07x21 - The Hired g*n

[bunniefuu]

come and listen to him a story about a

man named Jed a poor Mountaineer barely

kept his family fed and then one day he

was sh**ting at some food and up to the

ground come a bubble and crude oil that

is black gold Texas Tea well the first

thing you know old Jeb's a millionaire

the Kim folks said Jed move away from

there said California is a place you

ought to be so they loaded up the truck

in the move to Beverly Hills that is

swimming pools movie stars The Beverly

Hillbillies

foreign

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[Applause]

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thank you

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youngsters out of bed it's pretty near

daylight

hey what's all a wreck it's time to go

to work lazy bones okay it's five

o'clock in the morning better late than

never

I'm a big city boy now nothing can get

me out of this hour

you want breakfast

I'm ready granny for a city boy you move

pretty good uncle Jed's already at the

table yes ma'am oh

you're up

yes ma'am

but I sure am sleepy youngins wouldn't

have this trouble if you went to bed at

a decent out I went to bed at nine

o'clock there you are now take your

rooster and put them out have some

breakfast and then we'll go down and get

the Clampett Enterprises ready for

business

we're in the Bank building won't even be

open folks in Beverly Hills don't get up

this early but they

they don't huh you know who that is at

the door

Mr Drysdale he's riding into town with

us five o'clock in the morning he didn't

stay up half the night like you did he

knows this is the best part of the day

it's the early bird that catches the

worm so he's up ready to go bright eyes

and bushy tail

happy birthday

where am I what happened

granny you call me what's the trouble no

trouble we need you to open up the Bank

building so we can go to work it's it's

five o'clock

there's the stars are out the Moon is

shining it does make you feel good don't

it Jade always says up at five you sure

to thrive wait till six you're in a fix

what time of day is it going to be run I

must go check the weather signs

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why are you in the first city fella I

ever seen with gumption enough to get

going for a son up well

I always say up at five you're sure to

thrive wait till six you're gonna fix

that's what I always say

well Kindred Spirits Mr clavette

you're wrong

you know he's had breakfast well this

man keeps Country hours how about some

coffee a fine fine I love it yeah

you still got on your nightclub huh oh

you see I I didn't want to turn on the

lights and wait my wife I reckon you

beat her up regular

no but it's a great idea Oh you mean get

up ahead of her let's go have that

coffee you go right ahead you'll be

right with you oh thank you

Jim guess whoising Dragon up the

driveway just now oh Duke he's been out

all night again

that old hound dog has got a lot of

Tomcat in him

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on you do carrying on like this

is going to catch up with you looks like

it already had

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switched

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all right doggy Duke you can't deny that

youngin I think they look alike

they sure are

how do you reckon that Old Duke found

himself a girl Bloodhound here in

Beverly Hills granny that's when a boy

Bloodhound does his best tracking

I wouldn't exactly call Old Duke a boy

maybe not but we can stop calling him oh

look a common

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you messed home his wife and the rest of

the youngins

I'm very glad to see it ain't a broken

home

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he's got to get down to the bank

building and get ready for business yeah

I reckon Mr dry just ready to go

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gee

30. what are you doing here at this hour

this hour I've been here since 5 30. how

come I'd open up so the Clapping should

go to work at 5 30. yes I'm not on they

want to open up at five

yeah

you're wearing pajamas oh oh I was so

sleepy I forgot to change oh I've got a

suit in here please put it on

immediately if someone came in here do

you realize what they would think

what would I think

well they they they think that perhaps

you hired me for reasons other than my

secretarial ability

as a matter of fact I did

you work cheap

you were living there for a minute

weren't you

the clappers stay in the fifth floor for

a year and get you up at five every

morning I'm getting rid of them today

I'm bringing in a Hired g*n no no no no

he's just a troubleshooter but he's the

best

cunning cruel ruthless unprincipled

conniving

oh a beautiful man

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oh by the way his name is Homer bidlow

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good morning

good morning Mr bedlow how did you know

my name will you fit Mr drysdale's

description perfectly

you and Mr Drysdale friends

I don't have any friends I hope Mr

Drysdale will find my work pleasing

I'd like to give up my job on the

Railroad and stay on here

Bank offers wonderful opportunities

that's true you get to foreclose on

mortgages repossess cars and Furniture

oh and it's a great kick to go and get a

television set just when the kids are

watching their favorite show

I ask what you're looking for sn*pers

booby trash

of habits I didn't get to be this old

and mean by being callous

remember

right and your Melbourne Drysdale that's

right I'd have known you anywhere you're

the spitting image of your father

you knew dad worshiped your father he

was the meanest man I ever knew oh Dad

would have loved hearing you say that

excuse me Chief your father would have

loved being called mean but you never

met the Old Gentleman did you no he's

gone when I started working here well

I'll see if I can find a picture of him

you know my first job was working as an

office boy for your father really oh I'm

surprised you haven't let you get away

you and dad must have been Two of a Kind

well of course that was 50 years ago I

was a dumb kid I had no sense of values

I goofed and he fired me what did you do

he was flogging a debtor and I went to

her defense my defense he was striking a

woman that was the wonderful thing about

Mr drysdale's father he never

discriminated

I thought I had a picture of Moran

that's my dad

what a man it was a privilege to have

worked for him you know I was with him

the day he foreclosed in the old

soldier's home really

g-i-n-v-u he had a pile of canes and

trusses and air trumpets as high as that

desk clean them out they were giants in

those days

foreign

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Barber obstetrician you name it she does

it looked like an educated woman never

went to school in her life she did all

these things back to the hills so she

figured she can do them here I

this is Mr Clement my largest depositor

looks like a nice fellow yes he is

strange to growing up he had everything

going for him poverty ignorance hunger

he could have been rotten to the core

turned out nice huh yes summer along the

line he went wrong maybe he had a happy

child that can warp a man thank goodness

I heard your father to teach me the

three hours rooken Robin and

repossessing

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there's Mr Clampett you heard me badlo I

said Jen Clapton is my friend and you

leave him alone and stop bothering

granny and all the climates now get out

of this building I'm all right frighten

you the second language classes you can

go to jail I go to prison for Jed

climate my time for Chad climate I'd

face a firing squad for Jed Clampett but

jet Clapton is a prince among men he is

my friend

Mr Clement gee I hope you didn't hear

what I said oh yeah I did so ashamed I

lost my temper but I made it Melo you

get out of this feeling and stop

bothering the Kravitz foreign

I've got City Hall in my side and the

Krampus have me on their side I want

these people out of this building Over

My Dead Body

where's that color when it's out of the

building oh he's just one of those

officious meddlers he claims that Granny

doesn't have a medical school diploma or

even a license to practice medicine as a

matter of fact I don't believe she did

you know he even had the nerve to ask me

if you belong the teeth whittler's Union

or the harness man is Guild I never knew

there was such thing well just ignore

him he's nothing but a nitpicker a

busybody

Carolina this not put up Jethro's

pitcher inside don't tell me he's going

to be an Asian again oh he ain't even

that high he's Lord of science

considerable he's going to be just a

psychiatrist

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boy claims he looked up to spelling

also fish clean well that was my idea

Jethro is uncommon good at it and seems

to me the two just kind of goes together

Psychiatry and fish cleaning yeah he

says it's psychiatria just listen to the

folks talk and he can sure skin a

catfish while he's doing that I just

leave it there no no no put it up no

one's going to push my friends around

all right

oh Mr Drysdale I was just coming down to

your office to get you let's go try on

this uh upper plate the dead will for

you hello I'm I'm awfully busy that's

true granny this man has been fighting

our battles first what battles there's

some fella from the city hall here

threatening to turn us out of the

building how come

well for one thing he claims you don't

have the proper medical education

me that weren't Doctrine from John

Hopkins

you studied medicine at John Hopkins I

can vouch for that Granny wrote a mule

all the way to timbal Arkansas just a

study with John and Elvira Hopkins

probably the greatest husband and wife

your doctor and team in the history of

medicine how long have you study with

them granny

I took the full course then I done what

they called

postgraduate work all in all I was there

put near two weeks

well unfortunately I'm afraid that won't

impress the authorities here in

California I'm in trouble too granny

because I don't belong to something

called the chief whitlers Union or the

harness Manders Guild how about gistro

is there a psychiatrist you into

I wouldn't doubt it couldn't we just let

the boy clean fish

well no that's where we're really in

trouble the International Brotherhood of

fish cleaners

what don't you people worry I've thrown

myself between you and the enemy like

I shall not pass

Mr dry deal you can't book the whole

state of California single-handed then

I'll go down

I will write my class

granny I never realized Mr dry day was

such a scrapper he's gotta have some

Tennessee blood in him Jim

look Mr Bedlam I found another picture

of Mr drysdale's father in the storage

Bowl

I hero he looks positively vicious

great guy I love your aquatic meddlers I

will shield him with my might and Elijah

should fall they'll be a new star in

heaven tonight

I've got a great scheme to get rid of

the Clampetts don't you dare

that's what you hired before we're in

this together but me I won't betray a

friend good for you chief

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oh Dad

forgive me I had a nice thought I didn't

mean it don't beat me please Chief your

father can't beat you he's dead and gone

oh no no not Dad

if he couldn't take it with him

he didn't go

well you're thinking straight now

but why can't I be the man my dad was he

was perfect mean all the time if I can't

believe your father was such an ogre

they wouldn't have let him join the

benevolent protective order of elks

that's not an Elks too it's a man's

tooth what a fellow oh dad money he

couldn't pay with his bare hands my

father yanked it from his mouth melted

the gold out of it and mounted the tooth

on his chain

now that you've come to your senses we

can put my scheme into action is it a

scheme my dad would have liked I call it

operation rotten right now get up and

win this one for the old jipper just a

minute you're in this too you've got a

part to play I have sure I'm the bad guy

and you're the good guy

you got a white hat all right get one

good now my scheme is I'll go up to the

Clampetts and give

she to be trusted no he's honest kind

and generous please don't use that kind

of language in front of your father yeah

right oh put Dad's picture up it'll

serve as an inspiration for me a shrine

how about some fresh flowers and thought

of it that's a good idea see if you can

get some deadly nightshade and Hemlock

those were his favorites

foreign

old man

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hi there Mr Cratchit oh how do you do

Miss Ellie did Dr Granny's POTUS grow

you some new hair oh I I don't know yet

I I haven't looked yet well let's go

have a chicken oh I I brought along a

photograph of myself the way I looked

without a hair I thought the doctor

would like a before and I have to

picture

it's a good idea yeah I I see your

psychiatrist does that why you me well

isn't that a picture of a patient before

treatment

no sir that's a Psychiatry

I always say it it takes one to know one

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hey I'll let you Gretchen how's your

granny's hair pulled this working that's

what I'm here to find out well oh come

on over sit down and we'll have the

unrealand

ma'am how long has the Polish been on oh

a week and I'm sure glad to get it off

because everybody's been laughing at me

well they ain't gonna laugh no more

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[Applause]

they come in red

really I had red hair when I was a boy

they used to call me brick take a look

it's true I'm young I'm handsome

you're sure not far it'll look much

better when I palmate it and comb it no

I like it this way wild and Untamed it's

the real

mehave yourself

mothers hide your daughter with

crotchets it lives and is on the loose

in Beverly Hills really honey run fetch

Jetro I think this fellow needs

psychiatry

wait a minute

Atlanta it's brought up to my ideas

along with his hair you can handle the

hair right but ain't so sure about the

idea

Ellie says this little fella needs a

head shrinker oh don't shrink his head

his new hair won't fit him come on I'll

k*ll you I don't want to be k*lled come

over here Monday I behave yourself

you're watching fellas I'm a weird head

and I've got a doubt foreign

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Now give me a couple of minutes to

terrorize them

and then you come to the rescue

right

I wish Mr Drysdale would send up the

rest of his employees well don't worry

granny quickie folks see how you posted

hell Mr Cratchit they'll come in bunches

well while we're waiting sit down and

I'll give you a marshall

foreign

everybody else

hi you heard me clear out and take all

this junk with you yeah

don't you touch me I've got a rich well

no wonder you're feeling so mean come on

sit down and I'll answer for you I'm

talking about ill*gal Ritz ordering you

to vacate these premises and I'm gonna

serve it on you right now hold it right

there but low

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you Craven coward threatening a couple

of helpless women hello and Fight Like a

Man

I'll trust me dry as tail I've got a

little Rich right here mess with me and

I'll shame it on you come ahead

I've got a writ stopping over it you'll

see who serves who are you calling me

out straight to you

I'm calling you out pedalo

oh

you haven't got a chance

you're a banker

and I'm a professional Rich servant

truth honor and justice

will speed my hand and my strength will

be that of 10. for my heart

is pure

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what's going on these victim to draw

down on one another Jayden yeah they

both got legal risks I serve your first

show wiped out Christ hell you lose your

bank your home everything I'll gladly

pay that price to save my friends the

clap it's strong oh I can't let you do

this Mr drazy well this fella wants us

to get out of the building we'll go

peaceful

I hope she drives down you did not stand

aside Mr climber let me out of him

let him go dead let him

we don't want to leave

[Applause]

packing up

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congratulations Bethel you are terrific

you are pretty good yourself you mean

the closets are gone operation Rock

numbers are complete success now we'll

talk about my feet oh yes how much do I

owe you give me a job in the bank and

you don't owe me a penny you mean it

turn me loose in your loan department

and I'll show you rockness you never

dreamed of it's a deal

when do I start I'll get in touch with

you have a nice trip back goodbye

goodbye

Chief surely you're not going to hire

that evil man on a permanent basis of

course not but I got rid of the

Clampetts and it didn't cost me a cent

you mean you deliberately swindled Mr

bedlow that's the way Dad would have

handled it

Mr Roger's office oh yes Mr Clapper

I see

yes yes well I I'll certainly tell the

chief I'm sure he'll appreciate it yes

well thank you goodbye

appreciate what

the clamas have decided you're the best

friend they've ever had

that's me they're proud of the way you

fought for them and they're not going to

let you down you're right they're

staying on the fifth floor and going to

fight with you

Dan

what happened I played it your way

I was rotten to the Core

I double crossed everybody

where did I Google

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foreign

they would like to thank you folks for

kindly dropping in you're all invited

back next week to this locality to have

a heap and helping of their Hospitality

hillbilly that is Setter spells pinky

shoes all so I'll come back now dear

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