01x06 - Tray-ning Day

[bunniefuu]

♪♪

TRAY: What does it mean to be a man?

Being a man used to mean

being able to handle your business.

A man don't cry.

A man don't ask for help.

A man don't even go to the doctor.

Catch me if you can, Diabetes!

[LAUGHS]

But now in this present
time, rules are different.

Now, a man can be anything he wants.

Hell, he can even be a woman,

like the dude on the Wheaties box.

Sometimes, it's like
there's no rules at all.

♪♪

I don't know if that makes
things easier or harder.

♪♪

It's a mad house!

A mad house!

JAYBIRD: I keep telling y'all. I'm wild.

Don't let these curls fool you.

I'm out of my mind crazy, bruh.

Stole somebody's Citi
Bike, never returned it.

FELONY: Okay, okay. You think that's bad?

Yo, one time,

I stole a horse and
buggy from Central Park.

How you do that?

I caught the coachman slipping.

He was coming out of the
grocery with a handful of bags.

I hemmed him up in the alley,

got him for one of them avocados,

snatched his hat and coat,

horse never knew the difference.

I made like $88 before 5-0 rode me down.

Not to be impressed by
anything you did wrong,

but I'm impressed.

- Thank you.
- Fool?!

You know you can't tame no horse!

Stop lying!

Close the door!

Okay, I hear your horse thievery,

and I up you the Statue of Liberty.

- Word?
- Word.

Now, this is before 9/11,

so there weren't no
security up in that b*tch.

Now, my boy and I, we
bum-rushed the statue,

and he drops every tourist
from the panties down,

and I rob everybody

from the t*ts to the torch.

TRAY: That might be the
grimiest sh*t I've ever heard.

'Cause robbing the Statue of
Liberty is just un-American.

One time I k*lled a pigeon.

TRAY: k*lling a pigeon's
definitely messed up,

- but I think Big Country takes the cake.
- [DOOR OPENS]

[LAUGHS] Big Country always take the cake,

'cause he fat.

[LAUGHS]

Come on, y'all got to laugh at that one.

That's funny.

[FAKE LAUGHTER]

[LAUGHS]

[SIGHS]

BIG COUNTRY: Yo, Tray?

What's the wildest thing you ever done?

Who, me?

[SIGHS]

Ah, man.

- All right, so one time...
- [CELLPHONE VIBRATES]

It's my son.

Shahzad!

What's up, boy-boy?

Holla at me.

SHAHZAD: Hey, Tray?

Can you come to my school?

You want me to come to your school?

Yeah. Can you?

Sure. No doubt.

- Thanks, Tray.
- All right.

All right, cool.

♪♪

Gentlemen...

[SIGHS]

...my son needs me.

- Congrats, Tray. Good for you.
- JAYBIRD: Impressive, man.

Your boy had three parents to choose from

and he called you.

It's that biological connection.

Gentlemen, this will be my finest

hour.

[APPLAUSE]

- Shahzad?!
- [KNOCKS ON DOOR]

Oh.

You must be Mr. Barker.

Well, I must be.

What happened, Shahzad?

Eh, why don't you take a seat, Mr. Barker?

So, Shahzad was caught with a weapon

in school today.

What?! A weapon?

You brought a weapon to school?

You brought a g*n to school?

Well...

Nunchucks?

Those ain't no weapons.

Oh, well, technically, they are.

Well, if you could call that a weapon,

you could call anything a weapon.

But it's literally a weapon.

Well, I call this a weapon.

I mean, this heavy as sh*t.

You could bash somebody's brains in

if you wanted to.

What is this thing?

It's a hole puncher. A hole puncher?

It could punch a hole in
somebody's head, maybe.

- [LAUGHS] Sir, I...
- [DESK RATTLES]

And this...

This is a shank.

- That's a letter opener.
- A letter opener?

More like a stomach opener. Uh...

You know the damage you could do with this

on a prison yard?

- [GRUNTING]
- Sir?

Okay, Mr. Barker? [LAUGHS]

Those nunchucks look like

some damn "Ninja Turtle" toys.

Them 'chucks is probably the
safest thing in this room.

- Okay, this is absurd.
- Absurd?

What's absurd is you
trying to railroad my son

on some bullshit.

Did you see him use that weapon?

- Well, no, I didn't see him use them.
- There you go.

The burden of proof is on you.

Or do you just want to
see another black man

in the penal system?

Of course not.

Shahzad is a wonderful student.

He... he's never been a problem before.

But I'm afraid I am gonna
have to dismiss him...

...for the rest of the afternoon.

You know, maybe you can explain to him

why bringing something
like this into school

is inappropriate.

Madam, I will do just that.

And thank you for your understanding

on this matter.

Shahzad?

Come.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

- [DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
- [SIGHS]

Yo, Shahzad?

You getting in trouble at school?

Are you trying to discipline me now?

[LAUGHS] I'm not disciplining you.

The school is disciplining you.

You the one that got
suspended by your teacher.

- That was a guidance counselor.
- Whoever it is.

If you gonna call me out here,

why you not respecting me as a parent?

Oh. You trying to be my father now?

Shahzad?

Please don't play me.

Look, I didn't call Mom or Dad,

because I didn't want a lecture, Tray,

but it looks like I'm gonna get one anyway.

You damn right.

If you gonna get me involved in this,

let me know what's going on.

Or I get your mother involved

and she can deal with it.

And you know you don't want that.

What? You don't rat.

That's your whole thing.

I'll rat your little a*s out
like Sammy the Bull did Gotti.

Start singing.

[CHUCKLES] Fine.

♪♪

- Here you go, sir.
- Thank you.

- You're welcome.
- Don't I get one?

Hell, no.

You brought nunchucks to school, man.

Now, fess up. Why you
bring a weapon to school?

You said nunchucks aren't a weapon.

Of course, they're weapons.

You ever seen "Enter the
Dragon" with Bruce Lee?

He could take out a
whole room full of m*therf*ckers

with them nunchucks.

- Now, talk.
- [SIGHS]

I've been having trouble
at school, all right?

- You mean bullying?
- This kid named Noah.

He's huge, Tray.

He's fat and he has a pointy head.

Noah?

[LAUGHS]

You got beef with a dude named Noah?

If you're gonna make fun
of me, just forget about it.

Oh, hey, it's okay. It's okay.

I ain't mean to laugh, man.

It's not your fault.

It's just the way you were raised, man.

They got you all book-smart,

and you ain't got no street-smarts.

A'ight? You need to learn

how to handle yourself
like a man out here, man,

'cause these streets are tough.

Guess who poured the concrete?

That's where I come in.

Now, me and you gonna
have a day together, man.

You could consider this

your Tray-ning Day.

Mmm.

Come on, guys, we got zero.
You've given me nothing.

Nothing. Anything? You
got anything, please?

- Well, what about Canada, you know?
- What about it?

Yeah, we could have fun with it.

Poutine, ketchup potato chips.

- Uh-huh.
- It'd be very tongue-in-cheek.

- Be very tongue-in-cheek, yeah.
- Yeah.

If I pitch that to Anthony,
it's gonna be foot-in-a*s.

Come on.

[CELLPHONE RINGS]

- Yeah?
- WOMAN: Hi, is this Josh Birkeland?

- Speaking.
- This is The Rothman School.

We're gonna need you to
come down here right away.

- We have a little situation.
- Oh, brother.

Okay. Yeah, I'm at work, but I'll, uh...

I'll be right there.

See you soon.

Amira, your dad's gonna be here soon.

Noah, you okay?

No? Hmm.

Okay. That's fair.

JOSH: So, you were fighting at school

and Shahzad got sent home for nunchucks

and then got picked up by Tray?

What is happening?

I mean, tell me everything,

and start from the beginning.

Okay, well, Noah's been picking on 'Zad...

- Great.
- ...and he's scared to fight him,

so he brought nunchucks to protect himself,

got caught with the
nunchucks and got sent home.

There you go.

Okay, so you beat up this Noah

as, like, an act of revenge?

No, I beat up Noah,
'cause he's a punk, okay?

He needed to get beat up.

No. If you kids have a problem at school,

you come to me or you go to your mother.

We don't go around hitting people.

Tell you and Mom?

Oh, okay.

Yeah, I'll tell you and Mom,

'cause you guys will flip out,

just like you're doing right now.

Look, it's fine. I handled it.

No, you didn't handle it.

You got booted from school for three days.

That's not handling it.

Yeah, totally worth it.

Hey, we'll see how totally worth it is

when I tell your mother.

[ENGINE STARTS]

- You're really gonna tell Mom?
- Absolutely, yeah.

This is exactly why I
didn't want to call you.

- Oh, really?
- Yeah, really.

Shahzad didn't call you, either.

He called Tray.

Tray's cool.

[SIGHS] You guys aren't.

♪♪

- I am cool.
- Yeah.

Right.

I am.

♪♪

[SIGHS]

Stupid thing.

♪♪

Hi, and welcome to Grundle's.

Oh. Tray, it's you.

You didn't recognize me with my son, huh?

No, I didn't.

That's your son? [LAUGHS]

Shahzad, this is my coworker Elizabeth.

Um, I'm actually his manager.

I'm his boss.

But it's nice to meet you, Shahzad.

Hi, nice to meet you.

Oh. He seems so nice and articulate.

He seems different than you.

Well, he's his own man.

Look, I came to pick up my check.

Oh, well, checks get mailed on Tuesday.

Yeah, but they get cut on Monday.

You don't have to mail mine.

Tray, we can't release them early.

Is Wavy back...? Wavy?!

Hang on, I'll call him.

Wavy?! Tray's here!

WAVY: Stack that in the corner.

What up, baby boy?

Yo, Wavy. I need my check.

I'm hanging out with my
son today, and I'm broke.

This your son?

Man, that boy look just like you,

except he more handsome.

Must be Shay's fine-a*s genes.

Uh, yeah, the checks came this morning.

- Let me grab one for you.
- ELIZABETH: Oh, no, no, wait, wait.

Just want to remind you,

we're not allowed to release checks early.

[SIGHS] Right. Right.

We could get in a lot of
trouble from corporate, Tray.

Yeah, but how they gonna find out, though?

WAVY: Here we are.

I'll advance you a couple dollars,

some walk-around money.

Nice to meet you, young man.

Nice to meet you.

- WAVY: You have a good day.
- You, too.

- Thanks a lot, homey.
- Any time.

[CLEARS THROAT]

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

- Hi.
- Welcome to Grundle's!

TRAY: This what my father did for me.

Taught me how to handle myself.

Buying this was a waste of money, Tray.

- Yo, take your glasses off, man.
- This is dumb.

What the [BLEEP]?!

Tray, you almost broke my glasses!

Well, that's why I told
you to take 'em off!

- Put your hands up.
- I don't want to fight.

Sometimes in life, you got to fight.

I don't want to! Stop!

Come on, man, hit me back!

I don't want to!

Why are you doing this?

Tough love!

My father wasn't there for me, either, man!

But he cared enough

to whup my a*s a few times!

You've got to protect yourself

against these bullies, man,

or they gonna walk all over you!

You think this is how you succeed in life?

What do you even know about that?

You sold crack and went to prison.

I hate you.

♪♪

Shahzad?!

Shahzad!

♪♪

AMIRA: Wait.

What are we doing here?

I think we both need to
decompress a little bit.

Does this mean I'm not in trouble anymore?

Not by a longshot.

♪♪

Oh, hey! Look who it is!

Oh, the Birkelands!

Amira, hey!

- Joshy!
- Hey, ladies.

Are we gonna do this?

♪ I'm gonna get my sexy on ♪

So, after 15 years in prison,

he shows up at one of Shannon's events.

Hello?

And then just like that, he's back in.

He's coming over for surprise visits,

he's picking the kids up from school.

- Hunh-unh?
- Yeah.

How do you feel about that?

How do I feel about it?

I mean, I'm [SIGHS] surprised

but I'm not threatened.

- Really?
- Uh, yeah.

Hey, I'm a secure man.

Besides, you know what?

Shannon ain't the only
one with a shady past.

- Oh, look at him now!
- All right, Josh! Okay!

[LAUGHTER]

No, we get along fine.

I mean, Tray's a good guy.

He's a little crazy, unpredictable.

He is so fun, though.

He showed us around
his old stomping grounds

and told us all these crazy stories.

Mm-hmm.

Sounds like my ex-husband Todd.

Yeah, he was wild and would say anything

that came to his mind.

[LAUGHTER] I know.

It's like this guy Michael at my school.

- Now he's a bad boy.
- Unh-unh.

You got to watch that type.

See, they're fun,

but they can get you into trouble.

JOSH: That's right.

That is right. That's too true.

Too true.

Who is Michael?

Anyway... Look, my mom,

she did some crazy stuff with Tray, too.

He got her to throw a brick

through a cop car window one time.

What? Are you ser...

- Wait. When?
- You'd better watch out, Joshy.

Mm-hmm. That bad boy's back in town.

Ooh! It's like that movie...

Okay, what is that movie with Will Ferrell?

Um, ooh, with that fine-a*s Mark Wahlberg?

- You know what I'm talking about?
- I know what you talking about.

- You know what I'm talking about?
- I know what you talking about.

- AMIRA: Oh, um... "Daddy's Home."
- Yep, that's it, "Daddy's Home."

Except, Tray is Mark Wahlberg

and Joshy is Will Ferrell.

- [LAUGHTER]
- What?!

No! [LAUGHS] No, no, no.

I don't think so.

No, he's the nerdy one in that.

I'm just messing.

[LAUGHTER]

No. I'd be Mark Wahlberg.

Yeah, you know, in a...

In a Will Ferrell kind of way.

- Yeah.
- That's right.

Shahzad, I'm sorry.

I was trying to teach you what I know, man.

Where I come from, you've got to be tough.

The world got teeth, and they bite.

I don't need any of that stuff, Tray.

Any of it.

How you gonna defend yourself

against the bullies in school

if you can't protect yourself?

Look who's talking.

What do you mean, look who's talking?

You got bullied today

by that lady at the coffee shop.

She wouldn't even give you your paycheck.

Your money that you earned.

You got punked today.

You couldn't do anything about it.

That's my job and she's above me.

She's above you, because
she has an education,

not because she knows how to fight.

All this talk about the
streets and being tough,

that's just dumb.

Nobody cares about that
when you're a grownup,

except for losers.

You think I'm a loser?

You think I'm a loser? Okay.

I'm gonna show you some losers.

Uh! You... you dirty rat!

James Cagney, the exterminator.

Come on, man,

y'all don't know comedy or classic movies.

Hey, y'all, this my son Shahzad.

Yo, what's up, lil' man?

What up?

Is that the one he just met?

Ah, the seed.

Heard a lot about you. [SNIFFS]

What's up, lil' T?

He got in trouble in school, man.

I'm trying to put him on
the straight right now.

Young man, young man, you don't
have to go down this path, bruh.

Mistakes are like scars.

We carry them for life.

Look, Shazam...

- His name is Shahzad.
- My bad.

Shahzad, look, listen
what the old heads say.

Now, the moron has to touch the stove

to learn that it's hot,

but the genius can see
the moron burn himself,

he's gonna be like, "Nah,
I'm not gonna touch that."

What I'm trying to say is,
respect your elders, bruh.

- You know what?
- And I got to say it...

Respect the youth, as well, good brother.

Now, see, I can respect
that, but you got to remember,

there's two days that
you can't do a damn thing,

that's yesterday and today.

Why can't you do nothing today?

Because you can't know the past

and you can't know the future,

but what good is the future
if you don't know the past?

But there's a memory of the past

and hope for the future.

And ain't nobody paying
attention to the present.

Now, ain't that about a
b*tch there, Brother Felony?

You know what, Brother Jaybird?

That's where we spend the most time.

MULLINS: Hey, y'all think
y'all kicking knowledge?

Come on, I was doing a bit. Eyes up here.

Nah, this is more important

than them weak-a*s jokes
you saying, Mullins.

What you think it's wisdom
they kicking right here, Tray?

I don't hear no wisdom.

Me, personally, all I hear
is a bunch of jibba-jabba.

That's what I hear.

Your lil' boy look like

he got his head on straight right there.

How old you, lil' boy?

15.

15.

Boy, I tell you,

I remember when I was 15.

I was living in Macon, Georgia,

and I got caught doing the nasty

in the back of a pickup
truck with Jerry Simms.

JAYBIRD: Jerry Simms?

What you doing making out
with somebody named Jerry for?!

Jerry Simms was a girl!

I ain't never met no girl named Jerry, Mul.

- You ain't never heard of Jerry Hall?
- Jerry... Who that?

That's Mick Jagger old woman.

You trying to tell me Mick
Jagger don't know women?

Yo, I suspect Mick Jagger
knows both males and females.

GUSTAVO: He is a sexual being.

No, no, he g*y!

- [LAUGHTER]
- Mick Jagger's not g*y!

Mick Jagger ain't no g*y! Mick Jagger?!

That's not g*y, right there.

[ALL SHOUTING]

Hey, hold up, hold up! Where y'all going?

Y'all just got here.

I came here to teach my son a lesson.

- Seems like I did it.
- Yeah, I got it, loud and clear.

Well, what's the lesson?

Y'all the lesson.

Peace.

What the hell that's supposed to mean?

We the lesson? That
don't even make no sense.

We the lesson. Well, you're welcome!

d*ck-licker.

Man, I've been dying to
see this on the big screen.

It's so cool that they're
showing in theaters again.

Oh, yeah. I mean, James
Baldwin's observations

on race relations

were nothing less than incendiary.

I mean, to say that in the '60s,

that's brave.

- [CELLPHONE RINGS]
- That is...

Hold on a second.

- Hey, babe.
- SHAY: Hey, baby,

I forgot to pick up coffee
creamer at the market.

Can you pick up some on your way home?

Yeah, I will.

Uh, listen,

there's, uh, something I need to tell you.

Um...

What I wanted to say was, uh...

I love you.

SHAY: I love you, too, big head.

But no more pregnant pauses.

I thought something was wrong.

Yeah, I'm sorry. Sorry.

Listen, I'll bring the
creamer in a few hours.

I'm still working on
some copy at the office.

SHAY: Okay.

Thank you, baby. Bye.

All right, bye.

[SIGHS]

I, uh... I take back what I said before

about you not being cool.

It's no big deal.

I know you were just upset.

You also know you spoil me, right?

Yeah, guilty as charged. Huh?

I love you.

♪♪

- Thanks for covering for me.
- Yeah.

- But Mom is gonna flip when she finds out.
- Yeah. She is.

She's gonna go crazy.

TRAY: I don't know what
jokes you was listening to.

- SHAHZAD: [LAUGHS] Mullins is funny, Tray.
- No, he's not.

He's a corny dude who's
going steady with prostit*tes.

[LAUGHS]

Just don't forget the
lessons you learned today.

Which lessons are we talking about, Tray?

The same lessons I learned.

Don't be like your old
man, don't do what I did,

and don't follow the code of the streets.

It'll bring you nothing
but failure and chaos.

Come on, Tray.

- It's not even like that.
- Oh, it is like that.

I live in a halfway house,

and I sleep in a bunkbed

under a dude that's 300 pounds.

I want you to be a better man than me.

I want you to succeed where I failed.

And you will, Shahzad.

I can tell.

Tray?

♪♪

Thank you for coming to my school today.

I'd do anything for my son.

'Night, Tray.

Oh, wait a minute.

I'm taking these. I'm keeping these.

You can't get these back.

Keep 'em, Tray.

I don't need 'em no more.

Later.

Later.

♪♪

[DOOR CLOSES]

My man. 50 grand.

♪♪