come and listen to him a story about a
man named Jed a poor Mountaineer barely
kept his family head and then one day he
was sh**ting at some food and up to the
grounds
all that is black gold Texas Tea well
the first thing you know old Jeb's a
millionaire looking folk said can't move
away from there said California is a
place you ought to be sold it loaded up
the truck in the move to Beverly Hills
that is swimming pools movie stars a
Beverly Hillbillies
foreign
[Music]
Critters and find good homes for almost
home you're a movie star climb I mean
you can't ask a boy Genius do something
like that well I'm asking you watch that
mouth kid I can make your break in this
town
just take along a couple hey careful you
get hair all over my new Edwardian
outfit
eduardia I don't know Ed personally but
he's the hottest tailor in town
you take along a few if I put them in a
basket ah baby you give Granny to help
you pedal him well Granny's busy she's
out front giving Paul a haircut out
front well powers out there shortening
knives and cobbing shoes and men in a
churn and Grace says the life's better
ah there goes the neighborhood I'm going
to keep my image as a world famous
celebrity with them hay shakers
cluttering up the front of the Mansion
don't tell him to get out of sight well
you go tell her my limousine is going to
be here any minute with my chauffeur
gopher flunkies and Stooges what are
they going to think if they see Granny
cutting Uncle Jed's hair
laughs
[Music]
there you are
[Music]
you one I should give you a few curls I
believe I'll pass on that Granny girls
are real popular right now
for a man oh yeah Senator dirksen's got
him and I hear he's the pin-up boy at
the old lady's home
and I don't aim to give the senator no
competition
I'll just give you a good shot of my
homemade scalp stimulator
that stuff kind of smarts granny oh
that's a sinus getting right down to the
rich
you're like a done hit boom right
what's in that stuff oh mostly
turpentine Ginger with a live base
oh man how quick you gonna be done here
sit down I'll get to you in a minute
just as soon as I finish Jed's hair
I gotta see if there's any teeth that
means pulling my teeth in fine shape
doctor I'll be the judge of that gentle
can wait what if one of them satsy and
buses full of tourists comes by here
they'll just have to wait their turn the
buses come by because he's a famous
celebrity lives here the boy's right
granny oh now I'm a fair Barber and a
good dentist and a brilliant doctor I
ain't famous
I'm a celebrity the boy Genius agent of
Hollywood I thought you'd give up that
agent business are you kidding I'm the
president of the JB Enterprises
incorporator I got the whole fifth floor
down to Mr drysdale's Bank building I
got secretaries Stooges flunkies
chauffeurs limousines people is calling
me Mr show business
what people
them people
that the tour bus coming oh that's my
limousine now get outside
Stooges and flunkies
[Music]
dead did you see that no granny I missed
that
I'm sorry Chief Mr show business isn't
in his office yet that nut owes me five
thousand dollars on rent and I
what did you call him this is the show
business that's what Jethro likes to be
called
I'll just wait till I see him
I've got a few other names I'm gonna
call him
I missed the show business did your
uncle sugar send the check for the rent
certainly not I don't take charity
that's me baby JB Jethro Bodine or you
can turn it the other way around and you
got BJ boy genius
[Music]
AJ boy jeans
BJ big jerk right here good morning JB
oh you're my new receptionist that's
right JV game tell her what they call me
now
I want to talk to you has he got
appointment no sir sorry sweetheart I'm
all jammed up now leave your car now try
to get to you next week it's even I'm
not Disturbed huh come on g*ng
sorry now look Miss I'll wait a minute I
know you you work for me not anymore Mr
Show Business promised to double my
salary he hasn't any money are you
kidding he pays 5 000 a month just for
these offices
we have business to discuss can't you
see I got office full of people yes I
can and how do you intend to pay them
and me no sweat baby just one picture
like the sound of music and I'm well you
don't have a picture like Sound of Music
I got Julie Andrews
you through an exclusive lifetime
contract Rod Julie
Julie Andrews show him your driver's
license Julie
come down to my office I have to talk to
you I ain't talking till I get some
improvements made around here
improvements yeah like a private
projection room and a sauna bath and a
landing pad on the roof or my helicopter
hey but I kind of ran on paying I want
service and if I don't get it I'm moving
my operations out of here right g*ng
Mr Drysdale please don't disturb him
anymore don't worry he's as Disturbed as
he can get
well Chief no I haven't been well since
JB moved in
wait a minute I've got a brilliant idea
we'll change the bee to a c and rent
this whole floor to Jed claven what
for five thousand a month that's what's
for
what do you think Jed you're gonna take
Mr drysdale's advice well granny I still
don't know what I'd do with the whole
floor of a Bank building well it'll be
the headquarters for your Enterprises I
ain't got no Enterprises well you will
have you'll be busy with your countless
projects and Investments well like the
notion of being busy just just think of
it Jed Clampett Enterprises Incorporated
you will be a part of the business
Community you contribute to the gross
national product you'll be in the
mainstream of American economy sounds
real patriotic it is and forming a
corporation has certain tax benefits oh
it'll benefit to tax people will it you
could say that what do you think granny
oh I like it Jim I've already got some
ideas for what to do that's the spirit
Granny it's the private enterprise
system that's made this country great oh
hi Mr Drysdale hello Ellie would you
like to have some baby Critters
no thanks yeah Paul's talking business
with Mr gosdale honey oh all right come
on Betty let's make the rounds again
[Music]
ain't that a sorry site a pretty girl
like Ellie wasting her time running
around the neighborhood with an ape head
Little Critters
no wonder she's an old maid not so long
granny
picture Ellie May in a pretty dress
sitting behind the reception desk of Jed
Clampett Enterprises Incorporated
meeting all the young eligible business
Executives and captains of industry I
know he said does it how soon can we
move in practically immediately I will
go and make all necessary arraignments
see you got some ideas of what to do
Randy I bought a dozen of them Jed you
can set up a whole Workshop repair
Furniture do wood carving combo shoes
like duck calls
men harness and I can have what I've
always dreamed of all my life a
combination doctor and dentist office
and barber shop you sure we'll feel good
doing something useful your first job is
for me I want you to whittle me a great
big tooth hang outside my dentist office
I'll get started on it right away
[Music]
who did you say was moving in here your
Uncle Jed
saying I'm moving out I like that in
writing all those Hollywood celebrities
just got ragtail relatives but we keep
some at home if he comes in here I'm
leaving wonderful and if I leave my
stable of stars leaves with me and that
includes Julie Andrews right Julie right
and my newest Star Lee Marvin right Lee
well that's not Lee Marvin sure your
driver's license Lee never mind just
pack them up and clear out you keep this
up and I'm gonna move to another
building great you're flirting with
professional suicide one word for me and
you'll never work in another picture I
don't work in pictures never have worked
in pictures I never will work in
pictures see what I mean go through with
Mr Show Business oh just pack up your
stable your Stooges your stuff and scram
I'm going to give you one more chance do
I get my private projection room saw on
a Batman helioport never I just want a
straight yes or no answer no make up
your mind that here's a dog you can bag
all you want I'm moving out
you may retire this letter Ms Hathaway
JB Enterprises has been changed to JC
Enterprises at the total cost of 50
cents you actually read it Mr Club at
the entire fifth floor I did have you no
shame only do it there well I'll sign
rent checks for one thing he's serious
he doesn't have any business to transact
I'm not going to cheat the man I'll sell
him a nice prosperous business maybe two
or three oh what have I foreclosed on
this week
let's see ya a crowd center for the
handicap an orphanage a rest home and a
Newsboys stand
well we can merge them all together and
call it JC Enterprises we may get on the
Big Board sell stock to the public make
a real k*lling
Mr drysdale's office hello Granny
you're open for business on the fifth
floor granny what kind of business your
opening special is what
a kitten with every haircut and a puppy
if you have a tooth pulled I'm gonna get
right up there if you have your tonsils
out you get a free duck call
[Music]
foreign
[Music]
special Mr drysdale's coming on the Run
he knows a bargain when he hears what
what's going on up here JC Enterprises
is open for business get a free kitten
with every haircut and a puppy he knows
all that Ellie that's why he's here come
on here Mr driver you are a first
customer
temporarily granny and me is sharing
this nice big room of course my business
picks up where you'll have to spread out
of Mike I picked out another office for
my operating room operating room I need
a quiet place for my delicate surgery
like liver transplants oh in that big
room right off the elevators would make
a Dandy Maternity Ward hey says doctors
ain't allowed to advertise so uh we'd
appreciate Little Word of Mouth how
about one of them windows at fronts on
Wilshire Boulevard for a display what
would you display oh teeth
gallstones X-ray pictures and some of
jeds they're wood carvings
I can't believe this always you deserves
a credit Mr Drysdale why if you hadn't
come over and stirred us up we'd still
be sitting home totaling our thumbs well
now let's thank him with deeds and not
words now here is something that
Granny's been dreaming of having for a
long time a real professional dentist
chair it's good for vibrant and minor
surgery
what do you want me to work on first
your hair or your teeth I recommend hair
first then teeth
sounds like you've got a loose plate I
can fix that makes me a little cemented
oh no no no these are my own teeth is
that a fact well then I'll polish them
for you hand me the steel wool Jen I
just had my teeth fixed and cleaned well
then I'll give you a haircut now let's
see if I got a bold little feature I
just had my hair cut to at the club
seems to me that you'd patronize your
own tenants now granny he didn't know
about us that's the truth and I'll just
check over that other dentist's work
open your mouth
oh hi Miss James hi Ellie so this is JC
Enterprises oh this here's just a
reception office and y'all just went to
work goes on what kind of work oh
haircut and teeth pulling wood carving a
harness meaning Furniture Fix and shoe
carbon well Mr drysdale's in there right
now what's he having done well I don't
know he might be getting his shoes fixed
or his haircut
oh
he must be having a toothbrush he just
went to the dentist yesterday he
wouldn't
coming to Dr Clark granny just pulled a
cap off one of my teeth
[Music]
[Music]
there's our trouble Jen no wonder we
ain't getting no customers that sign
don't tell nobody nothing you're right
granny I'm making some other signs to
put up out here well make me one of a
great big hand with the finger pointing
that way like they have in the lobby of
the bug tussle bill I think I can win a
lot of one of them good
who's that Goomer
says here his name is Rock Hudson is he
wanted for something I think he's a big
movie star
handsome rascalini
he got a nice smile too I want you to
make me a great big sign I want to put
it right across his chin here saying
teeth by granny are you spoofing ain't
you oh
I got professional ethics good how about
a picture of Gabby Hayes with a sign
saying gums bye Grandma that's kind of
stretch in a blanket too ain't it I was
just testing again it's good to have an
honest partner ain't much money in it
but it's good I'll start making them
sign
about putting your picture up here what
bird
so I can put mine up there too
you just put yours up granny only if you
insist I insist it would give people
confidence to see that the doctors a
kindly person the whole question about
it we make a good team Jed of course I'm
held back with medical essence
but you're clever at getting around them
150 bucks I get a tooth recap what are
you doing here Miss Hathaway asked me to
show you this pictures where's that
supposed to go I miss Hathaway set up on
the fifth floor where is Miss Holloway
she stepped out to get you some
tranquilizers give me that thing and get
back to your desk Miss Hathaway
[Music]
[Music]
this is insane he signs will have to
come down harness banded open heart
surgery the Board of Health will condemn
a building and you'll go to jail
you don't think I'm going to take a rap
for this
science Mr
a beautiful Justice did you have my
picture enlarged Miss Jane yes granny I
just put it up and here's a sign I want
to put under it your friendly credit
status I wanted painless in there but it
makes it too long
sure makes a person feel good to be part
of the business community
might be grateful to you for thinking of
it always glad to be helpful of course
we ain't got no customers yet but I
reckon Ellie will fetch him in Ellie
yeah Ellie may come on over and show Mr
Dryer's deal your sandwich sign
follow me to the fifth floor
Commerce Bank building I'm going to walk
up and down Wilshire Boulevard
again doctor that ain't a loose plate
damage his own teeth what they use left
though well I dare get started wait I
think I know what's causing that too
much tongue for your mouth come on into
my office and I'll prove it back
just simple open mouth search I can give
you chloroform or a local or the economy
job where I just cramp you into the
chair an economy job gets to make Noisy
doctor well you can run your power saw
to drown out the screen
I'm fine granny really I was just
anxious to save Ellie all that walking
you see I have a whole bunch of
customers lined up for you oh that's
Dandy yes now you all go back to your
offices and wait they'll be along very
shortly come on granny LMA we'll be
waiting for the customer
you sure you don't want a little Bob job
on that tongue
should have let granny work on that
tongue it's gotten you in real trouble
this time where are you going to get a
bunch of customers you know that
orphanage I foreclose on
well how about the old folks home
absolutely not to victimize poor weak
defenseless frightened people that's it
that's it the big employees you wouldn't
yes I've been belly aching for a medical
care plan no they got it
cheap it won't work the first victim
will warn the others not after granny
Bobs his tongue
[Music]
I want this floor close to the public
from now on it's sealed off to everyone
but my 65 Bank employees
[Music]
you you sent for me Mr Drysdale
yes yes a sit down crackhead yes now
imagine
you've always been sort of a ringleader
among the rebellious element of my
employees the dissatisfied group oh no I
haven't Mr risdale you're the one who
brought in the petition asking for
Christmas day off are you with me for
that one show you're not gonna whip me
again no I have no intention of
punishing you Cratchit as a matter of
fact you're going to be the first
employee to enjoy the benefits of my new
medical care plan
you mean I'm going to get medical care
from A to Z doctor dentist major surgery
oh then you are going to beat me oh you
relax
I'm instituting the finest most
comprehensive program of employee
benefits ever conceived I've allocated
the entire fifth floor for this person
oh I can't believe it come I'll take you
up there oh yeah yeah you're not gonna
push me down the elevator
[Music]
this is the waiting room of my new
employee Care Center oh it
is a lovely receptionist it's Ellie May
Ellie this is Mr cradget Mr Cratchit how
do you do Ellie May when you're through
you can have a free kitten or a free
puppy or Bell oh good I've always wanted
a pet but I I never thought I would
afford one now you're going to have one
besides Medical Care you will have your
shoes fixed a haircut oh I hardly have
enough to bother with oh the doctor can
grow you some higher
really well sure she's poked us the new
head of hair on lots of folks oh Mr
Drysdale you know I was all wrong about
you you know you're a saint i i i i i
the doctor can cure that stammer too
take good care of Millie May
this is Mr Cratchit he's our first
customer for Mr dry Stadium well Harley
pleased to meet you same here how's your
shoes need fiction oh oh yes as a matter
of fact I've been walking on cardboard
for the last year Well sit down take
them off I'll give you some new Souls
yeah thank you thank you very much Dr
granny this is Mr Cratchit he'd like you
to pose him a new head of hair no
trouble at all little fella is that good
healthy roach look at how'd you come
oh that's a fine fit it won't be pruning
let me see your teeth oh there's in good
shape I will get right down to your
photos
is Mr crutches still in there yes sir
have you heard any screams no it's there
she must have used chloroform
now you keep that on overnight and
tomorrow I'll thin it out for you
yes I am oh Mr Drysdale new shoes and
and tomorrow I'll have new hair here's
your free puppy oh I'm cute
wonderful and bless you Mr Drysdale
bless you I'd like to say the same thing
it's a dry Zeal that little fella tells
me he's only the first of 65 customers
you've seen in it well yes I am just me
want to give you a reward that really
isn't necessary we won't take no friends
come on
one over here sit down slip off your
shoes I'll cover your new set of souls
in heat oh you don't have to reward me
it's our pleasure now close your eyes
and I'll give you my part of the reward
what are you gonna do I'm gonna take out
them bad teeth it's just shout
[Music]
well now it's time to say goodbye to Jet
and all his kin they would like to thank
you folks for kindly dropping in you're
all invited back next week to this
locality to have a heaping helping of
their Hospitality
hillbilly that is set his Bell take your
shoes off don't come back now here
Welcome to our World! Where we serve you cookies to ensure you get the best viewing experience on our site.
Did you know that you can remove censorship board-wide, use our advanced search functions, be notified when new content is posted, join our memberships, set episodes to show in any order you want & more if you are logged into your account?
Register or sign in here: ucp.php?mode=register
Did you know that you can remove censorship board-wide, use our advanced search functions, be notified when new content is posted, join our memberships, set episodes to show in any order you want & more if you are logged into your account?
Register or sign in here: ucp.php?mode=register