08x26 - Honesty is the Best Policy

[bunniefuu]

The Beverly Hillbillies

[Music]

Chad ain't it a blessing to know that in

a short time all the smog in Los Angeles

will be gone it is for a fact and all

thanks to Ernest John Shaffer one know

why nobody thought of his idea before

it's simple enough just drill a big

shaft through the mountain put in a

giant fan and suck away all the smog

hi Miss John of course he said itself he

feels kind of responsible for the smog

why well you see the San Bernardino

Mountains it holds all the small again

what they call the Los Angeles basin

belongs to Thomas John well I'll be

switched see on his mother's side

it comes from an old Spanish family

the bernardinos

it was one thing for sure if Honest John

says he's going to get rid of the smog

you can have confidence

that's the truth well even back in New

York the police said he's one of the

greatest confidence man in the country

[Music]

what are you doing without a child's

money that's a half a million in cash if

Paul give him to commence drilling I

know but Jethro said Honest John sent it

back he wouldn't keep it half a million

in cash in your hand then you gave it

back flow you don't know these people

what's to know they're rich they're dumb

they're pigeons they're beautiful flow

kind trusting sweet simple honest I

warned you not to use that kind of

language in front of me let's face it

I'm a fan if you want a divorce I don't

blame you now Shifty look I'm a lousy

husband when you needed me most when you

depended upon me what did I do

I turned honest

anybody can slip who didn't flow you

haven't changed since the day I married

you you're still the same girl deceitful

crooked Sensational pickpocket fabulous

shoplifter drive a great getaway car

maybe we could work together again team

up like in the old days would you flow

please you gotta help me rebuild my

character it's hard to say no to you

Shifty come on baby let's seal it with a

kiss put those price matching arms

around me and let me feel those lying

lips on mine

excuse me if your real estate broker's

here to see you oh good good

come in Fred you may go Miss Hathaway

Mr Drysdale have you lost your mind

buying all that land up in the San

Bernardino Mountains now listen Fred you

may go home as big ears

now listen Ben just follow instructions

but you could bankrupt yourself buying

all that Wasteland there's nothing up

there except skunks Bobcats and

rattlesnakes on top but underneath this

oil oil in the San Bernardino Mountains

do you want to start a land rush

what makes you think there's oil up

there have you ever heard of Jed

Clampett

well he found oil in the Hills back at

home and now he's found oil in the Hills

out here well has he drilled a test well

yet doesn't have to he shoots a b*llet

in the ground and up comes the oil

oh if I were you I'd get a geologist

report much for that then everybody will

get in on it this is my oil field yeah

but do you realize there's hundreds of

thousands of Acres up in the San

Bernardino Mountains you can't buy it

all you're right

I'll have to pinpoint the drilling side

Miss Hathaway

yes

I have a little detective job for you

now I want you to find out exactly where

Jed Clampett and his mysterious partner

plan to drill then I'll buy the land

Chief Mr Clampett is your friend your

largest depositor your benefactor how

can you undercut him that's what I'm

trying to figure out how

to be part of your nefarious scheme now

you're fired I quit oh no you don't I

fired you very well that way I get

Severance paid you're not fired now

quick one second thought I think I'll

stay around and see what happens okay

and get up the clappers and find out

where they're going to drill there'll be

a big fat reward in it for you my reward

will be seeing you get the reward you

deserve for your greed and avarice yeah

should run into millions

why do I have to wear this outfit

because I told the clamp it's my mother

was Spanish why can't I be your wife

they don't think I'm mine besides

they'll love you they're big mother

people

Shifty I don't even speak the language

what if they say something to me in

Spanish are you kidding they can barely

speak English

you're beautiful let's go

play

is this beautiful is this a mansion is

this a layout but tell there's a wall

thing behind this mirror

forget it flow

aha just as I thought get me to

sandpaper baby no forget it crack it in

30 seconds it's a coffee can oh you

don't have to steal from these people

they give it to you they force it on you

behave yourself or you'll blow the whole

paper

I have the honor and privilege of

presenting my sainted mother Anna Maria

Fernandez Barcelona San Bernardino is

pleasure to meet you

[Laughter]

she said the pleasure is hers iguana

means pleasure in Spanish speaks almost

snowy Well we'd be Mighty iguana to have

you all move in stay away

he said uh is

mother's set ah we caught that Ellie

showed these folks the two nicest rooms

in the house sure will Granny y'all

follow me upstairs

though endless

she speaks very little Spanish

yeah

be a violation of any trust if you were

to tell me where you plan to start to

drill well like I told Mr dry's deal all

I know is there's some place in the San

Bernardino Mountains well can't you

localize it any more than that no ma'am

I'm sorry if I know it anymore it'd be a

real iguana to tell you

what iguana

it means pleasure my partner Spanish

Mama uses a lot of iguana aren't they

members the reptile family oh man these

Bernardino's on her side

well Miss Jane hello Granny nice to see

you the Iguana is fine granted me is

catching over that Spanish real good

would you like to say and have videos

with Jed's secret partner and his mama

Granny if Miss Jean met my secret

partner he wouldn't be secret no more

true

I'll do this for you Miss Jean I'll go

ask him where in the mountains he's

going to drill oh well thank you Mr

Clampett Thomas you down machine

and it's exciting about the smog

smog ain't you heard he's getting rid of

it

wonderful oh well Jen and his secret

partner is drilling a great big tunnel

through the San Bernardino Mountains and

it's gonna pull away the smog

that's the drilling Mr club that needed

the money for

he drew a half a million dollars out of

Mr drysdale's Bank

no oil or anything like that just the

tunnel I'll try oh that's marvelous

I had a great idea well it's it's

interesting I trust that Mr Club a

secret partner is a qualified engineer

oh I don't think he's going to run a

train through the tunnel just Mom

this is beautiful this Sublime Justice

greed and avarice will reap that just

rewards and I shall be there to see it

it's Jane uh the drill is going to be

through San Gorgonio mountains

you have made me there biggest woman in

all the world bless you bless you

[Music]

what was that all about I told her we

was getting rid of the smog

well but please the rest of the folks

much as it does her Los Angeles is going

to be one Mighty happy town she did seem

really wanted

ah dear friends

thank you for entering at this moment

you have just saved me from a terrible

tongue writing oh

Badger here my Blessed Mother when I

told her I had refused the gift of money

my host that so graciously offered me

a Spanish temper fled and she scolded me

mercilessly she said it was tacos

that means rude I wouldn't go so far to

say you was tacos but uh I think you

ought to take the money

and it's still here right out in the

kitchen

tell your mama that'll make her happy

Sierra Madre Escandido avocado a la

kitchen

that means marvelous

yes yes good boy

Ellie May what are you doing I'm

learning Virgil to put money in the bag

money

yes sir Miss Donna's John just watch it

he's real clever

come on Virgil

Pines beautiful very interesting really

me that bird of yours didn't stuff a

half a million into something did he

well it's gone

why hey

hey that means unbelievable mother was

referring to the chick that this bird

just performed very Ivy but where is the

money Ellie well Jethro got the truck

fix so he come in and got the money and

went to look for Mr Honest John I vague

I think he's playing Jethro is the most

oivy boy that ever lived

well y'all excuse us because me and

Virgil's going outside

well

no words go down to Mr dry Dale's bank

and draw out another sack of money tell

your mama the good news ah it's Seattle

Madre Senor Clampett Tijuana El Banco

Escondido avocado

ah tortilla

Escondido avocado that must be money

exactly say you're picking up the

language beautifully thank you would you

and your mama like to come down the bank

with me though

Honest John I don't know what you're

saying to your mama but from the tone of

your voice it sounds real Taco

yes I'm afraid I inherited a bit of a

fiery Spanish temper oh forgive us

Seattle madly

Guadalajara

oh that's one of the beautiful Spanish

words it literally means she loves me

she forgives me I'm not a pretty

language what I go down get all the

Escondido avocado Mr dry ideal guy

of course Chad good Granny y'all iguana

yourself

John ask your mama how she'd like some

owl gizzards and some pickled skunk

Shanks

El hungry though

yeah

well it loses something in the

translation but that means we're both on

a diet

right yeah Mr Drysdale I've got it

pinpointed the drilling site Mount San

Gorgonio there's no oil there there's

nothing but a great big pile of stone

what are you a geologist or a real

estate broker

foreign

wait a minute what's this for we needed

to commence drilling not on my land

my land is your land

see Miley answer it ain't your land

either oh please Mr kraba don't start

drilling yet why not well it's a rainy

season you might get wet dry as a bone

out there will you die of thirst great

deal I'm in a hurry now get off of my

Escondido avocado no

you're acting awful tacos I need to be

more uh tortilla

tortilla yes good thing granny ate here

to see him

I believe you're talking about a thin

crusty corn product that's granny

good thing she in here to see how you're

acting

but anyway

hi Guadalajara

what do you reading Honest John what oh

this is a travel folder Brandy I plan to

take mother on a trip as soon as you

finish our Caper Caper uh a Spanish

delicacy made of wine and olives well

I'm glad to hear that your appetite is

coming back I fetched you a whole basket

full of goodies from my root seller I'm

really not hungry you will be well you

know what I got I got groundhog

meatballs beaver tail fried and possum

fat and a roast breast of butter give

you my word I couldn't eat a bite

I know what will tantalize that finicky

appetite of yours I'll fetch you some

goat cheese no no no thanks it won't

take a minute I got it in the wall shape

in the front hall you keep it wet in the

wall safe behind the mirror in the front

hall

and goat cheese in it well I used to

keep it in my root cellar but the Board

of Health made me take it out

the neighbors got to complain and it's

awful ripe let's look

bro uh Spanish term of endearment I have

many such for my mother well I don't

know where your mama is I think I do

[Music]

[Music]

I know you'd be here

whoa what

[Music]

wow

[Music]

what happened to your mama She fainted

very delicate ladies

Spanish aristocracy I'll get my medical

bag I'm a doctor you know

whoa whoa come on Flow hey snap out of

it flow

I got something in here a little

pressure around wait a minute what is it

you've given my mother oh what what

don't worry it'll make her feel iguano

[Music]

oh

wow

a very religious woman my mother is he

in Spain the car was sacred the Bulls

they don't treat too well

foreign

you're a beautiful man you're right uh

tortilla yourself

Honest John would you tell your mama

that I'm going to take her outside for a

breath of fresh air

tomorrow

we'll be on our way if you don't hey

it's heavy isn't it well I'll have

Jethro helped out on the truck for you

quick as he gets home I don't think we

better wait

you see smog is getting worse people are

coughing time is up the essence I'll

call a cab okay baby here it is let's

blob driver give me a hand with the bag

no

this belongs to the sweetest people in

the whole world

and you're not going to take it from

them love

Sierra Madre to you

those sweet people in there never gave

us anything but iguana

and now you want to be tacos

I'll never Guadalajara you again

[Music]

are you folks still here unfortunately

[Music]

why is your mama crying I'm sick

homesick for the place of her birth

acquainted little Hamlet nestled in the

Hills above Barcelona

Madre

don't forget your Escondido avocado no

Escondido avocado what oh well uh

mothers had to change your heart she

would not allow me to take your money

well what about the smog

I'm gonna keep working on that well

Simon let's go here we go to the hills

above Barcelona

[Music]

oh Jen they forgot the money

Sierra Madre wouldn't take it she was

awful homesick and anxious to get back

to Spain and visit Jersey City

that's sweet did you know the cows were

sacred there in Jersey City all over

Spain

[Music]

and Mr Drysdale

[Music]

hey folk too bad you didn't get here

much sooner yeah you could have met

Jed's partner in the Sierra Madre Sierra

Madre is a mother Mountain

well she was kind of stout but I

wouldn't go that first

this time but I have some news for you I

now own practically all of Simon

Gorgonio mountains is that a fact yes he

had to mortgage everything even borrow

money from several rival banks at nine

percent interest that's not important

the important thing is that if Mr

Clampett had his secret partner want to

drill for oil they have to lease the

land for me we ain't going to drill for

oil

you ain't

they just fill in a great big tunnel

through the mountain to suck out the

smog

likely he's got thin blood like Sierra

Madre why don't you worry granny will

have you feeling iguana in no time

iguana is a great big lizard oh man it's

a big pleasure well let me say it is a

real iguana to see the chief in this

condition

[Music]

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welcome back now here this has been a

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