02x15 - Christmas Break

[bunniefuu]

TV on fire! TV on fire!

Aah!

[glass breaks]

- [whistling]
- No, Curtis,

it's a yule log. Just a video.

Pickford Public Access plays it
every Christmas

for people who don't
have fireplaces.

Curtis know that.

- Mmm.
- [doorbell rings]

I love Christmas in Pickford!

An endless supply
of carolers to heckle!

[horn blares]

Oh, it's just the girl.

[horn blares]

Merry Christmas!

[horn blares]

Hey, Keel.

Thanks for inviting me over

- to help trim the tree.
- Yeah, no problem.

Oh, good! You
haven't started yet.

First, I like
to start with the ornaments.

Preferably handmade.

Then, the lights,
tinsel, candy canes,

strung popcorn, and
finally the star.

Cool.

What?

Oh, I think Keely wants

to decorate the tree
the old-fashioned way, honey.

Oh.

Can do.

Thanks.

Oh! Don't want
to forget the star.

Ooh, that's my favorite part!

I know. You were
the Pickford yuletide

star Princess,
after all. That's right!

Wait... we didn't even
know each other then.

How'd you know about that?

Well, see, I actually
met you before you met me.

Met her?

You followed her around
like a pathetic puppy.

Really?

You were like,
"oh, we have to help

the pretty crying girl."

You know, all this
wouldn't have happened

if you hadn't broken
the yuletide star in the first place.

If you had just let me take it...

Why would I let you take it?

It wasn't yours
to take. It was...

Well, I should
have brought it...

- The thing that night.
- To the time machine.

- The Christmas tr...
- You could've brought it back.

[horn blares]

Can somebody please
tell me what you're talking about?

[Phil] It all started the day we
landed in Pickford

to do some last minute
Christmas shopping.

Diffys, welcome to 1999!

[inhales and coughs]

[chuckles] Classic smog.

Not as sweet as
new smog back home,

but, uh, just as filling.

[woman] Oh, my gosh.

Hey, Dad, do you think
we're dressed right?

Oops.

Diffys, welcome to 1999.

Are we still going
to Carp City in 2056?

Dad, it's not 1999. It's 2003.

Oh, darn!

I must have missed
the temporal off ramp!

Yeah, maybe 'cause
you kept trying to get

that space trucker
to honk his horn.

Ok, kids.

Enjoy 2003, but make sure you're

back in the time
machine in one hour,

or we're gonna
leave without you.

Don't worry.

The last thing I want to
do is get stuck in 2003.

♪ Meet a boy named Phil ♪

♪ And his family ♪

♪ On vacation from
The 22nd century ♪

♪ Got a rented time machine
And they're on their way ♪

♪ To a time way, way, way
Back in the day ♪

- ♪ So now he's Phil ♪
- ♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ Keeping it together
Just as best as he can ♪

♪ Phil ♪

- ♪ Phil ♪
- ♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

♪ 22nd century man ♪

♪ On a holiday Through history ♪

♪ But the final destination
Was a mystery ♪

♪ 'Cause something
On the time machine had blown ♪

♪ So they ended up
Right here in our time zone ♪

- ♪ So now he's Phil ♪
- ♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ Never knew in history
Just where he would land ♪

- ♪ Phil ♪
- ♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

- ♪ Phil ♪
- ♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

So the first thing we gotta do is find
a 21st century mall.

But, wait a minute.

You time traveled

all the way to this century
to find a mall?

I love you guys!

Oh, that, and Pim had to go
to the bathroom.

She can only go
from within 200 years

- of our house.
- Hmm.

Ooh. It says here
there are 2 malls

in the Pickford Mall District.

You kids decide.

- I'll pick.
- No.

Every time she picks,
we end up in some giant blood feud

with an ancient Aztec
warrior or something.

Then flip for it.

I call tentacles!

[coin hits ground]

[Phil] That's when you
come into the story.

[Keely] Ugh! Those
sneakers are so 2003.

Hmm, neat. Must be my lucky day.

[Keely] I remember
finding that coin!

But, I didn't see you. Did you see me?

[Phil] Kinda.

[Lloyd] This is bad.

This is bad, bad, bad, bad!

You kids gotta get
that coin back!

It's made of extraterrestrial alloy

that won't be discovered for
another 50 years!

And it's our dinner
money for Carp City tonight. Now go!

Wait! Dr-dressed like this?

Good point. We...

Need a rational
explanation, huh?

I got it! Tell 'em
you're with the, uh,

Department Of Astro Water And Power.

You're here to read their robots.

Just tell 'em you're in a band.

Oh, you're telling her
how we got the house?

No, Dad.

'Cause that's a funny story.

I was cleaning
the exhaust residue

out of the temporal
pump valve there.

Darn stuff builds up so fast.

Ugh.

[gasps]

Ohh, isn't it the cutest thing?

Someone's decorated
this antique dwelling for Christmas!

And look! They've
got a real tree!

Call me old-fashioned,

but it's just not
Christmas without

a traditional sh-900
fully programmable astro tree.

Hey? You guys interested
in the house?

I just put it up
for sale yesterday.

You guys in a band or something?

This whole place is for sale?

Oh, it's a charmer.

It's got a beautiful
view of the lake...

Well, once the city
gets done dredging the swamp.

You guys want to see the inside?

[gasps] Oh, Lloyd. Lloyd, come on.

This could be our
chance to take a look

at a real 21st century house.

Ok.

But we're not
stoppin' by the gift shop.

That's how they get ya.

[Phil] The house
story's great, dad.

Real edge of your seat stuff.

But, can I get back
to the one about me and Keely?

[Lloyd] Suit yourself.

We needed to get the coin back,

so we followed
you to H.G. Wells.

What is this? Some kind of kid prison?

Nah, no.

I think this is
an ancient school.

- [thud]
- [groans]

Whoo!

Wait, I've read
about this kind of guy.

This is what they
call in this century,

"the class clown."

Ha! You're hilarious, Screech.

There it is. There's the coin.

[Keely] And the Pickford
yuletide star was

brought to Pickford
in 1865 by its founder,

Ezekiel Pickford,
of Pickfordshire, Nevada.

For generations of Pickfordians,

this star has always symbolized

community and tradition.

As this year's Christmas
Princess, it's my job

to keep the antique
star safe and sound

until the tree
lighting ceremony.

It's so beautiful.

I'm gonna get some milk.

Here, have mine.

[Phil] While you were
giving the class clown your food,

I swiped the coin.

All right. I got it.
Everything would have been fine...

Let's go! But then, there's Pim.

What are you doing?

I got my souvenir.

Didn't you hear that girl?

This is the town's
most like, treasured possession.

- Put it back.
- No.

No, put it back.

No.

- Put it down.
- Give it back to me.

Put it down. This isn't yours.

[Phil] You can
always count on Pim.

[glass shatters]

Smooth move.

[broken glass clinks]

Oh, no.

[broken glass clinks]

Come on!

What?

Oh. No, no!

Miss Teslow, what seems
to be the problem?

And whatever it is,
please remember,

this school and
its parent company,

the Pickford Landfill Corporation,

are not liable.

[gasps] The whole town's gonna hate me.

I destroyed the yuletide star.

[gasps]

No, Keely. You destroyed Christmas!

Oh, Phil, come on.

Look, I feel really bad

about what we did
to that girl Keely.

What kind of name is Keely?

Asked Pim.

Look, we gotta find
a way to fix this.

What are we supposed to do?

Go back in time?

Yes, I am aware
there is a time machine

right behind me.
But that doesn't mean

Dad's gonna let you use it.

Unlike you, he doesn't

get all goofy over some
stupid 2003 girl.

I'm not getting all goofy over some
stupid 2003 girl!

She's not stupid.

[Lloyd] Ow!

[moans] What kind
of barbaric tradition

is putting popcorn on a string?!

I mean, grapes would
be so much easier!

Can we get back to the story?

Oh, I knew you'd
want to hear the rest.

When we last
left Barb and Lloyd,

they were about to enter the terrifying
house of history!

And we got a deluxe microwave.

Cooks a chicken in an hour.

An hour?

How long for a cup of coffee? A year?

[laughing] Right?

[laughing] Lloyd.

[cell phone rings]

Sounds like somebody's robot's

runnin' low on cheese.

[rings]

Feel free to look around.

[whispering] Hey, Lloyd!

I wonder what's in there?

Oh.

Lloyd, this tiny
cold room has actual food in it!

No way! We must be here before spray
food was invented.

Ugh! How did these
people survive?!

[shouting] Great gobs of delt!

Do you know the street value
of uncut aluminum foil?

I can't believe this guy just leaves
it lying around!

No! Lloyd...

Who knows what small
thing might disrupt

the time-space continuum!

Right, right, right.
Don't want to fool around

with the space-time continuum.

[aluminum foil rustles]

[sighs] Lloyd.

[Phil] Anyway, as Mom and Dad got
freaky over tin foil...

Pim and I went back in time

to try to fix the yuletide star.

- [thud]
- [tray crashes]

[chuckles] He is great.

[gasps] There we are.

- Let it go. It's mine.
- It's not yours.

Phil. Pim.

No, it's mine now.

[Phil] Luckily, we got
there just as we were

arguing over the star.

Uh-oh. Looks like Dad messed up

the space-time continuum again.

No, no. Dad doesn't know we're here.

We used the time machine
to go back in time

to make sure you don't
break the yuletide star.

Really? You took the time machine
without telling Dad?

[laughs] You are in
so much trouble.

Or wait... Maybe I am.

Don't get excited.

He's just crushing
on some blond girl.

[shouts] I knew it!

Both: I am not!

Ok. Let's go.

[Phil] My plan worked
perfectly. Until...

[glass shatters]

Oh, this is not good.

What?

No. No, I...

- Ooh.
- [whimpers]

Nothing ever broke during my reign
as Christmas prince.

Except the hearts
of the runners-up.

- [chuckles]
- [Phil] I couldn't believe it.

Even after going back in time,

the star was still broken.

And Pim was feeling...

All this time traveling

is starting to
make me want to time hurl.

Well, not so good.

Pim, we gotta go
back and fix this.

You're on your own, Slappy.

So this time,
I traveled back on my own.

- [thud]
- [tray crashes]

[Pim] I knew it!

[both] I am not.

I had to try to grab the box

before that moose
crushed it with his bowling ball.

Hey! What are you doing here?

Which I did... Beautifully.

Sweet dive and grab, man.

I couldn't have
done it better myself.

Thanks. Team effort.
Anyway, I should go.

[softly] Let's go.

[glass shatters]

Oh, come on!

- What!
- [glass clinks]

No. No. No!

Miss Teslow, what seems to
be the problem?

And whatever it is,
please remember,

this school and its
parent company,

the Pickford Rubber
Horse Factory,

are not liable.

The whole town is gonna hate me.

I destroyed the yuletide star.

[gasps]

Poor little star.

[both sobbing]

[Phil] It seemed like
that star was just

destined to be broken.

So, I went further back in time.

- [Phil] Give it to...
- [Pim] No, give it!

[Phil] It's not... put it down.

[Pim] Give it back!

And I got there just
when Pim and I were

arguing over the box...

[yells]

And grabbed the star
before we broke it.

Then jumped ahead in time to after
the moose broke it.

I figured if I replaced it at
that point in time,

then everything would be ok.

There, there. Pat, pat, pat.

Things are never
as bad as the seem.

But the whole town
is gonna hate me.

Except for now.

I destroyed the yuletide star.

Yeah, I'd hate to be the one in your
size 8 sparkled pumps

come the tree lighting ceremony.

But, I don't understand.

It was smashed
into a million little pieces.

[man] Uh-huh.

[Phil] And so, the Pickford
yuletide star was finally saved.

[Lloyd] That story may
be over, but we're right

at the most exciting part
of how we got the house!

So, Lloyd, what do you think?

Well, your snack
bar leaves a lot to be desired.

And, uh, I did not see
a trash can anywhere.

Are those... diamonds?

Diamonds, exhaust residue. It's all junk.

It really just weighs
down the time... camper.

May I?

I may be only an
amateur gemologist,

but these look like
internally flawless

decolored brilliants.

They're perfect.

Yeah, for the bottom
of the fishbowl.

[laughs] Right?

Tell you what...

You give me a handful of these
fishbowl rocks,

and you can have
the whole house.

- It's yours.
- Ok.

Oh, here's your deed. Gotta go.

[both] Sucker.

What's this?

[gasps] Lloyd, you bought
the whole house!

I did?

Oh! I love you, Lloyd!

And I love our cozy
Christmas vacation home.

And I can't wait to come back.

Oh, honey, thank you.

Thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you.

[chuckles] Oh, welcome.

Whoo hoo! I did it!

I'm the master of time,
space, and dimension!

Good for you. Can we leave now?

Hey, kids! Guess what?

Your dad bought
us an old-timey vacation home.

In this century?

I thought we were
spending summer with the Vikings.

I bought a helmet and everything.

I'll be sulking in my time pod.

Aw.

Ok, everybody on board.

We're outta here.

Hold on a second. Uh-oh,
I think I see a leak.

Take me a minute to fix, and then we'll
be a-headin' home.

[banging noises]

[sighs] Ok, this might
take a day or 2.

What?

Well, we could sleep in our
cozy new house.

[Pim] Aw, man.
I just inflated my pod.

Um, as long as we're
staying the night,

there's a Christmas
tree lighting ceremony

we could go to...

Ooh, a 21st century ritual.

Sounds like fun.

Oh, I hope they have monkey juggling!

What? Its Christmastime here, too.

It's an honor to be chosen
Pickford Princess.

But, before I
execute my sworn duty,

I have a story.

Earlier today,
I accidentally broke

the yuletide star
into a million pieces.

[all gasp]

I know.

Yes, that's how I felt.

But, when I opened the box,
a miracle happened.

The star was perfect.
It wasn't broken at all.

I guess I have a guardian angel

up there watching over me.

Hey, time boy, that's you.

I think we all do.

Isn't that kind of what
Christmas is all about?

[sobbing]

[sighs]

Hi. Oh.

That was you?

That's the first time we met.

Phil Diffy, you are
the most wonderful boy I've ever known.

[sighs]

[Lloyd] Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

After each of your
little joyrides

in the time machine,
did you remember to recalibrate

the temporal pump valve?

Uh... was I supposed to?

Yes. But you didn't, did you?

No. And that is why
the engine burned out,

and you know what that means...

It's Phil's fault
we're stuck here!

[shrieks] Phil! That guy! I win!

Ok, ok. I've gotta make
some calculations here.

Maybe now that I know what happened,

I can finally fix the time engine.

Phil, I'm very
disappointed in you.

Even though that was
a really sweet thing you did for Keely.

Yeah, but I didn't mean for
our whole family

to get stuck here.

Maybe it was meant to be.

[Lloyd, shouting] Sweet potatoes!

According to my calculations,

if Phil hadn't
broken the time engine,

and we left when I wanted us to,

we would've been trapped
in a massive time storm!

Who knows when we
woulda gotten free.

Like what happened
to the Jacobsons on their time trip!

Who are the Jacobsons?

Exactly!

So, I actually saved us?

I guess so.

[Pim] Whoa, whoa, whoa...

He's the bad kid for 10 seconds,
and that's it?!

[shouting] I am outraged!

I will not stand
for this injustice!

Want to put the
star on the tree?

'Kay.

♪ Oh, robo tree Oh, robo tree ♪

♪ You're programmed
Just to thrill us ♪

♪ Oh, robo tree Oh, robo tree ♪

♪ It's Christmas
Please don't k*ll us ♪

♪ We didn't mean
To make you frown ♪

♪ Release our kids
And put them down ♪

♪ Why didn't we buy astro tree ♪

♪ It's guaranteed not to k*ll us ♪

Or your money back!

Uh, that's a future
Christmas Carol?

No, no.
It's an ad from Mel's astro trees.

We just really like the tune.

♪ Oh, robo tree Oh, robo tree ♪

♪ You're programmed
Just to thrill us ♪

♪ Oh, robo tree Oh, robo tree ♪

♪ This Christmas
Please don't k*ll us ♪

♪ We didn't mean
To make you frown ♪

♪ Release our kids
And put them down ♪

♪ Why didn't we Buy astro tree ♪

♪ It's guaranteed
Not to k*ll us ♪

Ooh...

Want to hear Curtis
first day in Pickford?

Oh, that's right.

You stowed away
in the time machine

the whole time this
was going on, weren't you?

Oh, not whole time.

When everyone gone,
Curtis sneak out.

So what happened?

Oh, the adventures
Curtis have...

[yawns]

[thump]

[screaming]

[indistinct]

[screams]

[whimpering]

True story.