02x01 - Ladies First

[bunniefuu]

When you're a convict, life on
the outside happens without you.

Ten months after getting out of prison,

I'm still learning about all
the things I missed out on.

I wish I'd had my kids
back in the good ol' days

when being a dad was easier.

You didn't have to go
to no birthday parties...

you didn't have to do no hair...

didn't have to help with no homework.

Back then, all you had
to do was teach your son

how to tie a tie for
the eventual funerals...

and, your daughter, how
to keep her legs closed.

Now I have to learn all
this social-media stuff

just to communicate with my kids.

The real reason is back then,
the expectations were lower.

There was a lot less for
dads to do, which means...

there was a lot less
for dads to miss out on.

Okay, okay, I get it.

You see a black man sitting here,

so I must be selling
or stealing something.

Well, you got the wrong dude,
Officer! 'Cause that ain't me!

Actually, I see a grown man on a bench

with a coat folded in his lap
taking pictures of little kids.

h*, h*. Okay.

I see your point, and it's valid.

Yo, Felony, I did not know you was

in the medical profession
in addition to being a thief.

I'm wearing scrubs 'cause I
was my girlfriend's labor coach.

Oh. Did you cut the cord? It's so cool.

I cut the cord on both of my kids.

I did, and we delayed
clamping, of course.

- Of course.
- What the hell is going on?!

Ain't like the old days, Tray.

These fathers go through
the whole process now. Ugh!

I'll just add that to the list of things

I missed out on with my kids.

Man, I went from pre-natal care

right up until the baby came out.

I think you mean, "Until
the placenta came out."

Alejandro, you gotta
be here at least a month

before you earn the
right to drop knowledge.

But I thought I was waiting a
month to use the bathroom already.

- I don't make the rules, okay?
- Yeah, you did.

Right before Alejandro
moved in, you said,

"Let's break this fool."

And it worked, man.

What's goin' on, my
rehabilitated refugees?

Cuzzo. I'm outside
mad-long. What's goin' on?

Sorry, Bobby. My man Felony
just had a baby yesterday.

- Congratulations! Natural birth?
- Yeah.

Oh, that's a perfect round
head for the vaginal delivery.

- That is excellent.
- You know how to deliver babies?

You remember, uh, Koko,
my sister's best friend?

- She had the uneven t*tties?
- Mm-hmm.

Anyways, I wake up one
morning. I go to the kitchen.

She in the middle of
labor, on the table, 'kay?

You know what I'm saying? My
sister's gone. Mom's is at work.

She used to work at, uh,
D'Agostino's off of Third.

You know what I'm saying? You
know, that's not even there no more.

It's an architectural firm.

- It's, like, uh, "Logan and Burns Designs," 'kay?
- Bobby!

Cut to the chase!

Okay, okay. So, I get a cab, right?

So, we're on the way to
Manhattan to see the doctor.

Her contractions is goin'
crazy, and they 20 seconds apart.

So I'm like, "Pull the cab over."

And right there in the
back of the Yellow Cab,

the baby was born on the side
of the Brooklyn Bridge, B.

- So you delivered that baby?
- You know what? No, no.

Luckily, the cabbie was an
obstetrician in, uh, BanGladesh.

Check this out. This is
when I started filming

when Julie was at 10 centimeters.

Wow!

Baby, I think it's wrong.

The picture shows that
the holes are on top.

Yeah, why are we even doing this?

Have you not seen the house?

There is nowhere to put any of our crap.

All of our stuff is on the dining table.

You got books, you got iPads,
you got, uh, cellphones.

And we always gotta clear the table off

before we can even eat a meal.

And if I have take off
one more electronic gadget

or if I trip over another cord,
you're gonna end up havin' to

take me out of here in a straitjacket!

I meant, why didn't we just
pay somebody to assemble it?

- Oh. Sorry.
- Mm-hmm.

- I-It's been a long week.
- Yeah, I know.

Should be in bed binge-watching
some TV or just relaxing.

You tryin' to have some afternoon sex?

- Yes. Yeah.
- Oh, well, you should've just said that

from the get-go, you know.

- Ugh. Hold on.
- Really?

Wait a minute. You stay right
there, 'cause I'm getting that.

Shay.

Please tell me you filmed
the kids being born.

Josh, do those instructions
say, "Answer random-a*s question

from dude that doesn't
call before comin' over"?

Uh, it's mostly just pictures. Uh...

Josh, were you in the delivery room

when the twins were being born?

You know I didn't meet
the kids until they were 4.

- What's up, Tray?
- The guys at the halfway house

all got to see their kids being born.

You know, they coached, they cut cords.

Even Bobby coached a birth!

Anyway, please tell me filmed it.

I would love to see my kids being born,

even if it's videotape.

Yeah, I mean, one of my girlfriends

was in the delivery room with a camera,

but I don't know where the tape is at.

Now, look here. We was in
the middle of something.

- Can this wait?
- I waited 15 years.

And I don't know what
that day is about...

how much they weighed,
where they were born at,

if it was caesarean.

I don't even know which one of my kids

pushed their way into
this crazy-a*s world first!

- Amira came out first.
- Of course she did.

- Yeah.
- Anyway, Shay, please.

No, man, I lost all of that.

First birthday, first
holiday, first steps,

first words...

... first breath.

Look, I can look down in the basement

and see if it's in one
of those boxes down there.

- Maybe the tape's in there.
- Wait.

You got a videotape of the
kids' birth in the basement?

I wanna see that. I've never seen that.

I was howling like I was
transforming into a werewolf.

It wasn't an easy time for me then.

James told me not to bring
the kids this weekend.

I was like, "What do you
think? I'm made of money?"

My mother can't babysit them anymore,

especially since he got just
locked up for the third time.

Well, I brought extra
food in case the kids get hungry,

and I got a whole sock full of
quarters for the vending machine.

I remembered my quarters this week.

And my pictures of the new baby.

Made Gary some
peanut-butter cookies, too.

If that as*h*le guard let
me bring 'em in this time.

- First time on the bus?
- It's that obvious?

- You goin' to visit family members?
- My boyfriend.

He's in for attempted m*rder,
but he didn't do it, though.

We got ourselves a good lawyer
this time, so he's appealing it.

I just hope he's out in
time for Christmas this year.

My boyfriend won't be.

Listen, I'm-a tell you something
that I wish someone had told me

the first time that
Caesar got locked up.

Okay, you gonna have to
be on the phone a lot.

You can buy him these phone
cards so he can call you collect.

And then if he waits till after
midnight, it's a little cheaper.

Also, me and Caesar, we write
to each other all the time.

That's why I always carry this around.

You see how the stamp is upside down?

- Mm-hmm.
- That means "I love you."

Can't he just say that in the letter?

- What you mean?
- Never mind.

Is your dad on a time-out, too?

What's that?

Is your dad here 'cause he's
on a time-out like my daddy?

Yeah. Time-out. That's right.

Get your ID's out!

What are you doing, crazy man?

Tryin' to get this
good baby smell on me.

Boy, that has been in a
box for the last 14 years.

If anything, it smells like mothballs.

I wonder who wore this
one. Amira or Shahzad?

They both did.

I was so overwhelmed
when they were little.

It didn't matter to me. Boy or girl.

As long as they were clean,
I was puttin' their clothes on 'em.

This was the last box.

You know, I moved around a lot, Tray.

I'm sorry. It must've
got lost in the shuffle.

Shay, where'd you get that elephant?!

From the box. Why?

I had the same exact one!

Shahzad used to carry this around
with him everywhere. It was his.

I used to carry mine's
around all the time, too.

Yo, listen. When I was a kid,

elephants was my jam.

Especially after I learned
that they'll stomp their owners

to death if they're mean to them.

They don't forget.
And they got big dicks.

Hmm, well, Shahzad like
"Dumbo," the Disney movie.

I wonder what the twins
got in common with me.

Ha. Way too much.

Shahzad chewed just like you.

Amira make that same face that
you make when you concentrate.

- I'm concentrating.
- Mm-hmm.

They used to drive me crazy.

Oh, and they both loved
to grab at my boobs.

And we know that's genetic.

Well, that's 'cause we recognize
top-shelf boobs when we see them.

- Shay.
- Hmm?

It's all right. Thanks for trying.

You know what? We got a
storage unit up in Queens.

Maybe the tape's there.

- Where are you going?
- I'm going to Queens.

It's a long subway ride,
and I'm going upstairs first

to get some of them energy
bars you and Josh got.

You know I got a car, right?

Well, I'm-a still have the
energy bars. You coming?

Today, we are going to the farm.

Boy, it is nice to have some help.

I don't know when the last time it was

I sat down here and just relaxed.

This whole VCR setup you got going

is the life-saver, girl... not me.

And lookit. You have baby videos.

Are you crazy?

Before you got here, I used
to have to take the twins

with me to the bathroom
when I got ready for work.

They seen me naked so times,

I don't even think they
recognize me with clothes on.

- Hey. I'm gonna go warm up their food...
- Mom.

... while they... What?

I am so proud of you.

Six months clean. You are doing so good.

Thank you, baby.

I'm just sorry I wasn't here
for you when they were born.

Well, you're here now.

And like I keep telling
you, I got a birth video

we can sit down and watch together
so you can see what we missed.

And I keep telling you,
"Hell naw." Mnh-mnh.

Look. I haven't even
watched it by myself.

I feel like it's weird.

And watching it with
your mama feels right?

- Yeah.
- Girl, I don't wanna see stuff

coming out of your coochie!

Don't get your hopes up.

Just check anything that has "2002."

Damn. These all the
letters I wrote you from prison?

Yeah.

They're still sealed.

I wrote you dozens of
letters from prison,

and you didn't read one?

I was afraid, Tray.

Afraid of what?

I mean, you wouldn't
even tuck your chain in

while we was ridin' the R train.

But you were scared
to read them letters.

I knew whatever you
wrote would piss me off

or make me wanna try
to work things with you.

And I couldn't afford
either one. I'm sorry.

I had to be indifferent,
or I wouldn't have made it.

Hmm. I get it.

But damn. I poured my
heart out in those letters.

Well, if it'll make you feel any better,
I can read one right now.

It would.

Okay.

Let's see.

N-No.

I wrote this one asking you
to put some money on my books.

No. No. Not this one.

I wrote this one asking you to send me

some nasty pictures of yourself.

No.

I wrote this one 'cause I was mad at you

for not sending nasty
pictures of yourself.

Oh, hell, no! This was
nasty pictures of me.

- Who took those?
- Don't worry about it!

No, no, no, no. Let's find one.

Let me see if I can find
one in here that's good.

This is a good one right here.

This is a letter...

the happiest day of my life in prison.

The day I got my G.E.D.

I didn't know you got
your high-school diploma.

And look at you, Tray.

I don't know what I
was so damn excited for.

I had eleven more years to go, man.

I didn't know what I was gonna do.

What, I was gonna ask for
a raise at my kitchen job?

You know, enroll in college
and defer it for 12 more years?

Well, maybe it was good
to break up the monotony.

Hm. I didn't do it
for that, though, Shay.

I was planning on gettin'
out and taking care of you.

Now the kids are here.

I'm even more motivated
to get myself together.

And when I do that, baby,
that's when I'll be proud.

- Ah! There it is! I found it!
- Whoa!

I was gonna make you
reenact the delivery for me.

But now all we got to do is get a VCR,

go to your house, and
watch this with Josh.

I don't have a VCR.

You mean to tell me you got a pinstripe
polka-dot pantsuit from 1982,

but you threw out the
machine that plays this?

No. I didn't throw it out.

- _
- SHAY: Mama, tell me the truth.

You sold my g*dd*mn TV
so you could buy drugs!

Don't you cuss around me.
I can still slap your...

You are high on crack, and
you stole your daughter's TV!

And you're talkin' about me cussin'?!

You need to get help.

Hmm.

f*ck.

Wait a... Wait a minute.

Where's the money that was in here?

Ohh! How should I know?

There was $200 in here yesterday, Mama.

How dare you accuse me!

That was my grocery money.

How am I supposed to feed my kids?!

Get out. Get out of my house!

What you mean, get out of your house?

- Yep.
- Girl, you ain't sh*t!

- You gonna put me out?!
- Get out of my house!

Oh, please. I ain't thinkin' 'bout you!

Get the f*ck out!

Ohh. My babies. My babies.

Yeah. Yeah.

Shh. Shhh.

We come too far, and I got to
watch this video tape tonight!

But we don't have a VCR.

Hmm. I think I know somebody who might.

Seriously? What kind of cheapskate
hoarder would still have a VCR?

The kind that runs a halfway house.

I thought you was
exaggerating when you said

this Mullins character was cheap.

This looks like a high-school
production of "Good Times."

Shh. Keep it down. I'm supposed
to get permission ahead of time

before I bring anybody in
here of the female persuasion.

- You mean women?
- Ain't nobody said nothin' about no woman.

I said "female."

When I first got here,

he confiscated a bearded
dragon from Big Country

when he found out it was a she.

- Mm-hmm.
- Took it down to his private quarters

in the basement, none
of us ever saw it again.

God damn it. I would hate to think

of what happened to little Tatiana.

I liked that bearded dragon.

I bet you she k*lled herself,

'cause I would hate to live here.

I hate everything about
here, to be honest.

Well, you try living
here. Check it out, yo.

There you go. There you go right there.

This is the second childbirth
video I've seen today.

Huh?

Come on, girl! Come on.

Who's that talking? Who filmed this?

My old friend Lisa Johnson.

Ratchet-a*s Lisa Johnson?

Turtle from the projects?

- Lisa is not ratchet.
- Pop it out like a ping-pong ball!

Pop it, pop it, pop, enh!

Okay, maybe you should
mute it right here.

- Yup.
- It's not... Nothing happenin' for a minute.

You still keep in contact with Turtle?

Are you serious?

I lost all my friends
after the kids were born.

Single moms just have to survive.

No time for fun or socializing.

I mean, for years, my idea
of fun was taking a bath

or going to the laundromat alone.

Can I ask you something else, Shay?

Why'd you save my letters if
you wasn't gonna read them?

I don't know.

I am so sorry for missing
the interview earlier.

Thank you so much for
squeezing me in, Ms. Koch.

Not a problem. Please call me Julie.

Okay. Well, clothing is my passion.

This is my favorite store.

It would be a dream come
true to be able to work...

C-Can you excuse me just
one moment? Just a second.

My babysitter said she was sick again.

Might be time for me to get a new one.

Here you go.

- Single mom?
- Yeah.

Me too.

You look amazing for
having two toddlers.

I was such a wreck
when mine were that age.

- Thank you so much for saying that, Julie.
- Mm-hmm.

I actually made this dress myself.

- You're kidding me.
- No, I'm not kidding.

Here. Try this with that printed blouse.

And it's a great length for you, too.

Ooh, this is perfect.

I usually don't like what
salespeople pick out for me,

but you have a great eye.

You should go into fashion.

You know, I've thought about
that, but I'm a single mom,

and those fashion programs
are so expensive...

Yeah, I'm still paying
off student loans.

Hmm. If I had parents

that could help out,
maybe I would, but...

Oh, your parents not around?

Well, my mom is, but she's an addict.

Crack. It's horrible.

And then the father of my
children, he's in prison,

and that's because he was selling crack.

And then you... You know what?

Um, how 'bout I go ahead and just set up

a fitting room for you,
and you can try this on?

It's gonna look great on you.

I forgot how disgusting
and primal childbirth is.

This is some serious
"Wild Kingdom" type sh*t.

It's like me right there

is the same thing as a female gazelle.

I was gonna say a Tasmanian devil.

But I'll tell you what.

Your stretched-out va-jay-jay
look way better than

Felony's girl's
stretched-out va-jay-jay.

Worst compliment I've ever gotten.

That's my daughter's head right there.

Yeah, she's crowning. Oh, no. Mnh-mnh.

- Is that a piece of...
- Yeah.

I pooped on the table right there.

Are you sure you wanna
continue to watch this?

Hell yeah! That's my daughter's head.

I wanna watch every second of this!

Mnh-mnh-mnh. Un-mute it.
I wanna hear this part.

Okay. Had a little accident.

We're just gonna wait
till they clean that up.

But don't worry. Twin Number
One will be making his debut.

Aaah! My p*ssy's tearing!

Okay. Okay. Here we go.

Look. That's baby Amira.

That's my daughter. My princess.

Aw, don't get me to crying, Tray.

Don't cry. You're gonna make me cry now.

Shay, that's our baby right there.

I know.

I can't believe you did
all that by yourself, Shay.

You're so strong.

A g*dd*mn queen, my dear.

I'm sorry that I put you in a position

where you had to be so strong.

I owe Josh. He stepped in.

He protected you... and the kids.

I could never repay him for that.

No, I can't.

Thank you, Tray.

Aw, Shay, come on. Of course.

Now, be honest.

Did it turn you off when
you saw me poop on the table?

Let's say the poop didn't help, okay?

Oh. That's Shahzad.

Well, they're twins. Yeah.

If you would've told me
you had him a week later,

I would've believed you.

I don't know nothin' about this stuff.

You're a damn idiot.

- He's so beautiful.
- Yeah.

_

Hey! Mom's home!

- Hey, Mom.
- Hey, Mom.

How are you?

Yeah, we're working on the shelves. See?