07x05 - Ghost of Clampett Castle

[bunniefuu]

come and listen to a story about a man

named Jed a poor Mountaineer barely kept

his family fed and then one day he was

sh**ting at some food and up through the

ground

or that is Black Gold Texas Tea

well the first thing you know old Jim's

a millionaire the folks said can't move

away from there said California is a

place you want to be so deluded up the

truck

Hills that is swimming pools movie stars

a Beverly hillbilly

foreign

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ain't nothing to eat turn a bunch of

hogs in here and need style to death

I think he's one of them Gardens just

supposed to look pretty

that's prettier a Bed of Roses or a

patch of Black Eyed Peas

okra holding turnip green you know we

ought to send a queen a mess with some

fatback and a little something to wash

it down with

Mr dry stuff been inquiring for you he's

rather upset ah he's whining again

because we won't go home he's crazy kid

well Grant we haven't been over here

quite a spell and he'd like to get back

to Mrs dry do you I told you he was

crazy

all right Ellen will go home

Mighty story of you Granny I am oh sorry

to hear this and may I ask when when I

raise the queen a mess of greens thank

you madam I'll tell you but that would

take months

we've got to get back those idiots in my

bank are ruining me he's worried about

his image since he left there hasn't

been a single foreclosure that's right

my head cashier is getting married he'll

be stealing me blind stealing they don't

have to two people couldn't live on what

I pay him

can't you leave the campus with us

leave 80 million

who said the British don't have a sense

of humor Mr rossdale's feelings for the

cloud but it's a somewhat biblical

nature whether they go as he goes with a

nice stairs he's dead very touching

Madam but we've so enjoyed the trumpets

there's so much they haven't seen where

they haven't even seen our Goose go

shmos

ghost oh yes sir like all English

castles we have one in Residence

well that changes everything the

clappers would never forgive me if I

deprive him of the chance of seeing

their own ghosts would they Miss

Hathaway especially granny she's fond of

ghosts well let us say they really send

her

now tell us all about it what's up the

story of lady Clementine Clampett is

quite a sad oh great great stand by a

jealous sh**ter

poisoned by a wicked stepmother no sir

tortured on a rack in the dungeon this

kicked by a horse in the state

not a nothing ghost I think she sounds

absolutely marvelous what does she do Mr

fabushan I understand she wonders about

the castle weeping what is he weaving

about if you have been kicked by a horse

wouldn't you eat

very good madam what do you mean he

ain't got none the best fertilizer you

can use

all right send me over a wagon load of

whatever you got

wow here you are I know so you wanna go

home oh no Wild Horses couldn't drag me

away

you just remembered what his wife looks

like

I don't want to miss the big events

lady Clementine Clampett arrives tonight

why didn't you tell me you had Kim folks

coming I better go start the company

Vittle oh wait Manny lady Clementine

hasn't eaten in 400 years 400 years

she'll be hungrier than Jethro no granny

you see she's

a ghost

well doggies how about that Granny yeah

how about that Mr favorsham just told me

400 years ago this very day lady

Clementine was married here but

on her wedding night her bridegrooms are

Roger

was m*rder*d

come to death in the very bed you're

sleeping in

grief lady Clementine flung herself from

Battlement into the Rose Garden below

what a mess

now she comes back looking for who

k*lled her husband being in wailing

mourning her bloody threats oh if she

ever finds that m*rder*r who'd done it

grandmother

grandmother

kind of a grandmother was she

well according to Mr parisham she was

just about your size Benny

you know Jedi I've been awful selfish

selfish keeping this poor man from his

beautiful wife let's go pack granny you

ain't even just on a kind of this ghost

oh of course not I just love to stay and

get my head bashed in by one of your

bloodthirsty relatives oh now wait

granny

California here we come right back where

we started from where am I what are

y'all dancing about oh

Matthew is bad news it always affects me

this way we're going home we can't go

home I'm still paying Court to John

fairmade over to the next Castle carts

adjourned the ghost of Clampett Castle

walks tonight and Granny is terrified a

ghost is that all I'll fix that it's

just a wait what are you gonna do talk

granny out of it I read up on easier

Castle ghost and all you got to do is

hold a sea ant and exercise to rest

Jethro listen now don't worry we ain't

gonna have to go home I'll flush them

out you're not a medium I know I'm a

large

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what a family

murdering grandmother

bloodthirsty ghosts

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Granny it's me Jethro

at it's really relaxed I'm just going to

exercise the ghost when there's a ghost

around here I'm the one that gets the

exercise

granny

and you're just like your grandmother

sneaking up on folks when their backs

has turned

don't deny it Jen it was right in this

very best but she stabbed an innocent

man sleeping 27 times and cut his throat

like it was a hog k*lling sure enough

ready anyway Mr dry deal said of course

he didn't he wanted to spare you the

shame you tasted lady Clementine jumped

from the Battlement she was shoved who

shoved her he switched blame grandmother

who else

it ain't a grandmother that's supposed

to come back it's lady Clementine she'll

be looking for a grandmother and after

400 years her eyes ain't gonna be so

good Randy I can stop her from coming

just don't try to stop me from leaving

dog on it first they laughed at us for

running out on the water roses and now

he's going to laugh at us for running

out on a 400 year old woman

her friend the queen that's who well she

ain't got no ghost after her she ain't

every night Anne Boleyn is rolling her

head up and down the Halls the whole

Palace sounds like a bowling alley

and she ain't gonna laugh especially

when you got me sir Jethro to protect

you she'd drop me herself

well maybe she won't hear about it are

you kidding this ghost will tell Anne

Bowen the first thing you know will be

all over the palace

the exercise it goes well first you hold

what you call a seance

gets around the table at night

and then your wraps on the table for the

ghost

not so loud

come on six on the 645 flight good thank

you very much

well Chief we're all set but are the

Clampett's all set these all said Mr dry

Dale we're leaving no we're staying

Central City is going to hold a sea a*s

to get rid of the ghost for granting

well Mr Clampett really you don't think

you can get in touch with the goose oh

but Jethro's right at home in the

Twilight Zone

I guarantee you he'll contact the ghost

right lady hat I mean is out of the way

when you ain't scared of goose machine

oh no no just certain flesh and blood

types

well I'll see you at the CN you can bet

on that oh and Mr Clampett why don't you

let all the servants have the night off

you know ghosts they hate crowds it

might help Jessica yes Mary thoughtful

of you Mr dry do you

did you hear that no hear this I will

have no part of this dastardly scheme to

frighten granny I will not be the ghost

you'll be this ghost or you'll be a real

ghost it's a long drop from that

Battlement

of the mind of battery you have some

shopping to do in town lady Clementine

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oh sad boy oh yes sir Uncle Jeff as soon

as granny finishes prepping

it's my wizard hat now well Merlin used

to wear one like this when he was

Conjuring what you wearing granny yeah

ain't no vote mistaken me for no 400

year old grandmother

granny you're wearing my mini outfit if

you had rompers I'd have warned them oh

granny where's Mr Drysdale and Miss Jane

Richard says it's going to be strictly

family he's going to bed he's going

under the bed

foreign

Granny's hiding out in a mini skirt I'll

scare her right out of it it is not

going to work it can't miss I've got a

mic and speaker hidden in there we can

hear everything they say and when I

press this button they can hear

everything the ghosts have to say I am

not uttering one word into that

microphone you don't have to I've got a

better Angle now go get ready

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can I talk to the ghost power I wouldn't

count on her Lily you ready granny of

course I'm ready

hold it

what's the matter it didn't count what a

wizard has got to put up with one two

three go

you didn't say may I hey let the boy get

on with it this is spooky what do you do

now first I gotta let him know I'm here

ghost here I come

Jethro you're gonna conjure up a John

oh boy

now it has to turn on my giant brain put

him a long distance call

call it lady Clementine

call in lady Clementine

it's a man

got the wrong number

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who do you wish to speak

uh he is a lady Clementine there

she's on her way to the clubfit castle

is there a Masjid yeah would you mind

telling her that she's dead

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I'm the one who's dead who are you I'm

a kid

he stirred up a wholeness of them and

who might you be

me oh well I'm just a friend of the

family

I'm the lady I hear who is she so that's

Brandy that's granny

oh the grandmother you blabber mouth I'm

gonna k*ll you and she will struck me

down in my Prime 27 times on my wedding

night

my wife will decide that she'll be there

any moment hurry up that way I'm telling

you I ain't the one you still carry that

knife

Buster ready mister I wouldn't say no

more

my wife will do my talking

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what happened hey hey what exploded

granny

hey lady Clementine ready give me the

g*n

perfect here help me into this thing

chicken granny has a g*n Mr clamp that

has the g*n where are you going I'm off

to see the wizard

can you leave me clementine

maybe Clementine

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I got a surprise for you the husband's

been m*rder*d again

when you're a scream don't feel armed

it'll be Jethro the chief you should

start backing

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now granny I'm going along with you and

Jethro on this ghost business but this

has gone too far now will you please

give me the g*n

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wait wait wait I'm just defended

apparently I ain't even a good friend

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foreign

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well well we do hope you'll all come

back again very soon I'll be back going

in a new business Granny's ghost

Eradicator

is a main reason he's leaving I ain't

got no sixth grade education but I speak

the language a ghost understand

come on granny

oh lady Clementine ain't gonna get you

there you go everybody

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have a shop

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there's something wrong oh here in

London are still staring at pointing at

us thank you

yeah and Queen Elizabeth herself said

she'd tell him we didn't chicken out on

the water roses we wanted parent Square

yes well that's why they're pointing at

you it's not the finger of Shame it's

the finger of vain you're celebrities

now

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huh I didn't get to make Queen Elizabeth

like the rest of you

it was a mighty high honor really well

still play time for the airplane leave

get your own driver's order Buckingham

Palace no no I mean you can't see the

queen without an appointment yeah we

take our chances

your idea that I impersonating Queen

Elizabeth not modern Jethro please don't

go to Buckingham Palace drive straight

to the airport why Mr dry do you

tolerance Hathaway

the chief didn't want to come right out

and say it but between his brother proud

about Sergio running from

his Knighthood didn't she do that she

can drop you I reckon she can undrug you

and when she ungroups you she'll hit you

with a sharp edge of the blade

you don't k*ll me from making a coin I

don't get upset Ellie we'll have just

sort of wait in the truck whilst the

rest of us go in and see her majesty Mr

Drysdale can't go he run from the ghost

too oh you're right sir Jethro I was a

craven coward and if the queen sees the

rest of your drive up to the palace with

me she'll throw everyone in the dungeon

right there I mean this in the

friendliest way but would you please

jump

you all come here together it's all

leaving together drive straight to the

airport boy

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let me sit on the outside yet so I can

look after Mr Drysdale he's still

powerful shook up from that spook I

guess you do you mind edgy can't seem to

sit still

relax lady Clementine you only have to

sit for 6 000 miles exactly

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what's the matter Mr Drysdale you still

got Briars in your britches from the

rose bushes do you think you got trouble

sitting I think lady Clementine

next Christmas

foreign

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you look like you've seen a ghost

oh granny you know ghosts don't ride no

airplane don't you

gosh

we're gonna be scared to know

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well now it's time to say goodbye to Jed

and all his kin they would like to thank

you folks for kindly dropping in they're

all invited back next week to this

locality to have a heaping helping of

their Hospitality

hillbilly that is Sarah's Bell take your

shoes off y'all come back now here

this has been a film waste presentation

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