02x11 - Good Phil Hunting

[bunniefuu]

Good morning, class.

I am Vice Principal Hackett,

as you probably know from the portrait

hanging on the ceiling of
every even-numbered class.

[sign creaking]

Today, I'll be filling in
for Mr. Flavin.

[students] Aw...

Not quite the response
I was expecting,

so this is awkward.

I have a special treat
for all of you today.

It's a mathematical equation

sure to boggle the mind

and flex those burgeoning
math muscles of yours.

Yeah! Whoo! Boom!

And as an added incentive,

if any one of you
can solve this problem,

the entire class
will have no more homework

for the rest of the semester.

[students] Yeah!

Actually, the just is on you,

for no student has ever solved

Foucault's Last Conundrum!

[thunder]

[students gasping]

Now that's... An appropriate response.

It's 4.

What?!



In the future, this is simple
third grade stuff.

It's just a simple matter of, you know,

abstract computronics.

Well, say something!

Are you kidding me? Hackett already thinks

my family's a bunch of aliens.

Anything out of the ordinary will just
raise his suspicions.

Will you just say 4?!

What was that, Miss Teslow?



That's right.

Never in all my years of educating

did I think I would utter
the following sentence,

but Miss Teslow,

you have cracked
Foucault's Last Conundrum.

Excuse me. I'll be right back.

[thud]

Whoo-hoo!

No homework!

- Whoo-hoo!
- Whoo!

[students cheering]

♪ Meet a boy named Phil ♪

♪ And his family ♪

♪ On vacation from
The 22nd century ♪

♪ Got a rented time machine
And they're on their way ♪

♪ To a time way, way, way
Back in the day ♪

- ♪ So now it's Phil ♪
- ♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ Keeping it together
Just as best as he can ♪

♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

♪ 22nd century man ♪

♪ On a holiday Through history ♪

♪ But the final destination
Was a mystery ♪

♪ 'Cause something
On the time machine had blown ♪

♪ So they ended up
Right here in our time zone ♪

- ♪ So now it's Phil ♪
- ♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ Never knew in history
Just where he would land ♪

- ♪ Phil ♪
- ♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

I had such a strange dream.

You were there and you were there.

You and you...

You I don't recognize.

But you!

You said 4!

How on earth could you
have known the solution

to such a complicated
mathematical problem?

I'm a good guesser.

That was no guess.

The last student who guessed
said "corduroy."

Vice principal Hackett,

Keely has an uncanny
instinct with numbers.

I mean, she would never know

that's just a simple matter

of abstract computronics.

Did I say "computronics?"

I meant, um... I like milk.

Miss Teslow, are you sure

you didn't get any help?

I like milk.

Well then, Miss Teslow,

it looks like you don't need
to be in this class anymore.

Really?

Yay! No more math!

No more plain old math.

Someone with your instincts belongs

in my advanced progressive
mathematics class.

I'm transferring you immediately.

[whispers] Help!

[class bell ringing]

Science class was awesome today.

[girls giggling]

I'm as serious as a zit
on school picture day.

[girls gasping]

Yeah, that serious.

That was a fascinating discussion

on static electricity.

Especially when you think
of all the practical uses.

Balloon me.

[squeaking]

That, ladies, is static electricity

in action.

Uh, this is the best
you could come up with?

Amateurs!

Mark my words, Candida,

you will come to rue
static electricity.

Do you hear me? Rue!

Aah!

[Pim, weakly] Rue.

Good morning, my little grade skippers.

Before we begin,

I would like to welcome Keely Teslow.

Keely is the intrepid young scholar

who just solved
Foucault's Last Conundrum.

[students] Ooh!

Hi.

Hey...

I'm Grady Spaggett,

president of the theoretical physics
and close-up magic club.

Oh. I'm a preferred shopper
at the Pickford town mall.

Hi.

Huh?

Oh.

Well, my dapper
digit doodling dandies,

let's start off with
something easy, shall we?

Something to just get that
little noodle warmed up.

How about, uh, prime numbers
over a trillion?

Miss Teslow?

Uh... 4?

[students laughing]

Oh, I see the overhead
projector is here.

We all know what that means.

[students] Speed round!

Yay!

Phil Diffy, you're not
my usual a/v boy.

What have you done
to overhead Jean Claude?

Oh, he's sick.

Interesting.

Let's get this party started
with Miss Teslow, shall we?

Mm-hmm.

Uh...



Very good.

Let's try another.

Ah... 2!



Mr. Diffy...

What is rule number one of a/v club?

Don't talk about a/v club!

All right, rule number 2 then.

A/v club is to be seen and not heard.

Mm-hmm.

All right, Miss Teslow,

this one is a real skull-scratcher.

Uh, send supplies?

No, wait.

Iceberg ahead.



That's right! Very impressive!

[applause]

Will you marry me?

Together, we could have
"X" number of children.

Next problem.

Oh. This is easy.

"X."

"X" what?

"X" block.

"X" clips.

"X" paper.

"X" cowboy.

"X" Doe-si-Doe.

Square dancing!

"X" squared.

Miss Teslow, your method
of arriving at a solution

is unorthodox, to say the least,

but it bespeaks genius!

You should see me make emergency lipstick

out of ice pops and petroleum jelly.

Well, speed round's done,
so you may go now.

But...

Please give my best
to overhead Jean Claude...

Now, who's ready for some pi?

Ooh, I love pie.

Oh, yes. Pi.

I'll show her.

Show who what?

That Candida.

She thinks she's so cool.
She's always so mean to me.

Don't get me wrong.

I respect the meanness thing.

I just don't like it aimed at Pim.

What are you doing?

Uh, just a dry run for a science project

I'm working on.

Um...

Can I have a hug, daddykins?

Sure thing, sugar plum.

[crackling] Aah!

Kung pao chicken, what was that?!

Some people call it static electricity.

I call it my genius plot for revenge

on the most annoying, vile human being

on the face of the earth!

Ok, but I'd use static electricity.

It's shorter.

What happened after we left advanced math?
Are we busted? Does Hackett know it's me?

Nope. After Hackett called me a genius,

he gave us independent study

so we could each work on
our own math problems.

I figured out if you punch in "07734"
in a calculator

and turn it upside down,
it spells "hello."

But you didn't show it
to Hackett, did you?

I mean, we don't want him
to know you're a fake.

Well, then you're gonna have to help me
get out of this class.

We can't. He'll be suspicious.

Well, then you're gonna have to help me
with my homework.

That I can do.

Show me what we got.

Uh, well,

we need to do this.

And this and this and that.

Good luck on this one.

Please tell me it's due in like 3 years.

Actually, it's due tomorrow.

Tomorrow?! There's no way

anyone can finish this by tomorrow.

Keely Teslow, um, we finished
our math homework,

and we would like you to...

To take us to...

The mall.

The mall?

You've inspired us.

If a Keely Teslow can survive...

Nay, excel in the pressure cooker

that is advanced progressive math,

then maybe, just maybe,

we could survive in the mall...

With the normals.

Oh. Oh.

Wait. No. No.

You cannot go to the mall.

We have to finish our homework, remember?

I don't know math good.

Phil...

Just look at them.

They can't survive on their own.

They're like baby turtles.

[sighs]

Thanks, Phil!

Ok. Ok, let's go.

Ah. Curtis, will you sharpen this?

Oh...

Number 2.

[sniffing]

Soft.

Ahh...

See that?

Thank you.

Huzzah.

Curtis?

[growls]

[socks shuffling]

Pim...

What are you doing?

Power.

I need more power!

Isn't there any shag carpeting
in this dump?!

Ooh! Look at this blouse
I found at the mall.

I got it for 7.8% off.

Did the math nerds tell you that?

A mannequin was holding a sign.

[Curtis choking]

[coughing]

Ooh. Excuse me.

[burps]

You know...

Those math kids aren't so bad.

Why can't they just spend


for space movies like regular nerds?

Be nice.

So, which problem are we on, hmm?

I'm ready to help.

Actually, Curtis and I finished it

while you were having fun at the mall.

It wasn't all fun, Phil.

You know Protractor Kelly?

I had to get him into a pair of
relaxed-fit jeans.

I did some real good with them tonight.

Yeah, while you should have been
here helping me with your homework.

The only reason I'm in

a smarty-pants class

is so Hackett won't find out

you knew the answer to Foucault's thingy

because you're from the future!

No, the only reason you're
in smarty-pants math

is because you yelled out "4," remember?

Hey, it's not my fault I'm a math genius!

You're not a math genius!
I'm the math genius!

Then I guess you don't
need me to help you.

No, I guess not!

[door closes]

You showed her.

Up high.

[thud]

Mama is cookin' now.

[socks shuffling]

[Phil] Sir Isaac Newton...

See if you can wrap
your wig around this one.

Are you daft?

This is impossible. Impossible, I say.

That coming from the guy

who figured out gravity.

Truth be told, I discovered gravity

by accident in the Autumn of 1665

while receiving a catapult wedgie

from his majesty King Charles II.

[German accent] Catapult wedgie.

Hmm! In Munich, I had to endure

the prototype of the atomic wedgie.

Phil, I keep telling you
not to use hologram geniuses

to help you with your homework.

They're no help at all.

They're the 2 biggest nerds of all time.

Hey, who drank all my juice boxes?!

What am I gonna do now?

It must be pretty hard stuff.

You've never had trouble with
your math homework before.

Well, uh, this isn't my homework.

It's Keely's.

Why are you doing her homework?

She got into advanced mathematics.

I gave her the answer to Foucault's Last
Conundrum.

You told her the answer is 3?!

It's 4. Yeah.

Oh, right, his Last Conundrum.

Right. The last. 4.

Anyway, now I'm stuck
doing all of her homework

while she's out playing
with some digit heads.

Well, that doesn't seem right.
Keely should be doing her own homework.

Yeah, you're right. She should.

I'm not gonna do her homework anymore.

- I'm gonna go to school, tell Hackett...
- Hackett?!

No, no. Mm-mmm.

If you don't keep feeding
Keely the answers,

Hackett's gonna find out that she didn't
know 'em in the first place.

Then he's gonna figure out that you solved
Foucault's Last Conundrum,

which will lead him to the only possible
conclusion... that we're from the future!

Or that we're aliens.

You gotta keep doing Keely's homework.

For years, Phil, years.

Or until you fix the time machine, right?

Yeah, sure.

It's gonna be years, isn't it?

Hey...

I finished your homework.

Look, I feel like I'm the one who
got you into this.

I'm really sorry.

Well, I'm sorry you have
to do all this work.

Hey, at least you're having fun, right?

Enjoying watering your little nerd garden?

I've never had so many brilliant people
look up to me before.

It's a great feeling. I'm loving it.

You're my best friend.

So if you're loving it,

I'll keep doing your homework.

Thanks, Phil.

You gotta get me out of there!

But, uh, you just said...

I don't know what's
going on in that class,

and I don't just mean the math.

I don't understand any of their jokes.

I mean, how many times can the punchline
be "1-1-0-1-0-0-1"?

Hmm...

Ok, I'm gonna get you out of there.

Just how do we do that without getting
Hackett all suspicious?

[sighs]

I'll stay in.

No. No.

You've already done enough.

I'm gonna take the heat for this one.

Really?

You'd do that for me?

What are best friends for?

This.

So, what are you gonna do?

I'm gonna tell Hackett that I got the
answer off my handheld,

used the Internet, and I gave it to you.

Phil, you could get
suspended for cheating.

I can't risk exposing
the truth about my family,

and you can't go on pretending
that you're smart...

In math.

Good save.

[electricity crackling]

[grunting]

Hey, look what they were giving away
at Bobby's Balloon World.

[crackling]

No!

It's amazing.

How did you harness such power?

Balloons like Curtis.

Curtis like balloons.

[chuckles]

Vice Principal Hackett?

Oh, my star pupil.

Oh, Keely, heard a great
math zinger today.

Let's see if I can get through this
without breaking up.

Why is 6 afraid of 7?



Mr. Hackett, we have something
to tell you.

Well, it must be pretty important

'cause you just stepped
right on my punchline.

It is. It's about
Foucault's Last Conundrum.

I'm listening.

Well, there's something that i...

Because 7 ate 9.

S-S-Sorry.

Mr. Diffy, I sense a confession coming on.

Proceed.

If you recall on the morning of...

Yesterday,

Keely figured out Foucault's
Last Conundrum.

But the truth...

Oh, yeah! Advanced progressive math
in the house!

Who are you people?

What's crackin', Hackett?

What's up, Keely?

Is that you, Grady?

That's grade "A",

like beef, eggs, and a clean restaurant.

Keely, check out my new contacts.

Alex?! I thought you were a boy.

I took Keely's advice
and bought girls' clothes.

My nerds. My sweet, sweet nerds.

What in the name of Pythagoras
has happened to you?

Keely. She showed us that there's more
to life than just math...

- Don't say it.
- Mathematics.

Oh, you take that back!

He speaks for all of us,
Vice Principal Hackett,

especially the ones who stand in the back
and don't talk.

Look, we haven't subtracted math

from our lives, we've added fun.

And it hasn't divided us,
it's multiplied...

Oh, hush, you.

You!

You've taken my prized show geeks

and turned them into... Teenagers!

[all gasping]

Miss Teslow, I can't have

your healthy ways poisoning
my advanced class.

You're back in regular math.

Never in all my years of being a student

did I think I'd utter
the following sentence...

I love regular math.

[Pim] Candida?

Pim Diffy.

I've been thinking.

You're right about me.

I am all those things you say I am.

Do you think we can be friends now?

I see what you're trying to do.

I'm not doing anything.

It's so sad that you think

that just by touching the most popular
girl in school,

some of my popularity will rub off on you.

That... that is what I'm trying to do.

Please just... Give me a hug.

Oh, oh, Pim, it doesn't work that way.

But it's so cute to see you beg.

I'll tell you what.

Here's a freebie.

Aah!

Aah!

My expensive hair!

[sobbing]

No smoking.