come and listen to him a story about a
man named Jed a poor Mountaineer barely
kept his family shed and then one day he
was sh**ting at some food and up to the
ground
oil that is black gold Texas Tea well
the first thing you know old Jeb's a
millionaire the Kim folks said Jim move
away from there said California is a
place you ought to be sold a loaded up
the truck
kills that is swimming pools movie stars
a Beverly Hillbillies
foreign
agency
[Music]
what do you hate shakers done to the
shrine of show business huh
friendly credit Dennis
a Franny
tried also Doctor Surgeon and Barbara
get a free kitten with every haircut if
you have a tooth pulled get a free puppy
well let's get the offices of JC
Enterprises open for business
see you in a minute
[Music]
harness mended
Mr Fix It Uncle Jed sweetie how could
you do this to me your own nephew the
first boy genius in the family I was
making this whole fifth floor the nerve
center to the whole entertainment
industry people was calling me Mr Show
Business the Mission Drive deal says you
didn't have no clients no clients I just
signed an exclusive lifetime contract to
represent Julie Andrews Julie Andrews
yeah and he was only the first
round now you stand there with your
friends
[Music]
any patience waiting receptionist no
ma'am doctor just Jethro come on in boy
you can see how your uncle gently has
fixed up this office
really honey
why don't you slip on your sandwich sign
walk around the block a few times chew
up some customers
The Peasants had done took over the
pouts this was a throne room with a
crown Prince's Show Business from this
window I could look out over my Empire
Mr Drysdale said that you didn't need it
and he talked Jen and me into taking it
over
who done k*lled a dream the sweet smell
of success is gone I wouldn't say that
boy we likely to do real good yeah I'm
gonna fetch back a whole bunch of
customers smile pretty Ellie
any business that Ellie fetches us would
be gravy we've done got a 65 steady
customers where'd you get them Mr
Drysdale he's sending us every one of
his Bank employees granny I think you
can take credit for that it's a job
you've done on Mr dry Dale's teeth that
sold him oh any first-rate dentists
would have spotted right off that his
front teeth was not from the shells
shells I lifted off six of them left
nothing but little Nubs Mr Jersey looked
like a gar fish when he left him
second teeth had to be recapped at 150
bucks a cup why did you let granny pull
him off she had me cramped in that
antique dentist chair I think you
promised to send your 65 Bank employees
to Granny for treatment
now look we've got to get the clamp it's
off that fifth floor you go up there and
tell them the building's been condemned
just for a change why don't we stick to
the truth if the city finds out what's
going on up there it'll be the truth
they're running a combination Pet Shop
Shoe Shop Maternity Ward dental clinic
operating room you can get anything from
a haircut to a heart transplant and all
without a license
every single world that besets you is
directly attributable to your love of
money what do you mean you've rented
that floor to the clamp it's for one
reason to collect money you're greedy
grasping panorious avaricious and that's
why you're in trouble yes like they say
nice guys finish last
for once in your life why don't you do
the decent honorable honest thing like
what like go to the floor and tell Mr
Claire but the truth that you made a
mistake the dead clab at Enterprises has
no future that he and his family should
vacate the building and move back home
yes yes you're right I guess it is the
only decent thing to do
you'll feel better for it I feel better
already cast off the shackles of feed
I'm a free man
of your sickness I am well I'm well
let's celebrate by burning this about it
Mr clavich's check for the first month's
rent five thousand dollars five
steady Chief even though Mr Clapton is a
man worth 80 million dollars he's still
a simple naive soul and he trusts you
implicitly
Brady
bless me I'm raising his rent to seventy
five hundred
my first duty is to the stockholders of
this bank but you own all the stock
that's right through thine own self be
true amen
Mr Drysdale yes I'm Melvin Drysdale and
who are you okay my name is Armstrong
I'm the building inspector
the building inspector yes I'd like to
ask what kind of business is being
conducted on the fifth floor
why well there's a beautiful blonde
walking around the block with a sign
that says follow me to the fifth floor
of the Commerce Bank building who
oh yes yes well that is a very
interesting story Miss Hathaway would
you like to tell Mr Armstrong about that
no
it it is kind of sad
you see that entire fifth floor used to
be occupied by a young talent agent
and then a terrible tragedy occurred
right right he couldn't pay his rent he
didn't fall on evil times too bad a
brilliant young fellow but Misfortune
played him and finally it was too much
for his proud
sensitive nature
he jumped
we closed off fifth floor
you closed it it's haunted
well then why is that young lady you're
walking around with a sign
that is the really sad part of the story
you see this girl was on the verge of
stardom
and when that brilliant young agent
jumped it
sort of unhinged her mind
Chief no no no no I know it's a sad
story
well if you're going to cry you go into
your own office
now
where was I that uh young lady wandering
the streets with the sign oh yes yes
looking for her agent
tragic tragic
she can't accept the fact that he's gone
well who was this young agent Jethro
Bodine they called him Mr Show Business
the boy Genius of Hollywood
funny I didn't read about him jumping
well the industry hushed it up he was
such a revered figure
what's on the fifth floor now nothing
nothing but ghosts memories
now and then some of Jethro's old
clients who like poor Ellie refused to
believe that he's gone
when do you plan to reopen the floor I
may never reopen it
I may seal it off as a shrine to the
memory of that
wonderful young man
that won't violate the building code
will it
no I don't think so but won't you be
losing a lot of rent
Only Money a man must do what his heart
dictates
I'm sorry to hear about this I hope
you'll get that young girl off the
street immediately I'll see that she
gets the best of care
good luck
thank you
[Music]
you've really woven a tangled web no but
it worked now you'll get Ellie off the
street and tell Mr Clapton I've raised
his wrap no sir I refuse to become
involved all right come along where are
we going as an employee you're entitled
to free medical benefits we'll start by
having granny fix your teeth
I'll cooperate that's better now get
busy
having me back yet and ain't no
customers waiting they are coming
bunches that's the way it always is how
about it boy you want to join in with us
and make this a family business no sir
not me you could learn some mighty
useful trades like hair cotton cheese
pollen Doctrine wood German harness
Mendon shoe codlin y'all just don't
understand do you I just can't go from
being Hollywood's number one agent to
cobbling shoes I'd rather jump out the
window well look if he led strong about
it
and listen you ain't doing no business
tell you what you let me turn this place
back into my worldwide talent agency and
I'll put you in movies
what do you think granny
no Jan it's tempting but the world needs
a good doctor more than it does another
sex symbol
Granny's right about the world eating
doctors boy what did you stay and study
with her I'll learn your brain surgeon
I just ain't getting through the am I I
got show business in my blood I've done
been sprinkled with Stardust I got
destiny to fulfill where do you aim to
fulfill it yeah you couldn't pay your
rent here dwell up
hey how about I have my talent agency up
at the mansion that's all right with me
it'll be good to have somebody keeping
an eye on it then it's the deal
[Music]
I must have a dozen fillers following me
oh no there's a Mr Jones I want this
floor closed off to everyone but he's
Bank employees they have priority
know that I'm so sorry I'll keep in
touch with you do that boy
see you later Ellie where are you going
I'm moving my worldwide talent agency up
to the mansion Jethro judging from your
record so far perhaps you weren't meant
to be an agent are you kidding it's my
destiny I'm a natural-born star maker
did not discover Julie Andrews you
that's right working in a car wash
really Andrews right Julie very jealous
this isn't Julie Andrews here we go
again
show her your driver's license Julie
Jethro what's happened to your agents
I'm moving out sweetie
in that case I think I better go back to
work at the car wash and give up show
business I gotta eat man
I'll be seeing you
that guy's crazy if he just stuck with
me I'd have made the name Julie Andrews
famous well that's chill business yeah
hey Ellie if any celebrities calls or
comes to see me send them up to the
mansion sure will Jethro hey Miss Jane
you want to come along as a secretary
you can start by typing up Lee Marvin's
contract you handle me Marvin yeah she's
a real nice girl you like her thanks
Jethro but I get nervous around
celebrities imagine won't be no place
for you cause it's going to be jumping
with them
oh if you want me I'll be up there Among
the Stars
wow Miss James sure is good to see you
come in come here
wait wait a minute I'm not here for
treatment how come it's a great idea
said he was sending up all his employees
well yes but but but we're supposed to
come in alphabetical order I'm Hathaway
ages aren't do you who's that little
fella that I poked his hair on his head
Crutch It see next comes the Friday
please ready for him get rid of them are
brand new upper plate take a look at
this Miss Gene I made the gums out of
Redwood exactly the termites won't get
into them and the cheese is hard maple
Mr Drysdale has teeth oh he didn't want
to be running around with them little
knobs a banker ought to have a nice
smile I ain't put a coat of white enamel
on these they look Dandy maybe Mr
Drysdale would like a gold shoes right
there in front I can get one for him or
if you want
better look rich
surely you're joking I mean a person
couldn't really use wooden teeth
could they sure how little many have
said for folks back in the hill
half the folks on possum ridges eaten
with judged teeth I made them for folks
as far as where is Branson his best
customary Jim Owen over to Branson I
made old Jim three sets went for hunting
one for fishing one for Sunday
Jim would drill little holes in his
hunting teeth so Jim could whistle up
his dogs
I think Jim appreciate his fishing teeth
the most he used to love to get out of
this Jon Boat on the White River but
come Ragweed season he'd sneeze away
four or five sets of story
they'd shink right to the bottom
it's broke until our wind limit set out
a white oak he still sneeze him out but
they would float and he's a day I see an
old Jim sitting out there in his boat
coming to see guard and casting for his
teeth
another set I did have to make one
replacement granny how come he fell
asleep one day with his mouth open woke
up there's a woodpecker setting on his
chin
that's a remarkable story
tell her about the Sunday teeth oh yeah
I made him a set of hollow teeth to wear
to church hollity well Jim you should
love to join in with the hymns but he
couldn't carry a tune in a bucket so uh
he used to whip out a pencil and tap on
his teeth I sounded just like a
xylophone folks used to come from miles
around to hear him play Onward Christian
Soldiers on them Hollow teeth
[Music]
who said Mr Drysdale up and we'll give
him a fit
you certainly will
I I rather doubt that he'll want to wear
wooden teeth oh that's the way it is
with all new things but you can't fight
progress I tell you what you take these
along and show them to Mr drive to you
and tell him
Keith once saved Jimbo
rally granny you're right I'd forgotten
about that Jim and Jack hershen were
exploring the cave when their
flashlights give out on them old Jim
Just Whipped out his teeth set fire to
him and away they went
one holding the uppers
when the Lord oh Jim had the only set of
charred White Oak teeth in Caney County
he became a drinking tea drinking tea
well charred White Oak is what they use
for age and whiskey oh Jim and just take
a swig of white lightning hold it in his
mouth to melt it down
I'll certainly explain the advantages of
wooden teeth that Mr Drysdale and when
it comes to you Miss Gene we'll give you
a special job yeah out here in
California you got some Dandy Woods we
can try orange lemon lime avocado lots
of flavors to them but the way things
grows out here you gotta be careful if
you put them in water at night he's able
to sprout on you
you wouldn't want to have to prune your
teeth every morning
would you like to see the way old Jim
looked with his with his little teeth
wood
dead carved a statue of them carved the
statue whittled it out of a solid cedar
log I've been working at it a long time
just finish it this morning you'll be
the first to see it
that old gym of course I've done it from
memory oh you caught him that's the
spitting image of Jim Owen right there
that's the way you look the morning I
finished whittling his uppers
Amy smiled in 10 years
hopefully thin wasn't he
poor old fella hadn't met nothing but
mush and clabber and all that time
quickest I finished his lowers he took
the eating solids and fleshed out to
beat the man you wouldn't know him today
I might on that uh it was longer than
this
kid do you recollect the day that old
Jim was napping out in the field and
when he woke up the bird dogs had them
on point
I do for a fact oh Jim got up and
flushed a Covey a quail out of that
beard
oh you're Ellie the young lady who was
carrying the sign around oh yes sir Miss
Jane come and got me tell me are you
still looking for Jethro no sir he's
gone you accept that
well yes sir he's gone to the mansion
he's up there Among the Stars that's a
sweet thought well Thomas Hathaway Mr
Armstrong I'm strong that commences with
an a he should have been first yeah
better late than ever come on in I
didn't hear you tell her we'll take care
of you you're in the right place oh it's
terrible you got a headache Miss Jane
definitely where are you going
to give it to Mr Drysdale
[Music]
building inspectors on the fifth floor
he's talking to Jed and Granny right now
I'm ruined
Chief why did you have to tell him that
Jethro jump out the window
wishful thinking I guess
maybe if I Rush up there I can still say
the situation
take your teeth alone my teeth that's
your new upper play Jed clap at whittled
them himself and Granny's ready to put
them in I've got my own teeth you won't
have if granny get you in that dentist
chair
am I in trouble Mr Armstrong the
clappers think he's one of your
employees you mean he's getting medical
attention by now it's very likely so
um this was uh Jethro's a private office
huh yeah the throne room of the Crown
Prince of Show Business from this window
he could look out on his Empire and you
uh converted it into a workshop well as
Mr dreidel's idea he thought we ought to
keep busy Splendid suggestion I imagine
Jethro's leaving was quite a loss to you
well we wanted him to stay here and give
up the agent business and learn another
trait the boy was too proud said if he
couldn't be Hollywood's number one agent
he'd rather jump out the window
before a fall
[Music]
I did that Jethro put you in the movies
well he wanted to but I understand it's
a heartbreak business I'm fortunate for
you you had your hobbies to fall back on
did you uh did you do this Mr Clampett
yeah
Psychotherapy no that's Jim Owen
I don't believe we know any therapy do
we
I don't recollect any what does he do oh
well you see
therapy helps people get over shock or
tragedy or nervousness like a nice fella
fine chap well come on I'll check your
teeth I don't know as a matter of fact
[Music]
all right
Jake climbing Enterprises Ellie this is
Mr Show Business
any big celebrities are looking for me
yeah
any big Hollywood producers or directors
is there any cable grams or long
distance calls
boy I'm getting Lonesome up here
well ain't there lots of stars Orion
heck no ain't nobody from Hollywood but
near this place Hey listen Nelly I
reckon Uncle Jed and Granny's awful
anxious for me to come back down there
and help them huh
while I ain't said nothing
I know I made him sad the way I left so
sudden give him the good news tell him
I'm coming back I'm good Jethro bye
what do you think Jed oh I'd make him a
Dandy set of fish and teeth oh granny
good news Jethro's coming back
he's coming down here well that's what
he's saying you you actually heard
Jethro's voice well he called me and I
heard him I always believed he'd come
back here if he said it was awful
lonesome up there launch him up there
Among the Stars
really believe that Jethro is coming
back sure not as an agent maybe but I
hope he comes back as a brain surgeon
that would be helpful
I have to be running along don't you
want to stay at me Jethro no no no no I
don't think I'd better I've got to see
Mr Drysdale well tell him he can start
sending in the bees do you have hives
only doing a strawberry season
[Music]
yeah
yeah well bye bye and I'll start
whittling on your fishing teeth right
away
thank you
[Music]
here's a little town in the mountains of
Mexico where they'll never find me this
won't work
yeah you're right get me on a plane to
Argentina Chief listen to me
Mr Drysdale no just a minute Mr
Armstrong the whole idea was Miss
Hathaway's I am innocent congratulations
Miss Hathaway that program for
rehabilitation that you're conducting on
the fifth floor is one of the most
inspiring humanitarian projects I've
ever witnessed
I thought you were upset about the
higher rate of interest on loans to
widows and orphans that was her idea he
does all the rotten things project on
the fifth floor was mine well whoever is
responsible for it it's great that
Occupational Therapy Program is working
wonders their minds are still a little
unstable but her manual dexterity is
fabulous why do you know that Mr
Clampett carves false teeth out of wood
do I know it it was my idea look at this
upper plate he does car for me but but
when you have beautiful teeth oh that's
beside the point to help those poor
tortured Souls I'm gonna have granny
pull every tooth and fit me with ease
fine well let's get started
again I'm gonna have to prune his tongue
back too prune his tongue he's got too
much for his mouth it's gonna cause him
trouble it already has
oh what do you say Mr Drysdale you want
me to Bob it back for you
he might just be ready to have you
remove the whole thing
a real sheep Come Along come on
[Music]
so now it's time to say goodbye to Jed
and all his kin they would like to thank
you folks for kindly dropping in you're
all invited back next week to this
locality to have a heaping helping of
their Hospitality
hillbilly that is Setter spells take
your shoes off y'all come back now here
[Music]
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