08x10 - Shorty Kellems Moves West

[bunniefuu]

come and listen to him a story about a

man named Jed a poor Mountaineer barely

kept his family fed and then one day he

was sh**ting at some food and up to the

grounds

all that is black gold Texas Tea well

the first thing you know old Jeb's a

millionaire the Kim folks said Jed move

away from there said California is the

place you ought to be so deluded up the

truck in the mood to Beverly Hills that

is swimming pools movie stars The

Beverly Hillbillies

foreign

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ER Bradshaw's daughter's wedding

I'm saying nothing about it on the front

page but it says that shorty kellums has

sold the Silver Dollar City hotel no yep

for a undisclosed sound

but nothing about alverna's daughters

getting married

don't see it yet

it's here Mr callums Shorty yes sir just

drove through the front gate recognized

his car

you mean he drove all the way to

California we can't blame her for that

Granny Shorty's got one of the finest

automobiles in the Hills

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get out

hey we're gonna get out of here we

didn't know you was coming out here

I didn't know it myself

you see you're sold out back home and I

just decided to cut loose and held

myself a flame if we're good for you

I said it for myself I said shorty I

said

where's the most exciting place in the

whole country

quicker to flash your answer come to me

Hot Springs Arkansas

this is Beverly Hills California

I made a wrong turn blue eye

really honey we got company go put on a

pretty dress

y Jenny how are you good to you rascal

why didn't you let us know you was

coming he didn't know he was going to

come out here Uncle Jed I tried I

started he started to go to Hot Springs

Arkansas that cried he made the wrong

turn of blue eyes I tried in the first

and the first thing you do he was

halfway here that's right he just

decided to come out here and see us

after all why don't you let Mr kellums

tell a story

I'm Sorry Miss Kelly go ahead

I think we pretty well covered together

now wait now wait hold on I ain't aiming

to move in won't you I'm gonna stay at

one of them hotels you ain't gonna do no

such thing now you fetching his bags and

I'll get fiddles started but granny no

don't argue we won't have no other way

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you know I'll have to unlock that I got

the fortune in there

Fortune huh yeah well you know I sold

out Lock Stock and Barrel back home my

hotel my silver mine my house and land

and everything except my car as a family

says I got all my money tied up in cash

must be considerable get

I can live like a king for the rest of

my life on what's in that bag

thirteen hundred and eighty dollars

you boys enjoy your car

and get a jar of my special homemade

pickle pop pause

good morning

I think it's safe for you to unchain

yourself from your money now

I reckon it would make it easier to sell

some a coffee

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you know again I'm glad I wound up out

here

you've been out here going on eight

years now

that's right

you must know your way around pretty

good I reckon how about taking a wishing

tonight work too the party

what party the wild party

wild party the wild Hollywood party all

right I'll take you uh JD hi jiggity

where's it gonna be

don't you know I've never been to one

you've never been to a wild Hollywood

party where the movie stars Cuts loots

and dances on the table and jumps into

swimming pools their clothes on and

sprawls around on fillers while feet are

Berry drop scrapes in your mouth

yeah

nope huge eyes for me oh ain't it

good you forgetting these boys together

we run this pretty fast crowd and you

were the fastest me you was the wildest

girl chasing this Rascal in the whole

County

why was not

somebody in our crowd would how about

you that's who it was

well I am sorry to disappoint you shorty

but uh just ain't much of a party going

though

put your suitcase upstairs in the

bedroom right next to Uncle James thank

you Jethro oh here's one I forgot

hold on you're tall and shorty oh I'm

sorry Mr comes uh how come you got this

your suitcase pass into your chair my

last Savings in there a fortune oh

I'm here

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Jordy how about I take it upstairs and

put it in your room good night good

enough cash on me the last week it'll be

safe there

uh Mr kellums

what do you need to do with all that

money aim to kick off my heels have a

high old time burn the cattle at both

ends live a little you'll ran after my

own heart that's what money's for have

fun

gentle

I bet you know you way around this town

don't you do I he's talking to a genuine

Hollywood Playboy

would you take me to a wild Hollywood

party yeah when you want to go it's a

little better what about right now let's

Go

Don't hold supper for us he's going out

we might not get home till late we might

not get home to breakfast we might not

get home at all let's go where are you

going we're just going to a wild

Hollywood party where's it going to be

well just a sec oh where's it going to

be you don't know heck no this is the

first one I've ever been invited to

never mind forget it don't you want to

go no I think I'll settle for pickled

pawpaws I'm all partied out

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wait have you seen this financial

statement Jed Clampett's Fortune is now

in excess of 90 million dollars that

should make you very happy happy I'm

Delirious drive me up there so I can

tell them the good news right Chief you

know I had to take Mr Clapper to gift by

way of Celebration we'll stop and pick

up a box of cigars

thanks for the ride Jordan thank you Mr

Callum yeah thanks a lot why do you

think of Beverly Hills shorty ain't a

bad little Channel at all some of them

hotels we've seen real hoppers even

bigger than the Silver Dollar City hotel

huh they've been Silver Dollar City

we got door unlocked all the time when

he's gone sure shorty my money my

parking my life Stephen every video

what's your matter with Shorty he's

afraid somebody took his money

ouch we was gone

I feel a lot better if he put that money

in a safe place like Mr dry deals bank

or better yet my root seller you think

it's safer than the bank Bowl jim I've

got goat cheese that's been in that

Cellar for eight years nobody ain't ever

touched it nobody can get close to it

the bag here now I got to check and see

if my money's been took what's going on

Charlie's fixing to count his money

Jethro you get a shotgun stand guard at

your front door anyway you take the back

doors again you covered the windows

ready I think you'll be safe go ahead

okay I'll change it

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look at your expl*sive

don't be nervous get the trick to scare

all Bandits and such

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this is the money I got from a hotel

Mary Herschel wrote that

this is the money

I got some silver mine sold out to

Syndicate from Reed's frames Fred

Syndicate I believe I know Fred let's

make a fortune out of that seals of mine

plans to hide is still in there and sell

moonshine

did you ever take any silver out of that

mine

somebody dropped

up this year's the money I got from a

house land

it's like you got yourself a Dandy Nest

Egg you ain't seen the big money yet

Papa give me this 19 and 29 just before

the big crash and said Son hide that

away

it's been hidden a silver mine ever

since

he must have known the crash was coming

he did

that man always did have his ear to the

ground yep had dirty ears but he never

went broke

a few youngins ain't never seen money

this size

look at the difference

that's when the dollar was a baller

uh how many of them big bills you got Mr

Kellen 200

I'll see who's at the door don't open

until I get my money here

foreign

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just put it next to the goat cheese

my favorite all-time human being

allow me to present you with this box of

cigars oh thank you what's the occasion

wait to be here now listen to this Mr

climbert at this moment you have now got

90 million dollars

oh honey Mr dryers do you Jethro hey

Jethro guess what I got what about your

cigar

ette

you've also got 90 million dollars

oh yeah that too I don't think your

uncle's yet realizes how much 90 million

dollars is oh I ciphered for you Uncle

jet uh 90 million that's a nine and a

not comma not not not comma no not not

not

or really cyphers dummy it's a whiz okay

now you got all these millions uh how

about raising my allowance a little it's

awful hard for a Hollywood Playboy to

get by on 50 cents a week

when he'd like to see you in the kitchen

fine shorty oh Mr Gray deal you remember

shorty Combs run the Silver Dollar City

hotel sure how are you Mr Clampett I

would like to discuss some Investments

well uh maybe later right now I'd

appreciate it if you talk to shorty

about him putting some money in your

bank

tell you the truth Mr Drive Dale I don't

trust bank good see you later

my papa hadn't took his money out of the

bank before the crash at 29 I wouldn't

have this big money I got

as well when Mr Kelton says big money he

means really big money you mean the kind

of money your Uncle Jed has

no

Mr kellen's Money makes uncle Jess look

like nothing Miss kellums where did you

get this big money look at all my silver

mine you own the silver mine I did sold

out to syndicate after you took out a

fortune you bet you million couple

hundred

Mr callums how would you like to take a

personally conducted tour of the finest

most modern safest Bank in Beverly Hills

to tell you the truth Mr drives Dale

wouldn't walk across the street to see

it

quick Miss Hathaway to the bank chief

what's going on here

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she had make him put me down I don't

want to see his bank you'll love it Mr

Kellum it's beautiful just like your

money

's either way

and make him turn me loose he's got a

death Riff on me

that's a great deal of course Mr Craven

now you do promise not to talk to any

other Banker I do do you promise to

trust your money to no one else

in sickness and in health for richer or

poorer till death do us part you are not

marrying him

maybe not but those vows are still

binding you're all Witnesses

well let's get in the house that

Rascal's got a board losing his eye

are my fault shorty I asked him to take

care of your money and that word all

seemed to set him off

your behavior was outrageous the way you

carried on over that little hotel clerk

that little hotel clerk happens to be

the silver king of Silver Dollar City he

is worth 200 million dollars 200 million

and that's just what he took out of the

silver mine

believe it I can believe it I just can't

get my hands on it

Granny says she's all invited

Mr Drysdale sure would appreciate it if

you try to talk Uncle Jetty to raise my

allowance well it's a deal if you talk

Mr kellums into coming down to see me at

my bank

I don't think he wants to see is a wild

Hollywood party wild Hollywood party

that little hay seed little Hasty wants

to sow him some oats that's it that's

just a wish now you tell Mr kellums if

he'll come down to my bank he'll get

invited to the wildest party Hollywood

has ever seen oh boy that'll make him

happy and tell him it'll be a real

origin ah dog really hears that

well what's your orgy I never mind just

tell them okay

you have never been to an orgy in your

life I know I'm really looking forward

to this one where is it going to take

place well it's up to you you're the

hostess

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what do you do are you on your way to

the wild Hollywood party

I sure am

where's it going to be Miss drysdale's

bank I think if you don't go let's go

you're a very lucky man to be a

depositor of this Bank

strictly speaking I ain't you're not

well let's try they'll talk to me about

it but you see

I Don't Trust Banks

but I'm sure that a man is handsome and

worldly as you than to so many Hollywood

parties you've probably drain the cup of

life

go there

I tell you it's true's Mom I ain't had a

good Swig of that stuff at all

you don't suppose you could sort of

sneak me into you I'd sure be much

obliged I'm sorry Mr Mr drysdale's wild

Hollywood

where are you going with this darling

man he's coming to the party isn't he

I'm afraid not Genie oh that's awful

there are so many of us girls

you'd be practically the only man there

is so cute too

I'm sorry but he just doesn't keep his

money in our bank

yes I do yes I do I'm going home and get

it right now we can only be sure well

come with me don't tell me I'll show you

hop in

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okay it worked I'll get those costumes

and props tell the girls from the

secretarial pool to report here for orgy

juice

oh hi there Miss Drysdale would you like

to sit down and feed my baby raccoon no

thank you I've just returned from Boston

and I'm trying to locate my husband oh

he was here but he went back to the bank

I found the office they said he was out

for the day

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oh thank you

me Mom yes come here

please make it quick I'm coming in a

hurry did I hear you say there's going

to be a wild Hollywood party at Mr

drysdale's Bank yes Mom regular origin

interests me I'm sorry I can't invite

you but you see it's Mr drysdale's party

and he kind of likes his women

um and uh young and flashy like them too

in second car

a couple of days

the bank is just crawling with Phillies

like that

I find this absolutely fascinating we'll

get your hopes up but I'll put in a word

for you what's your name Mrs Drysdale

forget it you wouldn't want his mother

there

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how are you enjoying the orgy Royal

visitor

ain't bad at all when I'm getting my

full grape how about you laying here for

a spell at once Marcus Aurelius

would you call me he was the wealthiest

man in the world would you like to sit

upon the throne of Caesar

it's all the same as you I'd rather

dance them girls they are here to please

you girls dance with the novelist

depositor of them all

foreign

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that's better

you may put a grape in my mouth first I

had better put a bug in your ear

s

you're about to witness the decline and

fall of the Roman Empire

chill asleep

how do you like the little party we're

giving to welcome you hope for Boston I

don't like it and you're coming home

with me this instance

too bad he's got such a strict mama

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[Applause]

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