the hands of a cut and tribe

body witness what you know City doctor

operate first examine later

maybe we're in needs operation no he

don't anyone can see all he's got is an

upset stomach every once in a while it

would turn into a bunch of Wiggly lines

ready them Wiggly lines was in the TV

set

and maybe he don't even need tonican

stores on the TV you should have heard

that Dr blabbing about coral Rex is no

good brother and his half crazed wife in

law black don't hardly seem necessary

it's betraying a patient's trust and

there's no telling what else they would

have spilled if that fella hadn't

interrupted them what fella the one with

the tension headache looking for the

extra strength pain reliever it's a

commercial

at city doctors for you it's not bad

enough to be telling their patient

secrets on TV they've got themselves a

sponsor

you will never guess who's in my office

Rex goodbye Rex goodbye

he told me he was coming by but why

should I come here well he might want to

meet the most important and

knowledgeable Banker in Beverly Hill or

on the other hand it could be the fifty

dollars I offered him

I offered him fifteen dollars just to

stop by what's he bringing the keys to

Fort Knox I did it so a fan of his could

get a chance to meet him

oh

yes granny

why you don't know what a Rex good body

fan is until you've seen granny she's

wild about him why is he even went up to

his house and tried to meet him

of course he is a bachelor and very

appealing anybody that can keep Ronnie

interested in staying in Beverly Hills

is more than appealing he's money in the

bank Mr Clement's money in my life

okay

Mr Goodbody come in come in

well perhaps I should say Mr Lottery you

know you portray your role of Rex good

body so magnificently it's hard to think

of you as someone now compliments I can

get from my agent where's the fifty

dollars

all right

but I am not going to mince words either

much longer to live

one

that's going to pull through your

operation on that soap opera tomorrow

what who told you to produce they said

they wanted something new for the show

something upbeat so they're k*lling you

off

but I can't die now I just bought a new

house I know I managed to acquire a

mortgage I would expect to get k*lled

off

I was looking forward to playing a

hopeless for a while

well that's too bad but perhaps I could

help you with a mortgage if you would do

me a little favor in return you know

you've got me what do you want first my

fifty dollars back

next there's a sweet little old lady

who's a big fan of yours she's dying to

meet you now if you can just go up there

and put on a little friendship Act

all right an action Act

at least I'll still be in Show Business

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we got Connie so beat polite is this

supposed to be seen him not heard hello

my little chicken

saying hello

she's probably embarrassed to take hold

of your hand she's been out scratching

in the dirt is Dale said to expect

anything sorry my dear I don't suppose

there's a chance that you could be

granny well no I'm Ali figure is the way

my luck's been running my name is Gene

rothry you may know me better as Rex

good buddy I'm on a journey to misery oh

yeah Gray's been working for you yes I'm

looking for her too my goodness United

I'll take you to her

you shouldn't be walking

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you're not kidding

look I am a good sport but I don't know

about this being moved around in a

wheelbarrow tight card Mr Goodbody

thanks could be

immersed I guess so I could be pushing

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all right Ellie I got everything I need

to examine Mr Goodbody except my muscle

tone tester and my blood pressure

checker well I don't know where that is

you're holding my muscle tone tester

and my blood pressure Checker is behind

you on the counter

there's nothing here but your job that's

my blood pressure checker

I give the patient a shot and see how

long it takes his nose to turn red

hi Mr goodbye I heard you was here my

name is Jethro hello Jethro boy is

Granny happy you come she's been wanting

to get her hands on you ever since she's

seen you on the TV Oh you mean my

journey to misery I bet you're worried

about the operation you're having

tomorrow yes you see I already know I'm

not going to pull through you wouldn't

have to worry you can let granny take

care of you no no mortgages or anything

tell me um she must be pretty well off

no once in a while she acts a little

strange but most of the time she's just

as sharp as me

well I can't have everything

ready I wonder should I marry the old

girl granny

that big idiot would go along with the

deal

I'm selling my freedom for money

little security

is it worth it

of course it is

all right come on in here let me look

you over I am yours to command

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you know you shouldn't hide such a

fabulous figure underneath that

butcher's Monk

right here pardon you look a little like

a meat cutter only if all else fails

how is your wife taking all this my what

Oh you mean the one they talk about on

television

you got more than her

and I'm only married to that one for 30

minutes each day the rest of the time

I'm footloose and fancy free

I move a poor woman is half craved

pardon me no nothing no no let me look

you over all right I hope seeing me in

person isn't a disappointment oh you

still look fine to me

you look like a million dollars to me

honey you're gorgeous eyesight perfect

well this is really necessary of course

I gotta make sure that you're in good

health I only seen you on TV two or

three times all right dear you're the

doctor that's right and be sure you

remember it

beautiful woman

I suppose you have the puckered Apple

freebie sandstroke fever no

none of the usual childhood diseases

right here I'll test your hearing hello

very normal

got any muscle pains here

not until you did that

I think I feel a draft I got it you ever

been through an engine raid

it's late I must be getting back to my

network network are you a fisherman you

tell by now if I'm right for you haven't

I passed your test not all of them but

you're gonna be okay I wouldn't even

show up for that operation tomorrow I

won't who needs it ah granny you and I

will have a beautiful life together

huh

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we forget your poor poor hair crazed

wife and three youngins but I can't you

want to be ashamed ignoring them and

carousing around making passes that

beautiful women I know I'm a temptation

but you gotta be strong

yeah

Daisy you still got it

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what are you going to do ready I'm

cruising the freeways looking for broken

bodies

no turn off that TV let's get going you

never told me what happened when you saw

Mr good buddy yesterday I'd rather not

talk about it Jen his health is all

right but oh his character was a

miserable shape granny come quick that

good bodies fellas having his operation

anyway right on the TV and blameful I

told him he didn't need one maybe he's

just awful anxious to get into Show

Business

all right Rex we're almost ready to

operate

look after My Wife and Kids doc you have

two face I know how you really feel

about him

even he don't deserve a needless

operation we gotta rescue him where is

he at the local TV station come on let's

go there's no time to lose

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a journey to Misery all right anesthesia

she Mr Drysdale it's sure nice if you

let us watch journey to misery in your

office my pleasure girls

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at 10 cents a mission

telephone nurse

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it's the hillbillies I'll be ruined okay

of course we are this is a journey to

misery but if you don't mind uh Rick's

goodbyes go in our house instead move

mountains

you don't have a thing to worry about

that's what you think I just swelling 50

cents in Chains

[Applause]

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presentation

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