01x11 - Future Jock

[bunniefuu]

Broken.

Broken.

Broken.

Broken.

Broken.

Broken.

Broken.
Here we go.

-Pim!
-Yes, Dad?

I keep telling you
and telling you

to take the garbage
out to the curb.

Yes, Dad,

but when you say things
over and over like that,

it starts to
lose its meaning.

That's good to know.

Pim. Now.

Ugh.

Ok.

This isn't gonna work.

[whiny voice]
Pim, take out the trash.

Pim, clean your room.

Pim, stop talking to yourself.

I love these penny missiles.

[beeping rapidly]

[laughs]

Trash cans are
so last century.

♪ Meet a boy named Phil ♪

♪ And his family ♪

♪ On vacation from the 22nd century ♪

♪ Got a rented time machine
And they're on their way ♪

♪ To a time way, way, way
Back in the day ♪

-♪ So now it's Phil ♪
-♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil Of The Future ♪

♪ Keeping it together
Just as best as he can ♪

♪ Phil ♪

-♪ Phil ♪
-♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

♪ 22nd century man ♪

♪ On a holiday through history ♪

♪ But the final destination
Was a mystery ♪

♪ But something
On the time machine had blown ♪

♪ So they ended up
Right here in our time zone ♪

-♪ So now he's Phil ♪
-♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil Of The Future ♪

♪ Never knew in history
Just where he would land ♪

-♪ Phil ♪
-♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil Of The Future ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil Of The Future ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

[bell rings]

I saw the strangest
reality show last night.

Who Wants To Marry A Dentist?

I did, too!

I so knew he was
going to vote off

that girl with
that snaggletooth.

Good morning, students.
This is Vice Principal Hackett.

The current temperature
is a balmy 86 degrees...

Which is not an excuse for showing off
your belly-buttons, people.

Moving on to sports...

Last night, our gymnastics team won their
second straight meet

thanks in large part to
the help of Troy Jackoway.

[applause and cheering]

[Mr. Hackett] Troy came away
with 8 medals in all--

[eastern European accent]
3, 4...Too many to count.

Too many to count.

Troy, from one terrific
athlete to another,

keep up the good work.

What? I am an athlete.

Ballroom dancing is a sport.

Stop it. Cut, cut, cut, cut.

Now that our esteemed
Mr. Hackett is through,

I'd like everybody to pass up
their homework from last night.

Wow. Can you believe
what he's doing?

Yeah.
He's about to...

Walk where Arnie Hockhausen
threw up last week.

[applause and cheering]

Washington High School...

It's my third and final vault,
and I say to myself,

I say, "bro, you have
got one option. Perfection."

So I go out there,

I nail it,

I turn to the judges,
and I'm like,

deal with it.

Yes!

Nice anecdote!

Keep it.

I don't get it.

I mean, first
he wins a medal.

Then he gives it away.

What's the point?

Hey... I want one.

Hey!

You want a medal?

-Yeah, sure!
-Go for it.

Take whatever one you want.

It looks good on you.

[whistling sound]

You know what? Why don't you
take all of them?

Oh, thanks!

You won all of these?

Wait a minute...

Don't you know what this
penny m*ssile means?

There could be other families
from the future here.

We just have to find them.

We just have to make
contact with them,

and we're going home!
Boy, we're going home!

Dad... I don't think so.

It was attached to
one of our trash cans.

It was?

Pim!

I've called you both
into the time machine

because Pim may have compromised
our security.

So you left me
no other choice

but to lock up all of
our future materials,

and not in just
any old box.

[beeping]

This box.

This box is programmed
with a lock

to read
only this beauty.

Nose recognition.

Heh.

[Female mechanical voice]
Nose verified. Lloyd Diffy.

Way to go, snitch.

I didn't snitch, all right?
I just told dad what I found.

Yeah, well, if--

kids, kids. Hey.
That's enough, all right?

Pim, as your punishment,

you'll be given
kitchen duty.

That means dishes.
That means mopping.

Now, if
you'll excuse me,

I have to go watch
Who Wants To Marry A Dentist?

It's idiotic and moronic,

but I can't stop
watching it.

Sorry about that.

I bet you're sorry, Mr.
never-do-anything-wrong.

But one day, you'll mess up,
and I'll be there.

I'll see to it that
your reign of goodness

comes crashing down
like a house of cards.

Hey. Uh, make sure you lock up the time
machine before you leave.

Hey, Dad, can I speak
to you for a sec?

Yeah, but you better make it quick.

It's almost time.

Time for what?

Someone's been watching
the house every day.

I think it's a government thing, and I
think they know we're from the future.

Ok. See, here's the thing.

There's this guy at school

who's really good
at gymnastics,

and everyone seems really
impressed with him,

even Keely.

I don't know why it
bothers me so much,

but it does.

Well, Phil, as a concerned parent,

let me ask you,
how does that make you feel?

I--I just told you.
It bothers me.

Then I think
you have 2 options.

One, you can do nothing
and be bothered by it,

or you can take some action.
Son, can we talk about this later?

Yeah. Yeah, no,
I think I know what I'm gonna do--

look! There he is!
That's him!

[Phil] Are you sure he's
trying to spy on us?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah. He'll stop
at every house

just to make it seem normal.

You're doing good work, Dad.

Die, you crusty pan!

How's it going in there
with the dishes, honey?

Oh, just great.

All done!

I know it's your
punishment, sweetie,

but isn't it kind of fun
doing things for ourselves?

And it's not difficult
once you know what you're doing.

Remember when we used to clean everything
with ultrasonic laser light?

Yeah. What was the fun of that?

[laser buzzing]

[hushed] Yes!

Could you also put away
the leftover chicken, babe?

I'm on it.

I promised Phil I'd make
homemade soup tomorrow night.

Oh, yeah.

Phil should have all the soup his
little heart desires,

'cause I'm Phil,
and I'm perfect,

and I deserve buckets
and buckets of soup.

You know this isn't
about your brother, Pim.

Well, it should be.

And if it's
the last thing I do,

it will be.

[snoring]

Whoa!

Whoa!

[Female mechanical voice]
Nose verified. Lloyd Diffy.

[bell rings]

It's shoe time.

Coach?

Can't you read sign?

I am eating home-cooked meal, here.

Yeah. Uh, look, coach,
I don't want to waste your time,

but, uh...I know that
you're a busy...Hungry man,

but, uh...

I want to be on
the gymnastics thingy.

You?

People seem really
impressed by gymnasts,

so I thought
I'd like to be one.

What makes you think you
can just burst in here

and become gymnast?

Gymnastics is not like football.

Huh? Catch ball...

Run away...

Touchdown! Rah rah rah!

Gymnastics
is about strength.

It's about
concentration.

It is about bravery.

Me can do it.

I mean...

I'd like to give it a try,
if I could.

You show me.

I let pot simmer.

So?

How'd I do?

You... you...

You make me want to
weep tears of joy.

Welcome to gymnastics thingy!

Uh, look, we celebrate
later, all right?

Right now, we sign
release form.

Ok.

Here. Sign here.

And here. Over here.

You have representation?

Down here. Over here.

Sign over here.

Phil...
You are so busted.

[laughs]

[Mr. Hackett, on television]
And, due to budget cuts,

ketchup is once again
a vegetable.

Who's got the clicker?

Now, from the world of sports,

Babe Ruth... Johnny Unitas...

Man O'w*r... Phil Diffy?

Oh... in a story ripped
from the headlines,

this young athlete has
come out of nowhere

to help our gymnastics team
win tonight

as they lock horns
with the Westbrook Vikings.

Phil, are you kidding me?

Shh.

He is like...
He is like an angel...

An angel that has flown through
the window of my tiny apartment.

Phil, talk to me.

What's it like being you?

I just wanted
to join the team.

I wasn't expecting
all this attention.

Here. Eat, eat, eat.

There we go. Good.

Reporting for the H.G. Wells
witness news team,

I'm Neil Hackett,

throwing it back to the handsome guy
in the booth.

Heh heh. Thanks, Neil.

On a personal note,

this vice principal is so certain that we
are going to win tonight,

I've gone ahead and made
a friendly little wager

with Vice Principal Jergens
over at Westbrook.

Loser wears
a wedding dress. Huh?

What's weird about that?

All right, Mr. Diffy!

Ha ha. Ok, everybody.
Let's open our books

and turn to page 42.

You never told me
you were a gymnast!

It's no big deal.

Hey, amigo.
Welcome to the team.

Thanks, Troy.
All right. 2 things.

First, nutrition.

2 hours before every meet,

beaucoup pasta
and salad, got it?

Second is grooming.

You need a righteous hair gel.

Now, try this.
See, it's pricey.

But oh-h*-h*, it rocks.

Thanks.

Actually, it's funny.

I haven't been doing
gymnastics long at all.

I just kind of took to it.

So have you given
any thought to the 2012 Olympics?

You know, it's funny.

Uh, I don't even know
where they're being held,

but, uh, wouldn't it be amazing if we
could all be there together?

Huh? Now, I'm just pitching this,

but how about t-shirts, huh?

Team Phil. Heh heh.

So, what's your secret, Phil?

What's your secret, Phil?

S-S-Secret?

Heh. What secret?
I--I--I don't have a se--

[bell rings]

See you later.

Wow, Phil.
Impressive entourage.

Yeah. How about that?

Hey. Uh...

And, uh, I, uh, really hope
you can come tonight.

I managed to wrangle you
a free ticket. Huh?

Thanks, Phil.

No problem.

Just so you know,
they're all free.

They stick 'em in
everybody's locker.

Yeah.

[announcer] Welcome to the H.G. Wells
Gymnastics Competition.

[Pim] Looking for this?

Hello, Philip.

What are you doing?

Just getting
the sweet, sweet revenge

I promised myself.

Oh, and some popcorn.

Oh, wave to Mom and Dad.

What are Mom and Dad doing here?

I guess I might have
mentioned it to them.

But why?

I think it's important
for Mom and Dad

to see their perfect son
make a perfect fool of himself.

Do you just wake up evil?

As a matter of fact,
I do.

Diffy...

Ok.

There's just one thing I don't
understand.

Why are you doing all this?

Hey, Phil. You look good
in your uniform.

I'm totally impressed.

Good luck.

Thanks.

Let's go.

Oh.

You're doing this
to impress little Miss Sunshine.

You want her to think that you're
a great athlete.

Wow, Phil.

Wow.

So what's your move now?

Rat me out?

No.

Why are you giving me this?

Because you're
devious and evil,

and you're
manipulating people

into thinking that
you're something you're not...

And I like that.

You know...

I was never sure
we were really related,

but now I am.

[Announcer]
Now vaulting for Westbrook,

Rich Rinaldi!

[applause and cheering]

[announcer] Next on the vault,
Phil Diffy!

This is Phil's first meet

as a member of
the H.G. Wells Astronauts.

Good luck, Phil.

Coach...

Diffy, you're up.

Uh, look, I don't think
I can do this today.

Nonsense.

Get in there.

Make me weep
tears of joy. Ok?

Ok. Ok.

Ok.

Come on, Phil!

[laughs]

[announcer] Uh, Phil Diffy,
we're waiting.

Whoa!

[laughing]

Whoa!

-Oh!
-Whoa!

Whoa!

Whoa!

[laughing]

Ouch.

You're on my car keys.

Ha ha. Bro...

That was, like,
freaky, man!

Hey, bad jump,
excellent hair.

It's something.

I just figured out why
I woke up this morning

with a nose rash.
You, me, home, later.

We'll talk punishment.

Hey, if you're looking
for a punishment,

I've got a bunch of
stinky sweat socks.

Ok.

Honey, good try.

I thought you deserved
at least a 2.

Hey, Phil.

So, uh, what was
that thing with the...

The twirling
and the screaming?

What was that?

Let me be honest with you.
I'm not really a gymnast.

Yeah, I kind of
figured that out.

But why would you
get out there, then?

Well, people are impressed
by athletes.

You're impressed
with Troy, right?

I'm also impressed
by tall buildings.

So...

You did all this for me?

And for all the kids
in the stands

who couldn't afford
the circus.

You know, Phil, I've lived in Pickford
my whole life.

Everybody around here is
so easy to figure out.

But you're not like that.

And I like that.

So...

I'll see you tomorrow.

Yeah.

I like that.

[crack]

[exhales]

[crack]

[Mr. Hackett] Congratulations,
Vice Principal Jergens,

on your school's victory,

and on your winning our
friendly little wager.

We'll get you next year.

If I could get some volunteers,

I'm gonna need some help,
uh, getting into my car.

You can cut now, ok?

No. Just cut.

Cut!