02x04 - Dinner Time

[bunniefuu]

I love you, Dad.

Especially now that
you're available in orange.

You know, Phil, there's a reason standup
comedy was outlawed

after the heckler revolt of 2038.

Why don't you make
yourself useful

and trim the hedges
near the fence?

No problem.

Ah, ah, ah, ah.

No future technology
where a present-dayer might spot it.

But Dad, this is why in the future
we have robots.

Well, in the present,
this is why we have teenagers.

Guess what!

I got us tickets to a sneak preview
of Samurai, I Love You.

Ooh... samurai-don't-think-so.
Sounds like a chick flick.

I'm out.

Come on! I went
to that science fiction movie

and sat through 2 1/2 hours of you going,
"Wrong. Wrong. Wrong."

But... it was all wrong.

Please?!

OK. Fine. You got me.
But first I need to trim the hedges.

Well, hurry!
The movie starts in half an hour.

Well, forbidden romance

just called for
forbidden hedge trimming.

Howdy!

♪ Meet a boy named Phil ♪

♪ And his family ♪

♪ On vacation from
The 22nd century ♪

♪ Got a rented time machine
And they're on their way ♪

♪ To a time way, way, way
Back in the day ♪

- ♪ So now it's Phil ♪
- ♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ Keeping it together
Just as best as he can ♪

♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

♪ 22nd century man ♪

♪ On a holiday Through history ♪

♪ But the final destination
Was a mystery ♪

♪ For something
On the time machine had blown ♪

♪ So they ended up
Right here in our time zone ♪

- ♪ So now he's Phil ♪
- ♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ Never knew in history
Just where he would land ♪

- ♪ Phil ♪
- ♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

Mr. Hackett,
what are you doing here?

How did you do that?

Phil, I'm trying
to make lemonade the old-fashioned way.

Use the wizard and clone me
about 20 more of these, would ya?

Mom, you remember
Vice Principal Hackett, right?

Our Vice-Principal
from the present day.

Did I say clone?

I meant phone!

Ha ha... No, I didn't!

I meant loan. Would you
loan me 20 lemons?

You know, taking out
the trash is a lot less gross

if you don't actually
have to touch it.

[all] Pim!

Aah!

What are you doing here?

[beeping]

Mr. Hackett, look, a baby eagle!

Oh, look! Oh!

[Hackett] A baby eagle
in this region?

[crash]

Vice-principal Hackett!
What brings you here?

Low interest rates and a sweet tooth for
for crown molding, I suppose.

I'm your new neighbor.

No. Really.

Welcome to the neighborhood.

We couldn't be happier.

Having you as a neighbor

makes living here
all the more wonderful!

[nervous laughter]

We're doomed!
He saw everything! I know it!

Dad, we don't know
that he saw anything.

He'll tell someone,
then they'll tell someone,

then the whole world
will know the Diffys are from the future!

I haven't told anyone.

Yes. But who's gonna
believe you?

Hackett is Vice-Principal.
He's government.

That means he's the man!

As far as he's concerned,
we're aliens,

and you know what the man
did to the aliens back in 2103!

All kinds of tests...

Lloyd, they only did
2 tests on those aliens,

and one of them
was a trivia quiz.

OK, everybody, listen up.

As usual, I have the solution.

We sell the house and skip town.

You're gonna move?

- That's a good...
- No...

That's a good idea!

[overlapping argument]

I'll consider it...

Guys... stop it.

Everyone, stop it!

All we have to do
is prove to Vice-Principal Hackett

that we're a normal
present-day American family.

Phil... you cut hedges with a laser,

you spray dinner out of a can,

and you have a caveman who lives
in your garage.

Yeah. That sounds
pretty normal to me.

Wait... that's it!

What's it?

Dinner. We invite
Hackett for dinner.

How is that gonna
solve anything?

He sees beef stroganoff
sprayed out of a can, he's gonna know!

No, not if we do it
the fashioned way.

Oh! An old-fashioned dinner party!

Hang on, people.
I am this close to fixing

the time crumpler
component in the time machine.

I don't need snoopers around here
snooping, you know.

Dad, that's the point.
He'll come here to snoop,

and we'll have nothing to snoop.
We'll be completely snoopless.

Which is a lot better
than running away like cowards.

Yes, it's a charming
4-bedroom, 2-bath

in Pickford Heights adjacent.

Fine! Fine, you can
have your dinner party.

But we all have to pitch in
to future-proof this house.

I'll start making plans.
Come on, take a look.

Let's see...

American dinner parties.

[chiming]

[computer] Remember, program your robot
to smile at your guests

and don't forget to set
his defense lasers to stun.

Oops. Too far in the future.

Eat not the chicken
with glassy eyes

lest ye desire to journey
quickly to thine outhouse.

Oh! I look great in pantaloons!

Uh... too far in the past.

Yeah.

Say, there's mom servin' up

a heapin' helpin'
of smart hors d'oeuvres.

Talk about being
the hostess with the mostess.

Yes! I could be the hostess
with the mostess.

Uh, Mom,

you can't even make toast-ess.

Just saying.

Pim, what are you doing?

Flags. I need flags.

[bicycle bell rings]

"For sale"?

Was it something I saw?

Mr. Hackett, my family
and I were wondering

if you'd like to come
over for dinner tomorrow night

kinda as a welcome
neighbor sorta thing.

Say 7:00ish?

Oh, yes.

Yes, I think I should
quite enjoy spending an evening

getting to really know
the Diffys.

- [rings bell]
- See ya then!

[ding ding ding ding]

Would you please not
hang out in the front yard?

You're k*lling my curb appeal.

OK... I think I've got it.

Marshmallow, potato,

shrimp.

Donut hole, cheese,

olive! Yes!

Duh-da-duh-da-duh...

Bah-duh-da-duh-da! Boop!

Lloyd, honey,

please don't use
the wizard to put me in hyper speed.

I really want to do this
the old-fashioned way.

It wasn't me. You
must have stepped on

the crumpler's velocity field.

See, I got it running.
Few more adjustments,

and I'll be one step closer to fixing the
time machine's engine.

That's nice, dear.
Now, put it away. We have company coming.

Dad, Hackett's coming soon.
You have to turn that thing off!

I can't turn it off.
It might not start back up again.

Here... help me put it somewhere.

Over here. Yes. Move... no, down here.
A little help, Phil?

Curtis, what are you
doing in there?

Curtis and Phil
play hide and seek.

That was 3 days ago.

Curtis good at game.

- [crack]
- Ohh!

Curtis, I forgot about you.

It's too risky having you
hang around the party tonight.

Hey, par-tay!

Sorry, buddy, but you're gonna have to
stay in the garage a few hours.

Come on, dude. It'll
be like we're playing hide and seek.

Please... Curtis cro-magnon,
not neanderthal!

No!

No, no, no.
You're dressed all wrong.

We need to look
like a typical American dinner party

so we don't raise suspicions.

[sighs]

You'll all have to change.

You've got to be kidding me.

OK. Fine.

Why are my thumbs up?

[doorbell rings]

OK. Does everything look normal?

Close enough.

Welcome, Vice-Principal Hackett,

to our typical American home.

Mm-hmm.

Can I help you?

Shh. We're the Hendersons.

We're here to see the house.

- They're with me!
- What?

Ah! Welcome first-time buyers!

Now, what we have here
is a traditional craftsman

packed with bargains!

Notice the staircase
which doubles as

a toddler friendly
double black diamond toboggan run.

OK, let's walk over here.

As you can see, we'll be eating outside
in the backyard

as most typical
American families...

- Like us...
- Do.

Well, Mom always says
nothing helps an appetite

like crisp suburban air.

[inhales]

Oh...

I can smell the abandoned
sneaker factory.

Ooh! So...

What's cooking?

I told you it wasn't
a magazine rack.

Exactly how long have you lived
in this neighborhood?

Because I checked the county records,
and there's no...

Hors d'oeuvre,
Vice-Principal Hackett?

Please. Call me
Vice-Principal Neil.

Ah!

Now, these remind me of the hors d'oeuvres
my mother used to make.

[coughs]

It's like you found her recipe.

If you're cooking something blue,
I think it's done.

It's the time crumpler!

Uh... potatoes!

I'll get some drinks!

I'm gonna check on the drinks.

Mom, Dad!

In 20 minutes,

take out the cobbleeeer!

[tapping on door]

Everything OK in there?

Y-sure! Yep.

Unless you don't like cobbler.

I got your 911. Are you OK?

Ooh! I love you in vintage.

So... what's going on?

What's going on? Well, Vice-Principal
Hackett's snooping around,

Pim's trying to sell the house,

and my parents just got sucked into
a time vortex.

Parents sucked
into a time vortex?

You might mention that, oh, I don't
know... First?

I'm sure they're fine, but if
Vice-principal Hackett sees any of this,

- we're all toast, so...
- [clattering]

So I need you to go back out there
and keep him busy

while I jump into the vortex and find
my mom and dad.

Phil! You can't
leave me alone here!

With that... Blue thing!

Somebody's gotta go into the vortex
and find my parents!

Don't worry. Curtis
take just one hors d'oeuvre.

Yes. Party hat a hint.

All right, now tug on the rope when you
find Mom and Dad!

Ugh, ugh! OK.

Uh...

Aah!

So now what?

Now... we wait.

It's about time.

So did you find them?

Mom and Dad fine.

Went to world premiere,
Romeo and Juliet.

When are they coming back?

Intermission.

Ehh...

- [knocking on door]
- Barbara, Lloyd?

What's going on in there?

Uh... what do we do?

Oh... my parents
are gonna go out there right now.

All right. Stand back.

[knocking]

What is going on in there?

Honey, I'm home.

How's this gonna help?

Oh! Now I get it.

Wait a minute...
Does this mean we're married?

Because I have some
definite career plans

that are not gonna
be put on hold.

Oh. Ha ha.
Barb, Lloyd. There you are.

Yes, Vice-Principal Hackett, here we are,

Barbara and Lloyd Diffy...
The Diffys.

That's us.
Mr. and Mrs. Phil Diffy.

I mean Lloyd Diffy.

Barbara, Lloyd,

Mr. Henderson has some questions for you
about the house.

Shh.

Has this house suffered
any water damage,

termite destruction,

wood rot, black mold,

or twisters of oz
or greater magnitude?

[whispers] Pim, it's me, Phil.

Just work with me here, OK?

Mama's this close
to movin' this dump.

Why don't we go upstairs?

There's a fantastic view
of the state prison.

Oh... oh, don't worry.

The escape tunnels always
come up 10 feet short of the wire.

[Pim] Go on.

So, how's that rud-a-dub coming?

Tummies are a-rumbling.

Kee... I mean mom... ma... Barbara.

Would you go check
to see if the main course is ready?

Huh?

Grab the chafing dish
on the counter.

So, uh, Vice-Principal Hackett,

shall we adjourn
to the picnic table area?

Shirley temple?

No, thank you.

I plan on keeping
my wits about me tonight.

So, Vice-Principal Hackett...

I wish you would call me
Vice-Principal Neil.

OK. [Snickers]

Vice-Principal Neil.

Would you like some...

Scrumptious chicken pot pie?

Boy... this is bringing back memories
of dinner at my mom's.

She used to make
the best brisket.

Mmm! I can practically
smell that brisket now.

Oh! What's going on?

It's a food 5000 yummilizer.

Mom must have set it
to voice-activation.

- [bushes rustle]
- Mmm...

Mom also used to make
a succulent roast chicken.

- [rustle]
- [meow]

Well, can't wait to dig in. I'm so hungry,
I could eat a horse!

- Radish!
- Radish!

But of course, no holiday meal
would be complete

without Mom's famous
cherries flambe.

Ooh, Barb!
That looks absolutely delicious.

That's why I'm crazy about her.

Oh, Phil... Lloyd...

You're just my
little sweetie pie.

Not a lot of people know
that's how we got the name Pickford.

[chanting]

Uh... hello.

Hmm? Spirits happy with Curtis.
Hee hee.

When you get back
from time hole?

[laughs] Time hole.

Time hole?!

That's it! I knew something
was going on here!

I'm getting to the bottom of this
right now!

Wh...

Wh...

Now, wait a minute...

Wh...

I have to figure out
what happened.

E-Excuse me. W-What's going on...

Oh! Um... What's that, Lloyd?

OK! I'll be right there!

D...

Help? Yes, Mom, I can help.

I think I figured it out.

The crumpler opened a time donut.

- [knocking]
- What's going on in there?

Something's amiss. I'm a Vice-Principal.
I can tell.

What's a time donut?

It whizzes you around
in different time periods

and dumps you back in the vicinity of the
original departure point.

I knew it! You're aliens!
I'm calling the FBI!

Lloyd! We have to do something!

You read my mind. I'll get a rope.
You get some duct tape.

No! Maybe we should just tell
Vice-Principal Hackett...

The truth.

And then our time
machine broke down.

We're just trying
to fit in in your time

until we can fix
our time machine and... go home.

That's... pretty much it.

Oh.

If you betray us,
it'll mean disaster.

So... can we count
on you to keep our secret?

No.

Mr. Hackett, please.

I've been keeping their secret.

Yes, but who would
ever believe you?

I'm telling the authorities
and Principal Tillywack.

So... do we have a deal?

Shh!

We love it.
We want to make an offer.

You do?

Well, why don't we
go up to my office

and throw some numbers around.

- Oh!
- Oh!

You've got to be kidding me.

OK. Fine.

Wait... wait a minute.

Haven't we done this before?

Fascinating. Yes!
Looks like the time donut's

dumped us back
just a few minutes

before Vice-Principal
Hackett showed up for dinner!

[doorbell rings]

OK. I'll handle this.

Vice-Principal Hackett!

Well, I hope dinner's
almost ready.

This Vice-Principal's
goody tank is running on empty!

Actually, we have some
bad news for you.

- Mom burnt dinner.
- Hey!

So, uh, we were wondering

if we could take you
out to dinner,

someplace that serves a...

I don't know...
Brisket and cherries flambe?

Are you kidding?

The Brisket 'n Pig is right over in the
Pickford Pie District!

Ooh, I've got the same
outfit at home, too.

I'll be right back.

Whew.

Oh! Stan, Doreen,
right this way.

Let it go, Pim.

The Vice-Principal
is our next door neighbor.

I will never let it go!

Call me tomorrow!

We'll make this happen.

Make sure to call me.
Make sure to call me!

What, no leftovers?

Ah!

Whoaaa!

So I never called
you and you never came over,

and we never pretended
to be my parents.

I don't get it. How come you remember
all this but I don't?

I don't know.

My dad thinks that maybe because
we're from the future

our memories aren't so
affected by time jumps.

I wish you did remember, though.

For a while there,
it was kinda like we were married.

Was it fun?

Yeah.

It was fun.

Cool.

Well, I'd better get to class.

Yeah.

See you at lunch, sweetie pie.

Uh... I mean Phil.

Finally. Now that you're back,

we can turn off the time crumpler
and fix it the right way.

Where'd you go anyway?

Boat ride! Ha ha ha!