come and listen to a story about a man
named Jed a poor Mountaineer barely kept
his family fed and then one day he was
sh**ting at some food and up to the
grounds on the bubbling crude oil that
is black gold Texas Tea well the first
thing you know old Jeb's a millionaire
looking folks said Jed move away from
there said California is a place you
ought to be so the load is up the truck
Hills that is swimming pools movie stars
The Beverly Hillbillies
foreign
[Music]
we sure are obliged to you for driving
us to Hooterville oh my pleasure Mr
Clavin Christmas in Petticoat Junction
was a delightful experience
Miss Jane very well granny I think you
better check the pantry first sir
remember Jethro has been home and
besides I better hurry next door and
check in with the chief oh Mr Drysdale
staying here taking care of my bear
really well Fairchild just loves Mr
Drysdale bet you they've been having a
lot of fun together
I wonder who's been doing the cooking
likely Mr Drysdale well if Mr drazel has
been doing the cooking for Jethro and
Ellie's bear he ain't had much time for
banking am I glad he's all back
especially you Grady I love you can I
carry into the house oh If It Makes You
Happy Jethro oh it does
I want to get you to the stove as quick
as it can
you put me down
you're all hard boy he's all stomach
here's something to go yes sir
apparently you weren't too happy with
the cheese cooking Mr Drysdale
he had been here since Christmas
but he took the truck and Ellie's bear
and drove to Hooterville to join you you
never got there wait a minute Jed when
we was on that train Christmas nights
singing carols I recollect Sam rocker
looking out the window and saying he
seen a bear Drive in the truck yeah and
we just thought he'd had too much eggnog
no that was Fairchild I learned him how
to drive so he could spell Mr Drysdale
at the wheel oh there hey bad granny he
Hogs the road a lot but the other
drivers never complained I wonder why I
didn't stop in Hooterville that town is
easy to miss in the daytime but at night
with no lights to speak of on that truck
he'll break to speak of them either but
she runs good I fill the gas tank with
granny's White Lightning why and I gave
him plenty of extra jokes for the trip
back that stuff is liquid Dynamite I'll
say this hey maybe he overshot
Hooterville
I certainly hope we hear from him if he
runs into something the whole
Countryside will hear from him or Mr
drysdale's driving across country in
that old truck with a 400 pound bear oh
he don't look like a bear granny he
looks like a 400 pound hippie hippie oh
yes sir I put a wig and clothes on him
so he wouldn't attract attention
[Music]
all right
foreign
[Music]
who are you
oh I'm the president of the Commerce
Bank of Beverly Hills oh who's your
friend the mayor
is not my friend he's just a rotten no
good hippie bear you were riding around
with bears a lot to you of course now
looks Jeff I can explain everything I I
must admit it does seem a bit peculiar
no not at all but just let me see your
driver's license
oh my my wallet's missing maybe your
hippie friend rolled you
no it probably dropped out of my pocket
you see we've been sleeping on the
ground a lot because these lousy motels
around here won't give us a room no food
That's mighty and friendlier then
everybody's been unfriendly we drive up
to a farmhouse use the phone ask for a
little food they stick the dogs on us
what are we gonna make up for all that
we want you to be a guest of the county
for a while well that's more like
you mean I'm under arrest that's right
what for what are the charges for a
starter hauling moonshine now look
Sheriff you've got it all wrong I just
use this stuff to run the truck on you
mean you used a truck to run this stuff
on
keep keep your voice down and and put
that corn whiskey away if he wakes up
and sees that joke he'll go for it you
mean you let that bear drink try and
stop let me sleeping one off now and
when he wakes up with a hangover oh he's
mean you gotta be crazy to be riding
around with a drunken bear that's that's
nothing but when he's driving then it's
nervous let's go follow me where are we
going we're going to the courthouse and
if I look back and see that bear driving
you're in big trouble
thank you
you're rotten bear I had on dress and
put you the bed you want to be in the
drunk tank just
Mr Drysdale I just made that phone call
to your bank oh good good did you speak
to Ms Hathaway no she wasn't there well
whoever you spoke to I'm sure they gave
you the word they sure did said they
never heard of you
are you sure you talked to the Commerce
Bank that's the one well who'd you talk
to I'll fire them I couldn't catch the
fellow's name he was laughing too hard
the gentleman's boss was in jail yes sir
and that's when he started laughing
oh excuse me Fairchild I'll I'll be
quiet go back to sleep
good day
[Music]
what is the meaning of this join us Miss
Hathaway we are celebrating New Year
Davis we're celebrating something better
than that yeah we finally got him Public
Enemy Number One hi
the Beast of Beverly Hills
there is Mr Drysdale promise me you'll
keep it a secret
of course not he must be released
immediately oh he'll never be released
they've got him for vacancy bootlegging
and contributing to the delinquency of a
bear Mr cr*cker do you want the doors of
this Bank Too Close oh oh yes that's a
great idea we will make an ill*gal
holiday Liberation day we'll hang out
flags and Bunting and we'll uh let all
the employees go off on a picnic the
only place we are going is to the town
where Mr Drysdale is being held and we
are going to take him out of that jail
no no no I'll have no part of a Lynch
Mohave I mean we are going to bail him
out do we have to miss Hathaway you may
return to the secretarial pool Miss King
yes ma'am nice try Bobby thank you Kathy
dear thank you
no then Mr Cratchit where is Mr doisdale
oh he he's in a town called Ripley
where's that I've never heard of Ripley
oh oh but you will we're going to make
it a national train a town where they
captured a notorious Melbourne Drysdale
they would tell Miss Hathaway
never never
back here
foreign
[Music]
gets back with our truck I'm lost
without wheels if you mentioned it
looked like he's lost with him
appear to me that you've missed many
meals you've been doing your own cooking
whilst we were gone no I got me a cook
the first day oh she ain't as good as
you Granny but she's learning she well
yes sir you heard of topless waitresses
I got me a topless cook
well she's out in the kitchen I'm fixing
my lunch well don't be surprised at
anything you see because he's a real
swinger
[Music]
foreign
[Music]
told the truth she's a swinger
[Music]
it was nice of you to have Bessie but
I'm back now come on go get your clothes
on you're just like Jethro rigged that
rope so it'll swing any place in the
kitchen well if there's a way to speed
up getting food he'll take them
I don't know what she was cooking but
amen now careful Chad just cause
jethroates it don't mean it's fit for
humans Christian come here found
yourself some cheap kitchen here
interesting show his imagination
but bananas and gold tripe ain't my dish
you're a bear yes sir we gotta get him
out right away we're about to tell you
miss James in a little town called
Ripley but what's even more distinction
okay get a lawyer call the Supreme Court
granny grateful cake with a saw in it
calm down Ellie well it's all Jethro's
fault just wait a lot of fun
hey don't turn Bessie into a short order
cook and now he's gonna have my buyer on
the Chain g*ng Sorry Miss Gene but Ellie
says great story about them Critters yes
well there's another Critter she failed
to mention who was also under arrest Mr
Drysdale why well as I understand it
he's sharing a cell with Ellie's bear in
the Ripley jail where is Ripley well I
couldn't find at the map but it must be
somewhere between here and Hooterville
I'll bet Sam Rucker would know he's the
postmaster in the Justice of the Peace
good thinking granny give him a call
how come they got Mr dryer daily Malacca
they claim he's a vagrant
is that bad well I'm afraid so
I knew the whole family of them back
home herb and Louise vagrant the nicest
folks everyone to meet well in this case
a vagrant is someone who doesn't work a
loafer oh well they couldn't be kin to
Herb he was a worker hello
[Music]
we had a Dandy trip good weather all the
way how's it there
oh a few sprinkles and a snow flurry huh
well you keep bundled up and wear your
over shoes don't you catch cold you
handsome rats for you Granny
ask him about Ripley I gotta give him
some sweet talk first to let them know I
care the man's in love Giants yelled in
jail
hey Sam do you know anything about a
town called Ripley well yeah granny
that's over in Jasper County
he knows where it is now can I get back
to my sweet talk give me the phone what
would you Drucker he's here Judd
Clampett hey there's a real good friend
in our name of Drysdale he's in the
calaboos over to Ripley you know anybody
over that can happen why try and hold
the judge over there
no no no I'll be happy to do it I'll
call you from there
okay bye
hey Fred can I borrow your truck to run
over to Ripley
I Reckless all but take it easy I wanted
to sleep on the front seat he's up half
the night watching The Late Late Show
you know Fred you treat that pig better
than you do your wife
have you seen doors lately
what station do I tune in oh he'll do it
it's his favorite soap opera just plain
soil
okay but Sam
yeah what time are you coming back well
just as quick as I can Fred you see a
friend of a friend is in jail over in
Ripley and I want to see if I can talk
the judge into taking it easy on him you
don't mean no more Vinegar Joe Johnson
in the hand George oh now Fred Judge
Johnson ain't so bad where'd that man
spit grass never grows again he only
turned mean after his wife ran off at
that Banker from Kansas City you see
Fred I won't have no trouble as long as
a prisoner ain't a banker or a city
Feller
[Music]
oh shut up you hairy wino you alcoholics
all alike you never learn oh
you have bad breath Fair child
how about a little fresh air well it's
about time but you're not out of the
woods yet I'm preferring charges against
you false arrest false imprisonment
violation of my constitutional rights
all the way to my lawyer gets through
with you oh not at all oh don't you hit
me I'll sue I'll charge police brutality
will you sit down and be quiet
take your hungover friend for a walk
hear him groaning all over the
courthouse
people think we're mistreating the
prisoners look when do I get out listen
did you did you call my bank again yes
and the same fellow answered and he's
still laughing
I am president of that bank you've got
to believe me I don't even believe it's
a bank
there's rock and roll music and girls
laughing and people yelling about
Liberation days
will you please please call again and
let me talk I can't waste the County's
money on that The Vinegar Joe wouldn't
like it who's been a good joke the judge
is going to try your case if he ever
gets back from fishing the judge is out
fishing yeah and Mister you better hope
he has good luck
foreign
River Road he was running moonshine the
bear was riding a shotgun
you ought to be pretty fair protection
yeah lucky for me he was sleeping off a
snootful the bear drinks children from
his clothes he probably smokes pot
man must be a real degenerate
he's a bad one Sam this weightless case
comes up in front of Vinegar Joe where
is he judge he's up the river fishing
for White Pass oh he's gonna be mean
when he gets back the bass ain't running
today I feel sorry for that poor guy he
only showed a lot but that's his problem
I'm looking for a fellow by the name of
Drysdale oh that's him
I gotta I gotta plead his case in front
of vinegar Joel I guess so he claims
he's a president of a bank in Beverly
Hills
holy cow a city Feller and a banker good
luck Sam well I'll need it the judges up
the river and he's up the creek
you might as well sit down Miss Jane Sam
will call as soon as he knows something
Granny's right Miss Gene you just wear
yourself out with all that stall walking
poor Mr Drysdale all alone in a strange
town he ain't alone he's got Ellie's
bear for company yeah according to
Jethro them too is so fond of one
another there's even sharing the same
bed
I should Dash down to the bank and see
how things are going there
stop worrying there's 65 employees down
there and all of them just crazy about
Mr Price do you
foreign
[Music]
I can't hear you we are celebrating
Liberation day the wicked witch is gone
thank you thank you Sam thanks Pete
Mr Drysdale I'm Sam Drucker oh I'm
pleased to meet you Sam druger so you're
behind this product Oh I might have
known first Rucker head of the hood of
el Mafia finally we meet face to face
yeah and I'm getting the worst of it I
can see it all now you're trying to ruin
me so you can have the clap of Fortune
in your bank you framed me you had me
picked up on phony charges I don't even
know what you're talking about not much
you don't and believing this cell door
open hoping that I'll make a break for
it
so your friend p*stol Pete can sh**t me
in the back even brought the bear
outside so there wouldn't be any
Witnesses
won't work you railroaded me this far
but you're not dumping me into an
unmarked grave I'm Mr Drysdale I think
you're a little brought up I am wised up
and I demand a fair and impartial trial
before a judge well you'll get a trial
just as soon as Joe gets back so Judge
Johnson
oh
well you even have the judge in your
pocket
it's Sam and Pete and Joe oh what a trio
a political boss the Gunslinger and the
Crooked judge now I'd be real careful
what I say about Judge Johnson there are
two kinds of men he don't like and
you're both of them I am a Beverly Hills
Banker
bingo
get out of here you small town gangster
I'm not nothing under you or your mom
now Mr dry state to help you I left my
store and I rode 40 miles with a pig a
pig and he was listening to radio
cereals every foot of the way
That's Country Justice for you I am
picked up because I'm a bear sleeping in
my car but you drive around with a pig
who was hooked on soap operas if you're
just listen
[Music]
you doing granny you can cover a lot of
kitchen with this thing Jed it's a real
step saver
come on down granny I'm afraid I got bad
news Sam Drucker just called from Ripley
did he forget he's always rules and
catch cold that's a heat more serious
than that has he got the tissue it ain't
Sam Granny it's Mr drag's deal he goes
on trial first thing in the morning we
got to be there to help him
well I've gotten the directions to
Ripley we're gonna have to drive most of
the night together in time what all are
they holding again Mr Drysdale the
charges are piling up for the minute but
the one I'm worried about is m*rder
he's committed m*rder not yet but I'm
afraid he will when he gets back to his
bank
[Music]
here you according to Jasper County
Township Ripley is now in session
honorable Joe Johnson presiding all
right
you cheated
is that the degenerate criminal that had
to give up my fishing trip for just when
the bass started biting
it's him your honor I object you're
calling me a criminal before I sit down
and shut up you're in contempt to court
just from the way you look
not my fault I didn't sleep a wink last
night they were building a scaffold
outside myself yeah we're gonna hang
that big city Banker that ran off with
my wife
hang him why
he brought her back
now one of the charges against this
first there's vagrancy
30 days I am not a vagrant I'm a banker
60 days
I am president of one of the biggest
banks in the Beverly Hills
90 days
what else is he guilty of
contributing to the delinquency of a
bear
a bear yes your honor
where is he well Peter's bringing him
across the courthouse alone he got loose
and chased a woman up a tree
oh now that's serious
possession of a dangerous wild animal
jeopardizing the lives of peaceful
citizens sorry about the delay Yana but
the bear got loose and treated your wife
was that Phoebe he chased up the tree
yes you're on it I'm afraid she's still
up there
how much you want for that beer
well your honor I'm
very attached to him you know a man's
best friend is his bear
up there
howdy Bear Child I'm so glad to see you
guys
ordering the court
no
you see that's your very young lady
yes sir Mr judge your honor sir his name
is Fairchild
he's a real nice bear well now I like
his tasty owners
but his tasting traveling companions
needs working on it
and would you hurry up and read the rest
of them charges I'm going to get back up
the river and catch me some of them
white bass excuse me you're honor sir
but uh I can tell you how to do that
well you I'm her part you may approach
the bench
okay
so you're a fisherman are you well I
have uh caught a few I speak in a white
bass I got a little homemade spinner you
put a little pork rind on it and I've
hauled them in that big
he went sure
when this trial's over you want to go up
the river with me be proud to
what else did this hobo charge with
transporting moonshine
oh
it smells like Tennessee tranquilizer
you got a good nose on your judge that's
just what it is will you I'm her granny
and I made that stuff you're sniffing
he approached the bench
[Music]
how would you like to go fishing too can
I take Ellie and her bear with us iron
system
it's a deal
is there any more this year evidence yes
your honor three jugs I Want It All
impounded on my boat
wait a minute what about me
your honor um Mr Drysdale is a real good
friend of ours I can vouch for his
character if I wish to turn him loose is
he the kind of a banker that would run
off with my wife oh he wouldn't do
nothing like that
well
in that case we might as well take him
fishing with us
[Music]
because now it's time to say goodbye to
Jed and August kin they would like to
thank you folks for kind of dropping in
they're all invited back next week to
this locality to have a heap and helping
of their Hospitality
hillbilly that is Sarah's Bell take your
shoes off y'all come back now here
[Music]
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