01x20 - Corner Pocket

[bunniefuu]

[man] Next up, uh,
Keely Teslow.

All right, Keely.
Show us what you got.

[Keely] 5, 6, 7, 8.

Come on, Keely.
You can do it.

[pounding]

Ooh. Nice cartwheel.

And another.

Ahh. A-A-And another.

Kee--that--
that's plenty.

Wait. W-Watch out
for the--

[crashing]

[Keely] Sorry.

Yes!

So, uh, how'd it go?

I was doing great.

Unfortunately,
a vending machine got in my way.

I don't even think a Señor Nougat
will cheer me up.

I'm sorry you didn't make
the squad, Keel.

Thanks. I guess
I'll get over it.

Ahh. But I'm not
sure someone else I know will.

Who's that?

[inhales deeply]

Uhh!

Oh, my sweet,
luscious, love muffin.

[squeals]

Ow.

So, what's the good news?

I...

I made it.

Yeah.
I'm a cheerleader.

Aah! I knew it!

Oh, darling,
I'm so proud of you.

Ha ha ha!

Phil, you little pumpkin head,
get in this hug.

Oh, this is the happiest day
of my life.

Oh, it is!

[whispering]
Don't say anything.

♪ Meet a boy named Phil ♪

♪ And his family ♪

♪ On vacation from the 22nd century ♪

♪ Got a rented time machine
And they're on their way ♪

♪ To a time way, way, way
Back in the day ♪

-♪ So now he's Phil ♪
-♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ Keeping it together
Just as best as he can ♪

♪ Phil ♪

-♪ Phil ♪
-♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

♪ 22nd century man ♪

♪ On a holiday through history ♪

♪ But the final destination
Was a mystery ♪

♪ 'Cause something
On the time machine had blown ♪

♪ So they ended up
Right here in our time zone ♪

-♪ So now he's Phil ♪
-♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ Never knew in history
Just where he would land ♪

-♪ Phil ♪
-♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

-♪ Phil ♪
-♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

So, at the assembly, the principal
will give an important peach--

speech! Speech.

Now would be a good time
for a fire drill.

I just love watching
the news.

One day I hope to be an
Action News anchor.

You've got the mouth
for it.

And that wraps up for sports.

I'm Seth Wassmer.

[glass shatters]

Aw, chunks!

I knew he was gonna
choke big time.

Ok, people,

before we get
to our lesson,

I have some worksheets
to hand out,

so I will need
a volun--

teer.

I don't know how
you do that, Debbie,

but it's mildly creepy.

Aah!

I'll pass out
the worksheets.

I think we all agree
that it's time

Debbie Berwick
sat one out.

Oh, no.
That's ok.

I love to volunteer,
really.

It makes my heart glow.

[imitating Debbie]
I love to volunteer.

It makes my heart glow.

[normal voice] Berwick, you keep
pushing my buttons.

Look, I'm the teacher.
I'm the one with the buttons.

Ahh. You can both
hand out the worksheets.

You can't win, Berwick.

You know that.

Ok, you two.
It's not a competition.

Go.

Careful. I--

No, don't do that.

Slow--

There's no need--

No running in the classroom.

Slow--slow down.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Aah!

Ok. Issue resolution.

Counselor's office, right now.

[both] Mr. Hackett?

Oh, don't think of me
as Mr. Hackett--

uptight schoolteacher.

No. In here,
I'm Neil Hackett--

easygoing counselor.

See? Warm, fuzzy sweater.

So...ahh, what's
the problemo?

Um, first of all,
I would like to say

that since I love
you as a teacher,

I know I'm gonna love you
as a counselor.

That's the problemo.

She loves everything.

She loves homework,
she loves earwax.

She loves--
Pim,

I hear where
you're coming from,

and I can totally roll
with that,

but, um, what do you say we dial it
down a notch, eh?

Grazie.

Mr. Hackett,

all I'm saying is it's not natural
to love everything.

Um, Pim, I disagree,

but I love that you
voiced your opinion.

[grunts]

Ok, well, we could go 'round and 'round
on this one,

but what's the point
in that, hmm?

So why don't you two
just go on back to class

'cause, uh, Neil here has got some school
business to attend to.

I just love
that we all shared.

Everyone hates something,
even Berwick,

and I'm gonna find out
what that thing is.

And when I do,
I'll expose her

for the fraud
she really is.

I'm not a fraud,
I'm a capricorn.

What's your sign?

[gate squeaking]

Mmm, butter.

The everlasting delight
of the gourmand.

Faithful ally
of the culinary art.

Toast's best buddy.

Uh, Mom, can I talk
to you for a sec?

Sure. Oh, I--

just reliving
la vida time travel.

Gosh, remember how much
fun we had, Phil?

Your dad popped a wheelie
in that buggy cart,

and Pim got bitten by the duck.

Ha! Ooh.

Whew. Making butter is
harder than it looks.

Oh, man. My arms are cramping up.

Looks like you took a churn
for the worst.

Come on.
I could use a break.

Whoo! What's on your mind?

I just don't get
why Keely would lie

to her mom about that.

Oh, Phil,

mothers and daughters
have very complicated relationships.

I know from personal experience.

-You and grandma?
-Ha.

Mom, I know you have
the expectation,

but I don't want to marry
an astro surgeon.

I'm in love with Lloyd,
and he's a great guy.

Yeah! Hoo hoo!

I love your daughter!
I love her!

Mwah!

Ah ha ha!

You got any food?

I guess--
I don't know--

I guess she just
wants to make her mom happy.

Yes, but ultimately,
it won't, honey.

Keely's gotta tell her mother the truth
sooner or later.

And, um, I know
from personal experience,

sooner is better.

Thanks, Mom.

It's a 4-bedroom,
2-bath charmer.

[inaudible speech on phone]

Because they say
it's a charmer.

You know what?

You're not a charmer.

She's busy.
Maybe we should go.

No. You can do this.

[hangs up phone]

Oh, what a surprise.

What are you two
doing here?

Just in the
neighborhood.

Thought
we could talk.

Of course.
Sit, sit. Please sit.

Hey, would you like
some, uh, water?

How about a
promotional coffee mug?

Or hat?
Or some tube socks?

Th-thanks.

Hee hee, hee hee.

So, butternut,
what did you want to talk about?

Uh, well, it's about
being a cheerleader.

There can be a lot
of pressure put on you.

Jellybean, listen,
I know right where this is going.

You do?

When I was
a cheerleader,

I had to come up
with new cheers all the time.

It can be a lot
of pressure on a person.

So let me show you
a little trade secret.

Don't just go
with the typical--

rebound that basketball!
Rebound!

Change it up.
Have fun. Be creative.

Alley-oop that basketball!

Alley-oop!

Do you see what
I did there?

I just changed
the word.

Mom, mom.

I know, I know.
Sorry, sorry.

Getting a little
carried away.

[beeping]

[on speakerphone]
Mrs. Teslow, Mr. Phipps, line 2.

Put it through
voicemail, please.

[Mrs. Teslow, on voicemail]
Duplex, condo, fixer-upper.

Go with Teslow,
closed by supper.

[beep]

That's the new one.
Aah.

[on speakerphone] This is Phipps.
I really need to talk you about--

After I retire
from real estate

and you move out of the house,

cheerleading will be
the single most precious thing

that gets me
through the day.

You're kidding.

[Keely and Mrs. Teslow] No.

Well, now, is there anything else you
wanted to talk about?

[Phil] No.

No. Uh, unless Keely
has something.

Guess what?
Guess what?

I have Thursday
afternoon off,

so I can come
and watch you cheer.

What's the matter?

Nothing's the ma--
nothing's the matter.

Mrs. Teslow,
I promise you

this Thursday will be one of the
proudest moments

of your life.

Thank you.

Come here, sweetie.

So we're actually going to cheer at a
real football game?

-Not football.
-Oh. Wrestling?

No.

Cross country?

Mm-mmm.

Billiards.

Cheerleaders at
a billiards match?

Eh?

I didn't even know
Wells had a team.

Exactly.

See, the spirit squad
has assigned a few of its members

to every single
sporting event at the school.

That way they can spread
the spirit around a bit.

-Really?
-No.

But that's what you're
gonna tell your mom.

Wow, Phil.
I love it.

She's gonna love it.

Hey, she wants
to see you cheer.

She's gonna see you
in all your peppy glory.

So who's that other
uniform for?

Hey, guys!

Did you get the call for the
Santana video, too?

That was you on the phone,
wasn't it?

No.

But now that you're here,
Keely has a favor to ask you.

You name it.

Just as long as I don't have
to get into one

of those cheerleading uniforms.

I am so easy.

Mmm. And you know
this girl's gonna accessorize.

Yeah.

Knight to rook 3.

I love that move, Reba.

I give up.

She loves everything.

Maybe it is possible
to love all things.

Stupid butterfly.

Scone, sweetie.

Thank you.

Uh, no thank you, Reba.

I love scones,
just--just not this kind.

Hello.

Let's see what's in that baby.

[zapping]

[beeping]

Well, well, well.

Debbie don't do raisins.

[music playing]

[squeaking]

[applause]

[man speaking inaudibly]

Seth Wassmer against
Nicky Johnson.

It's 4:00.
She's not here.

Hey, maybe we're
off the hook.

Maybe she got
a traffic ticket.

And because the officer was
making her late,

she got sassy with him.

Then he put her in handcuffs

and threw her
in jail.

Guess she busted out.

Oh.

Oh, sweetie,
you look terrific!

Uhh!

Hey, I didn't know you
guys were on the squad.

Oh, totally, Ms. T.

What, cheerleaders don't
say totally anymore?

So, what happened
to football?

What happened
to basketball?

Now you're cheering
pocket pool.

This has become
a major sport, Ms. T.

Very classy.

It's way bigger
than tetherball.

[man] And that ball marks 3 games,
Franklin

and 3 games, Wells.

Ooh, crunch time.
[squealing]

[squeaking]

Come on, guys.

Next up, Seth Wassmer
to break.

[music playing]

[record scratching]

Break shot.

Hey!

It's time for break.

[Tia and Keely]
Big break!

Big break!

[all] Whoo!

Whoo! Go!

[coughing]

[cheering]

Go Seth!

Roll call!

I'm cue ball.

Don't knock me in.

I'm cue stick.
I'm long and thin.

I'm cue-ter.

I aim to win.

You wanted to see me,
Mr. Hackett?

Mr. Hackett's away
on school business.

Won't be back
for some time.

What's going on here?

Oh, I just dropped by to suggest
a school field trip

to the raisin factory.

Oh, um, that would--

that would be fun.

Would it?

Because at the end
of the factory tour,

each student gets a complimentary
box--

of raisins.

Admit it, Debbie.

You hate raisins.

No, no.
Uh, I don't.

So tiny and wrinkly.

Some say they're
nature's candy.

Ok, fine.
I hate raisins!

I hate 'em! I hate 'em!
I hate 'em!

[giggling]

Have I gone too far?

Ha ha. Yeah, right.

What's the spin
that Seth has got?

[Tia and Keely]
It's the spin that you have got.

-It's English.
-What? What?

It's English.

What? What?

What's the team
that's best in pool?

It's the team that's
from our school.

-It's Wells.
-No duh.

-It's Wells.
-No duh.

That's my daughter.

It's English time, so cheerio.

[all] Whoo!

[announcer] This is a nearly impossible
bank shot for Wassmer.

Seth's a ninth grader who,
when he's not playing billiards,

enjoys cable television
and quiet dinners in his room.

Take him down, Seth!

Take that Turkey down!

Look at her.

It's like her dream come true.

Yeah, it is.

What's the matter?

Phil, it's her dream,

not mine.

My entire life my mom's told me

how great cheerleading would be.

Mom's a cheerleader.

Grandma Hayes
was a cheerleader.

Uncle Bruce wasn't a cheerleader,

but he's real bubbly.

But now I realize
that I don't want to be one.

You should tell
your mom that.

Ahh.

Mom, I'm really not a cheerleader.

It's true.

I'm sorry.

[announcer]
Will all mother/daughter conflicts

please move to the parking lot?

We've got a game here.

Oh.

Aah! I win!

Sweet victory.

Wassmer, turn it down a notch.

I'm sorry. It was
a stupid plan anyway.

I mean, what were we gonna do,

become a roving band
of cheer bandits?

I'm sorry, Mrs. Teslow.

Phil, relax.
It's fine.

Nugget, listen to me.

You're my person.
My most important person.

And when you're being honest with yourself
like you were today,

then you're being
honest with me.

Do you see how that works?

Oh, I feel like
2 huge cinder block pompoms

have been lifted
from my shoulders.

Thank you, Mom.

Sweetie.

Come on, you kids.
Get in on this hug, huh?

Ahh. This whole experience
has definitely inspired me.

You really want
to become a cheerleader?

Ahh, no.

I've decided I'm gonna
tell my mom and dad about my piercing.

Good luck with that.

That's great.

Aah!

Do you realize
everything you say is so happy?

What's wrong
with being happy?

Here's everyone
else's happy.

Here's your happy.

I can't even reach
your happy.

It's like 50-foot-tall happy.

Do you just like
making fun of me?

No.

You know, uh,
I was trying to--

what's that thing
that nice people do

after they do
something bad, um?

Apologize.

Oh, Pim, you're
apologizing to me?

I don't know.

I've never done it before.

Oh, my gosh, Pim.
Here. Let me help you.

Just repeat after me.

Debbie, I'm sorry
for hurting your feelings

because I know you're
as fragile as a snowflake.

I can't do this.

Wait.

I want you to have this.

It's a bucket handle.

It was on the ground.

I thought it was cool-looking,

so I picked it up. Here.

Oh, Pim!

Oh, maybe we should start a bucket handle
collection together.

I'll call you.

[gasps] Or better yet,
we'll get walkie-talkies,

and we'll leave them on all night.

[gasps] This is gonna be
so much fun!

Mmm.

I relish these
quiet moments with you, Pim.

I'd hug you if my arms
weren't so cramped up from churning.

Oh, don't worry about it, Mom.

Who knew that 21 pounds of milk

could only produce
one measly pat of butter?

But yes, just us girls

and some fresh,
buttered toast.

Mmm, mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm!

That's some good butter.

Mmm.

Mom, since we're both happy

as kittens prancing in sunbeams,

can I get a bigger
allowance?

No. Sorry, sweetie.

But, Mom, I really-- mm-mmm.

Mmm! That's some good butter.

Mmm. Pim,

do I have something on my nose?

No. Mother, you're golden.