08x19 - Shorty Spits the Hook

[bunniefuu]

come and listen to a story about a man

named Jennifer Mountaineer barely kept

his family shed and then one day he was

sh**ting at some food and up to the

grounds

all that is black gold Texas Tea well

the first thing you know old Jeb's a

millionaire looking folks said can't

move away from there said California is

the place you ought to be so deluded up

the trucks in the north of Beverly Hills

that is swimming pools movie stars a

Beverly hillbilly

thank you

[Music]

where you going shorty oh you can going

yeah you ain't running out on Mary and

alverna are you me no no we driving Las

Vegas daybreaker tied a knot it's only

two o'clock ridiculous you say it must

have been the moon to come up I thought

it's the sun you can get yourself

another four hour sleep

good idea

I'll do that

my Jed hi shorty

[Music]

where you going shorty okay going yeah

oh I was practicing nail Vernon me

slipping away in early morning so it's

not to wake the family

oh you don't have to worry about that

he's always up for Daybreak

oh well that relieves my mind now I can

sleep

not yet hey shorty

[Music]

where you going shorty

I can't don't you never sleep I'm just

about to ask you that what are you doing

this time

uh

I decided it to be real romantic as hell

running me alone

wouldn't it be even more romantic if you

took alverna along

hey doggies I knew I forgot something

well I did hi shorty

[Music]

[Music]

I'm a doomed man

good morning

well

the Blushing Bride good morning melverna

happy wedding day oh thank you mayor

Heller is the groom up yet

I don't know I didn't think it was

proper for me to enter his room on

chaperone

I'll check on him alverna thank you Chad

um wake him gently oh I will

what a shame mayor Heller has a wife you

two could come with us and make it a

double wedding oh I'm too old to think

of getting married yes I suppose you're

right

good morning everybody hello early dear

cousin that to me want to wish you a

happy one day Miss Bradshaw well thank

you Ellie May you know I don't like

vomits in my kitchen now take it outside

well basically I'm informant

he's my friend

we'll take your friend outside yes

give me a kiss

[Music]

we're dear sweet thing

oh what a shame she has to Lavish her

affection on animals what you mean what

she has no man and no prospects doomed

to be an old maid and here I am getting

married for the second time at my age

just what age is that Elbert

between us granny I'll Never See 40

again if you catch a glimpse of 50 as

you passed

wake up shorty

what's the troubleshan I can't wait to

bridegroom

well from look at that smile on his face

he must be having one awful happy dream

I bet she's dreaming about that bachelor

party last night

you can't really blame him Mr dry a deal

through the humdinger

yeah surely the Sheik in his Harem girl

wake up sheet

oh where am I what day is this this is

the day you marry Alberta Bradshaw

I have a hard shoulders I can't marry

alverna why not you were stepped

bachelor party last night you saw all

them pretty girls

that's a lie for me that's all over and

done with now shorty

it don't have to be we have another

bachelor party tonight before

[Music]

the party tonight didn't get married

tomorrow who'd I marry I'm glad you

asked me that never mind the answer this

is your wedding day and your bride to be

is waiting

oh my floor is cold I'm freezing well

look on the bright side tonight you'll

be on your honeymoon yeah and you can

snuggle up nice and cozy with alverna

Bradshaw

did it

[Music]

we're shorty still in the bathroom

Jordan

what do you want

Alberta's waiting for you

come on hurry up what are you doing I'm

shaving

you've been shaving for an hour

I got a girl racer

it ain't that dog

it's too dull I can't even cut my wrist

where do you unlock this door and come

out of there

I'll be out in a minute kid

I just thought of something what's

that

this room's next to mine there's a great

big tree right outside the bathroom

window that's right

ain't you afraid he'll climb out of the

window and shiny down the tree

oh

[Music]

my God

please my darling little fiancee hey

shower oh which is it

well alverna shorty is so anxious to see

you he's shaving and shower at the same

time

[Applause]

hello in there

this is your Blushing Bride how soon can

we leave to get married

Saturday to latest literally

security dear Wednesday is our wedding

day okay see you next Wednesday

next Wednesday

so thrilled and excited that he don't

know what he's saying that's the truth

the thought of Marion you has has got

him just paralyzed paralyzed with uh

with uh joy joy paralyzed with joy oh

how sweet yeah now you just leave shorty

to us yeah Alberta we'll have the bride

Doom ready in no time no time at all

thank you

what are you doing now I'm about to have

myself a drink because what I found a

bottle of alcohol

well surely don't drink yet that's

rubbing alcohol yeah that's poison

donut I was hoping to get up enough

nerve to fight that bear

you drink that stuff he'll k*ll you

so come on out and Marielle Verna you

gotta admit that Bee's dying right

shorty

shorty

Cody

I'm thinking it over

excuse me Chief you know Miss Bell the

little sl*ve girl secretary who cheated

out of the bonus

if I hear one more word about that lousy

bonus I'll fire you her and the whole

secretarial pool oh no no no Chief is

nothing like that uh Miss Bell's little

brother Cookie would like to meet you oh

send a little fell in I'll give him a

free piggy bank

thank you

thank you

this scissor

little brother

yes and her big brother would like to

meet you too come in sir

what can I do for you gentlemen we

understand you had a sleigh box in here

last night

hear me

that's what our sister told us oh you

must be the fun sl*ve auction

doesn't look like much fun for the

sl*ves who's this cat here well that's

the seek who bought your sister I mean

Miss Hathaway explained the situation to

these gentlemen what do I know I'm just

a camel driver thanks a lot

really because it was just a party you

see these three secretaries volunteered

to be make-believe sl*ves just make

believe absolutely it was just good

clean fun because either way bring in

the three sl*ves secretaries at once

Master

nice sense of humor

I play professional football

oh say that is my favorite sport you

play two no I'm not big enough

you're the sl*ves master

I'd appreciate it Miss Hathaway if you

would stop joking no gentlemen what is

it you want to see me about about you

selling our sister as a sl*ve and about

that hundred dollar bonus you were here

fine

now

uh which one is your sister

are you kidding me not at all well the

sister of these gentlemen please step

forward

[Music]

is she the one

you didn't think that maybe the black

girl would be our sister

well did you know I'm completely

colorblind

oh Miss Hathaway make up my personal

check to this young lady for 100

yes sir

no no not the green folder the red one

well as you football players know you

can't win them all

[Music]

thank you

oh go on you shed Heller you had to be a

blacksmith

[Music]

how do you like the way Ellie and me

decorated up the honeymoon car looks

real nice

Vegas or bust you like it huh

oh Jordan you don't think it gives him a

choice

come look at the sign I put on the back

hold on boy that's jumping the g*n yeah

they won't be married till they get to

Las Vegas I took care of that on the way

there they just close this down like

that

ready to go Alberta just as soon as

Shorty's ready well I go look in on him

last time I seen him he was still tied

up

uh come on Chad have a heart

nothing doing shorty you ain't getting

loose until you're ready to drive to Las

Vegas and Marielle Vernon listen

you know that old mule of mine you

always admirege much if you're on top

waist in your bread I've already turned

down twenty dollars cash in your car

what would I do with her

I don't know but if you think of

something tell me

well shorty

time has come

oh now cheer up when you see what Jeff

Drew and Elliot done to your car party

wrecked it

shorty without Verna in it

your car is in perfect shape and so is

Alberta I believe that about my car but

it was never true Alvernon Journey if

you feel that way

why did you ask Gilbert to come out here

and marry you I hadn't seen a woman four

weeks had been hiding in Granny's Root

Cellar but when I seen all them pretty

girls again I changed my mind forget

about them girls shorty Alberta's got

everything they got

I wonder where she keeps it

I'll stop that kind of talk you're

getting to find one that's the truth you

and Alberta was made for one another

don't forget she owns the Silver Dollar

City hotel now and you two can run it

together you'll be a Dandy team you'll

be happiest few birds in the Nets you

really think to a fellas absolutely

no question about it

I was getting tired running the hotel by

myself

doing all the cooking and cleaning

elvert will handle that she's a Dandy

cooking hard worker you're gonna have a

saw from now on

hey golly

commission sound pretty good

come here is my bride too ready

I'm ready over now he's just a might

Nerf oh you mustn't be darling we're

gonna be so happy together

I hope you're right elverna and here's a

little sample of the happiness in store

for you

[Music]

can I do be more for that game from

[Music]

shorty I reckon I clenched it it sure

did

find me up again

well Chief you seem calm and collected I

feel a little scared scared that I look

scared terrified

now listen I didn't want to start

anything in front of a woman but you

should have heard what I told those guys

after you left the room what did you

tell them I told them it was all your

fault

thanks a lot and here are the bills for

last night's party

holy smoke how am I going to explain

he's the board of directors

Oriental tapestries oh sl*ve girl

costumes gold chains tell them you were

photographing an ad for the bank

photographing an ad well you've got the

pictures it's a natural beautiful sl*ve

girls and chains your motto don't be a

sl*ve to death save your money at the

Commerce Bank

beautiful fabulous it's a great idea

it's good enough to actually use I think

so all you have to do is pay the three

girls much to that I've already paid one

of them

okay that's it we'll reshoot the picture

with Justine now get her back in that

sl*ve girl's outfit right away right

Chief and Miss Hathaway yes I'm going to

ask the voter directors the okay arrays

of that ad idea Jesus wonderful and

what's so wonderful it'll probably put

me in a new tax bracket

go burn it you'll be on your way to Las

Vegas in two minutes you know I've never

been to Las Vegas and Granny tells me

they have gambling there

that's what I hear every kind you can

think of

certainly hope short he won't be tempted

to gamble if there is one thing I cannot

tolerate it's gambling with some folks

it's a regular sickness I know right in

my own family a happy marriage was

broken up because of gambling really

over

my aunt Bertha married a man who was the

picture of propriety sober hard-working

Church going together they saved a small

fortune and in one poker game they was

completely wiped out

what a shame yes and Bertha was Lucky in

Love But a lousy poker player

I can't wait to get to Las Vegas I will

go crank up the up there for you shorty

come on

yeah

we're all alone how about another one of

them kisses

little devil make it a steamer baby

[Music]

hello

there goes my poker deck

without that

Blackjack gin rummy tea knuckle you name

it if it's for money I play it shorty

darling please don't play cards

okay honey baby we'll sh**t crap

there's a five cover it

what's gotten into you

and all gambling fevers got me

I didn't know you were a gambler

I was about cured but uh

brung it back

there's a goose

that says I make my point the hard way

feed me baby

yeah Miss Bell has agreed to post with

the bank advertisement Chief oh God and

you will represent the villain that's it

not villainous enough strangers that may

seem you you should have a block hat

black mustache and a black cake that's a

good idea I'll be right back all right

ah did Miss uh Miss Hathaway tell you

what this picture's about not completely

well it's an ad for the bank and the

idea is don't be a sl*ve to debt now

you'll be kneeling with your hands like

this pleading with me the villain dead

like this that's right and I'll be

standing over you with a whip like so

please master

I wouldn't hit her with that if I were

you

all right fellas

I guess this looks kind of incriminating

for a bank president

I don't know much about Bank presence

how about you girl I don't either but

I'll tell you one thing I wouldn't want

my sister to marry one

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

I don't dare go to Las Vegas Miss shorty

why

he's an inveterate Gambler well he's

crazy

please come and talk to him maybe you

can help German this sudden attack of

gambling fever sevens come eleven be

good to me nice pay me somebody

that shorty is a hard Rascal to reel in

Jed

yeah looks like he done spit the hook

again

[Music]

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