01x15 - Halloween

[bunniefuu]

And I for one am really gonna
miss those c*ck.

In other news,

tomorrow night is H.G. Wells'
annual Halloween party.

And as always, there will be
an award for best costume.

So now's the time to ask
your parents for help!

And now we're joined
by Debbie Berwick

with a special announcement.
What's the good word, Deb?

Well, Keely,
the good word is cupcakes,

and lots of 'em.

As you know,

every Halloween,
my foundation

Berwick's Angels

holds a bake-a-thon
for the needy.

And this year,
we've raised the bar.

Our goal
this Halloween is...

Phil, could you make
this a tight shot, pretty please?

Our goal this Halloween is...

50,000 cupcakes!

50,000 cupcakes!

[gasps]

mObserve.

One typical 12-year-old girl by the name
of Deborah Berwick...

Fueled by the desire
to do good,

she has set a seemingly
impossible goal.

But...as we will soon
find out,

nothing is impossible...
On Halloween.

Phil, who are you talking to?

No--nobody.

Oh.

♪ Meet a boy named Phil ♪

♪ And his family ♪

♪ On vacation from
The 22nd century ♪

♪ Got a rented time machine
And they're on their way ♪

♪ To a time way, way, way
Back in the day ♪

-♪ So now he's Phil ♪
-♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ Keeping it together
Just as best as he can ♪

♪ Phil ♪

-♪ Phil ♪
-♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

♪ 22nd century man ♪

♪ On a holiday through history ♪

♪ But the final destination
Was a mystery ♪

♪ 'Cause something
On the time machine had blown ♪

♪ So they ended up
Right here in our time zone ♪

-♪ So now he's Phil ♪
-♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ Never knew in history
Just where he would land ♪

-♪ Phil ♪
-♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

-♪ Phil ♪
-♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

Ooh, ooh, ooh!

I could be
a window washer,

and you could be
the window.

Oh, wait, I got it.

I could be the macaroni,

and you could be the packet of
powdered cheese!

[sighs]

Come on, Phil,
a little help.

Don't you guys have
Halloween in the future?

No, no, we do,
it's just, you know,

our--our costumes
were a little...

Cooler.

Like what?

Well...

Last year, I went
as a toddler.

[Phil] Trick or treat.

The year before,
I went as a wrestler,

dangerous Dan Delgado.

[Phil] Trick or treat.

The year before that,
I went as a desk chair.

[Phil] Trick or treat.

Huh. Thanks for the candy.

A chair?

We could do better than that.

I'm thinking
something two-headed...

Like a two-headed
business man.

Or a two-headed
hockey player.

A two-headed
hockey player!

That's exactly
what I was thinking.

You said business man.

I said business man,
but I was thinking hockey player.

We are totally
on the same page.

Huh. Look at all these people.

Maybe Debbie will make
all those cupcakes.

Wait a minute.

Those people aren't
in line for Debbie.

I'm telling you, Marv,

if you like watching
buildings be demolished

Pim!
By professionals,

you won't be disappointed.

This ought to be interesting.

The old tomato canning factory

is coming down
like a ton of bricks!

Literally.

You'll be watching from
the safety of our chartered bus,

and then back to school
for the big Halloween party.

What is this all about?

You're not
helping Debbie bake her cupcakes?

Nah, she doesn't
need any help.

Help! Cupcake! Help!

Please help me help others!

Pretty please! Help!

Hey, Berwick!

Quit trying to
steal my business!

Well, in all fairness, Pimmsy,
I was here first.

Look, Debbie,
we can compromise.

You can sell your cupcakes
at my demolition,

and we'll split
the profit 80-20.

Well, we're giving these
cupcakes to the needy.

You see, Pim--

you can keep talking,

but I'm gonna walk away.

This is you.

Talking.

[imitating Debbie]
I'm talking,

but I'm not really
saying anything.

[normal voice]
You're talking,

and I don't really
want to hear it.

Yeah, about 80 kids are going out to watch
the factory go boom.

Really?

I'm gonna need 2 buses.

How much is that costing me?

[whistles]

Let me run this
up the flagpole, Vinny.

I rent one bus,
cram it full,

strap the extra kids
on the bumpers, the roof, whatever--

[screams]

[gasping and panting]

[sighs]
Let me call you back, Vinny.

Berwick, this is my office.

Try knocking.

Pim Diffy, I come to you
with a heavy heart

and a quivering
bottom lip.

You know,
you say these things,

and I have no idea
what you're talking about.

Earlier today, you and I
got into a disagreement

and I raised my voice,

and mumsie said
ladies don't raise their voices.

They raise cupcakes.

Accept my apology
pretty please?

I'll accept your cupcake.

Pim, with your
organizational skills

and my zestiness,

if we teamed up together
for the bake-a-thon,

then by golly, we could
move mountains!

Berwick, all I want
is a mountain of moolah.

Pim, for the last time,

I really think that
you should help me.

It's for a good cause.

Take a hike.

[demonic voice]
Join the bake-a-thon.

What the--

[normal voice]
You heard me, silly.

[demonic voice]
Join the bake-a-thon

and bring your
busload of friends or else...

[panting]

Okie-doke.

Holy--gee--uh.

I need that milk.

Pim, what happened
to your face?

Still learning how
to put make-up on?

Very funny.

A bag of flour
opened on me.

A bag of flour?

Is that the real you?

[sighs]

[rip]

Yeah. That's
the real you.

Get out of my way.

I need to get supplies

for Berwick's bake-a-thon.

Bake-a-thon? I thought you said
that was totally lame.

What happened
to the tomato factory?

You know, you're full
of a lot of questions.

They do say all
the freaks come out on Halloween.

Oh, g--what?

Nothing to worry about.

Snow cone just exploded on me.

[Phil] Well, Dad,
I'm off to the party.

Oh, don't tell me
what your costume is.

Let me guess.
Let me guess.

Uh, Dad,
you'll never guess.

You're a--uh, uh...

Mmm... Helmet Man.
Protector of the universe

with your trusty
sidekick stick boy.

No.

I give up.

This is only part
of the costume.

Keely and I are going
as a 2-headed hockey player.

2-headed hockey player. Well, that--

that's original.

Uh, son, will you
help me with something?

[beeping]

Can you check the specs
on the P.S.I.?

Yeah. Sure.

What's this?

That's a cybernetic catalog.

It has the same
specifications

as the J-6 robot I found.

No, no, no.
I know that.

But what's
on this page?

Oh, that's the Sugar
& Spice 800 cyborg.

Oh, that's strange.

Looks a lot like
Debbie Berwick.

Debbie?

No, no.
Couldn't be.

[Pim] You mean--
Pim, Pim.

I'm putting you in charge of cupcake
production.

I figure 3,200 cupcakes
per hour should get the job done.

That's a lot
of cupcakes.

You think we have
enough kids?

[demonic voice]
Silence!

[normal voice]
Silly Billy,

of course we have
enough kids.

It's up to you
to motivate them.

[hesitates]
Ok.

You mean
something like--

hey! You with the eyes.

Get that cupcake frosted,

or I will drop you
into a pit filled with crocodiles.

[tires screeching]

Good, but I was
thinking, like,

keep up the good work.

Now remember,
these cupcakes are for the needy.

That means there should be
no naughty nibblers.

No naughty nibblers.
Check. [nervous laugh]

There are
only 2 things

in this world
that make me mad,

and one of them
is naughty nibblers.

What's the other?

Chihuahuas.

They're yappy,
and they shake.

-[beeping]
-Oh. Time to recharge.

Recharge?

[zapping]

Sweet chowder.
Debbie, you're a cyborg.

[demonic voice]
Do you have a problem with that?

No. It's great.

[normal voice]
Good.

Because I have
big plans

for the two of us.

[demonic voice]
Big plans.

[evil laughter]

[imitating Debbie]
Ah ha ha. Ah ha.

F.Y.I., Pim.

The evil thing--
that's mine.

[evil laughter]

No. I'm telling you, dad.

This really looks
like Debbie Berwick.

Maybe a little,
but it couldn't be.

This is the
Sugar & Spice 800.

They were all
discontinued

and sent back
into the early 21st century.

Dad...

We're in the 21st century.

[screaming]

Dad. Dad, calm down.

What was wrong with them?
Were they defective?

Worse.

They were supposed to be
super sweet and giving.

Make the world
a better place, right?

But something malfunctioned.
Something went wrong.

Over time, they got
crazier and crazier

until, well, finally their
goodness turned into--

into what?

[echoing]
Evil.

Though there was also the real problem
with overheating,

I think the evil thing
was most worrisome.

You don't really think that sweet Debbie
Berwick is an evil cyborg.

Well, how else
would you explain

Pim giving up a demolition
to make cupcakes?

For the needy?

Maybe she had
a change of heart.

Pim?
Heart?

That's crazy talk.

[sighs]
Phil, I'm sure

there's a perfectly
logical explanation.

And besides, nothing
really bad ever happens on Halloween.

[door squeaking]

This is weird.

Maybe it's a surprise
Halloween party.

Ok, everyone.
You can jump out now.

Keel, there's
nobody here.

[sniffing]
You smell that?

Yeah. It smells good.

Yeah. That's what
worries me.

This place usually
smells like old gym socks.

Now it smells
like baked goods.

There's something wrong here.

Very wrong.

You're right.

This song is
so last year,

but it still rocks.

Uh, Keely,
we gotta go this way.

We gotta figure out
where that smell's coming from.

[sniffs]
But--but I wanna dance.

[sighs]
Ok. Fine. Real quick.

Mmm.

-And enough.
-Ooh.

I don't know, Phil.
I'm starting to get kind of creeped out.

You'll be fine.

Just stay close.

You know
what I mean.

[screams]

Keel, it's just
a fake skeleton

rigged to some cheap effects.
Hmph.

[sighing]
I'm ok.

[screaming]

-[panting]
-Relax.

It's just rubber.

I'm here.

Thank you. Take it easy.
It's just rubber.

[rapid clicking sound]

What was that?

[rapid clicking continues]

That's weird.

[thunder]

[door creaking]

Explain that.

Well, you know,
it's probably just the, uh--

[screaming]
Run!

[screaming]

-[panting]
-Do you hear that?

It's like a slow,
steady drumbeat.

It came from over there.

Work. Work. Work.
Work. Work. Work.

Work. Work. Work.
Work. Work. Work.

Work. Work. Work.
Work. Work.

Where do you think
you're going, number 41?

Uh...I have to--

nothing doing.

Everyone had a bathroom break
7 hours ago.

But I've been drinking
a lot of water.

Then don't drink water.

But breathing all
the flour dust makes me thirsty.

Hello.
Then don't breathe.

Now get back to work.
[sighs]

Do I have to remind everyone
we're being watched?

Hiya, Debbie!

[sighs] Ok. Let's pick up
the pace, people.

Work. Work. Work.
Work. Work. Work.

Work. Work. Work--

Pim...

What's going
on here?

What does it look like?

We're making
50,000 cupcakes.

But we need to talk to you
about Debbie.

We think she's
a very dangerous cyborg

from the future.

Debbie? A cyborg?
P-Shaw.

Debbie Berwick is a saint,

and we're all proud
and happy to be her angels.

She won't let us go
to the bathroom!

Quiet, you!

Well, there--
there is that.

But it's only because she wants these
cupcakes baked for the needy.

Here. Doesn't this
look delicious?

Pim, I'm not hungry,
all right?

This is very serious.

But they're
your favorite kind.

Pim, I just said--
will you just look

at the stinking cupcake?

[sighs]

A-choo!

Oh.

[giggles]

Phil, you were right.
What are we gonna do?

We gotta call
for help.

My cell phone's
in my locker.

Walking faster.

Aah!

[panting]

Aah!

Phil, Keely, are you
here to join my angels?

No, we're not.

We know you're
a cyborg.

What you're doing
is not right.

This has gotta stop.

We know you're a cyborg.

Silly Billy, there's nothing wrong
with helping others.

I know that,
but not the way

you're going
about it.

Just because you have
a good purpose in mind

doesn't mean
you can go around

treating everyone
like dirt.

We know you're a cyborg!

You know that
I can't be stopped.

You see, cupcakes have the power
to make people happy.

And I, miss Deborah
Hortence Berwick,

cupcake queen
of the universe,

will make people happy.

Whether they want
to be or not.

[evil laughter]

[electronic beeping]

Oh, now, Phil.

Don't go and do
something silly.

Don't listen to her, Phil.
Do something silly.

Sorry, Berwick.

Your reign of good cheer
has come to an end.

[zapping]

Oh, moose knuckles.

That's not good, Phil,

because now
I'm mad at you.

[demonic voice]
And you don't want me mad.

Aah! Uhh!

Darnsville,
it's locked.

[screaming]

[man] For best costume is
Phil Diffy and Keely teslow.

Oh, my gosh.
We won!

[screaming]

Work. Work.
Work. Work.

Come on, everyone,
let's move.

Let's go. Move.

Did you get help?

No, but there's no time.
We have to--

No, Phil.

We're Debbie's angels,

and--and we
just wanna help.

What?

[demonic voice]
She said she just wants to help.

[normal voice]
Now, Phil...

We've got a goal
to accomplish.

Listen. Debbie,
maybe you're trying to do good,

but you're going
about it all wrong.

[demonic voice]
Silence!

[normal voice] Now, with all
this stress,

I'm beginning
to get overheated.

[demonic voice]
So can we get back to work?

Wait!

[ding]

Phil, put that down.

You'll ruin my evil plans
and your appetite.

Phil, naughty nibbler.

That cupcake is
for the needy.

Mmm. That is
a good cupcake.

Come on, everyone.
Take a bite.

Phil, I'm warning you.

Sayonara, cyborg.

Keely, eat a cupcake.

Don't you listen
to him, little missy.

Phil, we're in danger,

and I don't like
butterscotch.

Eat. She's a cyborg.

She can't handle the stress.
She'll overheat.

I'll overheat?

Why, I don't know
what you're talking about.

-Go on, everyone.
-No, Phil.

She's too powerful.

Pim, trust me.

Berwick...

You're going down!

Don't!

Pim! Pim!

Pim, no!

Don't!

No!

No!

Don't!

No!

[echoing]
No! No! No!

[voice gurgling]
No! No! No! No!

Phil,
you did it.

You taught me the true meaning
of Halloween.

-Huh?
-Never mind.

Mmm. Sweet.

No surprise.

Phil, you coming
to the dance?

-Oh, yeah. No, I'll be right there.
-Ok.

I hope you enjoyed a little
Halloween tale tonight.

It was our version of dressing
up in a sheet and saying boo.

Rest assured that the people
of pickford are safe and sound

and that no one here is planning
on taking over the world.

Well, except for my little
sister Pim.

You know how she gets
a little crazy sometimes.

So if your doorbell rings,
and no one answers,

that's no Sugar & Spice cyborg.

That's Halloween.

Who opened door?

Marker.

Oh, look at all
those people.

Maybe Debbie wil--
[groans]

-[beep]
-[man] Go back.

Action!
Look at all these people.

Maybe Dibbie will
make all those cupcakes--

-[man] Ah...
-[groans]

Maybe Geebee will make--

[no audio]

[sweetly]
Trick or treat.

[man] Action.

[gruffly]
Trick or treat!

[laughing]

Ooh!

[woman] Marker!

[sputtering]

[mumbling]

[groaning]

Oh, noose mu--
moose knuckles.

[sputters]

-[groans]
-Ok.

Aren't you helping
Debbie cake her bup--

-[laughing]
-[man] Go back.

Cake her what?

[Pim] Recharge?

She can't recharge.

Mmm. [laughing]
This is a good cupcake.

[laughing]

Marker.

Eh, don't worry about me.

A snow cone just
exploded on me.

Is that the line?

Marker.

Don't worry about me.

A snow cone just
exploded on me. Again.

All right.
Here we go. You ready?

Quiet!

[woman] Nothing to worry about.

Ok.

I'll get it
by next week.

How much film
we got in there?

Eh, don't worry about me.

A snow clone--

one stinky.

Don't worry about me. I was--in a fight
with a snow cone machine.

[laughter]

Can you hand me
the blue soap?

[laughter]

[engine revving]

[tires screeching]

[crash]

[Keely] Whoo!

[laughter]

-[baby crying]
-[woman] None of that.

-Look at that.
-[man] Close it, please.

[whispering]

-[laughter]
-[man] Swallow or spit.

This is quite a cupcake.

Sorry, everyone.

[whooshing]

[splat]

[man] All right. All right.
Yeah. Good. Good.

[cheering]