01x03 - Meet the Curtis

[bunniefuu]

[crash]

Huh?

[whispering]
Honey, wake up.

I heard something.

What was it?

Go down and check it out.

I'll hang back and guard the bed.

Can you bring me back a snack?

A snack?

Yeah. Anything.
Just surprise me.

Surprise.

Aah!

You're coming with me.

Well, looks like
something really enjoyed my lasagna.

Don't flatter yourself, Mom.

It also enjoyed your oven mitt.

Maybe we have mice.

Honey, it looks like
we need an exterminator.

Nonsense.
I can handle

whatever is crawling
around this house.

Tomorrow morning,
I'll go down to the hardware store

and get some of that sticky paper.

But right now,
I want to slam down

one of these bad boys
for a little late-night pick-me-up.

Leave the other one
out, too, Dad.

I could go for a little nosh myself.

Ha ha ha.
Good call, son.

The po' boy sandwich

is one of this century's
great discoveries.

Now, that's what I call
a midnight snack.

Yeah. Sure is.

-Thanks, Dad.
-Oh!

[sniffs]

Uh, Lloyd! Oh!

I didn't do nothing.

[sniffs]

Oh. Ha ha.

Honey, I'll take a rain check
on the footsies, OK?

That's not my foot.

[both screaming]

[screaming]

♪ Meet a boy named Phil ♪

♪ And his family ♪

♪ On vacation from
The 22nd century ♪

♪ Got a rented time machine
And they're on their way ♪

♪ To a time way, way, way
Back in the day ♪

-♪ So now it's Phil ♪
-♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ Keeping it together
Just as best as he can ♪

♪ Phil ♪

-♪ Phil ♪
-♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

♪ 22nd century man ♪

♪ On a holiday through history ♪

♪ But the final destination
Was a mystery ♪

♪ But something
On the time machine had blown ♪

♪ So they ended up
Right here in our time zone ♪

-♪ So now he's Phil ♪
-♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ Never knew in history
Just where he would land ♪

-♪ Phil ♪
-♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

Cave man want a cr*cker?

Mom, he's not a canary.

[Lloyd] You know, there's something

familiar looking about this guy.

I know what you mean.

Wait a second.

Isn't he that goofy guy

we met on our trip
to the prehistoric times?

I'll never forget how he smelled.

Never would've seen him if I hadn't
dropped my keys in there.

You're right!

He must've stowed away
in our time machine.

[Keely] Hey!
You almost ready for school?

[cave man mumbles]

What's going on?

[snarls]

Cave man stowed away
in our time machine.

He's now hiding under our sink,

and I haven't had any breakfast.

Grr.

Welcome to my world.

Oh, my gosh!
This is unbelievable.

This is a disaster.
We got to get him out of the kitchen.

We got to get him
out of this house.

If people catch us
with a cave man, we'll be found out.

Found out!

Lloyd, breathe.

Hey...

It's OK.
No reason to be scared.

We won't hurt you.

Come on out.
It's OK.

Come on.

-He's coming out.
-Yeah.

[mumbles]

Well, Phil...

I didn't know you were so good
with... cavemen.

He's a friendly cave man.

Aren't you, big guy?

Yes, you are.

Phil, stop that
before it goes on the floor.

[sniffing]

Oh! Well, I guess he likes
peanut butter.

[mumbles]

Mmm. Take it.

Hey, now!

[all talking at once]

[Pim] Ooh. Oh. I wonder
what his name is.

He looks kinda like a--
a Curtis.

Phil, don't you dare name him.
That's how it all starts.

Look, we can't keep him.

[munching]

This is not good.

If you need
any help with Curtis,

I'd be happy
to pitch in.

Stop with the Curtis already.

He's not Curtis.
You're not Curtis.

-Aagh.
-Come on, Dad.

I'll take care of him.

Please, can we keep him?

You know, I've never used
the word cuddly before.

[belches]

Never mind.

Well, Dad?

Let me think about it.

-[Curtis and Pim] Yes!
-Yes?!

I didn't say yes.

See, you said it again.

Pim Diffy,

you are cordially invited
this Friday

for my super sleep-over
extravaganza.

Pim, you must not
have heard what I said.

Here's some things
I would never do:

Eat nails, stick my head
in a toilet,

or ride
a man-eating shark.

But I would do
any of these things

before I would sleep over
at your house.

Fudge crackers!
Um, Pim...

My grandma set
the cap at 25 girls,

and I've already
invited that many.

Oh, what a pickle.

Maybe I can
squeeze you in.

Squeeze me in?

Pim Diffy does not
get squeezed into anything.

Cynthia Chow.

Doesn't Chow mean "so long"
in Italian?

Well, ciao,
Chow.

It's been good having you around
this past week, Curtis.

I've always wanted
a little brother.

You know, someone
to show the ropes to.

Pal around with, you know?

[grunting]

You still have
some work to do.

Curtis, no.
Don't eat--

[belches]

[beeping]

Aah!

Ha ha ha!
Ooh oh oh!

Uhh! Whoo hoo!

[both whooping]

Whoo-hoo!

Unh-chaga!
Ha ha!

Scraps!

A Robin's making
a nest outside the window,

Mrs. Freelander.

We'd all be missing
an opportunity

if we didn't look
right this moment.

Ooh, really?

Curtis! No.

[whispers] Curtis.

Uhh ha ha.

Unh-chaga!

Yes. Good unh-chaga.

Curtis, you got
to go home.

Unh-chaga!

Shh.

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

[growling]

No, Curtis!

Aah!

Huh? Uhh!

Man down!

Man down!

[gasping]

Must... get... ointment.

It's going to be so much fun.

We have 14 pizzas.

What about soda?
You got soda?

9 liters, and some flavored
soy milk.

I hope you like
staying up late,

because we're going to...
Raise the roof.

OK. You ready
to meet all the girls?

Let's do it.

Hi, every--
[gasps]

Silent Judy?

Neck Brace Lana?

I get it off
in 8 to 10 weeks.

Huh? What?

Please tell me
your bathroom seats 22.

What do you mean?

You said you invited 25 girls.

Nice turnout, huh? OK...

Let's get this party started.

First, we're going
to do a play I penned

called
Magic Ballet Shoes.

OK. Let's go.

Are you finished building
the canoe, yet, Hobson?

Oh, dear. How will we
ever get off this island?

Later that night...

Hark! I see a beautiful
angel in the night sky!

Bow to me, Pim.

I quit.

This doesn't make
any sense.

How does Jose go to work

if we're stranded on an island?

And the unicorn
completely fell out of the story.

And you said
it was a comedy.

Where's the funny?

I have to make
a phone call.

But...

You'll miss
your curtain call!

[telephone ringing]

Pick up, Mom.

Bail me out of this nightmare.

[ringing]

[TV] We take you now
to Yanoosh Ing

with a breaking story.

[belches]

I am live at H.G. Wells
Junior/Senior High School,

where a school administrator

was reportedly attacked
by a man-beast.

I'm here with the victim
Neil Hackett.

In your own words, Neil,

tell America exactly
what happened.

Well, uh,
what can I say?

Um, I'm on my way
to the powder room,

and the next thing I know,

I'm being bitten
on the leg

by this giant freak show.

I was going to bust out

with this judo throw
that I learned,

but I really need
to be attacked

from the side
for that to work.

Are you offering
any kind of reward

for the capture
of this man-beast?

On a teacher's salary?

Yeah, right, pal.

More on beast watch,
day one at 11:00.

How could you do this?

[grunts]

Dad, it wasn't his fault.

Hackett hit him first.

I don't care.
That's that, all right?

Curt-- man-beast
has got to go.

Dad, you can't
send him away.

He's...

He's like family.

Uhh.

Kind of like a brother.

No, Curtis, not now.

I'm sorry, Phil.

We're from the year 2121.

We can't have the police
snooping around here. Nope.

Loading up the car,

relocating him to Feek Meadows
right this instant.

You understand, right, big fella?

Unh.

Come on, Dad.

Curtis didn't mean
to bite Mr. Hackett.

Right? You won't do it again.

Right, Curtis?

Uhh.

Trust me. He'll be happier here.

There's fresh air.
Room to roam.

Probably other cave men
he can play with.

Well, could be.

OK. This is as good
a spot as any right here.

Let's say our good-byes.

Well, I guess this is it.

It was nice
knowing you.

I made you a good-bye bracelet
out of rubber bands.

Ooh.

Oh-ooh.
Ha ha heh.

Hoopbah. Ha ha.

Hahsana.

Ohh.

Curtis...

I-I'm really
going to miss you.

Sorry I didn't get
to take you

to the ball game
like I said,

but I got you this.

Thought you could
remember me by it.

You know, we played.

[grunting]

OK...

We're burning
daylight, people.

See you, Curtis.

I think I spotted a zebra

right over there.

It was limping.
There you go.

[grunting]

Encha taga?

[Lloyd]
Well, who's in the mood

for ice cream
besides me?

But first, I need
to make a pit stop.

I think I saw
an outhouse over yonder,

if you know what I mean.

Yeah, Dad.

We know what you mean.

We always know
what you mean.

Now, I don't want
to be a gossip,

but a little birdie told me

that in social studies,
we're skipping chapter 3

and going straight to chapter 4.

You always have
the best dirt, Debbie.

Oh, I couldn't
make it up if I tried!

Judy...

If I found a really big rock,

would you hit me with it?

OK, lambies, it's 6:00.

Lights out.

Sorry, Nana.
We lost track of time.

Are you kidding?

We can't go to bed now.
It's still daytime.

Birds are singing.
People are swimming.

I can still burp
my lunch.

Don't worry.

We don't have to turn
our voices off

until 6:30.

And we still have
to decide who's

going to be crowned
sleep over queen!

I think I'm going
to go brush my teeth.

Let me grab my toothbrush
and the rest of my stuff.

Aah!

I was just going
to the bathroom.

Good. We can go together.

I need to spruce up my dentures.

Nana Berwick,

you don't cut
a girl much slack.

That's why
I'm still breathing, Princess.

Stow your gear.

Good night.

Sweet dreams.

Dad!

Mr. Diffy!

I don't understand.

He should've been back by now.

He was just making
a pit stop.

He didn't even have
the sports page.

I'm sure
he'll be fine.

He seems like such
an outdoorsman.

Mr. Diffy!

Dad!

Where are you?

[echoing]

Dad!

Help!

Help!

Phil!

Keely!

Help!

Oh, oh.
This is not good.

My dad never takes off
his belt pack.

He takes a bath
in his belt pack.

This is all my fault.

See, I wanted
to keep Curtis,

and because of me,
my dad's missing.

[sighs]

Don't worry.
We're going to find him.

I hope.

Uhh.

Curtis?

You came back.

Dah-ha.

Unh-chaka ta-ta.

Have him smell
the belt pack.

Maybe he can find
my dad.

Good idea!

[sniffing]

Ooh-nuchuh.

Nana, what are you doing?

Uh, just checking
on my little angels.

Oh, Nana, I love you so much.

Shut your pie hole
and go back to sleep.

Sweet dreams, suckers.

Nana.

I don't remember
a mirror being here.

Hmm.

How you like me now?

Uhh, uhh...

Ah-choo!

Bless you.

Wait a minute.

Wha--uhh.

We got a runner!

I'm not a runner.

Who you gonna believe,
me or Granny McWrinkles?

Was she trying...

Leave...

Sleep over?

Pim, I know
you weren't trying

to leave the sleep over.

You were just starting

a new game
of costume tag.

Pim, you are
so much fun.

All those
in favor of Pim

as sleep over queen,

raise your hand.

The sock.

Uhh!

Ooh ha ha.

The sun always
is rising in the east...

And moss grows on
the West Side of the street.

[growling]

What was that?

What was that?
Identify yourself.

[growling]

Tex, did you hear
that noise?

[changing voice] Yeah. He'll never
take all 4 of us.

[grunting and squealing]

Ohh!

[squealing]

Mommy!

Dad...

Shata-ha.

[Keely] I think that thing
is going to eat your dad!

Uhh ahh.

Ooh.

Grr!

[squealing]

Ha ha. Uhh!

Dad!

Are you OK?

Are you OK?

Am I OK?
Of course I'm OK.

Good job, Curtis!

Curtis, you saved his life.

Uhh. Ha ha.

We should probably
head back to the car.

Let's say our good-byes.

Dad...
car's this way.

Of course it is.

That's the way
I was going.

I know where we are.

I know, I know.

Curtis...

The first time I saw you,

I thought you were
cute and cuddly.

But you're not.

Pets are cute
and cuddly.

You're a person.

I'll never forget you.

Bye, Curtis.

Bye... Ph-il.

Oh, my gosh.
What did he just say?

I think he just said
his first words.

Curtis, wait.

The garage is cold

and the roof leaks,

but you're welcome
to stay there.

Hussat?

That is if you promise
to just lay low,

and not chase
the neighbors' cat.

Uhh.

Curtis, you can stay!

That's good!

This is so great!

Ha ha ha.

Thanks, Dad.

[laughing]

Aah!

Head back
to the car.

Uh, Dad...

Car's that way.

This way.

Yeah.
That's all right.

I made a wrong--
all right.

So, Curtis...

Can you say Keely?

Phil.

Uh. Kee-Lee.

Phil.

Keely, don't confuse him.
That's all right.

Phil, Phil, Phil, Phil.

Phil, Phil, Phil.

All right, all right. OK.

Go catch it. There.
Yeah. All right!

Curtis, I'm open!

Sweet freedom!

[dog barking]

Nice puppy.

Nice Doberman.

Go. Stay. Stay!