02x01 - Queasy Rider

[bunniefuu]

Ah-hyuck!

♪ H-h-h-hit it ♪

♪ Like father, like son ♪

♪ You're always number one ♪

[both] Yes!

♪ There's buddies, there's pals ♪

Yeah!

♪ You always seem to work things out ♪

♪ Can't you see you're two of a kind ♪

♪ Lookin' for a real good time ♪

Whoa!

♪ A real good time ♪

Aah!

♪ Report to the Goof Troop ♪

♪ And we'll always stick together ♪

♪ Always stick together ♪

♪ We're the Goof Troop ♪

♪ The best of friends forever ♪

♪ Side by side wherever we go ♪

♪ We're always ready to roll ♪

-♪ Now gimme a beat ♪
-♪ We're the Goof Troop ♪

♪ And we always stick together ♪

Gawrsh!

♪ We're the Goof Troop ♪

♪ The best of friends forever ♪

♪ Now we're calling everyone ♪

♪ Come along and join the fun ♪

♪ Report to the Goof Troop ♪

♪ Baa ba doo da bop baa ba doo bop ♪

Yeah!

[bike engine revving]

[video game music playing]

Maximum cool, but no way
he'll do it again.

Bet you a set of handlegrips
he does.

[all] Yay!

Another Wild Rider record.

And another free pizza!

Man, we're talkin' one coo-el dude!

Ya wanna see coo-el? Watch me.

Hey. Wild Rider's not for goofballs.

Yeah? This goofball's gonna wipe you out.

Have you popped your top?

Nobody beats Butch.

Back off, Peej.

I've been practicing at home.

Ha ha. Check out the mild rider, guys.

Peer pressure. Great.

Could be worse.

[Goofy] Max! Oh, Max!

It's worse.

Max! Where ya hidin'?

Getting picked up
by your dad--major uncool.

Ah-hyuck! A-ha ha ha!

Howdy!

Whoa!

Ah-hoo hoo hoo!

Ah-hyuck! There ya are, Max.

Hope you didn't forget.

We're gonna whip up a mess o' your
favorite cupcakes.

I even got the jimmies.

Dad.

Hey, check out the cheesehead.

Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

Hey, hotshot, sure you don't wanna
play another game?

My quarter.

Let's just go, OK?

Hold on, Max.

This looks kinda fun.

[engine revving]

Ah-hyuck! It moves!

Gawrsh! Tougher than it looks. Ah-hyuck!

Heh heh. Like father, like goofball.

Ah-hyuck! That's fun, but it's time to go.

I hear those cuppycakes a-callin'!

Doomed to be a dweeb.

[birds chirping]

[P.J.] C'mon, Max-o.

You can't hide in your garage forever.

Look, P.J., the world is divided
into two groups--

the cool guys and everybody else.

Butch is cool, I'm everybody else.

At least nothing stupid
can happen to me here, right?

Yike!

Max, are you alive?

Yeah, I'm OK.

I, uh... uh... uh...

Hey, whatcha lookin' at?

It's just a... motorcycle!

A real motorcycle!

[both] Cool!

Never seen Max so down in the dumps.

Gotta cheer him up.

Whoa!

Dad? Dad!

Oh, Dad!

[Goofy] Ah-hyuck! Cheered up already.

[thumps]

A motorcycle! We found a motorcycle!

In our garage!

That old thing? Almost forgot I had it.

Can P.J. and I wheel 'er out, huh?

Well, I don't know...

We'll clean her up shiny as new.

It's not a toy, you know.

It'll look so choice.

Oh... OK.

[both] Yes!

But ya gotta promise ya won't ride it.

Won't leave the driveway. Goof's honor.

[Max straining]

Butch thinks he's cool?

Wait'll he catches me on this bad boy.

We're talkin' subzero.

Uh! Dream on.

But don't worry.

I won't forget you when I'm cool.

Cool, huh?

Wha--?

Whoa!

[P.J.] Ha ha! Ride 'em, cowboy!

Ha ha ha ha! Oh, great!

Oh, P.J....

At your service.

Whoa!

You can run, but you can't stay dry.

OK, OK. I give.

The water blaster--

Silent, lethal, gets the job done.

[P.J.] Whoa.

[both] Way cool!

Well, hmm...

Mm-hmm...

Nice work, boys.

Thanks, Dad.

'Course, it'll never run.

And why not--

Uh, sir?

Wake up and smell the axle grease, Goofer.

Transmission's gone.

Looks real pretty though.

You boys want to wash my car next?

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Uh, what's a transmission?

[P.J.] This is hopeless.

Hey, keep lookin'.

There's gotta be a whatchamacallit--

Transmission.

Right.
In here somewhere.

I don't know about this, Max.

Hey, what does a washer
need a transmission for?

It's not going anywhere.

[Max] Hammer.

Slip joint pliers.


How am I supposed to know?
They're your dad's tools.

Control knob.

Nasty! Operation's a success.

Yeah, but what about
all these extra parts, man?

Who needs 'em? They're just spare stuff.

Hey, what's the big idea?

Gotta look cool.

Now, let's see how this puppy works.

But your dad said--

What'll it hurt just
to start it, P.J.? Come on.


[engine starts, dies]

Close. Try again.

[yawns]

[screeching]

Whoops. My mistake, kitty.

Huh? Oh, Max's video game. Ah-hyuck!

Oh, think you can beat me, huh?

[motorcycle engine starts]

We did it!

Gawrsh! It sounds real.

Ah-hyuck!

P-p-purrs like a k-k-kitty.

[engine revving]

[both] Whoa!

Wow! Is this cool or-- Whoa!

Gotta k*ll the engine!

Oh!

Gotta k*ll the driver.

Lay off! I'm gettin' it.

Umph...

Isn't that a federal offense?

Whoa, Dagger! Look out!

Max, do you know who we just squashed?

Huh?

The Road Hogs!

Ya see those guys?

Yeah, we see 'em, boss.

-Those two guys?
-Yeah, yeah, two guys over there, yeah.

Go grind them into meat.

-Grind 'em up, boss.
-What kind of meat?

Lunch meat, salami. Just grind 'em up!

You don't suppose we can
settle this peacefully?

Next time, I steer!

We're trapped!

We're gonna die!

Max! Do something!

Uh-oh.

Show off, lame-o.

Aaah!

You talkin' about me?

Are you gonna get a limo, boss?

He said lame-o.

You're both lame-os!

[tires squealing]

Peej, I think we lost 'em.

But they didn't lose us.

Aah!

[tires squealing]

Great hiding place, Max.

Smell takes some gettin' used to,
but it works for me.

[Dagger] The Road Hogs
will be avenged.

You heard Dagger.

The Road Hogs will be revenged.

No, he said "avenged."

I heard him.

I know exactly what he said.

Shut up, will yas?

Sorry, boss.

Whoa! That skull.

The silver skull!

This chopper belongs to--

My dad!

It's my dad's.

His dad's The Skull?

Oh, man, this is too wild.

Can't beat him to a pulp.

He's the son of a legend.
You OK, Lil' Skull?

Oh, yeah, but my dad's no legend.

Hey, every biker's heard of The Skull.

One baa-ad hombre.

Oh, The Skull. I thought you said school.

Yep, that's my old man.

Taught me how to live fast and ride hard.

Got my first wheels before I could walk.

Dad's gonna k*ll me!

Not to worry, Lil' Skull.

Fix 'er right up. Be an honor.

Be a miracle. It's totaled.

Beast has a real delicate touch.

There. Road-ready.

Outstanding!

It would be a real righteous ride

to hang with the son of The Skull.

Well, uh, beats icing cupcakes...

I think.

[engine revving]

Clutch! Try the clutch!

Don't tell me how to cruise.
I'm the biker legend here.

-[P.J.] Well, just--
-[Max] Aah! Come on!

Hey, where'd they go?

k*ller. The little dude
has definitely got

that skull magic.

As head hog,

I officially declare you...

Road Hogs.

Us?

Welcome to the club.

Glad we're... here.

Suit up, hoglets.

Whoa!

Jackets are yours for life, now.

Life?

Is this mondo-beyondo cool
or what, Peej?

I'm leaning towards "what" myself.

Let's go home.

Yeah, yeah, OK.

After we make one stop.

[tires squeal]

Huh?

Clutch! Clutch!

I'm clutching!

Whoa!

Ooh!

Goofball?

You're a Road Hog?

They call me "Lil' Skull."

Whoa! Ooh!

Yep. Got motor oil running
through my veins.

I am the ultimate menace
on two wheels.

I thought you were the ultimate menace
on two wheels, Dag.

Huh, Dag? Right, Dag? Is that right, Dag?
Huh, Dag?

Ya get my drift, "mild rider"?

I'm outta here.

Just don't forget
who's the baddest biker around!

Yeah, well, I got a good memory,

and I'm the baddest biker around!

You think maybe you overdid it?

Maybe.

You have challenged me,
Lil' Skull.

Huh? Me challenge you?

No, sir.

According to Sacred Hog tradition,

There's one way to settle this--

a biker's duel.

[all] Ooh.

[banging]

P.J.! You in there?

Borrowin' my tools... I'll teach him.

I'll tie his fingers into knots.

[crash]

[cat yowls]

All right, where's my kid?

Where's Pete Junior?

What? I was winnin'.

Goof!

Oh, hiya, Pete.

TV's on the fritz.

Forget the blasted TV.
I'm looking for P.J..

P.J.? Oh. Where is he?

Gee... well, last time
I saw him, he was over--

That's what I'm trying
to find out from you!

Rug rat took my tools.

[chuckles] That's right.

Boys were workin' out in the driveway.

[Pete sobbing] My little boy.

with my initials engraved!

Can't put a price tag on this
kind of hardware.

Don't see Max and P.J....

Or my old chopper.

I can't believe you let our boys

play with a motor-sickle?

What kind of father are you, anyway?

Gawrsh. Max promised he wouldn't
ride the chopper.

Wake up and smell the burnt rubber, Goof.
They're gone!

Wow, Deadman's Ridge.

When you play chicken, you gotta stop

right before the guardrail,
or else.

Or else nothin'!

You're the son of The Skull!

[Max] They don't call it chicken
for nothin', P.J..

What am I gonna do?

End up as road pizza?

Perfect.

Perfect! Pizza!

Gotta make a quick call,
fellow hogs.

What?

Just ordering some victory pizza.

Way I see it, I'm gonna want
to celebrate...

When I win.

Ahem. Private call.

Nothin's private between hogs.

C'mon, Dad, answer the phone.

[Goofy] Hello?

Dad? Er, Dad's Pizza?

Sorry. Wrong number.

Don't hang up!

I'd like to order a pepperoni plus to go.

You do deliver to Deadman's Ridge,
don't you?

Pepperoni Ridge? Huh?

Been workin' up an appetite.

Took the old chopper out for a cruise...

By accident, Dad.

We're talkin' a freak
one-in-a-million kind of thing.

You can always call back after the duel.

[crashes]

Ready, Lil' Skull?

Yeah.

[thinking] I'm history.

[Goofy] Stop!

It's him...

The Skull!

Yaah!

Heh heh heh.

That's the skull?

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Ah-hyuck! Howdy, boys.

Dad, you made it!

Yup. You fellas are coming home,
where you belong.

These fellas are Road Hogs now.

Max?

Sorry, Dad. We were just--

They gotta live by the code of the road,

and the code says there's gonna be a duel.

Whoa. Maybe The Skull here

wants to take you on, Dagger.

Ha ha ha!

Hey! Oof!

Dad! You can't!

If you win, the boys go home.

If I win, they're hogs for life. Got it?

Now, wait a minute.

[tires screech]

-This ain't no way to solve a problem.
-[man] Go!

Wahoooaaa!

[Max] Doesn't stand a chance.

[tires screech]

-Dad, look out!
-Mr. G!

Whoa, it's gettin' dark early.

Yaahaa-wahoowie!

Dad!

That geek sure had guts.

Yeah. A real tragedy.

Such a beautiful chopper.

Whoa!

I'm comin', boys!

Yaaahooo!

-Oh, Dad!
-[P.J.] Way awesome, Mr. G.

Ah-hyuck! Ol' chopper
hasn't let me down yet.

He beat me.

Nobody beats me.

I mean nobody beats me unless...

Unless that goof really is The Skull.

Who would've thought. Haa!

I can't believe how much trouble

this dumb chopper got me into.

Hey, Dad, did they really used to
call you The Skull?

Yup. Sure did.

Numskull. Ah-hyuck!

[Dagger] The greatest biker
of all time.

♪ Gimme a beat ♪

Yeah!