06x28 - The Crystal Gazers

[bunniefuu]

foreign

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Mountaineer barely kept his family fed

and then one day he was sh**ting at some

food and up to the ground

oil that is black gold Texas Tea

well the first thing you know old Jeb's

a millionaire the Kim folk said gent

move away from there said California is

the place you ought to be so overloaded

up the truck in the mood to Beverly

Hills that is swimming pools movie stars

a Beverly hillbilly

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oh

guess lifted yes I predict

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go on

I predict

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wasting your time Jethro that I know

crystal ball and you can't see the

future in it could have a blasted

goldfish and get out of the way

you've got rocks in your head I say

nobody can read fortune well you sure

can't you can't even read a paper very

good but you're wrong already where my

real crystal ball gets here I'll show

you I can predict things you dumb old

turkey brain ah we did something right

now you're gonna get hit so hard you're

gonna have a six foot neck

[Applause]

what's going on here well you know that

genuine simulated plastic crystal ball I

sent for a couple weeks ago well Ellie

says that even when that gets here I

won't be able to see the future

there's one way to find out go get it

off the whole table you come

ready

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who's that fella sitting at the table

with you I think you better sit down

till your eyeballs stop spinning

where was they going in such a hurry

the first time Jethro ever run that fast

away from the kitchen he said for a

fortune tell his crystal ball in the

mail and came today how can Jethro see

the future most of the time he ain't

sure where he's been well he won the

couch or anything he's going to see it

in wide screen and color

here lately I've had a notion that old

Lottie Pulver back home he's gonna burst

and Santa twins huh when a pulver's been

married for 30 years without having a

onion even their rabbits don't breathe

you're silly but I even seen what she's

gonna name him no sir in Alice

uh-huh where you see oh this in the

bottom of your yard

here it's here

my genuine plastic simulator Crystal

Ball come from Swami Herman

from back home Ellie yes ma'am it's

above tussle Times Tribune journaling

World Reef yeah let me read the

headlines I want to see how many folks

come to church last Sunday

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he's alive

paper

there's nothing that odd popping in here

well even the headlines is just

a lot of over half twins

hey I got the power

it was a way that I would have known

that Lottie was going to have twins four

days ago

boy named Luther and a girl named Alice

ready somebody probably told you

couldn't have known she was expecting I

ain't had a letter from home and months

I predicted it right out of the blue

there must be a reason of course is a

reason I'm a seer

you know what they say about the seventh

daughter of the seventh daughter yeah

but you ain't one that's probably why it

took so long for the power to show up

all right I'm not gonna spoil you fun

what fun I'm a doctor not a fortune

teller you give me my back wings and my

new things and my spider webs I don't

want nothing to do with this black magic

just forget it

I can't it's a gift a responsibility I

gotta use my future predicting powers

for the good of all mankind how about

starting with me and predict when he's

gonna eat lunch I can't even find that

out from this danged old chip

you're my best bath house I figurative

health I wore a turban like swanny

Herman and my favorite I wrote don't you

know that them's real diamonds and

rubies cost 95 cents what you know

Brandon if they was real they cost at

least three dollars

division

in the future

you Jethro

you're going on a journey not until you

fix me start the day

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I don't believe in that fortune teller

no more

hold on

hey come get in another vision

yeah I predict who's gonna have a

visitor

you don't say when

hear that it's come true

see if I can predict who it's gonna be

you

just mistake

you know

a voice told me

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not even Jane it's you I was right I

don't understand I've been given the

gift of Prophecy I predicted that you'd

be you they think she can foresee things

she gets some woman back home we're

gonna have twins and what their names

would be I did not guess it come to me

well then you're a prognosticator save

your insults I didn't ask for this power

I never believed in fortune telling I

never believed a chicken come out of a

name neither till I seen it happen

prediction for you Miss Jane you is

gonna be getting a raise for Mr

pricedale yes he'll hit the ceiling when

I asked for one you'd only hit something

else the jackpot he's gonna get a lot of

money

vision

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this one's about Ellie she's gonna have

six no seven Youngs

granny Alberta bad shows on the phone

long distance you can get it chonda

listen to the lady from back home you

call Big Mouth yes I would have an Ellie

try to reach her go get some coffee

while I tell her about my gift I

wouldn't spread this around I want

everybody in Pikes County to know that's

why I'm telling melverny it's a secret

all right granny but tell her to get

somebody to study the ladder the ladder

yeah first thing old big mouth does with

a secret is climb up on her roof and

holler it out

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granny Ellie says you've been moping

around ever since you talked to Big Bob

Bradshaw oh Ronnie hadn't told me about

Lottie Paul we're gonna have twins and

what they was going to be named he

called me three months ago

for God

well I'm sure it's hard to remember one

piece of Gossip out of the flood of

hogwash old big mouth pours out the

worst part is that when I talked to her

this morning I started bragging up a

storm about my predictive powers

Manny I hope you've learned your lesson

about fortune teller I have and the next

person who mentions it is gonna wish he

had walked into a barn full of bobcats

instead the skittle's ready

I've been trying to see something in

this crystal ball for so long my eyes

feels permanent crossed

at least I ain't been making predictions

will they nearly like you Granny

you not only said that I'd be taking a

journey but uh let's see that LMA was

going to be having seven youngins and

then there was a prediction for Uncle

Jed I am Mr Rossdale and Miss Jane were

you a spit them out like watermelon

seeds

what was that noise

your eyes and straighten out this

Crystal Ball has still gotta go now it's

done give me a headache

ready remember your prediction about me

gonna have seven younger we ain't

talking about that no more well how

great it can be happy again because it's

come true I'm a mother

must have heard about all your Critters

you sure I got you some filing oh no sir

I think they've found out

kid do you realize what this means yeah

it means now we got brittner 30 dogs on

the place

I'm a Seer I really predicted these for

sure

you said earlier was going to have seven

youngins

and there's seven of them yeah true I

have got powers I gotta call Miss Shane

then I'm gonna call big ball Fat Joe and

get her to holler a retraction

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thing just took place at the club

closet clap us what else can you expect

no just wait wait

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now

they found seven puppies on their front

porch

Miss Hathaway I just took a tranquilizer

to hear that do you know what they cost

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remember I told you Granny predicted

those Twins and what they'd be named no

her prediction for Ellie has come true

really say that more than a coincidence

what did you say she predicted for me

you've got a lot of money but I wouldn't

count on it oh there have been some

examples of successful prognostication

however

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eating they remind me of seven little

jethros

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sort of a makeshift Mama now take good

care of days proof of my powers

did you tell Alvin a brad show about him

yet granny no her line was busy and I

don't have to be a fortune teller to

know what she's talking about me yeah

you get through to her she's got to stop

laughing long enough to put some food in

her mouth

she stays on the phone and takes her

meals what call inconvenience

survival and wait till I tell her about

me predicting them Little Rascals her

tongue will be sticking out like a pump

handle and give that little pillow on

the end there's some more milk

ah there's some granny the fell at the

pet shop tell me

you mean you went out to the pet shop to

get them pups to leave on the front

porch I just wanted one of granny's

predictions to be right

you're sweet darling

now I'm back where I started from

wrong

just wanted to cheer up I know Willie

sometimes even the Milky humankind has

turned sour

hey

hey finally hit the

bus

oh God I thought it was finally seeing

something I can't make no prediction

with this thing you're better off if you

ain't made any you don't have to worry

about them coming proof but don't worry

me I could just come up with a

prediction I'd make it happen

huh who know the difference

nobody

but don't you go to fiction no phony

fortunes oh I won't granny

I'm gonna be the only phony Fortune

picture in this

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time yeah wait a minute I thought you'd

be in bed after the shock I find out it

was Ellie bring them puppies I'm partner

over it good then you will be needing

this misery teacher

there's still a symbol full of shots

hanging on

shot before you swallowed that

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that's a real old stuff an agent since

yesterday

but anyway I'm glad to see that you give

up fortune teller yes sir did no more

predictions

good at least raise not until the ones

are just made come true

the hell I already missed two of them I

still have a chance with Miss James rays

and Mr Drysdale getting some money

Jethro's journey and you get married

but as much chance as a cricket in a hen

house you sound just like IL Verna

Bradshaw and by now all of Pikes County

I think I'm an old fool but you'll see I

don't think you're old fool oh yes you

do I do you do too I don't either well

then say it I don't think you're a whole

phone oh so you ain't so sure huh

I'll show you them fortunes I told is

Gonna Come True

I've heard about your prediction that

I'm going to get a lot of money

gonna come true you any idea when yeah

first you gotta do me a little favor

well I'll do anything cheat why Steve

just give Miss Hathaway a raise what

I don't know I never

that's all right I'll do it I'll do it

I'll give her a 50-centered week raise

to being a little over generous indeed I

am and she better not come around 10

years from now hitting me up again

just so she gets it one prediction down

three to go

about my prediction oh yes I said you

was going to get a lot of money and

Granny is never wrong yours find out

this is all I get from the prediction of

the lousy five dollars I only guarantee

results not satisfaction

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ready I won't take this I was supposed

to get a lot of money that is a lot of

money why back home with five dollars

you can buy enough land to live off of

and enough moonshine to make living

worthwhile

if you want that prediction to come true

just give me the name of some good

common stock you mean like pigs business

stocks one that's going to go up in

price how do I do that look just pick

one out of the stock exchange listing

with your ability to see the future I'll

make a k*lling

yeah and I'm afraid it's going to be me

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what are you two doing eating in the

dirt oh this is what you call a squeegee

board well I don't care you can turn on

light to eat it don't eat it this

pointer spells out the future it's

easier on the eyes in that crystal ball

and a lot faster too who says we've been

sitting here for 20 minutes now and then

I move

is this paint on a table you better

moving fast I'd use a table Uncle Jeff

this pointer needs a flat smooth surface

granny sees that paint you put that kind

of a finish on the seat of your pants

right off again oh Dad and you better

start washing

ready

Oh I thought you was out back one of my

predictions come true well uh is that so

yeah Miss Jane she's gonna get a raise I

gotta go call her don't don't rush off I

want to hear about it I talked to Mr

risdale and his prediction is going to

come true I told him about a business

stock to buy and he says it looks like a

Dandy

Chad

if you want to dance ask me like a

gentleman

how are you gonna make money on it it's

simple you buy it now and when it goes

up in price you sell it for a profit

well look try to consider going up in

price you go down

it can do that hey tell me I better go

on Mr guy's here I don't think he knows

Chad this is no time for dancing there's

a prediction of State besides maybe it's

because we're on the grass but your

Walton is sure gone downhill

he's all over my table where's my

Hickory pictures

they're taking a little trip Wild

that's my prophecy it's come true I

predicted to get you on a beautiful girl

would be going on a journey but you said

a long journey I told him just to drive

around till you cool off that'll be a

long journey

congratulate the wizard of Wall Street

also known as the boobs of Beverly Drive

your brother called told you had bought

ten thousand shares of Dyna speed

Transport company right granny selected

it for me I bought it for 10 cents I

think I'll sell when it gets to be a

hundred dollars a share did you bother

to find out what dynasty transport

manufacturers no but granny hasn't been

wrong yet now what do they build

monorail Rockets supersonic transports

stage coaches

and they haven't been a problem since

1805 in fact they haven't made anything

since 1805.

an idea's office oh yes Mr Rogers it's

your broker

I'm afraid he can't come to the phone

now he's he's crying

guess what

it is well of course I'll tell them at

once is it's cheap Dynasty trash what is

the three points a share somebody bought

the company for a million and a half

dollars

hey

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JD who

no you don't need to spell it

I'm glad to get the company Mr Goodman

who knows with all this small dog maybe

the stagecoach is due for a comeback

bye

thank you Jed well at least now Mr Jones

I won't suffer on account of your

fortune tell him

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which one didn't

settled down with a beautiful lady and

she was going to raise your children and

take good care of you looks like I

haven't come true too that beautiful

lady is a perfect description to you

you're sweet Jed now if I can just get

alverne to clear my name with the folks

back home well teleporter and tell her

to come in shout it out

I already tried but many on the

switchboard and Bug tussle says she

ain't taking no calls since you come

down from the roof this morning what's

the matter does she lose her voice

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she fell off broke her leg Ned's

collarbone has three jugs of cider that

he was selling to the crowd

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but now it's time to say goodbye to Jed

and all his kin they would like to thank

you folks for kindly dropping in you're

all invited back next week to this

locality to have a heaping helping of

their Hospitality

hillbilly that is Setter spell take your

shoes off

y'all come back now here

this has been a film race presentation

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