02x03 - The Giggle

[bunniefuu]

This is Keely Teslow
reporting live

from the bitterly
cold Antarctica.

I'm standing not that far
from... The South Pole.

Phil! Phil!

Keely, look, no one actually does
extra-curricular activities this early.

The sunrise club doesn't
even meet for another hour.

I need to put together
a flashy demo reel.

I'm going to be applying to journalism
school in just 162 weeks!

Keely, I thought you said
you wanted to be a pop star.

All right? I mean
that's why you spent

all your babysitting money
on pop star pants.

Please. I don't want
a shallow career.

I want to be reporting
hard-hitting stories...

And those pants are gonna look great on me
anytime, anywhere.

Hey! Let's turn this
local piece into a lead story!

Gimme some blizzard!

I said... blizzard!

Where's my snow!

This is Keely Teslow
reporting live

from the frosty tundra
of Antarctica

in the heart of
a mighty snowstorm!

We're just ready to have...

Antarctic jumping fish!

Aah!

The South Pole has
literally been blown off!

Aah! Aah!

[crash]

Now that's a hard-hitting story.

♪ Meet a boy named Phil ♪

♪ And his family ♪

♪ On vacation from
The 22nd century ♪

♪ Got a rented time machine,
And they're on their way ♪

♪ To a time way, way, way
Back in the day ♪

- ♪ So now it's Phil ♪
- ♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ Keeping it together
Just as best as he can ♪

♪ Phil ♪

- ♪ Phil ♪
- ♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

♪ 22nd century man ♪

♪ On a holiday Through history ♪

♪ But the final destination
Was a mystery ♪

♪ But something
On the time machine had blown ♪

♪ So they ended up
Right here in our time zone ♪

- ♪ So now he's Phil ♪
- ♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ Never knew in history
Just where he would land ♪

- ♪ Phil ♪
- ♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

You know, lady X's new CD
comes out today.

I know. It's her first solo album since
her band broke up.

Yeah. Remember the last album?

We'll Promise
We'll Never Break Up.

It was so awesome.

Hope this one's just as good.

Oh, it is. In fact,
it's so good,

it'll spend 18 weeks
at number one.

I don't want to waste money
on a bad cd,

so I just looked it up.

- Looked it up?
- Yeah.

In what?

This.

- It's a Giggle.
- A "whatle?"

No, a Giggle.

It contains all
the worlds knowledge

and constantly updates itself.

It's so cute.

Like you're holding
the whole Internet in your hand.

Internet? Please.

This thing replace the thing
that replaced the thing

that k*lled the Internet

in the pay-per-view
battle royal.

So this Giggle tells us
the history

of everything and
everybody up until the year 2121.

That means it can tell us... our future.

I'm not sure that's a good idea.

Like, what happens to,
oh, I don't know...

Your blondish best friend

who wants to be
a world famous news reporter?

OK, fine, but just this once.

What do we do?

You ask it a question
you want to know

and then shake it
for the answer.

Excellent.

Do I become a famous reporter?

[Giggle squeaks]

Nothing's happening.

Oh, that's right.

You gotta turn around
in circles while you do that

to activate the centrifugal antenna.

[Giggle squeaks]

Nothing.

Try activating the voice command

by saying, "gee, I bet
I look like a doofus."

Gee, I bet...

Very funny. Now make it work.

The Giggle's actually
really sophisticated.

I just need to set up its monitor.

It's pretty simple.

Like this...

Spin this thing around...

And then...

It's actually only
built for one.

We can sit close.

All right.

You OK?

Uh-huh.

Giggle on.

[Giggle] Giggle on.

Search Keely Teslow,

year 2030, news reporter.

Although it's a lovely evening

here on the surface of the moon,

there is definitely an
ominous feeling in the air.

This is Keely Teslow
reporting live from Moon Base Alpha.

It's my dream career, Phil.

See? There's no doubt about it.

All your hard work's
gonna pay off.

OK. This is a cry moment.

[blows nose]

And that's why the Giggle
is built for one.

But, Mom,

every single kid in my class

has seen creeping
crawlers but me.

I hear what you're saying, Pim,

but I really don't think you're mature
enough to see an "R" rated movie.

If those time toddlers
in my class are mature enough to see it,

then I'm mature enough to see it.

Um... no.

Oh! It's just not fair!

Daddy? Sweet Daddykins!

Would you take me to the cutest,

sweetest little movie
of all time

that just happens
to be rated "R"?

Sure thing, Sweet Pea.

What's the "R" stand for,
respectable?

Rocks?

Uh, no, guys. In this century,

"R" stand for "restricted."

No one under the age of 17 admitted

unless accompanied
by a responsible adult.

Oh. Movies never about rocks.

I'm sorry, Pim. I think a movie like that
might be too mature for you.

Well, that's just
"chunkfulatastic."

Where am I going to find
a responsible adult

to take me to this movie?

Uhh!

Yeah!

[bell rings]

People, next week there
will be a surprise test.

Part of the surprise is that
the test is tomorrow.

Studying is recommended
though futile.

Messerschmitt is so not fair.

Did I have forehead
stress lines in 2030?

Because I feel some right now.

I wish in the future

we could just take
some smart pills or something.

No, those were banned in 2064.

One kid took too many.

Did his head explode?

No, he just got
really obnoxious.

What have you been
doing up there?

We're supposed to be studying.

Lady X is having
a CD signing right now.

Somebody just e-mailed it to me.
We gotta go.

Hello? We have a test tomorrow.

How long will it take her
to sign an autograph?

Her name is X.

Phil, you know Messerschmitt's tests
are K*llers.

Last year, his final exam came
with an airsick bag.

I don't understand how you can be so calm
about the whole thing.

You know me. I ace every test.

It's part of what
makes me so adorable.

Wanna bet?

Go by yourself.
I need the studytime.

Maybe you don't.

All right. Giggle on.

[Giggle] Giggle on.

Search H.G. Wells High School, 2005,

Mr. Messerschmitt's
surprise test,

Phil, Keely...

Ah! There we go!

As for both of us.

Wow! I must know the material even
better than I thought.

So... we going?

Oh, we are so going.
And you know what?

They have a special line
for "A" students.

Really?

Yeah. Make sure you
bring your report card.

- Awesome!
- Oh! And...

Your perfect attendance certificate.

I just got it back
from the framers.

This is payback for the whole

spin-around-Giggle thing
this morning, isn't it?

Yeah.

Now pay attention.

Step one...

Pim and responsible adult,

that's you, Sasquatch,

buy tickets to
the feel-good hit of the winter:

Creeping Crawlers.

Oh! Oh! Oh!

Yes?

Movie have rocks?

The crawlers have to be
creeping over something.

There's a pretty good chance
it'll be rocks.

- OK.
- Let's focus.

Step 2: We enjoy the movie

with popcorn
and an icy cold beverage.

Oh! Oh!

Yes?

What kind of rocks?

Who knows?

I haven't seen the movie yet!

If you had to guess.

- If I had to guess?
- Yes.

I guess who cares
what kind of rocks there are!

Rocks are rocks!

Pim so wrong.

Now...

Round rocks,

flat rocks.

These rocks are good
with dinner.

These rocks are good
after dinner.

Aah!

Thanks to proposition 48,
your airsickness bags...

Are now complimentary.

Does everyone have pencils
for your tests...

And tissues for your tears?

Why, thank you.

This test will be "A" pleasure.

It should really
help our GP "A".

Your confidence is hollow.

Much like the country mouse
who comes to the big city

and thinks he can
become a big shot

going to parties and night clubs

in his tiny mouse tuxedo.

Little does he know that life

is not as bucolic
as it was in the country.

His friend, the city mouse,
should have warned him.

By the way, your test began when I said
"your confidence is hollow."

[boy weeps]

I don't know a single answer!

I don't even understand
the questions.

I hate your Giggle.

You're the one
who made us use it.

For good things,
not for bad things.

This is a very bad thing!

It certainly is
a very bad thing.

You know what we do
to cheaters around here.

You may hang your heads in shame...

Now.

This is Keely Teslow

reporting live from
the frosty tundra of Antarctica...

In the heart of
a mighty snowstorm.

I can't believe we lost our
video lab privileges.

All I want is to be
a broadcaster.

Now what?

I think someone
might feel better

if they put on
their pop star pants.

Sure, I'd look better,

but I'd still be hurting inside.

Keely, this is just
a bump in the road, all right?

I mean, you're still
gonna be a famous news reporter.

You really think so?

Giggle on.

[Giggle] Giggle on.

Search Keely Teslow,
news reporter, year 2030.

And now with her take
on the UFO problem,

here's Keely Teslow.

See? Your future hasn't changed.

Oh, thank goodness.

And when I awoke,
they were all missing.

And I knew then that them
UFOs had abducted my kitties.

Once again, that was one of
our more colorful locals:

Keely "The Cat Lady" Teslow.

[blows nose]

[gasps]

That's me?

My future's ruined.

Keely.

Look, Keel, I feel
terrible about...

[gasps]

What... what happened to you?

This is what it looks like
without all the effort.

[sniffs]

You saw my future.

Why even try anymore?

[belches]

Sloppy joes.

Wait. You hate sloppy Joes.

Might as well get used to them.

And the stains begin.

Yes, Mr. Diffy?

How did you know it was me?

You are preceded
by the pungent odor of test failure.

Be brief, as I must
breathe through my mouth.

Keely and I want
to retake the test.

If we pass, then we get back
our extra-curriculars.

The broadcast lab
means everything to Keely.

I am sorry.

I see no advantage
for Messerschmitt.

We'll take an even harder test.

I'm listening.

Give us an 11th grade test.
A 12th grade test.

Just give us a chance.

Hmm.

Hold out your arms.

Hey!

You're not wearing
a wire, are you?

No.

Because there is such a test,

a test so difficult
that no student has ever passed.

The omicron gambit.

The omicron gambit?

The omicron gambit
is a test of my own creation.

It has been banned in
17 school districts,

and for some reason Chile.

I've only given it once,

to an 11th grader,

Stacy Pimkins.

How's it coming, Stacy?!

I'm gonna miss
cheerleading practice!

What am I saying?

The omicron gambit is...
Is too much for you.

I can't be responsible for...

For what it might do
to your mind.

- We'll take it.
- OK.

Tomorrow.

After school.

Don't tell anyone in
the principal's office.

And if I see anyone from the school
district snooping around here,

this conversation
never took place.

Climbing rocks, quarry rocks,

must-stare-at-me rocks.

Can the rock chatter!

Go ahead.

2 tickets, please.

Is that for Creeping Crawlers
or Rocky Ridge?

- Oh!
- Creeping Crawlers.

Are you with
a responsible adult?

I think so.

Rocky Ridge! Rocky Ridge!
Rocky Ridge!

Uh, will you excuse us, please?

Listen, you,

I came here to see
creeping crawlers,

and that's what I'm gonna see.

But the...

If you get through this with me,

then we will have a whole
Rocky Ridge marathon next weekend.

Come on.

Creeping Crawlers...

Rocky Ridge.

- Excuse me?
- Creeping crawlers.

Well, these are the books we need
to memorize first.

So, you can memorize them just
by touching them?

What are you,
a level-2 gocknoid?

[laughs]

Uhh! You're not supposed
to know about them yet.

Why are you even doing all this?

I mean, I'm the one
whose life is ruined.

I got you into this mess.

I'm gonna get you out.

Thanks.

Hey, there's no time
for smiling.

"National trade union
founded in what year?"

18... uh... no, no.

Go!

1.55. Too bad.

1.20. Awesome!

Go! Go! Go!

Go Keely! Go Phil!

Go! Go! Go! Go!

- [crack]
- Oh!

[speeded-up voices]

[bell ringing]

Right. You're studying.

Sorry.

No rocks?

Not even pebbles.

[sighs] Finally some romance.

Aah!

Pim scared?

Pim scared.

Pim scared!

Aarrgghh!

No scare Pim!

Aarrgghh!

- Aarrgghh!
- Curtis!

Just get me outta here!

Aarrgghh!

Uhh! Uhh! Uhh!

Aah!

Obviously somebody
has loose lips.

All right, it's me.
I love the limelight.

My parents were acrobats.

However...

I shall delay your shame.

One page?

I'm a little disappointed.

That's the medical waiver.

[beep beep]

Ooh!

How do you even open this thing?

Opening the test
is part of the test.

And the test shall begin

back when I said "acrobat."

[stammers]

[breathing heavily]

Oh!

I can't take it anymore!

Keely! What are you doing?

I'm gonna buy
a double-wide mobile home

and keep my eyes
peeled for ufos!

Keely, stop it! Look...

We changed the future once before.
We can change it back

but... I'm so cold.

And the bright light...

It's calling me.

Ha ha ha!

No one has ever cracked
the omicron gambit.

Keel, look, your future's
whatever you want it to be.

It's up to you.

You're right.

Let's do this.

I have never needed a stamp
for this particular grade.

- Oh!
- No!

Thank you... oh. Sorry.

You have defeated
the omicron gambit.

Wait. This means that Keely's

gonna get her broadcast lab
privileges back, right?

[moaning] Yes.

[sighs]

Come on. There's something we need
to go check, pronto.

Can't this thing go any faster?

[weeping] The worst part is
those kitty-stealing aliens

were themselves
shaped like kitties...

Which is cruel mockery! [Weeps]

My future didn't change back.

I'm sorry, Keel.

[weeps]

That's not me! That's Lady X!
That's great!

I mean, not for her, but for me.

But what happened to me?

[weeps]

There I am!
I'm a reporter again!

Let it out, Lady X. Let it out.

That's great.
You're a reporter...

And you're wearing
your pop star pants!

That means they're
still in style.

How good am I?

This is Keely Teslow reporting

from yet another
UFO-related tragedy.

What? What's the matter?

In the future,
I'm wearing a wedding ring.

What?

Wow.

I guess that means you wanna...

Look it up and see who's
the lucky man, huh?

Nope.

I'll wait for the surprise.

But...

The real surprise
is gonna come when you find out

what wedding bands
really mean in the future.

Why? What do they mean?

It means you're running
from the space cops.

Really?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

You probably robbed a space bank
or something.

You're getting me back
for the thing I did to get you back

for the thing
you did to me earlier.

No.

OK, now I am.

Ow!

[pounding]

Would you like some
oatmeal, Pim?

Ooh! How about
some orange juice?

Are you all right?

[pounding]

OK! I admit it!

I went to go see that
"R" rated, nasty movie,

and it was really scary,

and I shouldn't have done it.

[cries]

And now my heart
needs to stop taunting me

with all that beating!

[pounding]

Lloyd, will you stop that?

I used the astro glue
to fix Phil's drum.

Sounds good, huh?