07x16 - Problem Bear

[bunniefuu]

come and listen to my story about a man

named Jed a poor Mountaineer barely kept

his family fed and then one day he was

sh**ting at some food and up to the

ground come a bubble and crude oil that

is black gold Texas Tea well the first

thing you know old Jeb's a millionaire

looking folk said Jed move away from

there said California is a place you

ought to be sober loaded up the truck in

the mood to Beverly Hills that is

swimming pools movie stars The Beverly

Hillbillies

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thank you

oh great hey how about some people not

now jeffrow I'm on urgent doctor

business hey Blaine had enough to eat

some breakfast written her two hours ago

thank you

I'm learning veggie to take your baby

good good

babies who's babies

I'm the king

yeah but I ain't got no time now Mr

Drysdale shake a big

I gotta take him some fruit serum

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no no birthday you don't burped him one

my way out of my way medical emergency

what you looking for I flew serum Mr

drysdale's come down with a bad case I

didn't know you had a flu serum of

course I just run off a new batch last

Friday are you talking about your corn

sweetens I'm talking about the greatest

all-purpose Miracle medicine ever

developed Possum Ridge penicillin

also known as white lightning

folks call it lightning because it gets

into the bloodstream twice as fast

now I had a jump here now where is it

well I never go near the stuff doesn't I

want to strip paint or blow stumps

I think a lifetime of medical research

down the drain yeah it's Danny for

unclogging dreams too I ain't got time

to stand here arguing medicine with a

Layman I gotta get my flu serum over to

Mr Drysdale he's burning up with a bad

fever well if he drinks that stuff he'll

bust in the flame I'll get a jug from my

root cellar doctor tries to serve

humanity and all

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maybe he's got the flu

well don't stand there joking take it

away from him

you're the one that's joking but what am

I gonna do well you might start making

him a pot of black coffee you just

finished that whole journey

fell down

I think it knocked him down

shame on you there child now you're

gonna get a whooping now this is gonna

hurt me why it's gonna Dodge you you can

bet on that well you gotta be cured of

bad habits bear the rod and spoil the

bear give them a good version kid I

wouldn't tackle a mouse after he had a

snoot full of that Smoky Mountain skull

Buster

well he's got to be punished he will be

and that stuff wears off he's going to

wake up with a headache number 340.

kid

leaving

don't worry he ain't going far with that

load well humans Comfort I'll fetch

another jug for my root cellar and get

it over and Doctor Mr drives this granny

Mr Drysdale has got himself one of the

finest doctors in Beverly Hills

oh thank you Chad I wish his wife

thought it's high of me boys Ms dry Dale

home oh she's the one that told me that

he had the flu well maybe you ought to

leave Mr Drysdale to her I ain't gonna

steal him us doctors take a oath again

that's kind of hanky-panky

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I spoke with Dr clever yes yes he has

the lab reports back and he says that

what Mr Drysdale has is just plain

old-fashioned common ordinary flu

oh like you Milton everybody else in

Beverly Hills has the latest thing Hong

Kong flu but you you have to have common

ordinary flu

he never misses an opportunity to

embarrass me in front of my friend I

would I have a fever of 102. Mr van

matsahar has the Hong Kong strain and he

has a fever of 104 but you never rise

above the ordinary how can I face my

bridge cup and be snubbed by Mrs Van

ransoff I'll just have to stay home I

don't know please please not that what'd

you say Margaret believe me I I didn't

get this flu on purpose you probably got

it from associating with those Dreadful

Hillbillies if it's common they've got

it if it will take you off the hook I'll

try to let it go in in ammonia

promises promises

all the money we spend with Dr Clyburn

you'd think that he could have spared me

this disgrace perhaps you can get him to

change the diagnosis too late for that

by now his nurse has blabbed it all over

town

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God Don't Go Near daddy you'll get germs

Melvin stop breathing

Claude it would be just like Melbourne

to give him some of his Bourgeois germs

he's never loved God as a father should

too late

it's just calm flu and by now everybody

has heard about it

Howard and I will be in our room under

sedation

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speaking of sedation Chief Dr Kleinman

says you should take something to make

us sleep oh yeah yeah there's a bottle

in the drawer

would you like me to stay here and look

after you no you better get down the

bank both of us gone those goof off

employees will stretch their lunch break

to a half hour

and you put a stopwatch on him the

first offender and hit him where it'll

show congratulations Chief you're on the

mend yes who is it

it's the doctor

howdy machine hello Granny

now cheer up Mr Drysdale I'll have you

well in no time Franny I'm under the

care of one of the best doctors in

Beverly Hills

I'm glad I've got your confidence just

relax I bring you some flu serum I'm

going to give you a shot

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oh no no

this is what you use for a shot

this is for tapping Elm trees topping

Elm Street nothing eases the kissing

like slippery elm ooze

blue Sheriff

I'll pour you for you

all all right now take one every hour

until the fever breaks I'll be back to

check on you try and get some sleep I'll

go with Granny sleep tight

and I will if I drink this stuff

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oh what a day

what else is gonna happen

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thank you

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well these the last two jugs of

moonshine in The Root Cellar granny

can I have something to eat now what did

you call that

moonshine can I have something to eat

now I'm starving that is fruit serum

granny that's corn squeezers you want

something to eat I sure do then

tell me again what this is

oh that's closer

that's better I remember now you run it

off last Friday when you heard about the

epidemics

that's right

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thank you

that was a good week

I gotta run over and check on Mr

Drysdale I'm doctoring him for a bad

case of the fruit yes he got the Hong

Kong strain

no I don't think he strained as Hong

Kong you're a sub doctor you don't even

know what the Hong Kong's train is

change your mind about eating huh oh no

man ready I didn't mean that the way it

sounded uh when I said you were some

doctor I meant you was some doctor yeah

put one of them in my medical bag right

doctor one jug of blue serum yes ma'am

boy you're gonna have Mr Drysdale well

in no time because you're the smartest

doctor in the whole world

if I know what you knowed I'd be happy

if I know just one thing you know

I'd be happy

okay where are the vittles

there's a ham and a turkey in the oven

and a dozen ears of corn on the stove oh

thank you Grady

where are you going doctor

check on Mr Drysdale

oh yeah have you ever had Hong Kong

strain

but I know of what is it

oh you get it from lifting something

heavy

okay whilst I'm gone set up my steel

I mean my medical laboratory I best run

off a new batch of my flu serum I

thought you had some in The Root Cellar

I've only got two jugs of the Vintage

stuff left it's been aging since Friday

two jugs will do you there's a blue

epidemic and I gotta arrest it if the

police get downwind of your Mash cooking

they'd be more than an epidemic arrested

I'm doing medical research the police

didn't bother Louis Pasteur when he was

cooking his serum now he's got his

picture in the hospital

you keep going and he's going to have

yours in the post office

how's riddles coming there's a turkey

and a ham in the oven and roasting ears

on the stove good oh Jethro's putting

them on the table

Jethro oh

I was afraid of that

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foreign

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his tongue aches hard

eyeballs ain't spinning

she's joints ain't locked

no side effects at all

that sure was a good batch well

his sister must have needed it

still has a touch of fever

I best refill his prescription

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I forgot to see if he had a strained

Hong Kong

Alaska when he wakes up

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[Applause]

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thank you

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soup granny you want me to open you up

another can no I reckon them for a homie

well I'm glad I had him hid Jethro would

have got them too yeah that boy must

have a double stomach he not only ate up

all the meat he wrestled Duke for the

Boom

well doctor he's ready to go keep on Mr

Drive dial

Isabelle he's on a second jug of flu

serum and I don't want him falling out

of bed second jerk Mr Dragneel drain the

first one dry he's laying there sound

asleep well I can believe he's laying

there but are you sure he's just asleep

of course what kind of a doctor do you

think I am

that question is as loaded as Mr Dryden

Mia go see how Mr Drive Dalia I think we

always go see how he is

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Melbourne then

I agree I was down asleep oh like you

Melbourne you sleep I suffer suffer your

common flu has made me a social outcast

has your fever gone up do you feel any

worse no you're not trying

were you in here wearing a black fur

coat of course not well

well I thought I saw something big and

furry standing beside my bed new bed

maybe your fever has gone up maybe

you're Delirious it seemed to be snorted

slurpy and growly yeah

and then it kind of

floated across the room moving how

wonderful you're sicker than even I

dared hope I pulled out to carbon and

demand a retraction I'll get him to

issue a new diagnosis maybe he'll even

put you on the critical list

that will show Mrs Zen ransohoff that

there's no common flu in my family

your devoted wife

Wherever You Are

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sleeping like a love thanks to Medical

Science if anything you say you left a

second judge yeah

put it right there

there he found it

Chad he emptied this one too he's still

breathing of course he needs

and his fever's busted pull the covers

up Ellie so we don't chip with what he's

got in him he couldn't chill at 30 below

I want to leave another refill oh now

let's all get out of here and let the

man rest

she'll rest in peacefully Amy just like

he was rocked asleep or stoned

foreign

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after two jugs of Possum Ridge paralyzer

the only thing could get him out of bed

is an earthquake

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thank you

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then

wake up

good news darling Dr Kevin wasn't in but

I talked to his nurse and told her about

your hallucinations she thinks you may

be suffering from some rare disease

what no I can go to the bridge club with

my head held high just wait till this is

Ben ransohoff starts bragging about her

husband's Hong Kong flu I'll simply

annihilate her with your symptoms

mother will be the Envy of every woman

there let me sleep maybe I should engage

special nurses Mr van ransohoff has them

I saw a nurse

a dear I saw a little nurse he was about

this high he was standing on my chest

how fabulous you've redeemed me socially

I shall completely dominate the

conversation at the bridge club be sure

to call me if you get any worse oh and

darling promise me you'll not take

anything for it

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that door open

not that I recollect reckon we got

Prowlers you women folk wait out here

I'll go take a look around

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take a look granny we got a Prowler I'm

afraid so did he get much about a half a

gallon

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I'll learn you to drink I think he's got

the hang of that already hit him in the

nose dad make him let go of that jug and

who's gonna make him let go of me

come on you put that job down

which cutting to you anyway the last of

my flu serum that's why you never used

to behave this way before you went to

Hooterville with Mr dry State she's

right kid it's Mr Drysdale that let that

bear straight Mr Dragula drinking man

two jugs in two hours don't exactly make

them a tea chocolate I thought you'd

give them that for his flu doctor when

you take it by the dose you're a patient

when you take it by The Jug you're a

drunk your child won't get no more

granny I have Betsy watch it it's too

late the whole time will come down we're

flew is a bear and a banker that won't

gee

how are you feeling

oh oh a little better

how are things to the bank oh just fine

the employee sent you a potted plan ah

there you see I'm a strict

disciplinarian but they love me for it

hey that's poison oak throw it out throw

it out

that's the thanks I get for pampering

them

Chief Ellie's bear is climbing this tree

quick close that door and draw the

drapes

that rotten bear he's been drinking

again

drinking yes every time he gets a snoot

full he comes looking for me he's one of

those sentimental drunks what does he

drink Granny's White Lightning he got

hooked on it when we drove to

Hooterville that's why I caught this

lousy flu sleeping on the ground every

night why didn't you check into a motel

with a drunken beer

where did he get the stuff

Jethro put a dozen jugs on the old truck

for fuel he dressed up the bear to look

like a hippie so he wouldn't attract

attention what a nightmare

you mean I'm under arrest that's right

what for what are the charges first

start a hole in moonshine

now look Sheriff you've got it all wrong

I just use this stuff to run the truck

on you mean you used a truck to run this

stuff on

keep keep your voice down and and put

that corn whiskey away if he wakes up

and sees that joke he'll go for it you

mean you let that bear drink try and

stop at me sleeping one off now and when

he wakes up with a hangover he's mean

I had to spend the night in the same

cell with that hairy Lush

no Mrs Van rensahof you can see for

yourself my husband is suffering from a

rare and exotic disease nothing so

forbidden as the Hong Kong flew

this is done rounds to half your

marvelous hallucinations about the large

furry creature

who nurse that stood on your chair

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but these be His Marvelous

hallucinations

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nothing what is the meaning of this

where did these creatures come from they

come from our house

two get

scared I appreciate it if you'd make

your husband stop luring them over here

to his drunken party

and who are you I am Mr drysdale's

doctor

she's not my husband's doctor she's our

next door neighbor

yeah

I'll be glad too and I'm going with you

why want to hear more about your next

door neighbor it'll make meaty talk at

the bridge club

his problem is drinking

her problem is poison oak

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thank you

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well now it's time to say goodbye to Jed

and all his kin they would like to thank

you folks for kindly dropping in you're

all invited back next week to this

locality to have a heap and helping of

their Hospitality

hillbilly that is set a spell take your

shoes off y'all come back now dear